OK. I tried to be serious here. I tried to make truthful, NORMAL profiles. But I couldn't. I was born to write parody. So here they are: the half- true, half- parody LOTR characters profiles. Oh, and some of the jokes were taken from 'Lord of the Rings Marrige Prospects.'

NAME: Gimli, son of Gloin SEX/RACE: Male dwarf OCUPATION: Formerly miner/professional beard- braider, now the only dwarf in the Fellowship and professional orc- slayer MARITAL STATUS: Single, and very few (if any) fangirls CLAIM TO FAME: 14sq yards of beard hair PLAYED BY: John Rhys- Davies

NAME: Aragorn, son of Arathorn, Strider, Elessar, Isildur's heir, and So Many Others I Can't List Them all on This Server. SEX/RACE: Male human, from Gondor. OCCUPATION: Ranger, Heir to Gondor and Arnor, and Sulking in Corners of Pubs. MARITAL STATUS: Engaged to Arwen, daughter of Lord Elrond, but if she leaves him anytime soon I have dibs. CLAIM TO FAME: Has a book about him, pretty much- Return of the KING, and two love interests. Suspected of being Tolkien's favorite. PLAYED BY: Viggo Mortensen

NAME: Gandalf the Grey/White SEX/RACE: Male Maia OCCUPATION: Slightly senile old wizard MARITAL STATUS: Single, and probably staying that way... CLAIM TO FAME: Washed his clothes after the whole Balrog mess and found out he had to change his title to match their new color. PLAYED BY: Ian McKellen

NAME: Boromir, son of Denethor SEX/RACE: Also human male from Gondor OCCUPATION: Steward of Gondor, Expendable Semi- Evil guy MARITAL STATUS: Single, and staying that way, because he's dead. Death puts a real damper on the social life. CLAIM TO FAME: Tried to steal the ring PLAYED BY: Sean Bean

NAME: Meriadoc Brandybruck (Merry) & Peregrin Took (Pippin) SEX/RACE: Both male Hobbits OCCUPATION: Indistingushible backup Hobbits. Come on, look at the picture! Do you know which is which? Well, you might, but that's beside the point. MARITAL STATUS: Single for now, I'm not giving any spoilers... CLAIM TO FAME: Best buddies, even if not as close as Sam & Frodo. Pippin got yelled at by Gandalf. Merry got hit by a carrot. They both got captured by Uruk- Hai. PLAYED BY: Dominic Monaghan and Billy Boyd

NAME: Legolas Greenleaf, Thranduilion (son of Thranduil) SEX/RACE: Slightly girly- looking male elf OCCUPATION: Prince of Mirkwood, and the Fellowship's pretty one MARITAL STATUS: Technically singe, but pursued by millions of fangirls around the world CLAIM TO FAME: Official Middle Earth sponsor of Pantene Pro- V shampoo & hair products PLAYED BY: Orlando Bloom

NAME: Samwise Gamgee SEX/RACE: Yet another male Hobbit OCCUPATION: Sadly devoted best friend of Frodo MARITAL STATUS: Single, no matter how many people talk about him & Frodo. Single for now, that is... again, I'm not giving any spoilers. CLAIM TO FAME: Is deadly with a frying pan and calls his best friend 'Master'. PLAYED BY: Sean Astin

NAME: Frodo Baggins, son of Drogo SEX/RACE: Male Hobbit OCCUPATION: Ringbearer, and small- yet- brave hero MARITAL STATUS: Single, but second in fangirls only to Legolas CLAIM TO FAME: Put the adorable yet demented look in vouge PLAYED BY: Elijah Wood

Pg. 2: LESSER KNOWN CHARACTERS AND THE BAD GUYS

MY LOTR PAGE