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The sight of the blood had thrown Xander for a moment, but he managed to shake that hesitation off and his fear, frustration and anger all came out in one violent outburst. He grabbed the vampire and threw him against the counter top. “Where’s Dawn?”
Spike tried to twist round and break Xander’s grip on him but, despite the extra strength his vampirism gave him, he couldn’t move. There was something wrong here.
Ever since the vampire had arrived in Sunnydale the Harris boy had always struck him as a lightweight, no real threat there at all. Just an incredible amount of luck and the unerring ability to survive. It was no secret that the boy hated him, and in the depths of his black heart he couldn’t blame him. Spike had done some pretty reprehensible things in his time and he’d revelled in the mayhem he’d caused. That had all changed though, since they’d put that damned chip in his head! A tiny bit of metal and circuitry that had changed him forever. No, if he was honest about it, it wasn’t the chip. Something else had changed within him, he genuinely wanted to help these people and that was something he could never tell any of them.
“I’ll ask you this once more. Where is Dawn?!” Xander twisted Spike’s arm further behind him forcing a grunt of pain out of the vamp.
“Ask me nicely and I might tell you” with that Xander spun Spike around and raised his quivering fist so it was at his eye level. There was something in the boy’s eyes that Spike recognised. It had been over a century since he’d looked into a mirror but nevertheless he saw himself reflected in Xander’s unblinking stare. The fury at the world and the fear that he’s lost control, both barely kept under wraps. The very fact that Spike’s nose wasn’t flattened across his face meant that there was some level of control in the Harris boy that Spike had never had – until recently. A grudging amount of admiration and respect began to build up in the vampire. Maybe he’d misjudged this boy, no, this man, all this time.
Xander mistook the glint in Spike’s eyes as defiance and he let his fist fly. It didn’t connect, however. The vampire had an impressive turn of speed and he blocked the blow almost casually.
“She’s upstairs in her room. Probably on the phone, why?” No snide remarks or teasing comments made Xander realise that Spike recognised there was something wrong here.
“Have you seen Willow?” There was a tremor in his voice that he hated hearing in himself. He forced himself to take a deep breath, “Has she been here?” The vampire shook his bleached blonde head
“Not since she left to meet you guys, what happened?” Spike realised that Harris was about to fall and gently moved him in the direction of the kitchen stools. Xander sank down and shot him a grateful look, to Spike’s surprise the relief etched across his face was blatant. He quickly moved across to the kettle to make some tea, it looked as though the other man needed it. When he turned back Xander was gone, Spike froze and let his acute hearing locate him – he’d gone upstairs. Checking on Dawn no doubt.
Spike wondered what could have happened to cause Xander to act like this, he would probably find out but sometimes it wounded him that no one thought to tell him things. While he started to make the tea he thought about that, it was hardly surprising that no one told him things. After all he’d tried to kill them all at least once in the past, but surely they could see how much he’d changed? He didn’t understand the change in himself, but he couldn’t deny it.
A noise behind him made him spin, it was Xander. Damn, he was getting good at sneaking up on people!
“She alright then?” Spike asked
“Yeah, you were right – she’s on the phone. Glad I don’t have to pay that bill…” A weak joke, but a joke at that. Maybe Xander was ready to talk now.
“So. Wanna talk about it?” Spike prodded. When Xander looked up to meet his eyes, the vampire was shocked at the pain there. The vampire listened with growing dread as Xander told him what had happened that night. They’d tried to resurrect Buffy. And they hadn’t told him about it. It was no surprise really, as well as the tendency of the Scoobies to ignore him there was also the fact that he would have put a stop to it if he’d known.
“There’s always a price”, he thought he’d said it under his breath but the flare of anger across Xander’s face proved he’d heard him.
“So where’s Willow now?” Spike asked to get Xander focused on the problem again. Harris sank back into his seat, defeated.
“I don’t know, I thought she might head back here but since she didn’t I have no clue where she is”
* * *
She had chosen to stay hidden, to watch what was happening. This boy had an important future ahead of him, but he had to embrace his destiny on his own. It wasn’t fair but it was how it had always been done. He had had a teacher for a while, one who’d shared his destiny but as was written, he had to lose everything to gain it all. His mentor was gone and one by one those closest to him were being stripped away. At every step along the way there was the chance that he could give up. Turn his back on his future and throw away all that he had in store. It had happened in the past, sometimes those who discovered their destiny ran from it. They couldn't face it. She wanted to believe that it wouldn't happen to him. Right from the start Xander Harris had proven himself more than willing to put himself in harms way to protect those around him. It was an admirable trait and one that she had benefited from in the short time she had known him personally.
The fact that she couldn't help him tore her apart. She could reveal herself to him but she thought that would only distract him. He had to learn to rely on himself. It had always been this way.
There was a loophole, however. She could stay with him, not helping him as such, but altering things around him to ensure that he would be able to do what needed to be done. She’d watched him confide in Spike, something he would never have done just a year previously. He had learned so much already but there was always more to learn…
* * *
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