Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"?
How come we say 'It's colder than hell outside' when isn't it realistically always colder than hell since hell is supposed to be fire and brimstone?
Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin?
Why do you go “back and forth” to town if you really must go forth before you go back?
Why do all superheroes wear spandex?
Why do people say, "You can't have your cake and eat it too"? Why would someone get cake if they can't eat it?
If I had my legs amputated, would I have to change my height and weight on my driver's license?
If you were under house arrest and you lived in a mobile home, wouldn’t you be able to go anywhere you want?
If scientists were ever going to figure out how to travel through time, wouldn’t we now be seeing people from the future?
If you don't pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?
Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?
If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Do the air bubbles that are created when you fart in water, smell when they pop?
If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch? (For Susel)
364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that ?
Why do people call it an ATM machine, but they know it's really saying Automated Teller Machine Machine?
Why do people say PIN number when that truly means Personal Identification Number Number?
Why do dogs walk around in circles before lying down?
If the day before a holiday is called Christmas Eve, is the day after Christmas Adam?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? (Why I'd like to be buried in my pjs)
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Can a person choke and die on a life savor?
Why is it illegal to put money in other people's parking meters?
If London Bridge is standing why is there a song about it falling down?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
Why is it when we ask for the check in a restaurant they bring us a bill?
Why does "lake" come first (Lake Michigan) and "river" come second (Mississippi River)?
What would happen if: Everyone was to flush their toilet at the same time?
If you died on the International Dateline, and half of you were on 1 side and the other half on the other side, what day would you die?
If people with one arm go to get their nails done, do they pay half price?
If the weather man says "it's a 50% chance of rain" does that mean he has no idea if its going to rain or not?
Why are you IN a movie, but your ON TV?
Can't anybody who has a job go in the "employees only" doors at restaurants? Shouldn’t they be more specific and say "employees of this place only"?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
What is the parking situation like at the Special Olympics?
Why do they put Canadian bacon on Hawaiian Pizza?
How come, in the Mini Wheat’s commercials, Sweets has a Brooklyn accent and Wheat’s has an English accent? They're attached at the back, wouldn't they have been raised in the same place?
If two identical twin brothers married identical twin sisters, would there kids be identical?
If your glove is too big, does it still fit like a glove?
Is it possible to scream at the bottom of your lungs?
Since you have to pull over when you see a funeral coming down the road...what would you do if there were a funeral coming down both sides?
Is there anything easier done than said?
Why isn't sour cream really sour?
Do they re-use body bags? Or do they throw them away and get new ones? The people using them wouldn’t care anyway?
Don’t you find it weird we teach our kids: scrub a dub dub, three men in a tub?
If money is the root of all evil then how come churches ask for it?
If a fire truck was on its way to a fire and it passes another fire, which fire would it go to?
If you could walk through the walls, wouldn’t you fall through the floor?
How come when you go in the front door of a church, you are at the back of the church, and if you go in the back door, you would end up in the front of the church?
If your named Will and you are in the army do you get worried when people say fire at will?
If you stick on stickers on non-stick pans, would they stick on?
On a hamburger bun, why is the top bun always bigger than the bottom one?
Why does breaking a mirror mean seven years of bad luck when seven is a lucky number??
If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?
Why do the numbers on the phone go one way, but the numbers on the calculator go the other way?
If dinosaurs had sores.........what would they be called?
Why does the label on children’s Tylenol tell you not to operate heavy machinery or vehicles when it's for CHILDREN!?
Why do they call front seat shotgun?
Why is there not a Channel 1 on TV?
Why are the obituaries found in the "living" section of the newspaper?
How can someone be dirt poor, and another be filthy rich?
When you put 'THE' and 'IRS' together, it forms 'THEIRS'. Coincidence? I think not?
What would happen if u put a humidifier and a dehumdifier in the same room?
Are one handed people offended when police tell them to put their hands up?
If you built a time machine with all new parts, when you went back would the parts you use dissapear because they didn't exist then?
How can sweet and sour sauce be sweet and sour at the same time?
Why do black olives come in cans and green olives come in jars
If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?
Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
If your plan is having no plan, do you have a plan?
If the energizer bunny attacks someone, is he charged with battery?
If anything's possible, then is it possible that nothing's possible?
If a baseball is hit out of the stadium, travels completely around the world, re-enters the stadium, and is caught by a fielder, is it a home run or an out?
If a policecar, an ambulance, a fire truck and a mail truck are all at a 4 way stop who has the right away?
On a telephone, why does ABC start on the number 2 and not 1?
Do pigs pull ham strings?
Why do people say heads up when you should duck?
Why did Superman wear his briefs on the outside of his tights?
If you are born on February 29 of a leap year, when is your birthday?
Do siamese twins pay for one ticket or two tickets when they go to movies and concerts?
What do you say when someone says you're in denial, but you're not?
If you had x-ray vision, but closed your eyes, could you still see?
If you have x-ray vision, and you can see through anything, wouldn't you see through everything and actually see nothing?
If it is a 50 mph per hour wind and you drive your car at 50mph downwind, if you stick your head outside would you feel the wind?
Why does "closing up" a shop and "closing down" a shop mean the same thing?
How do you throw away a garbage can?
Why are things typed up but written down?
Why does caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?
If you were on a plane going the speed of sound and walked from the back of the plane to the front, would you be walking faster than the speed of sound?
Why do we feel blue? and what color does a smurf feel when they are down?
If you're caught "between a rock and a hard place", is the rock not hard?
If one man says, "it was an uphill battle," and another says, "it went downhill from there," how could they both be having troubles?
Why do we say "bye bye" but not "hi hi"?
How do you handcuff a one-armed man?
If an anarchist group attained political power, would they by principle have to dissolve their own government?
If you decide that you're indecisive, which one are you?
If you tell someone they are being judgmental aren't you being judgmental yourself?
Why do they call it your "bottom", when it's really in the middle of your body?
Why is the name of the phobia for the fear of long words Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia?
Why would superman want to leap over the tallest building in a single bound if he can fly?
Why is it called a TV set when there is only one?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Why are semi-trucks bigger than regular trucks?
Why is an alarm clock going "off" when it actually turns on?
If you mated a bull dog and a shitsu, would it be called a bullshit?
Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?
Why do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?
If you stole a pen from a bank then would it still be considered a bank robbery?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but people don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Why do we scrub Down and wash Up?
What's the opposite of opposite?
If Practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, then why practice?
Why are toe nail clippers bigger than finger nail clippers when your toe nails are smaller than your finger nails?
Is the opposite of "out of whack" "in whack"
If you try to fail and succeed, what did you just do?
If a robber tried to rob a dance club and yelled, "Everybody get down", would all the people start dancing?
If you cut off a glowworm's tail would it be delighted?
If you say something is indescribable, isn't that describing it?
If a Truck is loaded with Helium, would it weigh less than when it was empty? Wouldn't it get better fuel mileage?
Are zebras black with white stripes, or white with black stripes?
Is a sleeping bag a nap sack?
If there's an exception to every rule, is there an exception to that rule?
Have you ever wondered why Trix are only for kids?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why do they call it "getting your dog fixed" if afterwards it doesn't work anymore?
Why is a person that handles your money called a BROKER?
Why do they call it taking a dump? Shouldn't it be leaving a dump?
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
What would happen if an Irresistible Force met an Immovable Object?
how can you chop down a tree and then chop it up?
How can you hear yourself think?
Is a man full of wonder a wonderful man?
Is a hot car cool or is a cool car hot?
How come thaw and unthaw mean the same thing?
How can something be new and improved? if it's new, what was it improving on?
If you take an oriental person and spin him around a few times, does he become disoriented?
Why do they call it an asteroid when its outside the hemisphere but call it a hemorrhoid when its in your ass?
How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike?
How can someone "draw a blank"?
How fast do you have to go to keep up with the sun so you're never in darkness?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
If a bus station is where a bus stops, and a train station is where a train stops, why do I have a work station on my desk?
If a chronic liar tells you he is a chronic liar do you believe him?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
If someone has a mid-life crisis while playing hide and seek, does he automatically lose because he can't find himself?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill herself, is it considered a hostage situation?
If women ran the Pentagon, would missiles and submarines be shaped differently?
If you spend your day doing nothing, how do you know when you're done?
If you take a shower, where do you put it?
Instead of talking to your plants, if you yell at them would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
What color would a smurf turn if you choked it?
What does it mean if you break a mirror with a rabbits foot?
What happened to the first 6 ups?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
What is another word for "thesaurus"?
What part of the monkey do you use a monkey wrench on?
What's another word for synonym?
When blind people go to the bathroom, how do they know when they are done wiping their butt?
When vultures are on their deathbed, are they ever tempted to eat themselves?
When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?
When you're sending someone styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
Where are Preparations A through G?
Who invented accents?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Why are they called 'stands' when they're made for sitting?
Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
If your feet smell and your nose runs, are you built upside down?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
Why is it called 'after dark', when it is really after light?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
If conjoined twins participate in sports, do they count as one or two players?