My story begins with a regular Pregnancy. My husband and I were looking forward to a new baby. I already had one son and we wanted to have one together. I felt like having a baby would complete my family and we tried for a few months, and finally I was pregnant. Our family was happy also. We had been married for 3 years. I went along very well and about 4-5 months I had an ultrasound and everything looked fine. I had no medical problems and we were excited. We didn't want to find out what the baby was so we didn't know the whole time. At about 37 weeks, it was to be the last week I would work at my job. I had a baby shower on Sunday afternoon. I felt kind of bad and I felt like I was getting close to the baby coming and thought maybe it was because of that. I felt my stomach tighten up like a Braxton-Hicks contraction and it stayed like that. It didn't go away like usual. I also felt kind of sore in one spot. But who doesn't feel sore when the baby kicks and pushes in the same spot over and over? My mom asked if I needed to go to the doctor and I said I would wait until morning and if I didn't feel better by then, I would go see my doctor. Well, I didn't sleep well and couldn't get comfortable at all, so I went in the living room and got in the recliner. All of a sudden, I felt a gush of something. Thinking it was my water breaking, I went to the bathroom and found blood gushing out. I immediately called my mom to take me to the hospital. My husband was at work. She came and picked me up at about 1:30 am or 1:45. We called my husband to meet us there and left and got to the hospital about 2:15 am. They took me to labor and delivery and got me ready to do an emergency c-section. The baby still had a pretty good heart rate at the time. They did take me in the delivery room and were going to do a spinal, but the baby's heart rate started dropping rapidly and they said they didn't have time, so they put me to sleep. My husband did not get to come in because they had to hurry, so I was in there alone, with Dr. and some nurses and anesthesiologist. The pediatrician was not there yet. He was on call and not even the one I had chosen to be there. Anyway, at 3:20, my precious baby was born. They said he was stillborn. I find that hard to believe because one of the nurses came out to the desk and said the baby had been out 10 minutes and that to tell the pediatrician when he got there to RUN to the delivery room. So I believe and will always believe that he was alive but they lost him and due to not enough help, they covered it up so they wouldn't get into trouble. Only the ones there and The Man Upstairs knows. I felt very guilty, and still do, for not going to the doctor sooner. The next thing I remember was waking up in the recovery room and asking about him, and they said he didn't make it. One nurse asked if I wanted to hold him and I said no. She said it would be better if I did. So she brought him in and laid him on my stomach. I looked at him just laying there so silent, like he was asleep. I cried and kept saying, "No, No, No." They came and took him away. I wish now that I was not groggy at the time or that I could have been with him later so I could have held him. That is an important part of it, I think. I wish he could be here today, with us, but that's not possible. I have to think that I will hold him and be with him one day. He is and always will be my angel to be remembered. I love him today as I did then. He will never be forgotten and I have been forever changed by his death. And I will always wonder why? Dakota, I love you and I will forever. One day I will see you again and hold you in my arms. You're my special angel baby. Love, Mama