You Know You’re Obsessed
with Lord of the Rings when…
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Every time you see a white
horse, it reminds you of Shadowfax.
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Every time you see or hear of
bread, you think of Lembas.
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You buy a replica of your
favorite characters’ weapon. (Ten points if you bought more than one.)
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You
commonly use the phrase "Since the First Age" in place of "since
forever".
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You
think that your vice principal is the Mouth of Sauron.
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You
mutter the "One Ring" rhyme (in the Black Speech) to yourself
whenever you get mad.
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People fear watching
Entertainment Tonight with you for fear that something about Elijah Wood,
Orlando Bloom, Viggo Mortensen, New Line Studios, etc. will come on, and you’ll
go into a detailed description of their entire life & previous roles.
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When TTT didn’t win at the
Oscars, you decided to send a swarm of orcs after the committee, until you
tearfully remembered that orcs, with the rest of Middle Earth, don’t exist.
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Come to think of it, you go
kind of rabid if anyone says anything against LOTR, books or movies…
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…and yell “Ash Nazg
Gimbatul!” and such nonsense at them.
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When you just typed Ash Nazg
Gimbatul without any spelling errors or having to look it up.
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When your spell check program
recognizes ‘Ash Nazg Gimbatul’.
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You search the net for any
LOTR related message boards you HAVEN’T already registered at.
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If
someone asks “How are you!” in an irritatingly cheerful tone, you reply, “I have failed...the world of men will fall...and all will
come to ruin." Then stride away leaving them looking bewildered.
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If someone asks, “Are you
OK?” you say, “A shadow and a threat has been growing in my mind.”
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A shadow and a threat really
*is* growing in your mind.
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You
have a bumper sticker that says “I brake for Hobbits” or “I stalk (insert
favorite character) on weekends.”
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You
are completely amazed and shocked when someone doesn’t know Aragorn was, let
alone all his names.
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‘Rohans’
drives you crazy. (It’s ROHRRIM, <censored>, ROHRRIM!)
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Enya replaces Marilyn Manson
as your favorite singer.
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Your browser’s homepage is www.theonering.net, or a similar Tolkien
site.
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You go to www.lordoftherings.net and spend
hours refreshing the page, just to hear the actors say "Hello, I'm Elijah
Wood (or whatever). Welcome to lordoftherings.net ”
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You're determined to refresh www.lordoftherings.net until you
discover how to pronounce 'Viggo'. (I dunno; I do it just to hear his voice.
[har har har])
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You lengthily flame all Mary
Sues that portray your favorite character *coughBoromircough* as the Designated
Chauvinistic Jerk.
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You know what ‘Mary Sue’
means, as well as an AU, WIP, A/L, M/P, F/S slash, etc and have opinions on all
of them.
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You use the terms LOTR: FOTR,
TTT, and ROTK, regularly, in regular conversation, and call the actors by their
first names. (Five points for every person you have/will have confused with
said terms.)
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At your aunt’s wedding, you
screamed “Cast it into the fire and destroy it!” when you saw the wedding band…
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…and then you heckled the
little boy with the pillow for his autograph.
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You can bend almost any topic
to LOTR: “By Charles Shultz, eh? You know, there was a German poet named
Shultz. Yep, a poet; just like Viggo Mortensen! Hey, he was Aragorn in the Lord
of the Rings movie. . .”; “Hey guys, I just saw a tree that looked kind of
entish” and the like.
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Your computer spell check
recognizes the names of every single LOTR character.
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Your screen name is almost
always Middle Earth-ish, if not your elf or hobbit name.
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In the ‘race’ blank, you fill
in ‘Elf’ or ‘Rohrrim’, and list ‘Rivendell, ‘Lothlorien’, or ‘Edoras’ as your
residence.
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You consider having your name
officially changed to your elf or hobbit name.
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You learn to speak Elvish and
Westron.
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You know who Glorfindel and
Gil- Galad were.
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You *care* who Glorfindel and
Gil- Galad were, and were very upset at Arwen stealing ol’ Glorfy’s screentime.
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You have a on- or- off- line
shrine dedicated to your favorite character/actor. Fifteen points if it’s to
Middle Earth as a whole.
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You daydream about orcs.
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You spend most of your online
time at LOTR themed sites.
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For you, the fun will be OVER
by Christmas.
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You plan to go to the
premiere of ROTK dressed in a Gondorian noble(wo)man’s costume.
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Nobody even bothers to ask
you what you want for your birthday, and yet strangely you always get what you
want…
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You make a list like this to
put on your LOTR website.
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Your name on that website,
instead of Admin, is ‘Elbereth’.
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If you have a horse, its name
is Shadowfax, Asfaloth, Brego, or Hasufel, depending on your favorite
character.
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You see people dressed up in
LOTR costumes and think, ‘What a cute little hobbit family!” instead of “They
need help.”
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You think the Harry Potter
series are baby books after reading Lord of the Rings for the 3rd… 4th…
9th… time.
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Words like "Yrch"
make sense to you.
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You’ve become strangely
obsessed with mushrooms. (I was obsessed with mushrooms BEFORE LOTR,
y’know…)
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When someone knocks on your
door you grab them, pull them inside and ask, in a hissing Irish-y tone
"Are you frightened?... Not nearly frightened enough!" (My favorite
line EVER! I quote that all the time! And Aragorn looks so sexy when he says
that… yeah, enough fangirlishness. But it’s true.)
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You've highlighted all your
favorite parts of the books, and your highlighter has ran out of ink.
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You start adding a color to
the end of your name, like, say, Dana the Purple- blue.
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You giggle uncontrollably
every time someone mentions “mushrooms” (well, I drool, but…), “precious”, or
“ring”.
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Your family knows the movie
script by heart, whether they like it or not, because of all the times they’ve
walked by you watching it.
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When you say you could watch
the movie hundreds of times and not get bored… and it’s true.
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The
only pictures in your room are of Lord of the Rings characters, or something
Lord of the Rings-related.
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To
wake you up in the morning, your mother comes in and declares “Frodo!” (or
whichever character you happen to fancy) loudly.
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This
wakes you up, while you slept through a blaring alarm clock.
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You
wish you had pointed ears.
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You
can't say "yes" without ending it in "precious."
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You've
named one of your pets after a Lord of the Rings character.
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You
squeal with joy whenever you see a commercial of the next installment, video
release, or one of the actors from the movie on TV and turn the volume up.
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If
anyone shows the slightest interest in it, you tell them the whole plot of the
story in a split second.
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You
write out songs, poems, skits, and various other things about Middle-Earth.
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You
have competitions with friends to see who can come up with more modern
world-Middle Earth comparisons.
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When
you had the flu, you stared at the ceiling and wished Aragorn were there to
make you feel better. (Would have worked for me…)
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You think the names of the
seven dwarves from Snow White are Gimli, Gloin, Nili, Thorin, Ori, Gili, and
Bambour.
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Your
screensaver is LOTR related.
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Your
desktop is of your favorite character.
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The
icons on your desktop are arranged around the character, so it doesn't obstruct
your view.
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You
use up a few cartridges of ink printing out LOTR pics.
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You
use up other people's ink cartridges because you ask them to print out a
"few" pics.
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When
you hear that one of the actors from LOTR are visiting your town, you faint....
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...
and completely miss them, since you spend a few days in the hospital from that
concussion from hitting your head as you fainted.
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If
you don't faint and get a concussion, you go see them, and try to stalk them.
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You
end up getting carried away by the security people and a restraining order.....
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Which
is perfectly fine, as long as you get to keep the items and the restraining
order they signed for you.
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You have tried to or have
styled your hair like an Elf's.
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You already have every book
in the Lord of the Rings trilogy, but you bought another copy just because it
had Aragorn on the cover. *whistles*
- ...even if they are on the other side of the world.
- And on one of these trips you discovered that the horse who played Shadowfax was in the next state via one of your numerous message boards and so you drove there.
- But when you got there he had already been moved to another location and you nearly died.
- But not quite, because in your desperate search of the stable for any remnants of his existance there, you found three hairs from his mane.
- You could not resist quoting Gimli at this moment, and also showed them off to all your friends for months afterwards and had them set in crystal.
- You have spent all your allowance on LOTR paraphanelia.
- You stayed in the pouring December rain barefoot in a costume for two days and on midnight of the second got into the first showing of TTT.
- And you plan to do it again for ROTK.
- When the people running the theater finally let you and the mass of other fans into the building you yelled "On to Gondor!" or something like that as the crowd surged forward.
- You understand the meanings and alternate meanings of the word Squee and have memorized all the known levels of Squeeage.
- You commonly use the word "Indeed" in the place of "Yeah" or "Yep".
- You know the reference to the phrase: "My fandom is slightly mental." and can say it with the right inflection. (My fandom is SLIGHT-ly mental! Somethin' just kinda clicks. *snaps fingers*)
- You have written up many parodies of various sorts. If not, you have written something serious on LOTR.
- You have attemted to strangle people who have said "Lord of the Rings 2 (or 3)" in your presence and were known to have hissed something about "precious" at said offender before being pryed off of them.
- Strange grammar problems occur whenever you have something important to you. (Appleses? We loves them we doesss, yes precious. *gurgles happily in her throat*)
- You have memorized all and any songs having to do with LOTR in any way whatsoever, or are trying to. Including the Ballad of Bilbo Baggins and any songs in the book.
- On the same note (no pun intended), you know the correct tune to Sam's troll song.
- Sometimes you hear things wrong or read things wrong~ thinking at first that they are something that has to do with LOTR and later finding out that this is not so. (hearing 'habit' as 'hobbit', reading 'Terragon' as 'Aragorn', 'condor' as 'Gondor'...)
From LOTR addict Syth Colbalt...
- You can quote the movie version of ROTK, even though the it hasn't come out yet.
- People ask you to speak Elvish for their entertainment purposes.
- Your wall is plastered with pictures of your obsession.
- You hold fast to the belief that you CAN meet Viggo, you CAN!
- You refer to the Orlando-played Legolas as "pansy Elf boy" or "pretty pony princess"...
- ...if not, you try to kill people who call Legolas that.
- You cringe when fangirls refer to Legolas as "Leggy" or Aragorn as "Argy".
- You refer to Elijah Wood as "Frou-frou" just to annoy fangirls.
- You have periods of time when you blank out and begin to drool...
- ...and when people ask you why you reply, "I was just thinking..." and then mutter to yourself, "..about [insert favorite character]"
-You believe that you are NOT a fangirl, even though you have those blank periods of time...
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You’re saying “Wow! How do
you know so much about me?” right now.
~Have your own signs to add to
the list? Email
me- spread the LOTR obsession!~