Christmas Past

Craicbloke (Matt)

Christmas Past

Author: Craicbloke (Matt)

Rating: 15 for swearing and some violence, possibly higher if that's likely to offend.

Disclaimer: Based on an original concept by JW and ME. If BTVS were a LEGO kit, then this is my model, but it’s made with their bricks.

Notes; Challenge fic in response to Shona on the BBBFic list – phrase, setting, etc. 

Setting; A jail somewhere

25^th December 2000; 12:05 a.m.

The cell is dark. Dark, but not black. Even to normal eyes. Some light filters in from the guards post downstairs, some from the narrow windows. The sky is overcast, so there’s no moon, but light still creeps in from all over. To Faith’s eyes, it might as well be midday, rather than nearly midnight.

Never could sleep at night. Ever since she was little, she always lay awake at night, listening. On the days when she did go to school, she’d sit nodding, eyes burning with tiredness, head muggy and weird. Not sick, just a wee bit dodgy. ’Til three years ago, of course. Then she’d stay up for days at a time, unlimited energy. ’Sides, she was generally too scared to sleep, on account of the weird shit dreams. Not like she hadn’t seen stuff a thousand times weirder since she’d been called, but those first few weeks were the hardest. The dreams, the pain, the isolation. Nobody to tell, nobody to ask "why me?".

The hooter goes on the central tower, signalling a change of shift. Already, her keen ears have picked up the sound of gates opening, wheels and joints squeaking. Keys turning in locks. Chatter. Life going on in the big outside. Midnight, again. Faith rolls onto her shoulder, not quite looking into the bunk below, just pointing her face in that direction.

"Well, Suze, guess that’s it."

"Whut?"

"Midnight. Know what that means?"

"Do I look like I give a shit?"

"S’Christmas."

"So?"

"So I thought you might wanna know."

"Aw, man, let a girl get some sleep."

"Never liked Christmas myself. Santa musn’t a liked us very much. Always passed on by."

"My heart bleeds…"

"Not lookin’ for sympathy!" Faith grunts a dissmissal, in the back of her throat. It passes for a laugh. "jus’ sayin’. Never seemed to get anythin’ I wanted, s’all."

"Fuck man, only thing I want is a ticket outta here. ’Less you forgotten, we all bad girls in here, aint no Santa bringin’ a free ride home. Now, jus’ lemme sleep."

Faith lies back, lost in thought.

* * * * *

"Fuck you!"

A distant smash. Sounds like the dishes – or what’s left of them – are taking a battering.

"Bastards! Fuckin’ kill…Piece–a SHIT…fuckin’ bastards!"

Another smash. More like broken glass this time. Probably the remains of whatever he’d been drinking.

"Fuck you…Bastards!" Another ten minutes, give or take some, and he’ll pass out.

"Bass…." He tails off. For a second, Faith wonders what set him off this time. Could’a been anything. Someone looked at him funny on his way home, or he got barred from his nearest watering hole. Or just reliving some old injustice. Hard to tell, these days, when he rolls in after a couple of days. Slams the door, breaks whatever’s lying around, and collapses in a pile of his own mess. At least these days there’s no Mom around for him to take it out on. Just gotta keep out the way, keep your head down ’til he’s done. Won’t be long now.

Faith’s door opens a crack, letting in some light from the kitchen/dinette.

"Hey, Zak. How you doin’?"

"Hey. Jus’ wanna…you know."

"Lay low for a while? Sure thing."

"I hate him."

"He won’t be like this for long."

"I mean it. I hate him. All the time."

"Ah, c’mon…" Zak doesn’t say anything, just looks at his shoes.

"He’ll be alright in the morning…"

"No, he won’t. He’ll be angry, then he’ll start drinking, then it’ll happen again. Same’s always."

"Hey, kid, c’mere." Faith folds his narrow frame into her arms, gives him a little squeeze.

"Ow…"

"Sorry." For a long moment they stay like that, listening to the house go quiet.

"Hey – Zak." her brother doesn’t say anything. "Hey! I know you’re not asleep. You should go back to your room. Before he wakes up."

"Guess"

"C’mon. It’ll be alright. You’ll see."

He doesn’t say anything, just stands up, starts heading reluctantly towards the door.

"Hey, Zak. Look – it’s Christmas." The luminous hands on Faith’s alarm clock show a faint ten past twelve.

"Yeah. Great. Won’t change anything."

"It might… Maybe it’ll be better…" He shrugs. "Here. I got somethin’ for you. Was gonna wait, but…don’t see’s it’ll make any difference waiting ’til morning, you might as well have it now."

"Cool!" He takes the small parcel, smiling. "Can I open it?"

"Course. Gave it you, didn’t I?"

"Cool…" Starts unwrapping the paper, sliding his finger under the flap in the thin, gaudy paper. Red, with green Christmas trees in an isometric pattern. Peels off the sticky tape, carefully.

"Just tear it, I don’t mind."

"I don’t wanna. It’s pretty." Faith lets him get on with it.

"Wow…" He tries to fasten the watch onto his wrist straight away, struggling with the strap. When Faith tries to help, he shakes his head, determined. Eventually closes the hasp, the watch sitting loosely on his wrist.

"Won’t it go tighter?" He shakes his head, no. "I’ll put another hole in the strap tomorrow."

"It’s fine," he says, pushing the watch up his arm. "This way I can keep it up my sleeve, so…"

"Yeah. I know."

"’Night Faith."

"’Night, Squirt."

He heads for the door again, only it flies open to meet him, the handle catching him under the chin, throwing him against the wall.

"Ya little piece–a SHIT!"

"DAD!"

"Didn’t I tell you NOT to go in your SISTER’S ROOM?"

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!"

Zak just cowers in the corner, face white, nursing his arm. It looks broken.

"How DARE you disobey ME!"

"He’s just a kid!" Faith sobs, fear and rage almost bringing tears to her eyes. "Leave him ALONE!"

"Watcha doin’ in here anyway? You little SHIT. You sick little FUCK. I’ll teach you to disobey ME." He growls the last bit, bending to spit his fury.

Faith steps in between, calm in her voice, stomach knotted with fear.

"You leave him alone, d’ya hear?"

"Get outta my WAY."

"No."

"Get outta my way NOW you little BITCH."

"No." He turns back towards the easier target, spies the watch.

"What’s this?" He grabs Zak’s wrist, half dragging and half lifting him by his borken arm. Zak squeals with pain.

"You bin thievin’ again ya little FUCK?"

"NO! I bought it for his CHRISTMAS!"

"Don’t lie to ME you little BITCH!" Out of nowhere, his open hand swings round, catching Faith’s jaw with a crack. Surprisingly, she feels no pain.

"Zak – get out of here." She holds his eye.

"So…help…me…I’m…gonna…FUCK YOU UP SO BAD –"

Turning to face her brother this time, "Zak, get outta here."

"I don’t believe it. In my own house. In MY HOUSE. How DARE you disobey ME. I’m your FATHER!" He screams it into her face, rancid breath; booze, and something else. Something foul. He’s filthy too – head to toe, like he’s been sleeping rough again.

"No, you’re not." The knot in her stomach grows bigger, fear making her head zip with the adrenaline.

"You do this to me. To ME. You do this…"

"Zak, get OUT. Right NOW!" He stands, staggers a little, then runs out the door past the hulk of his father, clutching his broken arm to his chest.

"You little bitch. You’re just like your Mother," he snarls at her, leaning against the door. "You keep goin’ little Missy, and I’ll shut you up like I did her."

"What you gonna do? Beat me? Hold me down while you Fuck me, like you did her? You think I don’t know about that? You gonna rape me like you did her, you piece of SHIT?"

He laughs, and his face changes.

The next day, she remembers, and a guy turns up from the Watcher’s council. Nothing they could do for Zak, he went into care. The best thing for him, they said. Couldn’t take him with, too dangerous. Probably forgotten all about her since he got adopted. For the best, in the long run, seeing the life she’d been living. If you could call it a life. If you could call it living.

Hmm. At least this year’d be different. Turkey and trimmings. A plastic tree in the recreation room. All the trappings.

Just…can’t stop her from feeling…hollow.

Her first vamp. Three years ago to the day.

"Merry Christmas, Faith." She turns over. Trying to find sleep, trying not to dream.