So a short entry for you guys today....just cuz i'm lazy and its midweek. After struggling with my humanities paper for over a week, I finally sat myself down and completed it at around 2 in the morning. However, I somehow almost overslept my alarm, but luckily made it to class in time. So after the regular classes I take on Wed (Hum, Chem, Math, Phys) I decide to start my math hmwk which I still have not finished at this hour (1:15 AM of 2/20/03)
So, Gavin comes over to my dorm, and we basically go to the gym. Talk about spontanaity. (Wait...we agreed on it the night before...scratch that) So now my muscles are sore, i can barely lift my math book, my head hurts cuz I think I'm thinking when in reality I'm just staring at a screen typing stuff and giving up home on a math hmwk problem that probably won't be graded anyways.
We first decide to go to the Main Gym, however I don't think we were allowed to use the machines at the hour becuase some team was working out there or something. So we walk to RIMAC (which is a workout in itself) and I start "pumping iron"...sigh, I'm so out of shape, it's not even funny. But after about an hour of this, I headed back to dorm to eat and get ready to go to THRESHOLD.
Threshold? What is Threshold one might ask? Well, it was a night of prayer and praise for the upcoming Billy Graaham Mission/Crusade in San Diego. IT WAS PRETTY GOOD, but i'm sure it was better than i thought cuz I wasn't myself...I still am not myself right now...but I digress and have missed the point comletely. Worship was loud, which sorta hurt my head....(i'm telling ya....I don't feel quite right....maybe I'm getting sick) Worship by SLS and Katinas would usually pick me right up....but hmmm....my heart wasn't in the right place I guess...) But there were a lot of people which was cool, and there was an altar call which I found intriguing simply because this was an inreach activity for Christians. But I digress yet again.
Okay, so Connie is kind enough to give me a ride back to my dorm, and lo and behold, it begins to rain...walking back to my room, the wind is howling and I suddenly realize how fortunate I am to have a warm place to stay....even though it does smell a bit like old food...but I'm still lucky nonetheless.
I'm really blessed to be able to go to school and should not be complaining about annoying math problems, a router that keeps on failing so I have to connect a 50 foot chord to another room's router in order to get internet connection (I digress yet again....dude....my mind wanders a lot...I've gotta do something about that....wait....I'm digressing in my digression) But yea, I'm really blessed to have sooo many things that I really fail to realize how lucky I am and how much God really does love me.
Okay....so onto another topic. Things that i've been learning about through my quiet times: (I've been going through Matthew by the way...) Patience...I'm in awe of Jesus of how he manages to keep a smile on when all these "annoying" but desperate people seek him...yet there are times where he just sits in solitude by himself. I should try that sometime. Lesson #2: My language...after talking to Alex for like 2 hours online last week, he really got me thinknig about my speech and thoughts...like...the mouth basically speaks what the heart "overflows", so when I make fun of someone or ridiciule someone....well...that's wrong...even if it's in good fun. Hmm...so what else is there? How about complete and utter submittence and dependance on God. Peter walks on water with absolute faith that Jesus will be there for him. Am I willing to give up all my securities to God and let him guide me and hold me through the storms of life? I say I do...but it's soooo hard to accomplish with a genuine heart.
Okay....that's enough of my writings...time to get back to that math problem... :)
Okay, so I'm like a mess right now...I really dont know what to do...Pray that God just really have his will done in my life....I'm soooo confused. Why am I confused? Well...over winter break, my parents really wanted me to live at home, whereas I desired to live on campus and hopefully even have a car while doing that. Of course, I was just being selfish and realized how much my parents love me and how my living at home would really make them happier as well. But over the break, I was praying that God's will just be done and somehow I told myself that if certain individuals from my fellowship asked me to be their roommate for the next school year, I'd really consider living on campus. But I guess my parents' persuasion won me over and I agreed to live at home for next year...however, less than 15 minutes ago, I got an IM from Josh (really cool person at CCC) seeing if I wanted to be the 4th person in their apartment...though I decliend...I'm really just pondering if that's what God wants me to do.
I mean, to start out with, me going to Crusade was pretty hard just cuz I usually have a hard time adjusting to new surroundings, and to top it off, a bunch of the people at Revelle Bible Study are in the same suite this year (there's like 7 of them in one suite!) or many of them knew each other from HS up north. So starting the school year, I've always sorta felt like the quiet guy on the side, the "odd man out"....which is really not my character (usually). So I guess my desire to "fit in" sorta outweighed my own behavior and trust in God. (Really Bad). Then I've basically made a commitment to live at home next year so I can have more involvement at CBC and maybe even help out w/ JH. So I guess when I get a call from two of the more outgoing freshmen of the group asking me to room with them...my heart leaped for joy and at the same time was totally confused...I desire to live on campus (w/ or w/o car) but I want to remain committed to living at home as well. Sigh...what to do? So if any of you guys are reading this, please pray for me!!!
Okay....so before I head off to study, I guess i'll update the rest of the week for ya. Thursday, initiated by D77 at La Jolla Shores, ran along the beach, got dogpiled on etc....but it was a good night in general. Then a couple older guys shared about what God has placed on their hearts and I really found that night to be encouraging and a blessing. Friday: Went to Crusade Future Leadership Retreat, I really got to know many of my fellow Crusaders and just see where God is leading us. Learned sooo much about spiritual gifts (I'm more of an administrative, evangelistic-service person) and where CCC is headed in SD metro. (200,000 students) WOW! Friday night of the retreat ended with some impromptu worship and just chilling and talking w/ others. The chapel/sleeping area was awesome...they had Christmas lights and everything! Saturday morning, did some leadership games: Acid River, Wall of Integrity and Blindfolded Dreams...Wow....really learned a bunch but didnt get too much sleep....I'm pumped for the future!
Sunday, though tired, I woke up 45 minutes early before church, got ready and just really looked forward to having a good time. I mean...church is awesome as always. Really got to meet some new people from UCSD, wow...a whole bunch of AACFers came today....I'm sooo confused by their many names....in due time....i'll get them....in due time. Pastor Nelson spoke on Marriages and a Healthy Family, I dont really think that many of the Jr Highers appreciated the message, so its good that the youth worship is coming up. Wow....so many changes are going on....God....just please continue to work in my life.
Many....so now its late....I'm beginning to realize that I need to start studying....but before all that....I need to place God as number 1. I'm sometimes sooo tired and needy for someone to actually encourage me....and guess what....there's always someone there. Thanks to all the people who continue to listen to my problems, my praises and my thoughts.(You know who you are! :) ) So I shouldn't be stressing over the entire planning for registration of the college retreat, I shouldn't be stressing over whether or not I'll be rooming on campus or at home next year, I shouldn't be caught up with miniscule fights of High Schoolers....I should just live a life that glorifies God 24/7 in MIND, BODY, SPIRIT and STRENGTH.