Dr. Deterrence Justice Inc., Mad Scientists
Dr. Deterrence, the Nuclear Nemesis, threatens all who dwell within Champion City with his arsenal of lethal gadgets! Interfere with his rampant crime spree and invite massive retaliation! And he vows especial counterforce on the person responsible for imitating him last week!
Contacted at City Hall, Mayor MacHinery said, "Christ, isn't anybody who they're supposed to be these days?"
The original base of operations for the Mad Scientists was Dr. Nimbus's two story Victorian house, in one of the nicer sections of Cathedral Heights. After a year of cleaning up rabbit hair, fixing holes left by Dr. Gyro's wayward robots, and dealing with Dr. Revenge's hogging of the remote, the good doctor decided to use his office as a temporary staging ground, at least until a more suitable location could be found. After all, the college had a paid cleaning staff. Thus, after the rescue by the Perfectly Ordinary People and the Fellowship, the Scientists return, exhausted, to regroup.
"Really though, you didn't miss all that much," Dr. Nimbus explained to the rest, as he opened the door. "A few villians poked their heads up, but I'm sure the other groups were able to take care of them. Perhaps I shouldn't mention this Dr. Revenge, but one of them was a, um, doctor claiming massive retaliation among other things against those who opposed him. But, you'll be glad to know I wrote him a stern warning that surely put him in his place, and I understand that the Mom's Club was sent to deal with him physically. So I doubt there's any cause for al-oh my dear lord," he exclaimed, as he noticed the headline leering back from him on the newspaper delivered onto his desk.
"This is insufferable!" Dr. Revenge exclaimed, not yet having noticed the paper. "Our team has been wronged, slighted by the forces of a criminal mastermind in the first quarter of a life and death game of chess, and we are held, nay barred from seeking recompense for this injustice by the societal precepts of incarceration! The All- Stars are in jail, their boss is in jail, even the criminal that pops up, calls himself a doctor, and infringes upon the very essence of everything that defines my purpose on this planet has been dealt with. And… and… and… and does that paper have the word `Revenge' printed on it in bold, 36 sized font?"
Dr. Chronos and Dr. Kitsune quickly gave their ranting colleague plenty of space. Dr. Nimbus opened up the paper and tried to diffuse the situation. "I'm certain it's just an error, maybe a reprinting of yesterday's… nope, the date is correct," he sighed.
"Like a dam, circumstances have kept my desire for Vengeance from manifesting, causing it to swell and fill every fiber of my being. And now, now this radioactive reprobate has mocked, nay CHALLENGED me! He has sent a flashflood of reprisal to fill my reservoir beyond its limits, and now the dam bursts! PITY THE FOOL!! For he shall be washed away by the unstoppable might of my RIGHTEOUS RETRIBUTION!!!"
"But what about this group here that claims to be us, and is committing crimes? Doesn't that take precedence, in the large scale of things?" Nimbus tried to say. Revenge unfortunately was too wound up already to listen.
"The headline calls for heroes to go and deal with the lab-coated menace, correct?" Dr. Kitsune pointed out to Dr. Nimbus, stroking the ever-present fox in her arms.
"Considering how often the other teams have come to blows, and our own close encounter with the Mom's Club, what would be the likely reaction if we showed up to deal with the imposters, dressed in our uniforms."
"We'll get thumped. How is this different from usual?" Dr. Chronos observed. The others ignored the aura of negativity that had been building around the professor of seconds.
"Yes, well, perhaps it makes sense to let Dr. Revenge have his, err, way this time," Nimbus conceded, with a nod to the oriental woman.
Chronos nodded as well. "Nuclear Nemesis, hrm? That will look much better on my resume than the defeats to the walking ice tray, and the man of lint," he observed dryly. The others, again, ignored him.
The Mad Scientists, perhaps unexpectedly, will all be going to the Dr. Deterrence mission. They will work with other teams, though the other teams are advised that standing directly in between the "Nuclear Nemesis" and the "Grim Whitecoated Terror of Karmic Recompensation" ™ is not necessarily good for one's health.
The Mad Scientists arrive first, driven by their desperate need to keep Dr. Revenge in sight as he stalks inexorably toward the pulsating green mushroom cloud atop the city's skyline. Justice Inc. is a bit later to the party, but as we shall see, it doesn't matter all that much.
Dr. Revenge's initial frenzied berserk revenge attack succeeds in toppling Dr. Deterrence from his lofty dense-pack platform, and Drs. Chronos and Kitsune get their licks in, too! Dr. Nimbus, meanwhile, diverts the toxic fallout to rain out harmlessly over Alkali County, which doesn't matter.
Dr. Deterrence bounces up, full of fulminating fire!
"DETERRENCE HAS FAILED!" he cries. "Not Deterrence PERSONALLY, but the STRATEGIC CONCEPT of deterrence! Thus nevermore will I wear the mask and emblem that once were mine. See what forces you have set in motion - now and forever, I am DR. RETALITATION!"
"Retaliation" being a synonym for "Revenge", this drives Dr. Revenge absolutely ape. He slams into Dr. Retaliation with full force, and when the blinding flash fades, only Dr. Retaliation is left standing.
"HA HA HA! WHO'S NEXT? MY ARSENAL YEARNS FOR TARGETS!"
Dr. Nimbus, Dr. Chronos, Sir Quacksalot, and Talks with Plants are all "next," actually. And they join forces to blow Dr. Retaliation away in a flurry of atomic fission!
3 experience each, +4 municipal, +4 public for each team.
False Minutemen The Metropolitan Minutemen, even including the Off-Duty Guys, will try to clear their name.
Unicycle Courier defects to the dark side as the rejected members of the Minutemen team up for injustice! Watch out, world -- the Pickler and Stilt-Man have got your number!
El Nombre and the Belgian Waffler join the Minutemen just in time, along with Unicycle Courier! But, uh, isn't he one of the bad guys?
"Of course," says Super Strategist. "That isn't the real Unicycle Courier at all! Somehow he's tricked the Pickler and Stilt-Man into following him into evil!"
"Unless they, too, are simply impostors!" declaims Yankee Zulu.
"Could be, Strategist," agrees Mr. Pups. "Remember how Stilt-Man cracked his elbow and made all that noise about going on injured reserve status? I don't think this new guy's the McCoy."
A wall of falling pickles blocks our heroes in place as they discuss the crisis, dropped from above by Stilt-Man! With the power of stilts and pickles united, what can save our heroes from the charge of the Unicycle Courier and the chainsaws he waves wildly in each hand as he flails for balance?
Why, none other than the flash of green, the scent of clean, the arrival of Mister Immaculate and Scrubby, the Boy Dishwasher!
"Evil has set its stain too far into the light of civilization," declares Mister Immaculate in his sudsy Playtex body-glove, "and it's time to wash out its mouth with soap! At 'em, Scrubby!"
Mister Immaculate engages the Pickler in a deadly dance of brine and bubbles, while Scrubby tries to tackle Stilt-Man around the wooden ankles. With Stilt-Man distracted from dropping pickles, the rest of the team is free to confront the false Unicycle Courier and his chainsaws of perfidy!
"Chain saws? Jesus, I don't know …" demurs the Mailman.
"Come on, ya goldbrick! You wanna live forever?" says Mr. Pups.
"Well, YEAH! Doesn't everyone?"
Mister Immaculate, The Pickler, Mr. Pups and the Mailman, Unicycle Courier vs. The Pickler and Unicycle Courier: Okay, this is really confusing. One Unicycle Courier has chainsaws and the other doesn't, so that's not too hard to keep straight, but both Picklers are hurling pickles at each other, and one pickle looks much like another to the non-specialist.
When the two Unicycle Couriers collide, one of them delivers an important message and a still-hot order of Pork Lo Mein, and the other delivers sixty spinning blades of carbon steel! Owww! Unicycle Courier falls, chainsaw-whipped, while Unicycle Courier calmly eats the fortune cookie and throws the lo mein away.
Yankee Zulu and Tango Foxtrot, the Human Chameleon, El Nombre and the Belgian Waffle vs. Stilt-Man: Stilt-Man, trying to shake Scrubby off his stilts, does a sudden shuffle-off-to-Buffalo and sends Scrubby flying like a flipped poker chip, caroming off the Human Chameleon who was clinging to a brick wall. Fortunately, the Human Chameleon breaks Scrubby's impact, so the boy isn't seriously harmed, but the same cannot be said for the Chameleon himself, whose ability to imitate the red of the wall has been suddenly and gruesomely enhanced.
Super-Strategist vs. Super-Strategist: "You cannot possibly have the strategic insight and outwittery granted me by accident of birth, impostor!," declares Super-Strategist, and of course he's correct. But the other Super-Strategist is super-strong, and whomps Super-Strategist into oblivion.
Super-Strategist, The Pickler, Mr Pups and the Mailman, Yankee Zulu and Tango Foxtrot, El Nombre, Belgian Waffle, Mister Immaculate and Scrubby CAPTURED!
False Pentumvirate Fellowship, Pentumvirate
The Fellowship will go try to confront, stop, and hopefully shave, Shojo Shaman
Shojo Shaman clutches her hair protectively. "No! Don't shave me!! It's not me! It's a fake me! I'd never wear such slutty eyeshadow! Please, don't take my hair!"
The Pentumvirate of Power, to restore their reputation and preserve Shojo's flowing locks, will fight the Pentumvirate of Perfidy. They'll work together with the Fellowship, provided said group agrees, and agrees also not to shave Shojo Shaman. (Her life is rough enough, poor girl)
The Fellowship arrives at the Fragile Glass District in time to see the Pentumvirate of Power step down from Shojo Shaman's Cloud of the Victory Morning and square off with the Perfidists, who look exactly like them! In seconds, the battle is joined!
You see it coming, don't you?
Dr. Teeth vs. Dr. Teeth vs. Strider: Strider attacks the real Dr. Teeth. Defeating him with ease, he is then attacked by the false Dr. Teeth, who blinds him with brilliance before being laid low by the Sword That Was Broken.
L33t Ma5ter vs. L33t Ma5ter vs. Legolas: Legolas attacks the real L33t Ma5ter. The real L33t Ma5ter puts the put-down on the fake, but while he's doing that Legolas hurts him some more. L33t Ma5ter turns his truncated language skillz and mad warez on Legolas, who is actually pretty low-tech and hits him again. Pincushioned with arrows, L33t Ma5ter takes some downtime.
The Fencer vs. The Fencer vs. Frodo: Frodo attacks the false Fencer. The real Fencer attacks the false Fencer. The False Fencer gets Frodo-Fenced.
Cosmo Beauty vs. Cosmo Beauty vs. Sam: Sam attacks the real Cosmo Beauty. She is so huffy she fails to defend herself against the false Cosmo Beauty. The false Cosmo Beauty clobbers the real Cosmo Beauty; Sam believes everything's fine until she tries to clobber him, as well! Fortunately, Sam is naturally modest and needs not fear Cosmo Beauty's withering scorn, so when he's knocked unconscious, it's with a clear self of who he is and his own worth as a person.
Shojo Shaman vs. Shojo Shaman vs. Gimli: Gimli attacks the real Shojo Shaman, and oh boy, he really shouldn't have done that! She buffets him with Wild Untamed Bright Song of the Radiant Morning Rose Petal Prism Flames, and he keels over senseless, his eyes spinning with color. The fake Shojo attacks the real Shojo with a Lead Weight, which is so dull and unimaginatively named that she never sees it coming.
False Shojo Shaman and Cosmo Beauty vs. Frodo, the Fencer, Strider and Legolas: It's girls against the boys, which strikes Strider as somewhat ungentlemanly. Still, with the lethal ladies constrained by chain-link fencing, peppered with arrows, and rebuked by the One Ring, they ought to be surrendering by now. They don't, so they have to be destroyed, which is when Strider discovers the false Pentumvirs are really ROBOTS!
2 xp each. +2 municipal, +2 public for each team.
False Mad Scientists Fairy Tale Four
The lab-coated lunatics have lost their marbles, and now they're playing with plutonium sticks! But they're up against the Fairy Tale Four! And Four More!
"Dr. Revenge" tries to short-circuit the fight scene by plunging two plutonium rods together to create a nuclear meltdown. But he has reckoned without Jasmine's friend the Genie, who turns the plutonium into an ice-cream cone and a handful of angry bees! A few bees get stuck in the ice cream, but the rest are angry, and take it out on Dr. Revenge.
"Dr. Chronos" threatens to step back in time, and when Belle challenges him to go ahead and do it, he claims that he already has. Twice!
"Dr. Kitsune" is tightly holding a terrified fox. The moment she releases it with shrill Japanese exhortations to attack, it runs away from her as fast as it possibly can, and Snow White can safely encircle Dr. Kitsune with spun silken thread, rendering her helpless.
"Dr. Nimbus" calls down thunder and lightning, causing Sleeping Beauty to suddenly wake up! But she's still a beauty.
The Genie then turns to Dr. Chronos and Dr. Nimbus. Now that they're identified as lifelike robots, he doesn't hesitate to turn them into wisecracking Volkswagen Beetles who like people and emit clouds of flower-shaped perfume instead of smoke! And so the word drifts closer to the abyss of madness.
+3 xp each; +4 municipal, +4 public
False Mom's Club Mom's Club
Go ahead -- spit on the sidewalk. Hide your report card. Don't take out the trash. Go ahead and MAKE THEIR DAY -- it's the last thing you'll ever do!
The real Mom's Club, aghast at the damage to their reputation (their children don't know who they are in reality, so they don't even get any benefit from their newly-terrifying fame), quarter the suburbs with map and compass and track down their rivals with the tirelessness of a sponge-mop on a wide kitchen floor. Back and forth. Back and forth. Until at last they sight the enemy! Which, to be honest, is something mops rarely do.
The Mom's Club roars into battle in their custom-painted SUV, only to discover that their enemy is a trio of lifelike robots! Robots with amazing strength and resilience but poor organizational skills. They attack individually, but react identically, which means when Stacey takes a step to the left, they all take a step to the left to counter her. This makes it easy to get them all lined up, so that backing the SUV into them knocks them down like tenpins!
"Whew! It's empowering to be backing into something on PURPOSE for a change!" Michelle exults.
"Oh, you," says Stacey. Jennifer makes sure the robots are out for the count by squeezing half-empty juice boxes into their circuit boards.
Mom's Club: 4 xp each, +4 municipal, +4 public
Tim OHara to Pokey Oaks Suburbs. No crime owing to Mom's Club battle. Major Nelson to The Cauldron. Plenty of crime, none of which he can find. Agent Beta to Mount Kirby. Two crimes which neither the perps nor victims can remember afterwards. +2 Federal, +2 Public Gilderoy Lockheart to Cathedral Heights. One crime which threatens for a moment to get all messy until the criminals get away. +1 public for looking calm and confident. Darren Stephens to Astro City. 2 crimes, one by a gang of men in orange ape suits who escape in a bright orange armored vehicle. Whew! But the other crime is quickly solved. +1 public, municipal,Federal
Metropolitan Minutemen Membership Page! For all you frantic fans out there, a listing of the Metropolitan Minutemen's ever-changing lineup!
Super-Strategist: founder The Pickler: original member Mr Pups and the Mailman: original member Yankee Zulu and Tango Foxtrot: original member El Nombre: joined issue 43 Belgian Waffle: joined issue 43 Mister Immaculate and Scrubby: Joined issue 44 El Nombre: joined issue 43 Belgian Waffle: joined issue 43 Mister Immaculate and Scrubby: Joined issue 43
Human Chameleon: joined issue 43, crunched in issue 44 Unicycle Courier: hacked up in issue 44 The Pincher: quit in issue 42 Gruesome Spectacles: destroyed in issue 41 Globalman: quit in issue 42 Stiltman: injured in issue 42 Reverse Psychologist: mocked into submission in issue 43 Phat Chick: fled in tears in issue 43