Gender: Male
Age: 50
I have had these feeling since very early childhood. These feelings have evolved thru about 3 iterations to where I'm at now.
First was this wish to be a SAK about mid thigh, then it evolved to being parapalegic, now I'm at a high level DAK.
It is hell on my sex life, my wife thinks it's disgusting...she tries to play the game, but it's very apparent to me where she is at. I just can't turn these feelings off. There is no one other than the computer to openly discuss what's going on. If you have drug or alcohol problems there are tons options for rehabilitation and open discussion...but this...it's only humiliation and disgust. I don't want to harm anyone other than me with this wish...Fullfilling this desire would most likely make me a better, happier productive person than I'm already attained...I am quite successful in my life.
Where these feelings began...or what caused them...this is pure conjecture...I was raised in staunch, urban Polish Catholic grammer school. The scene with the nun in the "Blue Brothers" best descibes the environment. Eight years of their brainwash is what I had. They preached penance as the main thing you do in life...people walking up long stairs on there knees to go to church, saints cutting off body parts, people kneeling in pain just for salvation. I really think this led me to these desire...the catholic church taught that self mutilation is good Joe