E-MAIL ADRESS: StarWindDancer@hotmail.com
Fandom: X-Files

Pairing: Skinner/Krycek

Rating & Warnings: NC-17 for violence. No sex 
yet, only punishment.

Summery: Krycek is about to take a turn in his 
life through choices Skinner gives him. 
Skinner's POV.

Spoilers: General for early seasons. Breaks off 
about Tunguska/Terma. He has his arm. I'm not 
sure if the nanocytes exist. They could. I have 
more stories to write. I originally wrote a 
version of this story as, I get horney, and 
Krycek gets tied up and spanked by Skinner. I'm 
revising it to share and things are switching 
around.

*          *          *
Fallen Angels 2: Skinner's POV
          by StarWindDancer
*          *          *

The first time I ever spied Alex Krycek I knew 
he was someone to watch. If you ever looked into 
his eyes you would know. There is a green fire 
that blazes in there, a fire I've seen in my own 
eyes once upon a time.

It is the fire of an old soul, a vibrant spirit 
that cannot easily be contained. To a person 
like that, death is a challenge, life is a 
challenge, everything is to be fought against 
and tested.

I had eyes like that once. I had that fire and 
passion within myself but I let it fade away. I 
extinguished it because I believed that life was 
supposed to be roses and picket fences. I 
believed life was supposed to be tranquil and 
full of love.

How wrong I was.

I learned early on that life wasn't just about 
things of honor and duty; it was about survival. 
I did horrible things in Vietnam, things that 
still haunt me today but I never regret them, I 
never wished to change them. To do so would be 
untrue to myself and who I am.

Somehow Mulder never really reminded me about 
that fire that I used to see in myself. I always 
saw him as a pig-headed bull bashing against a 
mountain. He was a constant strain of headaches 
and yet I still respected him. He was who he was 
and he was earnest in his desires. It's hard not 
to get caught up in that.

That's the difference between Mulder and Krycek. 
Mulder is a blaze, a burn across the land. 
Krycek was fire and wildness. He was untamed 
energy, unfocusable energy. He doesn't have the 
blind spots that Mulder has.

Mulder's a tunnel while Krycek's the funnel.

I think that's why I held onto him as long as I 
have. It was that fire in his eyes that 
challenged me not to follow but to watch. I had 
lost my fire but I could be witness to his.

That's how I fell in love with him. I saw him, 
the quintessence of life.

And that's how I saw the way to save him.

Fire isn't a self-controlling energy; it just 
pushes and burns its way through anything in its 
path. It grabs and searches and sears with no 
real thought or purpose.

Spender had given Krycek purpose; given him an 
aim in life and Krycek had followed that path 
until it stormed to a dead end. That's when 
Krycek came to me; he needed that guide, that 
arrow pointing to where he needed to be.

That's also where I lost him. I didn't recognize 
just how wild that fire was until it was too 
late and by then I feared that there would be no 
turning back. I made wrong choices; I was greedy 
in my desire for a weapon against that black 
cancer of a man.

I gave Krycek purpose, I gave him a goal so wide 
and undefined that he just burned through me, 
Scully, Mulder, Spender, and just about everyone 
he came across.

He started to burn brighter as time went on. I 
could see the changes in him as he reported to 
me. I could see that I had failed him, that I 
had let this blaze become a wildfire cutting 
through everything in its path.

That last meeting it was easy to see just how 
far he had gone. His own skin didn't seem to 
contain him anymore. He just smoldered and 
simmered in front of me, waiting to explode.

I made a decision then and acted upon it. I am 
still surprised it worked. I took him in and 
reminded him of his own skin, of his own 
humanity.

I had gotten into Kink and BDSM in my own youth. 
I knew how much it grounded me and focused me. I 
could see the changes in myself, about how it 
bridled the fire. I had fought to extinguish 
that fire but it didn't put it out, it just let 
it blaze into interesting directions.

I knew I was taking a chance at bridling that 
fire but I didn't have many choices. That fire 
would burn itself out if I hadn't acted and 
somehow I couldn't let Krycek do that. I needed 
him there, smoldering in the shadows.

And those shadows came to me. One night as I sat 
with Scotch in hand thinking I'd pushed the 
limits I heard a knock at my door. I don't know 
why but I never expected to see Krycek again. I 
felt so much loss when he left after I tried to 
rein him in. I felt like I had missed my chance 
to leave my mark on this world, that I had 
failed to leave behind my legacy.

I had felt like I somehow missed out on life 
entirely, that I had spoiled life when he walked 
out that door.

What I saw that night didn't change my mind. He 
was so jittery and frightened as we went through 
those files. I saw such confusion in those eyes. 
I couldn't stand it. I had to apologize.

That's when I saw my opportunity to redeem him 
and, quite possibly, myself. He didn't want my 
apologies. He didn't want my sorrow or regret. 
That would have been untrue and false for both 
of us. It would have denied what we were to each 
other.

He was youthful life and exuberance while I was 
the wisdom and focus he needed. I could see that 
we would feed off each other, balance out our 
differences without extinguishing them.

I gave him another choice, then, which I really 
knew wasn't a choice. I could tell that there 
was no way he would be able to pass this up. His 
choice had already been made by the time he 
showed up at my door with all those files.

He would be the fire, he would be that wildness 
I love in him and I would be the witness that he 
needed.

It was hard to send him away that night. It was 
hard for myself to hold back from taking him 
into my arms and surrounding myself with that 
warmth and vitality but I had to.

You don't pick up a hot pan without an oven 
mitt.

If I had proceeded that night, if I had done 
what my gut wanted to do it would have betrayed 
what we both needed and wanted to be. That fire 
would have consumed me; overwhelmed me and he 
would end up drifting, unfettered and wild.

I turned him away that night and begun to plan.

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to be continued in Soiled Doves

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