When I was younger, I always wondered why I was sent outside and told to play in the mud, while the girls were taught how to cook, wrote poetry, and shared their dreams inside. For the longest time, I believed myself inferior. Another answer could not be found. Until recently, I thought that I was destined to be miserable, and the female population destined to enjoy the fruits of life. The change took place when I was introduced to Malice Mizer, a japanese androgynous rock band. I was amazed at how beautiful and talented the vocalist, Gackt was. However, he was not trashy like most other people whom I would have said looked like a girl at the time. He never wore dresses, never wore pink, never wore any of the things that made the american cross-dresser. Despite all that, he was gorgeous, and I knew I wanted to be just like him. When I began the change, people were shocked. I didn't, and still don't, understand why this was met with so much resistance. I slightly expected it, but I thought that times were changing.
All of a sudden, I had a goal for my life. I was writing songs left and right, and I was becoming more attractive in my own eye. I was finally someone I could be proud of. But for some reason, no one else was. I was called several names: flamer, faggot, fag, and queer. I didn't understand why I never heard things like original, artistic, or new. After all, thats what I was. People could not see past their own self-worth and what they believed to be true in order to see what I had. I write this to all androgynous people, and/or women who think that their way of life is too good for a man. The androgynous way of life is painful. It isn't fair for society to make your own happiness come at such a price. Its a lonely path. People who you thought were your friends will abandone you in this new light. A word to the wise, those who wish to be themselves in a sea of people wearing masks: Take caution, the world isn't entirely ready.
And do not make a bad name for us such as people like Micheal Jackson and the drag population have. Anne Lennox and Missy Eliot make female androgynisity a fashion trend, while Micheal Jackson puts all of us on the level of child molesters in the eyes of the general public. Overcome all obstacles. Do what truely makes you happy. Perhaps in another life, we may be granted a better life, or a better world, by a higher power. But until then, this is a path of sadness, and I despise this world. |
