SIX MONTHS AND EIGHTEEN DAYS LATER
Cordelia took a deep breath and walked into the newly rebuilt Caritas. She smiled when she heard a rendition of Barry Manilow’s ‘Mandy’ being butchered onstage by a demon that couldn’t have been more than two feet tall with serious hair issues.
Lorne was nowhere in sight, which was good; Cordy wasn’t ready for him yet.
She quickly spotted Fred, who was frowning at the hideous creature on stage, and walked over to her table.
"Hey!!" Fred greeted her as the two embraced and then took their seats at the table.
"So how is everyone?" Cordelia asked with a smile.
"We’re all good… " Fred said, pointedly taping her left hand on the table which held a fairly large diamond on it.
"Oh my gosh! Who?" Cordelia asked, grabbing her hand.
"You are looking at the future Mrs. Wesley Wyndam Price!" Fred exclaimed giddily.
"That is unbelievable! Set a date yet?" Cordelia asked, sadness tearing at her heart as she remembered how wonderful being engaged had been.
"Next Summer! You are coming right?"
"Of course! Well, I take it you and Wes are good, what are the others up to?" Cordelia asked, trying not to sound too obvious.
"Oh, um well Gunn is happy, we bought him some shiny new weapons for his birthday!"
"I bet he really liked that."
"Yeah, well until he broke some antique thingamabob and Angel… got mad." Fred said and immediately regretted bringing up Angel.
"And Lorne loves his new bar of course." Fred quickly covered before anymore could be said about Angel.
"He still lives at the Hotel but he spends most of his time here-"
"They’re dating aren’t they?" Cordelia interrupted.
"Who?" Fred asked, pretending not to know whom she was talking about.
"Angel and Buffy."
"Dating? No they’re not dating."
"Fred…" Cordelia said, waiting for the rest of the story.
"Well, Dawn’s going to school here now and it just made sense for Buffy to move in, but he still-"
"It’s ok Fred." Cordelia said.
If Cordelia didn’t believe Whistler before, she had to now. They were meant to be, and she was merely standing in the way of that.
"And he’s human now? Completely?" Cordelia asked.
"Yeah, except for his strength and healing powers." Fred answered.
"Why did you leave Cordy?" Fred asked after an awkward moment of silence.
"I had to." She answered.
"Come back with me Cordelia, we miss you." Fred persuaded.
"No, I can’t stay long, I actually came here to discuss something with Lorne." Cordelia said, sadly.
"Well, I’m sure he’s around here somewhere… but you will come back someday, you said in your letter-"
"I know Fred, it’s just not time yet."
"I understand."
"I really need to talk to Lorne and get going but it was really good to see you, Fred."
"You too Cordy, I’m glad I could come."
"Well since I was passing through town I thought I’d give you a call."
"Much appreciated." Fred said and then the girls stood up and hugged.
"See you soon?" Fred asked, a little unsure.
"Of course." Cordelia answered as Fred picked up her purse.
Cordelia watched Fred leave before making her way over to the bar.
"Is Lorne here?" Cordelia asked the bartender.
"Yeah he’s backstage, hey Benny, she wants to see the Host, why don’t you make yourself useful and take her to him." He directed, talking to another demon that was artfully rearranging the bottles of alcohol behind the bar.
Benny started to object but stopped when got a look at Cordelia.
"Sure." He said as he looked her up and down and led the way.
Cordy rolled her eyes and followed him through the noisy bar.
"Someone here to see you Boss." Benny said to a very busy Lorne.
Lorne looked up from his work and couldn’t believe his eyes. They stood in shock for a moment.
"So, I take it you two know each other." Benny observed.
"You can go now, Benny." Lorne said, still in shock.
Benny left.
Lorne laid his tablet he’d been writing on down and hugged Cordelia.
"It is really good to see you kiddo!" He said.
"You too Lorne." She said as she pulled out of the hug.
"I suppose you want to know why I left?" Cordelia asked, suddenly feeling very emotional.
"Not necessary kitten, empath demon remember? I saw it coming, I wasn’t quite sure you did though… what changed that day?" Lorne asked.
That’s what was bothering Lorne that day, even he knew we weren’t supposed to be together.
"I had a visitor, he gave me an up close and personal Buffy and Angel show, I always knew they were in love, I just never realized it was a forever kind of thing, you know?" She said with difficulty.
Lorne nodded.
"Do you see what I’m supposed to do now?" She asked sadly.
He looked at her for a moment.
"Sing for me."
The next thing Cordelia knew, she was stepping up to the microphone on the stage. She wasn’t very nervous. All her emotions were focused on finding out what her path in life was supposed to be now. The bright lights came on and the music started. The bar got quiet and all attention focused on her. Cordy couldn’t help but close her eyes, the lights were so bright and she desperately wanted answers. The singing lessons that her parents had bought for her in high school began coming back as she breathed from her diaphragm and started to sing.
"I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories"
The lyrics came out beautifully and Cordelia felt a vision beginning to materialize. It started with quiet joyful laughter of a man and a woman.
"Remember the good times that we had
Let them slip away from us when things got bad
Clearly, I first saw you smiling in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me
I want to be the one"
Tears began to slip from beneath her eyelids as she heard herself sing the all-too appropriate lyrics and realized the two happy people in her vision were Angel and Buffy.
"I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories"
Her voice slightly strained as the tears streamed down her face. The happy couple were holding each other and getting a tan on Angel’s balcony. Cordelia could feel the warm sun shining down on them.
"I’m so tired that I can't sleep
Standing on the edge of something much too deep
It’s funny how I feel so much yet cannot say a word
We are screaming inside oh we can't be heard"
Cordelia couldn’t help a but let a small smile form on her lips at the sight of Angel’s smiling, tanned face in the sun.
"I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories"
She knew that the vision didn’t mean they were in trouble, it was showing her that Whistler was right. It was showing her that the past six months of misery weren’t for nothing, even if she didn’t like the price.
"So afraid to love you more afraid to lose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
Where once there was a darkness, a deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had oh you gave me life"
Her voice was holding up well in spite of the fact that she was crying. Although Buffy had everything Cordelia wanted now, Cordy couldn’t bring herself to hate Buffy. All she felt was unfairness.
‘Don’t I deserve some sort of happiness too?’ She thought as the last scene of her vision showed Buffy’s content face.
"I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories"
Cordelia finished as the vision faded. She opened her eyes as the bar began applauding and smiled nervously. Lorne motioned her back stage. Cordelia took a deep breath and walked off stage.
She wiped her tears from her face and surprisingly noted that Lorne had tears in his eyes.
"That was beautiful Cordelia." He said with a slightly teary voice.
Cordelia just smiled sadly.
"So, what do I do now?" She asked.
"Exactly what the little guy said."
"Who, Whistler?"
"Yeah, looks to me like you still have about five and a half months left of vacation."
"Lorne, no… I can’t just-"
"Cordelia, the powers have a plan for you, it’s just not time yet, things will get better for you… ever been to Hawaii?"
"What?" She asked, surprised.
"Go there for a few months, go have some fun, you have months of paid vacation ahead of you!"
"Lorne, I know they have a plan for me… vision wise I mean, but what about… the other stuff, I mean if Angel isn’t my soulmate, do I even have one?"
"Don’t worry cupcake, the powers have a plan for ‘the other stuff’ too, it’s just-"
"Not time yet, I know. Ok well, I guess I should go. Thanks Lorne." She said, hugged him, and turned to go.
"Hey kid, cheer up some, things will be better soon."
"I sure hope so." Cordy said sadly.
