Always And Never

Standard disclaimer - YYH belongs to Yoshihiro Togashi and etc.

I love him.
I love him more than anyone, because he is my first and real love. But I'll never tell him about my feeling, because he is my stepbrother. Beautiful Minamino Shuichi.

"Niisan, may I come in?" I asked, taping at the door of my stepbrother's room.
"Yes, come in," a voice answered behind the door.

I push the door open and see my brother siting on the bad with a book in his arms. He lifted up his eyes and looked at me. I almost melted beneath that amazingly emerald eyes. He is so breathtakingly beautiful that I forgot why I come to him for short while.

"Well, Shuu-kun, can I help you?" He asked with his usual sweet voice.
"Oh . . . Ah . . . Yeah . . ." I find that my own voice was so weak, so faltering one.

After clearing my throat, I continued more unhesitatingly this time.

"Niisan, I need your help with this stupid math problem."
I gave him a schoolbook and pointed to a task. Although I was in the last grade now I still hate the mathematics. Beside, there was another reason why I come to niisan. Yes, I just wanted to see him . . .

He put his own book aside and took mine. I sat next to him on his bed and cast a look at my stepbrother, who was reading the task.

I sighed. He was so damn beautiful, so adorable, so sexy . . . I love him more that anyone in the world . . .

His lustrous red locks shadowed his enigmatic green eyes. So while he was reading I can silently keep an eye on him.

He is so beautiful . . . I'll never can find the words to describe his beauty, his eyes, face, hear, his voice and shapely body. My friends always was joking that my stepbrother looks like a girl. So polite, gentle, calm and tranquil. And he has a girlish mien...

May be . . . But nobody of them can see him like this, when he was wearing only green pajamas bottom. Tonight was very warm. So I see that he is a man. The beautiful man . . . Oh, that smooth pale skin, that properly muscular and slender torso, that long shapely pair of legs . . .

So many times I was dreaming about him. I dreamed to kiss him, to touch him, to be with him . . .

But it's impossible . . . And never will be . . .

"It's all easy, Shuu-kun," he interrupted my thoughts.
I startled and stopped to gaze at him.
"Follow me."
He arose and guided me to his table.
"Sit down."
I obligated and sat on the only chair in his room. The niisan stands behind me. When he leaned over my shoulder I smell his unique scent. He always smells of roses. The niisan pointed at my schoolbook that he've put down before.
"Look. There you have to use one of the trigonometric formulas. And after that it is better to apply this formula . . ."
"Do you think so?"
I know my question was stupid, because my stepbrother always knows what he says. But I couldn't help myself, I only want to hear his sweet voice again and again. When I looked at him, he was smiling. Embarrassed, I smiled in answer.
"Yes, I do."
He began to explain the task's solution to me. But again, only what I did there was hearing his voice and smelling his rose scent...

He is so beautiful . . .
From the corner of my eyes I looked at him. I love him and I want him loved me back. I would give anything for it. But I know that it never will happen. Because I know he is in love with somebody else. And moreover, I know who is that "somebody".

Earlier I noticed my niisan's dreamy sight, light smile on his lips. And then I have realized that my stepbrother already has someone. That he is in love with someone. I was so deadly envied that lucky girl.

And then . . .

Once at night I was returned from one my friend's house where we did our homework. I have gone through park to reduce a way. Then I have seen him. I recognized him at once.

My stepbrother was standing under a tree and the lanterns light softly shined his flexible figure. It is difficult to mix him up with somebody else because of his uniqueness. Nobody was around. What was he doing in the park in the night-time?

At first, I was frightened for him. It is dangerous to such beautiful boy to walk alone in deserted park in such time. My first prompting was to run up to him. But then I heard that niisan talks to someone. I froze from unexpectedness, but curiosity was stronger. I hid in bushes and cautiously looked out. I looked at my brother.

He was not alone. Next to him stood another boy. He was smaller than my stepbrother and was dressed in all black, therefore I have not noticed him from the very beginning.

Of cause, I was intrigued. Who was that boy near to my niisan? He had black spiky hair with a starburst of white above his forehead and all his clothes were black. As I said, he was smaller than my niisan. And it means that he shorter than me, because in 16 I've the same high as my stepbrother. But that boy looked as young as me . . . He must be one of my niisan's friends.

But what are they doing at night in the park? To say that I was curious means nothing to say. I was deadly curious.

While I reflected, the events developed quickly. My stepbrother, who was talking to that boy, took boy's hands in his ones.
'What?!' I thought.
But then to my surprise my lovely redhead bent to the smaller boy and kissed him.

I was shocked.
'It can't be true...'
'It can't be true...' It was the only one thought that remained in my mind.

Meantime, the niisan's kiss became more passionate. His partner wrapped up his hands around of niisan's waist. The stepbrother's own hands slipped around of the black-haired boy's neck. Embraced pair slightly moved and niisan appeared pressing down to a trunk of a tree. Then they broke a kiss and that boy unbuttoned a top button on my brother's shirt. After that he started to kiss the exposed flesh. He kissed that beautiful neck, moving his lips lower and below . . . Niisan throw his head back, his eyes were closed. And he obviously enjoyed being kissed.

I was shocked . . . I was embarrassed . . . I was disconcerted . . .
And I envied. I wanted to be on that black-haired boy's place . . .

I ran away from the park. I ran away from them.
I ran and the tears dimmed my eyes . . .
Because I love him. I love my stepbrother.

Damn, he is only stepbrother, not blood relation!

I know he loves me, but only as a brother.
And not looking on that that I never shall tell to perfect redhead about my feelings to him, it still hurt to know that he already has a beloved . . .

"Did you listen what I just said, Shuu-kun?"
"Ah? Oh? What? Oh, sorry, niisan. Please repeat it all again."
"Again? All?"
He suspiciously blinked, and I guilty smiled.
"Please niisan," pleaded I.
He smiled to me and began the explanation from the very beginning.

I love him. And he loves me /like brother/, but he will never love me /like I want him to/.

So, he will be always and never love me...

The End

Author's Note: I know there are a lot of mistakes. It's because I have written this story in one hour at all and decided to send it before I could change my mind. Feel free to correct my mistakes. And comments are more than welcome.