Like Tears In Rain

Xander Magnet

Like Tears In Rain

Like Tears in Rain
Author: Xander Magnet
Rating: PG – nothing to it really
Spoilers: I guess it’s season five in a way – Xander’s in his new apartment and still with Anya. There’s no Dawn here but Giles is back on Council duty so it’d have to be after Checkpoint in a way – this is getting way too confusing here!
Disclaimer: I own nothing but my imagination. Joss and ME own the rest, I’m just playing in a pretty big sand box.
Author’s notes: Challenge fic response to Margot on the BBBFic list, story had to include a line from a film, the return of a character who had been gone or dead for a while, and a demon not previously seen on either show. This fic actually began life after reading an interview with Jane Espenson about stories she’d pitched for the show that hadn’t been picked up. I took one of her ideas and ran with it I guess, so thanks Jane! I should also say, if you like happy endings, don’t read this story *g*.
Distribution: Archived on The Stacks as well as on the BBBFic list – anyone else wants it, ask first! As for feedback, nah. Only kidding! I live for feedback!

He sighed and stretched as he opened the door, every day seemed to get longer and yet the weeks passed quicker than ever. This working for a living nonsense was getting beyond the joke. Muscles that were previously toned, protested at the strain the unexpected stretch placed on them, Joints cracked and ached in ways they hadn't just weeks ago. Xander sighed and decided that these things must be in payment for having a steady job, and his own apartment, and a girlfriend who loved him.

He walked slowly into the kitchen area and opened the fridge. He stood in front of it trying to think of what to make for dinner, Anya was working late and there was nothing but various cheeses and beer in the house. Deciding that even his obscure culinary skills would be at a loss, Xander grabbed a beer bottle and headed over to the sofa. Sinking down gratefully into the stylish and yet surprisingly uncomfortable seat he looked around for the remote… damn! Anya had left it on top of the TV. He worked his way slowly back to his feet and began what felt like the longest walk ever towards the set. As he picked up the remote he caught sight of something not quite right beside the door.

Having fought alongside the Slayer since he was 15, he was instantly on the alert. He grabbed the baseball bat he always kept handy and headed carefully toward the door. Prepared for anything, he looked around carefully. Painstakingly taking in every detail, looking for anything that was out of place… but there was nothing. Frustrated beyond belief, he lowered the bat and began to berate himself for jumping at shadows… and then he saw it again. The mirror. Anya had hung it beside the door and he'd rarely looked at it before. Now however, it had his full attention. His eyes widened in shock as he stared into it. The face looking back at him was definitely his own, but when had his hair gotten so thin? Or so grey?

 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

He was still standing dumbstruck in the same spot hours later when Anya finally made it home. As she breezed in the door of their apartment he turned to her, expecting a reaction to his aged appearance from her but none came. Instead she kissed him on the cheek and carried on into the kitchen area with groceries in her arms. He watched her, incredulous, as she set about putting the shopping away. She was chattering away the whole time, apparently not noticing the fact that she wasn't getting any answers from him, or more likely not caring. Eventually she turned to him with a bright smile on her face which gradually faded as she took in the sight of him still standing in the same place.

"What's wrong? Did someone die?" The ever-present light tone of voice contrasted sharply with the seriousness of her question. Xander had grown to know that she did truly care about the people she had chosen to surround herself with but her seemingly flippant nature often belied that. He continued to stare at her incredulously, how could she not see what had happened to him? A thought struck him and he again turned to the mirror,
"What do you see there?" He asked her without looking at her. 
"The mirror?"
"No, the reflection - what do you see?" She came up behind him and looked over his shoulder into the mirror. Her eyes suddenly widened and for a fleeting second he thought she understood.
"Ooo!" She squealed, "A game! Goodie! Okay, I can see a fireman who's looking far too warm in that uniform - does he want someone to help him out of it?" Xander turned quickly.
"Anya, I'm serious. Not everything is about sex! Look in the mirror and tell me what you really see!" He gripped her shoulder as he turned around again - he closed his eyes not wanting to see the aged face.
"Xander, are you ill? Do you need to lie down?" The frustration boiled up in him again but he kept a lid on it and repeated through gritted teeth "Tell me what you see"
"I see… you, Xander. What am I meant to see?" 
"Do I look any different? Older?"
"No, you look exactly the same as you did this morning, what's going on? You're scaring me a little." He opened his eyes slowly, and looked into the reflection. The eyes were definitely his own but the lines around them were new, the skin around his mouth was hanging in an odd way, almost making him look as though he was frowning. He had been letting his hair grow out a little recently but now it looked wispy and colourless. The reflection staring back at him was that of a much older man.

By contrast Anya looked the same as always. Young, vivacious - no sign of aging on her at all. Xander had held out hopes that perhaps the mirror was enchanted or cursed, making him see things that weren't there - but if it were, why would Anya still look the same?
 "I have to go out for a while, get some air" He turned to face her again, she was still looking quizzically at him but there was something else in her expression - a tiny hint of fear. That thought chilled him to the bone, was she frightened of him or of the way he was acting? He realised with a start that he was still gripping her shoulder tightly and he quickly took his hand away. She stepped back away from him just as quickly and his expression softened a little. He decided not to worry her with his fears right now.
"I'm sorry if I scared you Ahn, it's been one of those days I guess. Forgiven?" He tilted his head to one side and put on the puppy dog expression he knew she loved. She still looked a bit hesitant but she slowly nodded and stepped forward again to hug him.
"I… guess so. Tell you what, you go for a walk and I'll make a cheese omelette for you to come back to - some good home cooking will sort it out, whatever it is!" The tremble in her voice made him feel deeply ashamed of himself, the fact that she was quite happy for him to leave her alone for a while spoke volumes to him. He really had scared her and for what? Something that only he could see?

He tried a small smile and was rewarded by a half-hearted kiss on the cheek, "Go on, out you go!" she ushered him towards the door and he again glanced at the mirror - the aged eyes in there met his own once more.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

There was a chill in that air that felt out of place in the middle of September in Southern California. Xander walked slowly along the dark street with his hands thrust deep in the pockets of his leather jacket. He was lost in his own thoughts, which was not a healthy state to be in at night, outside, over the Hellmouth. Not really concentrating on where he was going, he ended up outside the Magic Box where there were still a few lights on - looked like there might be a Slayer training session going on. If that was the case then chances were good that Giles was still there, and if anyone could help it was Giles.

Xander headed round to the back of the shop and stood in the doorway, watching as Buffy went through a complex routine of back-flips and turns which took her from one side of the training room to the other. She finally came to a stop directly before the punching bag which hung from the ceiling and without even taking a breath she launched straight into an all-out attack on it, punching and kicking for all she was worth. As focused as she seemed to be however, he knew that she'd seen him. At first her heightened awareness of her surroundings had astounded him, now however he was so used to it that he'd long since given up on any hopes of surprising her.

"Hey Xand, Anya left already." she said without once breaking her rhythm or looking up from her inanimate opponent. He pushed himself away from his pose leaning against the doorframe. 
"I know, I saw her at home." He walked slowly into the room. 
"Oh, so what's up?" She stopped her training and turned to face him "Jesus Xand! What the hell happened to you?!" She rushed to his side and gently took his arm, leading him towards a nearby chair.
"Uh... Buffy? What are you doing?" Xander hadn't seen that Willow was in the room, but then she'd always had a knack of turning up when you least expected her. Buffy turned to her and said, "Look at him! He looks awful!" She looked down at Xander, "You look awful." she confirmed. 
"Gee thanks Buff, That's just what a guy wants to hear. What d'you mean I look awful?" There was a faint glimmer of hope rising in Xander - maybe he wasn't imagining things. Willow came across to where the pair of them were and began scrutinising him, it was pretty clear that whatever Buffy was seeing Willow wasn't. She turned to the blonde and said, "He doesn't look any different to me Buffy." The Slayer jumped to her feet and rounded on Willow. 
"What do you mean? He looks as though something has sucked the life out of him! How can you say he doesn't look any different?" Xander closed his eyes and leaned back into the chair as the girls continued to argue over his head. The relief he felt was palpable, Buffy could see there was something wrong, he wasn't going crazy! 
"Where's Giles?" he asked suddenly, putting a stop to the argument. Buffy looked at him wide-eyed, "He's not here, he got called to an emergency Council meeting in LA" He'd known that, or part of him did. It felt as though simple facts were beginning to slip his mind more frequently these days.

 "Getting forgetful in your old age, buddy?" the voice came from the edge of his hearing. One he hadn't heard in a long time, and one he knew he shouldn't be able to hear now since the owner of the voice had been dead for even longer. Xander rose quickly to his feet, pushing Buffy away as he did so.
"Jesse?"

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A figure stood silhouetted in the doorway which no one had shut after Xander had come through. All three turned to stare at him as he sauntered into the room, Jesse had always had a knack of swaggering into any room as if he owned it, he was only later let down by his extreme tendency to put his foot in his mouth. Buffy was instantly on the attack, the last time they'd seen Jesse he was a newly made vampire whom Xander had dusted on his first outing with the Scoobies. He hadn't changed at all; he looked for all the world like the 16-year-old whom Buffy had been unable to save from the Master.

She charged towards him, reaching into her waistband for the stake she always kept handy. He didn't try to get away, to defend himself at all. She plunged the stake straight into his chest toward his heart. He had a slight smile on his face the whole time, and something about that stayed her hand. They stood frozen in a macabre tableau, she looking up into his eyes and he gazing down at her with that smile on his face. Between them the stake protruded from his chest, millimeters from piercing his heart.
"Go ahead Summers, it won't make any difference." There was no sense of mockery in his voice; he was merely stating fact.
"How…" she recovered quickly, "what are you doing here? And remember who is holding the pointy piece of wood here." He laughed lightly at that. 
"I wish we'd had a chance to get to know each other, I think I'd have liked you." The anger flared up again in Buffy.
"Wrong answer Dead Boy." She twisted the stake in his chest and was rewarded by what looked like a wince of pain or possibly just discomfort. "What are you doing here, you have to the count of three before I put you out of my misery."
A cocky smile began to spread across his features and both Willow and Xander recognized that expression. The three of them had been friends since childhood until Buffy, and the legions of vampires that she had seemed to bring with her, had arrived.
"One." The Slayer said through gritted teeth. "Two." Xander could see the muscles in her arm flex as she prepared to drive the stake home. Jesse just stood there, not saying a word, just smiling that damned smile.
"Three. Time's up."
"Buffy! No!" Xander couldn't help it; he couldn't stand by and watch his best friend murder one of his oldest friends – even if Jesse was a vampire. But it was too late. Buffy had moved the stake forward ever so slightly and pierced his heart. All of them held their breath as they watched. But nothing happened. No dust, no blood.

 Buffy's eyes widened in shock, "What? But you're a vampire!" Jesse just shook his head and smiled.
"Was. No longer." She stepped back, but Xander could see she was still on battle alert, ready to spring back into the fray at any moment.
"So, you're an ex-vampire?" Despite the disbelief in her voice, Xander couldn't stop the smirk that came across his face as he remembered the old TV comedy sketch.
"This vampire is deceased. It is a dead vampire." Jesse retorted, and Xander knew he was thinking of the same thing. He retrieved the stake from its lodging place in his chest and handed it back to her. There was still no trace of blood either on it or on him.
"Jesse? Is it really you?" Willow approached them timidly and Xander remembered how the boy had teased her mercilessly for most of the last three years of his life. The object of scrutiny turned towards her and his smile broadened.
"Good to see you too Rosenberg." He held open his arms and Willow rushed into a hug. Before he could stop himself, Xander found himself drawn to the two of them and joined in the hug. For the longest time it had just been the three of them and there was something irresistible about the chance to recapture that, no matter how false it may be.

Buffy stood off to the side, watching the strange image of her two best friends fawning over a boy she had barely gotten to know and wasn't sure she'd have liked even if she had. His death had been Buffy's first real failure in Sunnydale. She had tried to turn her back on who she was and that had allowed vampires to operate right under her nose. Jesse had been captured by Darla and turned by the Master just to capture her. It hadn't worked however, and the situation had been resolved with Xander staking the boy who had been his best friend. None of them had spoken about Jesse since that day but Buffy had always known there was a gaping hole in both Xander and Willow's lives that could only really be filled by Jesse. And here he was, back from the dead and apparently not a vampire.

It was almost picture perfect, the three of them, laughing and joking, and then the nostalgia filter lifted from Buffy's vision and she could see the flaws in it. Willow looked the same as always but Jesse was a good four years younger than she, very obviously still a teenager and a gawky one at that. And Xander? He looked as though he had aged fifty years overnight; the way looked he reminded her of the victims of Ken's promises of sanctuary she and Lily had found in LA. That brought her crashing back to reality and she cleared her throat to get their attention.

"Ahem, not that it's not good to see you Jesse, and much as I want to know why. We've got other concerns right now. Xander? What happened to you?" All eyes turned to her, and a stab of jealousy drove through her as she saw that they had all forgotten she was there.

"Yeah, actually that's part of why I'm here." Jesse's grin faded on his face, leaving the teenager looking more serious than any of them had ever seen him before.
"What d'you mean, it's why you're here? Did you do this?" Xander was immediately on the defensive.
"No, man, it wasn't me. I'm just here to explain it all! You've been the victim of a demon called…" he slapped his hand against his forehead, obviously lost for words. "Damn! It's on the tip of my tongue, a barrow, a burrow…. Boureau de Travail, that's it!" He looked around at them triumphantly.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Buffy, Willow and Xander stared at Jesse blankly for several minutes. Gradually the triumphant expression on his face began to give way to puzzlement.
"A Boureau de Travail?" he prompted, "Surely you've met one before?" Looking from face to face he was rewarded only with further blank expressions. He suppressed a sigh; this was going to take longer than he'd planned.

Xander was the quickest to recover, "I wasn't attacked by any demon." He said vehemently, before adding, "Recently."
"A Boureau de Travail doesn't attack in the same way a normal demon does. It's subtle, insidious, and leaves its victims clueless as to what's happened to them. The victims have their energy drained from them and they age rapidly without realising it." Jesse explained. "Only beings of a supernatural nature can see the effects." he added.
"That would explain why I can't see any difference in you, Xander." Willow suggested. She didn't seem in the slightest bit put off by the fact that Jesse, the geeky boy she had once been tormented by, seemed to be channeling Giles' knowledge of demons. Jesse nodded, "And why Buffy can." At the mention of her name, Buffy stepped forward again, taking charge in the way only she seemed capable of. 
"So, where is this thing and how hard can I kill it?" The smile began to spread across Jesse's face again.
"You can't kill it, no one can. There may be a way to banish it but it's risky and hasn't been tried for a long time. Plus, you'd need a witch in the mix." he replied. All eyes turned to Willow, her eyes lit up at the thought of them all needing her.
"Not a problem," she confirmed, "just tell me what you need." 
"Whoa, hold on a minute here. I don't have the best history with spells if you remember. It's not that I don't trust you Will, but I want to know more about it before you start casting spells around me!" Xander looked at the redhead apologetically. She just shrugged at him, it took a lot more than that to make her question her ability as a witch.
"The spell won't affect you, Xander, it's just a banishment of the Boureau de Travail." Jesse seemed to be avoiding meeting his eyes for some reason.
"So, what, after it's banished I'll go back to normal?" Jesse didn't answer straight away. Slowly, and looking a little embarrassed, he met Xander's questioning gaze. He shook his head almost imperceptibly and said quietly.
"There's no way to reverse the effects."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Xander felt as if all the air had been knocked out of him. He stood stock-still, unable to breathe as the implications of what Jesse had said hit him fully. He had been aged fifty years by an attack from a demon he'd never seen and there was no way to reverse that? He slumped down, not caring if he was anywhere near the chair this time – luckily he was. He sat staring straight ahead in disbelief as Buffy and Willow argued with each other and fired questions at Jesse. It was as if time had slowed down and a sense of unreality began to creep in.

The gentle touch of a hand on his shoulder caused him to look up. Jesse was gazing down at him with an expression of sympathy on his face. In that moment, Xander felt a newfound respect for him. They'd always been buds but not really confidantes, now however, all that had changed. Jesse was dead and yet somehow he was here, and Xander himself had gone through so much in such a short period of time. The gap between them was at its widest point and yet he had never felt closer to anyone.

Jesse crouched down beside him and said in an undertone that only Xander could hear. 
"I'm truly sorry man, if there was any other way then I'd tell you." The compassion in his voice was a startling difference from the nervous jokieness that he had previously always had. Xander replied just as quietly, "I'm going to die, amn't I?" Jesse just nodded and it seemed for a second as though tears were welling up in his eyes. "That's why I'm really here." He confided, "I'm to act as a guide for
you. After."
"They can't know, they'll only try to find another way and others will be hurt." There was more than a hint of determination in Xander's voice although he kept the volume down.

"So what do we need for the spell?" Willow's tone was light and bubbly, and the moment was past. Jesse jumped back to his feet and the smile found its way back onto his face. 
"It's quite straightforward actually. We have the two most important parts of the spell here – the Slayer and enough people to create a circle of sorts."
Buffy looked up at him, "If we can't kill it, why do you need me?"
"You have a history of fighting these types of demons, although you might not know it. Remember when you rescued all those workers from the hell dimension? They were held captive by descendents of the Boureaux de Travail" They all looked at Buffy, she had only spoken briefly about what had happened to her during the time she had run away.
"But those guys are dead, I killed them. And they took people to another dimension – Xander's been here the whole time!" Buffy had a look of puzzlement on her face, one that Xander knew would very quickly turn to anger. He thought of all the times he'd seen that look on her face, and how he knew better than to crack jokes when she was in this kind of mood. They had grown so close over the years and it tore him apart to think that he wouldn't see it again. It was almost more than he could handle.
"You didn't kill them. And anyway, it isn't them who attacked Xander, it's the demons who spawned them. The Boureaux de Travail have been in this world for as long as humanity has." Jesse tried to explain it to her.
"Beg to differ, but Ken's brains ended up spread across three states!" Buffy's mood was swinging dangerously towards unstable again.
"They aren't physical entities, you killed the body but the demon lives on. So long as their source, their sire if you want, survives then the offspring cannot be killed."
"Oh. Well, they should put that on the wrapper then!" Xander was amazed at the change in Buffy's tone of voice – she had gone from pissed-off-slayer to jokey-Buffy in two seconds flat. He started to tell himself he'd need to get Jesse to show him how to do that, when he remembered there wasn't any point any more.

He stayed seated as everyone else bustled about him setting up the ritual to banish this demon. Willow and Buffy continued to bicker, Buffy was so used to being in charge of the situation that she found it difficult to step aside even when there were people more qualified than she. A sentimental smile worked it's way onto Xander's face as he reflected on everything the three of them had gone through, he had seen and done things he could never have imagined. The friends he'd made, the enemies he'd fought, the inner strength he'd learned to rely on.

Jesse, Willow and Buffy sat down around him so that the four of them formed a magickal circle. Willow began chanting something that he couldn't quite hear properly, although it sounded as though it might be in Latin. The lights seemed to dim in the room and a hazy mist began to form inside the circle.

Not really concentrating on what was going on around him, Xander sat thinking about the past. His mind was running through everything he'd done since he'd found out about vampires and demons, all the times he'd helped out. He smiled as he remembered Cordelia taunting him with the fact that he was useless, he knew now that wasn't the case and never really had been.

The mist began to move and coalesce into something a bit more solid. It seemed to be trying to make it's way towards Xander but the protection spells Willow had cast were holding. At a nod from the Wicca, Buffy leaped to her feet and yelled at the top of her voice "Let the Boureau de Travail be slain!"
At the sound of her words, the strange mist seemed to swell in size and it threatened to encompass the whole room. At the same time Xander became aware of a strange tingling pain down his left arm. Despite the apparent failure of the spell, Buffy didn't back down, they all knew she never would. Jesse whispered to her, "call it by the name you know." She looked at him briefly, comprehension dawning on her face.
"Let the Work Demon be slain!" with that, the mist seemed to implode and vanished.

The pain Xander had been feeling in his arm intensified and moved across to his chest. It was getting difficult to breathe and there was a blackness creeping into the edges of his vision. The slide-show of memories he'd been experiencing seemed to speed up until he could no longer keep track of them.

Buffy and Willow were hugging each other excitedly, they had beaten the demon and hadn't noticed what was happening to Xander. Only Jesse was there. Xander looked up into the face of the boy he'd been friends with all of his life and breathlessly whispered, "All those moments will be lost… like tears in rain…" The pain became unbearable and as the blackness began to take over he heard Jesse say softly "Time to die."

The End