I have several feelings about amputees. Sometimes I have wannabee feelings,
while there is in other moments a strong sexual satisfaction about to feel
like an amputee and to touch them. In addition to this I add that this
feeling is a strong want of the way I would like amputated myself. So, there
is a wannabee feeling. I would like to explain.
Since my 12th year of age I have a predilection for male with a leg-amputation. I my case only for rak- or dak-amputees. In my early years it was only a kind of fetish, with on the one hand a strong sexual masturbation, with on the other hand the energetic thoughts to move and act like an amputee. Hereby there was not yet the wannabee feeling. The turning point has taken place for about 10 years ago. From that moment I have more the intention to be real amputated on my right leg. I have thereby several options tried yet.
First, my home doctor; he would not listen to me. Second, my office doctor; he sent me to a special medical confidant. Until today there is no any progress of my need to be an amputee. I also tried (with the emphasis on tried) self-amputation by lay my leg under the train. After almost a year I tried... but was so sick of it at last that I couldn't proceed.
As you already wrote, the moment of pretending is most of the time a satisfaction for the fact to be an amputee, but not yet taken for real. In early years I did pretending like a dak-amputee. I moved myself around in the house, but also in a few occasions in a wheel chair out of the house. In the moment I have moments of pretending with my wooden pegleg.
The experience to feel myself an amputee is stronly liable to my personal condition and feelings of the moment. Sometimes when I see a dak-amputee for real, where the movement of that amputee arouses me very much, because I would I was like that amputee myself, I have the need to pretend at home and have my masturbation by that. On other moments my pretending is pure to suppress the 'real' personal (body) state and to act and work like a rak-amputee with a wooden leg.