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Viagra Jokes

With Viagra® such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today's society...

Wonderful for those who have a hard time getting up on water-skis. Forty-five minutes after taking it, you'll get up and stay up, out of the water.

A dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost, compared to a control group of 0.2 percent.

Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting anew one.

Men taking this drug reported a sudden, overwhelming urge to perform more child-care tasks especially cleaning up spills and "little accidents".

In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle. Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing.

Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge to buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts after talking this drug for only two days. Still to be seen: whether the drug can be continued for a period longer than your favorite store's return limit.

Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra. Currently undergoing clinical trials on sitting U.S. presidents.

This drug had the strange effect of making men want to turn off televised sports and actually converse with other family members.

This drug has been showing great promise in treating men with O.F.D. (Open Fly Disorder). Especially useful for men on Viagra.

About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men in the test group an irresistible urge to dig into the personal affairs of other people. Note: Apparent over-dose turned three test subjects into special prosecutors.


Viagra is too strong
A woman walks into her sex therapist's office and tells her that her husband is not a very good lover, and they never have sex anymore, and asks what to do about it. The therapist tells her that she has an experimental drug called "Viagra" that might do the trick. She tells the woman to give her husband one pill that night and come back in the morning and tell her what happened.

The next day, the woman comes in ecstatic telling the therapist that the pill worked, she and her husband had the best sex ever. She asks her therapist what would happen if she gave her husband two pills and the therapist says she doesn't know, but to go ahead and try it.

The next day, the same thing happens, the woman comes in telling the therapist that the sex was even better than the night before and what would happen if she gave him five pills. The therapist says she doesn't know, but to go ahead and try it.

The next day, the woman comes in limping but happy, and tells the therapist that the sex just keeps getting better and what would happen if she gave her husband the rest of the bottle of "Viagra". The therapist says she doesn't know; it's an experimental drug and she doesn't know what a full bottle could do to a person. Anyway, the woman leaves the therapist's office and put the rest of the bottle of pills in the husband's morning coffee.

A week later, a young boy walks into the therapist's office and says:
"Are you the doctor who gave my mother a bottle of experimental pills?"
"Why, yes, young man, I did. Why?"
"Well, mom's dead, my sister's pregnant, my Butt hurts, and Dad's sitting in the corner going "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty..."


Viagra? Who needs it!
Old Josh was sat in his garden, sunbathing in the deck chair when he noticed his grand-son kneeling on the lawn with a worm. When he asked his grand-son what he was doing, he found that he was trying to push the worm down the hole from which it came.
"If you can get that worm back in that hole I'll give you 50p," said Josh.

His grand-son sat and thought for a moment, then rushed into the house. A few minutes later he returned with his mother's hair spray. He picked up the worm by one end and, as he let it hang down, he sprayed it all over with the hair spray. The spray set and the worm became stiff and hard. It was now easy to push the worm back in the hole. Josh was amazed. He gave the boy 50p, picked up the hair spray and went indoors.

About an hour later Josh came back into the garden and gave his grand-son another 50p.

"But grand-dad," said the boy, "you've already given me the 50p you promised."

"That's from your grand-ma," said Josh.


Top Ten Slogans Currently Being Considered by Viagra:
10. "Viagra. The quicker dicker upper"
9. "One-a-day, like iron"
8. "Get a piece of the rock"
7. "You've come a long way, baby"
6. "Viagra, it plumps when you take 'em"
5. "Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman
4. "Tastes great, more filling"
3. "Viagra, built ram tough"
2. "Here's the beef!"
and the number one slogan being considered by Viagra:
1. Just do her.


The Viagra Fireman
A fireman came from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we
have a wonderful system at the fire station. Bell 1 rings and we all put on our jackets.
Bell 2 rings and we all slide down the pole. Bell 3 rings and we're ready to go on the

"From now on," he said, "we're going to run this house the same way. When I
say Bell 1, I want you to strip naked. When I say Bell 2, I want you to jump into bed.
When I say Bell 3, we're going to screw all night."

The next night the fireman came home from work and yelled, "Bell 1!"

His wife took off her clothes. "Bell 2," and his wife jumped into bed.
"Bell 3," and they began to screw.

After two minutes his wife yelled, "Bell 4!"

"What's this Bell 4?" the husband asks.

"More hose," she replied, "you're nowhere near the fire!"


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