Mommy's Wish If I could have a one life time wish A dream that would come true I'd pray to God with all my heart For yesterday and you A thousand words can't bring you back I know because I've tried And neither will a million tears I know because I've cried You left behind a broken heart And happy memories too But I never wanted memories I only wanted You My heart aches for you everyday Mommy loves you baby girl My Story My daughter Linsay Jade McFarland was stillborn September 2,1999 while I was in the hospital under the care of a high risk ob/gyn, hooked up to fetal heart and movement monitors. Linsay died because of 3 things first and foremost was the fact that my dr did not deliver her even after I developed severe pre-eclampsia. Second was the fact that I had very little fetal movement the day she died and they never really did anything to find out why. Third is that they moved me to another room and when the nurse re-hooked up the fetal monitors she failed to do it correctly. Linsay died sometime that night and they never knew she was in trouble because the monitor at their station never read anything. They had given me a shot for the headaches I was having that made me sleep. When I woke up they were frantically looking for her heart beat and their wasn't one. But that still wasn't enough for them to do something they didn't even call my dr. They didn't call another dr on call nothing they did nothing but wait. The nurse came in and told me the dr said I needed a shot to help me sleep. I asked again when he was coming I demanded to know. The nurse told me it would be an hour or so. I knew at that point that it was to late but as a mother I had to have hope I kept telling my self "I'm hooked up to monitors, I'm in the hospital, I'm doing every thing I should be doing there is no way I'm going to lose this baby." I was wrong. A couple of hours later my dr came running into my room with the ultrasound machine, all I could think was "he's here everything will be ok now". He did the ultrasound at 1:05 am and my last coherent memory of my daughter is seeing her on the monitor screen with her little head just hanging down. I knew she was gone. I kept asking him how I was in the hospital I did everything right. She couldn't be dead. He told me to call my husband. I don't remember much after that I was heavily sedated. My labor and delivery are a complete blur. I have no real conscious memory of her. I don't remember how she felt in my arms even though there are pictures of me holding her. I do remember a few things about the day my baby was delivered and they are naming her and telling my husband to let them take her. We had her for 4 hrs and it was time to let them take her. Not only was I robbed of my baby, I was robbed of any real memories of her. We later found out that she could have been saved even before the monitor accident if only my Dr would not have cancelled induction orders on the day she died. If he would have delivered her that morning she would be here celebrating her 1st birthday. It has been a year since her death and it still brings me to my knees. Nothing has made it any easier. I will love her with all of my heart for eternity.