| stepfathers |
| kids' say |
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| Lindsi: ”I always fight with my mom about my stepdad. She doesn't love him, she just needs him. The whole reason she married him was because she didn't want to lose me to my real dad. I feel like I should accept him, but there's something between us that keeps us from getting along. He always gripes at me. It's as if he expects my brother and me to be perfect. I hate him and I wish I could live with my real dad. But my real dad doesn't live in my town and I don't feel comfortable around his wife, so I couldn't move in with him anyway. I feel lost and have nobody to turn to.” From missclick.chickclick.com Make sure that your partner is with you because she loves you, and not because she needs a guy with a steady job to raise her child. Kids aren’t dumb. They pick these things up. It could become a good reason as any to resent the usurper to the father’s role. |
| Melanie: "I hate my stepfather. He tells me what to do and my mom never sticks up for me! It's gotten so I don't even want to be around when he's in the house. I wish my mom would just divorce him and go back with my dad. Have you ever felt like this? What do I do?" From bonusfamilies.com Melanie probably feels that her stepdad has no right to tell her to do anything. Actually she's probably right. Remember, the child's mother is the well established authority figure in the household. If you want to use some authority in the house, the child’s mother must back you up. Talk to her about supporting you when you ask your stepchild to clean up their room etc. If she doesn’t back you up, ask her why. Maybe she doesn’t agree with your ideas. In that case, talk it through and come to a compromise. |
| Laura: "Help! I hate my stepfather! My mother and him got married almost two years ago, in a wedding ceremony that my sibs and I weren't invited to, and ever since I can't stand him! He gives me absolutely no privacy. I lock my bedroom door with a padlock while I am at school and he has a key made. He now enters my room whenever he feels like it! I can't tell my mom, because she absolutely loves him. You see, she spent the last thirteen years in an abusive relationship and I don't want to ruin one of the few good things that happen to her. Please help me." From myjellybean.com Mistake No.1: the kids weren't invited to the wedding. Surefire way to set up deep resentment that can never be forgiven. They need to feel a sense of control when a relative stranger moves in and shares their mother's bed. Resentment from the kids will, in turn, affect your relationship with your wife. Mistake No. 2: What the hell is this guy doing going into her room?! Teens, especially girls, need LOTS of space from their parents, let alone their stepparents. If you are going into your stepdaughter's room against her wishes, then you've got to rethink your perspective of your stepdaughter. She needs a mentor, not a creep. If you're doing this to keep tabs on her because you think she's doing drugs etc, then a smart stepfather will have the ability to do this without being creepy or invasive. |
| To My Stepfather Today I need to say to you Something from deep within my heart It should have been said a very long time ago But I built my walls to keep the words inside. Thinking it would hurt me to utter them To you, so deserving. As my childhood dreams became shattered, I had to blame someone for life's cruel fate. You came into my home and became my prey. Unjustly victimized by a child's hopeless frustration and need to strike out at someone. I looked at you and saw a man Trying to tear apart what little life I thought was left. Blind to your desire to be the man Trying to help me construct something from the rubble. I need to tell you that I saw the pain in your face when I introduced you to my friends as my mother's husband. I need to tell you that I heard the hurt in your voice when You reached out to hold me and I turned away. I need you to know that I did listen Though at the time I didn't even know that I was. Your voice comes through the past's ugly fog and now cautiously warms and protects me. I need you to know that I did care. That it was my fierce pride which kept me distant. Not allowing me to show you that I did need you to care. Not allowing me to cry with you when I saw your tears. But, mostly, I need you to know That I love you For all you tried to do for me, And all that you did do, that only now I am realizing. And what I wanted to tell you today Is that I am sorry, Father. From my deepest heartfelt emotions, I am sorry, Dad. -Poem by Laura J. ean This original poem was selected as a Finalist in the Eighth Tri-Annual Blue Mountain Arts Poetry Card Contest |
| As you will see, the internet is rife with kids saying that they hate their stepfather. Most of the time they have no tangible reason, only that the stepfather has replaced their biological father This is a good indicator of how carefully you should tread with your stepchildren. Be very sensitive toward their situation, or you could create an awkward issue with not only your stepchild, but also their mother |