REVENGE

Mr. Waverly took the pipe from his mouth and pointed it at Napoleon Solo, who was seated on the other side of the round desk. Disapproval was obvious in the older man’s expression - even the pipe seemed to bristle in indignation.

”Your assignment was to convince the scientist to assist U.N.C.L.E. and then bring her to headquarters. When you left Mr. Kuryakin behind it fell to him to find his way back to Headquarters. May I ask why you deliberately disobeyed orders and returned for Mr. Kuryakin? You could have jeopardized the entire mission.”

”I understand, sir,” Napoleon replied respectfully. ”But in my defense, may I remind you that the mission was indeed completed successfully and, in addition, Mr. Kuryakin was returned to New York?”

”The point, Mr. er, Solo,” Waverly took a moment to glare under his bushy eyebrows, “is that you disregarded your instructions.”

”I apologize sir, but I didn’t get to be CEA without learning to adapt to the conditions in the field and adjusting my actions accordingly.”

His superior harrumphed and then apparently decided not to pursue that line of discussion. “I have read your report, and it is not completely clear. Exactly why were you forced to leave Mr. Kuryakin behind?”

Napoleon ruthlessly swallowed a grin. He knew that his partner would be extremely upset if he learned that the tale of his ‘capture’ was being told to their boss. Illya had been highly embarrassed by the whole ordeal and just wanted to have everyone forget about it.

Leaning back in his chair, crossing his legs for comfort, and mentally doing a fast edit on the tale so that it would be palatable to his boss, Napoleon began, “Well, sir, it was this way….”

+/+/+

”Illya, where are you?” whispered Napoleon as he searched the patio for his partner. The noise of the party guests behind them streamed out through the open French doors and the lights from the ballroom created squares of illumination on the patio’s brick floor.

”I am right here, Napoleon,” an angry hiss came in reply. Napoleon turned to see his partner standing in one of the shadowy areas, close behind one of the marble ‘Grecian’ statues of nude females. He appeared to be trying to be invisible behind it, which surprised his partner as there weren’t any known Thrush in the vicinity. However, Illya was definitely using the statue to block himself from anyone’s eyesight.

Napoleon made a heroic effort not to chuckle at the sight of his partner trying to disappear from view. He was fairly sure that the other man would fail to find any humor in the situation. Still, this was possibly about the nearest he had ever seen Illya willingly stand by a ‘female’. He wished he had his tiepin camera. The resulting photograph would have been good for blackmail material for months. He sighed, thinking of how many reports he could have bullied his partner into writing, if only he had had the proper incentive.

“Looking for companionship?” he asked, then raised one eyebrow in a leer.

”I have had more than enough ‘companionship,’ as you call it, recently,” Illya replied in a carefully neutral voice. Looking closely at him, Napoleon thought he also detected a touch of revulsion, mixed with embarrassment, in his partner’s mien.

Looking even more closely, Napoleon realized that while his blond partner was dressed in his usual black, it was a more stylish and expensive outfit than usual. Apparently, he had been told to dress well for the soiree as they would be rubbing elbows with a higher class of people than they came across on their normal beat. (Which wasn’t hard, given that they usually associated with thugs and mad scientists.)

The suit, which was soft wool rather then polyester, obviously had been tailored to fit Kuryakin perfectly and the shirt, a soft shade of blue, brought out the bright blue of his eyes. Napoleon suspected that many of the females present, and quite possibly a few of the men, had found the man irresistible.

”I take it that the companionship you are referring to is not of the feathered variety?”

Illya went ”Pah!” in the way that only a Russian could. “I have not been able to stop long enough to determine if they are Thrush or not. But they have all been excessively friendly.” A look of disgust briefly crossed his face as he rolled his eyes upward.

”Only you would complain about that.” Napoleon could hear a lot of twittering voices floating out from the ballroom in the background. To his ears, the cacophony of voices actually did sound like a flock of birds.

There seemed to be an unusually large proportion of females to males at this get-together. He was sure that a significant amount of them had spotted his partner and tried to get friendly – generally a lost cause with the Russian, who preferred his own company to that of most females.

Illya glared at him. “Might I point out that they are interfering with my work?”

”Actually, I’ve never found it to be a hindrance,” Napoleon said, a small reflective smile playing around his lips. “And you must admit, it’s come in handy with our efforts to convince the scientist to return to New York with us.”

”“I wouldn’t know,” Illya muttered. “I have had better things to do than watch you work your routine.” He paused for a moment, then continued. “It is not as if I haven’t seen it many times before. In fact, I probably have it memorized.”

He stopped speaking, but Napoleon was fairly sure that he heard some quiet muttering in Russian. He could have sworn it was something like “egotistical Americans…”

Raising his voice back to a normal level, Illya mused, “I wonder if I did just the opposite of what you do, if it would repel the women, rather than attracting them?”

‘Doubtful,’ thought Napoleon. ‘Not as long as you had those cerulean eyes and blond bangs.’ Napoleon let his grin come out fully. “Jealous, are you? I get to play with the scientist while you beat the females off with a stick.”

”If I only had a stick…”

“If you think I’m letting you get anywhere near a weapon while you are in this mood and I’m standing this close to you, you had better rethink the idea.”

Illya sighed. “With your luck, instead of being badly injured from the stick, you’d only get bruised enough to have all the females wanting to kiss it and make it better.”

”It would distract them from you,” Napoleon pointed out.

“True, true,” Illya replied and he started peering around the edges of the patio.

Napoleon watched for a moment but he couldn’t figure out what Illya was doing. He hated to give his partner the satisfaction, but he had to ask. “Um, what are you up to?”

”Looking for a stick. What did you think?”

Napoleon clutched his chest. “I do hope you are kidding.”

“We Russians have no sense of humor. Haven’t you told me that frequently?”

”Of course, you realize I was only being facetious,” Napoleon pointed out.

His partner looked at him in disbelief. “How would I be able to tell that if I can’t tell when something is humorous?”

“Well,” Napoleon began, then he stopped. If Illya really did not have a sense of humor, how would he know if someone was kidding him when they said he didn’t…? His head was getting dizzy.

He looked up to see Illya smirking at him. Napoleon shook his finger at the blond. ”There will be revenge for that, you know. But for now, I have to get back to the scientist.”

He turned on his heel and began to walk through the French door into the ballroom. As he took his first step, he heard a female voice say, “Why there you are! We’ve been looking everywhere for you! You naughty boy to sneak off like that and leave us alone.” The voice was pitched in a giggly little-girl tone, obviously designed to be flirtatious, but instead sounding to the agents like nails on a chalkboard.

Illya’s voice came floating past him. “Napoleon! You’re not going to leave me all alone are you?” There was a definite note of desperation in the call.

“Sorry, Illya,” Napoleon tossed back over his shoulder. “You know what Mr. Waverly says, ‘the mission comes first.’ I’m forced to leave you right now, but if we get separated, I’ll be sure to come back for you later. Good luck.”

Revenge was always sweet.

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