"Oh! Uh, yeah." She answered a little blankly.
"Ok. What are you doing?" Angel asked, confused.
Cordelia noticed that he was freshly showered.
"Hmm?" She asked.
"When I came down here you were just kind of staring at that wall, standing in the middle of the room. Are you sure you’re ok?"
"Yeah, I guess I just zoned out a little there." Cordelia laughed nervously.
"So what do you have planned for today?" Cordelia asked, relaxing a little.
"Actually I was going to catch some sleep, I’ve been up all night and I need to be rested up for tonight." Angel said with a seductive smile.
"Tonight?" She asked, confused.
The word was barely out of her mouth before the past few minutes popped into her mind. Tears began sliding down her cheeks immediately.
"Hey, what is wrong with you?" Angel asked, alarmed.
She looked deep into his eyes.
‘I know you do, but do you love him enough to let him go?’ Whistler’s words echoed in her mind.
She just couldn’t do it.
"I d-don’t feel well, I think I should go lay down." Cordelia said.
"Cordy, you don’t cry because you feel bad! Tell me what’s wrong."
"I can’t talk about this, just leave me alone!" Cordelia snapped, and started up the stairs to her room.
She immediately regretted snapping at Angel, but continued to her room.
Just as she’d curled up on her bed, Angel had barged in her room.
"Have you ever heard of knocking?" Cordelia asked halfheartedly.
"Please tell me what’s bothering you." Angel asked somberly and sat beside her on the bed.
"Have you ever met a demon named Whistler?" Cordelia asked.
‘Say no, say no, please say no. He was evil, please say he’s evil.’ Cordelia thought desperately.
"Yeah, badly dressed PTB worker, right?" Angel asked, surprised.
‘No!’ Cordy thought, on the verge of tears.
"Do you still love Buffy?" She asked simply.
He paused.
‘Why did he have to pause why couldn’t he just have said no?’ Cordelia thought.
"Why would you ask me that?" He asked, puzzled.
"Well, the fact that you still haven’t answered makes me think that I had good reason." Cordelia said, surprising herself by keeping her voice steady.
"Buffy and I were over a long time ago." Angel said.
"You can remember things that happened a hundred years ago and you consider a year a long time!"
"A year? What are you talking about?" Angel asked.
"You went to Sunnydale to see her." Cordelia said accusingly, noticing the jealousy in her voice.
"Yeah, because I had something that would help her." Angel justified.
"You still haven’t answered my question. Are you still in love with her?"
"Damn it Cordy, you know I love you!" Angel said, frustrated.
"You’re right, I know you love me but you still haven’t answered my goddamn question!" Cordelia screamed and pushed past him.
"Buffy is always going to be a part of me, I’m sorry if you can’t handle that, but I want to be with you, I am in love with YOU!" Angel yelled angrily.
"Just until she’s done baking right? You’re not getting any older yet are you?" Cordelia said bitterly.
Angel looked at her, truly puzzled.
‘How could she possibly know that?’ he thought.
‘If you don’t walk away from this, Angel will be the one to suffer’ Whistler’s words haunted her again, but this time they struck true fear into her.
She knew what she had to do, she knew she couldn’t live with him knowing that there was even a chance he still loved Buffy. She wasn’t sure that she could live without him either but she had to try. She could never live with herself if something happened to him that she could’ve prevented.
"Cordelia, it doesn’t really matter does it? I want to be with-"
"Shh… Angel, I’m sorry. I’m just, uh, tired. I really need sleep. I’ll be down in a couple of hours. You go try to get some sleep. Ok?" She said reassuringly.
"Are you sure?" Angel asked.
"Yeah, I’m fine." Cordelia said gravely.
"I know you don’t love her anymore, go sleep." She told him.
"You sure you don’t want to come with me?" He asked.
"I’m good here. I’ll see you later." She said, struggling to keep it together.
She pulled him into a deep kiss. He pulled back and looked at her oddly.
"Are sure you’re ok?"
"Of course." She replied.
"Ok, I guess I’ll see you later then." He said.
Cordelia nodded and he continued out of the room. She laid there until she was sure he had time to get into his room.
Then she began to pack.
