Takira: Welcome to page one, everybody! I'm here, the party can begin!

Trunks: Who the hell are you?

Goten: *mutters* Mysterious Saiyajin from nowhere. Just go with it.

Trunks: Another one? *sighs* You know, it took a crowbar to get the last one off my leg...

Goten: *unsympathetic look* You'd rather be the meaningless sidekick?

Trunks: Well, it might be nice just as a change of scene...

Takira: Hey! Hello...I showed up, let's get things moving here!

Goten: *sighs* Fine, fine...so who are you and where'd you come from...*proceeds to plug ears as best he can*

*several hours of long-winded melodramatic explanation later*

Trunks: *emotionally drained--er, scratch that...beginning to doze off*

Goten: *watching with rapt attention: fell asleep with his eyes open*

Takira: ...and for my next trick...

Gohan: *shows up, looking confused* Tell me why I'm in this again.

Goten: *wakes up, blinks a few times* Er? Oh. *vague gesture* 'Cause the author couldn't figure out how to have you dead from the start.

Gohan: *looks spooked* Author? Where?

Trunks: *gives him a look* Take a wild guess, genius...another female showed up.

Gohan: Oh. Well, I guess that's okay--hang on. *eyes Takira* You're not one of those with that Piccolo "thing", are you?

Takira: *making faces* Of course not.

Gohan: Ah. So she's after Vegeta. Fine, I'll go get 'im...Bulma's not gonna be happy, guys.

Goten: *rubs temples* Vegeta's dead. So's dad.

Gohan: *blinks*

Takira: But I do have links to both, and...

Trunks: Spare us. You already had your pages upon pages of explanation.

Takira: *sticks out tongue* Watch your attitude, boy. Remember you'll have to deal with me later.

Goten: *mutters something that sounds suspciously like "paternity suit"* *gets smacked*

Gohan: Oh, so you're jumping Trunks?

Takira: *appalled* I am not "jumping Trunks"! I'm appealing to his protective instincts--

Trunks: --even after you screwed my father. Yeah, that's a pretty attractive thought.

Goten: *odd look* You're getting a little bitter there, Trunks...

Trunks: *snorts* Bitter? Why should I be bitter? I've only been married about a thousand times to these types...do you have any idea how many kids with purple hair and tails are out in cyberspace now? It's irresponsible!

Goten: At least she's not setting you up with Pan...

Trunks: AAAAAAARGH!

Takira: *taps foot* Can we get on with the plot now?

Gohan: Plot? I thought Mary Sues weren't allowed to have plot.

Goten: Relax, she's bluffing.

Takira: *stamps foot* I do so have a plot! It's...um...*waves hand and introduces all other living characters at once*

Tenshinhan: *looks around* Well, this is probably the last I'll see the light of day.

Chaozu: *wails* I'm doomed! Doomed, I tell you! She's out to get me! They're all out to GET me!!

Roshi: *looks at half-page script* So I cop a feel and then drop off the face of the Earth? Eh, I guess so...

Krillin: *looking confused* Honey, is it me or did Marron just get a lot younger?

Juuhachigou: Can't tell ya. Apparently, since I'm an android, I'm flat, dull, and utterly without useful information.

Bra: Didn't you have a brother?

Takira: Juunanagou? Oops--er, I mean, of course! He's...out in space, yeah.

Juuhachigou: *raises eyebrow* Doing what?

Takira: It's a secret.

Yamucha: *rolls eyes* "A secret", oh, sure...

Takira: *glares* Watch it, buddy.

Yamucha: *snorts* Why should I? I'm just cannon fodder anyhow.

Chaozu: *sighs* Welcome to the club.

Bulma: When did he move in with me, by the way? I don't recall giving permission...

Trunks: Ah, since...since otousan died, he...

Bulma: WHAT?! *whirls on Takira* You killed off my husband AND seduced my son? Bitch!

Takira: *makes a little mark in her notebook, looking smug* Congratulations, you've just earned back your smoking habit.

Chichi: This is tyranny! Where's my gun?

Takira: No gun for you. You're a serious character now.

Chichi: Oh, just freaking swell...*crosses arms and scowls* *after a moment, looks up* Waitaminute...what happened to Gohan?

Gohan: *staring blankly*

Goten: Author forgot about him again. He went into sleep mode. *pokes Gohan*

Gohan: *jumps* Urk? Uh...

Trunks: *dryly* Welcome back. You've missed nothing. Go back to sleep; I wish to hell I could join you.

Goten: Jeez, Trunks...get therapy, or something.

Takira: Hey, guys, stop moping and look what I did! I grew a tail!

Yamucha: Um...that's nice. Why?

Takira: *brightly* Vegeta did it!

Goten: Um...I know continuity means nothing to you, but didn't you say he was dead?

Vegeta: *grunts, wearing trademark halo* Am. Hell wasn't far enough, apparently. Next time I'll have to stay alive so I can kill her.

Takira: *doe-eyed* After all we meant to each other?

Vegeta: *weird look* I've never laid eyes on you before, onna. Get the hell away from me. Go pester Trunks or something.

Trunks: What?! Why do I always have to deal with the Mary Sues?

Vegeta: Because you were stupid enough to have been born bishounen, boy, don't whine to me about it. It's your mother's fault for giving you that stupid hair and eyes.

Trunks: And...this is supposed to offend me why?

Vegeta: *blinks* Huh? I thought...oh, you're the normal one, never mind.

Goten: *coughs* Normal?

Trunks: *glares*

Krillin: *raises hand tentatively* Am I the only one that noticed Tenshinhan and Chaozu disappear?

Takira: Pretty much. *scratches them off her list*

Trunks: What did they ever to you? Why are you doing this?!

Goten: Trunks, calm down...

Trunks: This is insane! She has no RIGHT...*foaming at the mouth*

Goten: *glares at Takira* Now look what you did. You know, it really isn't healthy for you people to keep doing these things to him.

Takira: *raises eyebrow* *makes another mark in her notebook and Goten disappears*

Trunks: AAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

Gohan: *blinks* I wasn't the first to die? That's new.

Chichi: *sighs* I'd better go gather Dragonballs.

Takira: Go right ahead. They won't do you any good for long. *cackles*

Krillin: Would you mind not doing that? It's scaring Marron.

Takira: *blinks* Oh, sorry. I keep forgetting you have her.

Juuhachigou: *snorts*

Marron: *coos, gurgles, and makes baby sounds*

Takira: *decides she likes babies...they're easy to write* *conjures one out of thin air*

Kabu: *blinks at all present* The hell... *kicks, fusses and starts crying*

Trunks: *sighs* You and me both, kid.

Takira: Relax. I've arranged for a caretaker. *procures Juunanagou from wherever it was she stowed him*

Juunanagou: You are NOT leaving me with the brat.

Takira: But you're so good with children...

Juunanagou: ...

Takira: *hands over Kabu*

Kabu: *screeching*

Juunanagou: Ugh! Get this thing away from me!

Takira: Now, now, you know you like him...

Juunanagou: *holding Kabu at arms' length and grimacing*

Juuhachigou: *snickers*

Juunanagou: *glares* Don't even start...

Yamucha: *shaking Gohan* Um...guys? He's not looking so good over here...

Takira: Oh, well, I was sick of him and didn't want to just kill him, so...*shrugs*

Yamucha: So...?

Takira: So he's kind of brain-dead. In my personal opinion it's not so much of a change as you'd think.

Trunks: *proceeds to go ballistic*

Goten: *waving hand frantically* Um, guys, I'm back, what happened? Hello?

Trunks: *shrieks and attacks Takira, slashing her to bits* *whoops and stands over the remains, panting*

Others: *stare*

Trunks: *crazed smile* We're free now! All we need to do is get the author in here to set things right, and--

Goten: Trunks, that was the author.

Trunks: *blinks* *looks down at Takira* *back up the rest* *back down at Takira*

Goten: Well...

Trunks: ...shit.