Some poor sap once wrote a disgustingly cliché song entitled "Breaking Up is Hard To Do." Personally, I think someone should have shot him at birth. His mother probably would have if she’d had any inkling of the disgusting refuse her son would one day write. Of course, I’m not saying that the material is bad. Breaking up IS hard stuff. But do you have to whine about it? No. You should take it like a woman. A woman? Yes, a woman. Stand up, acquire an attitude, and get over it. I’m here to teach you how to get over that man of your dreams who turned out not…quite…dream-like. In fact, here it is in four easy steps. Just for your convenience, you know.

First of all, you need to cry. Listen to that sappy music, and pull out all those pictures of you and your ex-sweetie. Bawl your eyes out as you finger the ticket stub to your first movie together. Sigh in despair as you hug close the teddy bear he gave you on your two-week anniversary. Gaze longingly through rivers of tears at those pictures that cover an entire wall of your room. Now pause, blow your nose (you might want to do something about that blotchiness while you’re at it), and take a deep breath. It’s time to move on. As my great-grandmother says, "Build a bridge and get over it!" Let the healing begin!

Step two is more fun, though potentially more destructive. It’s very simple. GET MAD. That’s right; stop your complaining and get angry. Remember that time that you really wanted him to take you to that chick flick and he blew you off to stay home and watch football? Or what about the fact that he never took you out for a romantic candlelit dinner? And Oh My God, his style in clothes left a LOT to be desired. Believe me, take a moment to think, and you’ll be surprised how much you were unhappy about. After all, there had to have been a legitimate reason why you two broke up.

Still having trouble remembering those annoying quirks of his? Ask your best friend. Chances are high that she can tick them off at the drop of a hat. After all, you have been complaining for the past two months. In fact, while you’re talking to your best friend, apologize. You heard right. When was the last time the two of you got together in your jammies and ate ice cream at two o’clock in the morning while watching Steel Magnolias or Terms of Endearment? Not good at apologies? Here’s a good opening line: "I’m soooooooo sorry! I don’t know what I was thinking! I love you more than I ever loved him." Then offer to pay for the movies and the ice cream and remind her that ice cream doesn’t have calories if you eat it standing up in the kitchen with a fork.

As you hang up the phone after telling your girlfriend all the gory details of the break-up, consider the third step. Grab those old magazines that are piled up in a corner in your closet, seize a pair of scissors in one hand and snatch glue-stick in the other. Ready? You’d better be, because it’s time to begin some repair work on your self-esteem. It doesn’t matter if he broke up with you or you broke up with him. I’m sure you’re still feeling crappy. After all, you’re a terrible person, right? Actually, you’re not. You can’t help how you feel. So, brandish the glue stick, magazines, and scissors and start a collage. Search through Teen, Seventeen, YM, and all those other pointless teen girl magazines. Look for words and pictures that describe you. Not negative stuff, either. Pick out the positives, especially those which haven’t been apparent for the past couple of months. Search out words like "independent," "lovely," and "unique." This will help you remember exactly who "you" are. Plaster bright colors around the words. Paste that picture of you and your best girlfriend from second grade beside the words "love lasts forever." Be creative. Be beautiful.

The final step to recovering your strength and independence comes in the form of a tape. Everyone has a friend who is a feminist. Find that friend and rifle through her CD’s and tapes. Find what I fondly call "angry b**** music" and pop it in your stereo. You might want to consider such unmanly tunes as "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun," "Independent Woman," "I Will Survive" and almost anything Cher has written lately. Now make a mix tape - or a mix CD, for those of you who are more technologically inclined. This collection of songs is not to leave your side for the next two weeks, at least. It will be your best friend (except for that girl you just apologized to and made plans with).

Have you realized that there is a point to all these steps? No? Well, maybe I’ll explain it to you. You need to find yourself again. Not in the cheesy way that most people mean. You need to realize that you have changed since you were last single. Probably a lot. Being close to another person does that to you. So, figure out what’s changed and get used to it. Cuz there’s no going back. That’s life. But it’s okay. You’re beautiful, remember? And lovely and unique and independent and a b****. And always remember…it was best said in a famous 70s song – one that should from this moment on have a place of honor in your collection:

"Once I was afraid, I was petrified, kept thinking I could never live without you by my side. But then I spent so many nights, thinking how you did me wrong, and I grew strong, and I learned how to get along…I will survive, oh as long as I know how to love I know I’ll stay alive. I’ve got all my life to live, I’ve got all my love to give, I’ll survive, I will survive, I will survive…"

~*~Lauren sent this to me and cuz she said it would sound like something I would say..and she's right... I think this was an article from their school editorial...whatever u wanna call it....I dunno I forget... but whoever wrote this..AMEN!!!~*~