I laughed so hard and begged her to post it to the site. Susan has recently joined her husband at their volunteer fire department. This is a fictional letter to Mike Stoker, as a way of recounting some of her tales and adventures (so far) as a volunteer firefighter.
~cathie
Dear Mike;
This is to inform you that, being completely (un) authorized, I am pulling you from retirement with the fire service. Be advised that you will of course keep all retirement benefits from Los Angeles County (simply because I have no funds to pay you with & we are a volunteer service). This is being mandated on my (in) ability to order you to move here, join the department, and be my mentor while the other members are serving the department.
It has become apparent you will be needed to pay close attention to this "probie in waiting" for the following reasons:
1) While running her mouth to her husband that the fire department and trucks were filthy, she is completely blind to what she was volunteering to do. Even after saying, "What else do we have to do today?”
Article A: Clean 4 trucks, clean the 5 bay apparatus area, clean the bathroom (where's Chet when you need him!), sweep the meeting room, & roll and load 450 feet of hose. Reward was given, however, we had to take the "Beast" out in town (this being the 10 crew cab 45 foot long pumper).
Article B: Having been informed they wish to have me learn pump operations, which includes driving the trucks, does not realize trucks must be pulled out of the station to be washed! This "probie” is then ordered into 3 of the trucks and instructed to pull said vehicles from the bay area! (Sub article: probie recovered nicely from nervous breakdown and did not wreck costly equipment!).
2) The 36-hour fire training class is to start November. Having glanced at the material Probie (as she will now be referred to) has realized there is a lot more to pump operations than first meets the eye! {Good grief Michael how did you keep all that info in your head and pay attention to everything else an Engineer did- then became a Captain!?}. Said Probie will be in desperate need of 24 hour coaching. Be advised you will not be on duty 24 hours a day for this, as her husband, who is 240 hour certified instructor, will be drilling the info into her head - there's an underlying joke in there isn't there?
Regarding joining a volunteer department, however, be advised you will be "on duty" 24 hours a day - more or less. Plans you make, regardless of what they are, become second place to the fire alarm. You will receive no pay, other than the satisfaction you feel helping your neighbors. Anything you have to do the next day is of no importance during a night call that has you out the entire night (much like a paid department - as I am sure you recall).
You will, of course, need to
move to this area. Slight warning, not a whole lot goes on here.
If you are bored, you are welcome to visit Probie's house, as she has the
entire collection of EMERGENCY! tapes (except for "Firehouse Quintet" that
she is going to have to beg her Canadian friends to tape for her!).
I will of course have to inform Jaime, Cathie, & Nancy that
you are here, because they
would kill me right after throwing me out of the "Stoker Battalion".
Now I understand you need to go and start packing for your move here. Please report to Probie upon your arrival. You will recognize her as the person lying beside the Pumper she is instructed to drive through town – as she will probably have fainted! {Another "Good grief Michael! - How in the world did you ever get used to driving those massive trucks! The "Beast" - as I loving call her- has her front wheels behind the driver so you feel like you are turning WAY too late! Oh Lord, please let there always be a driver available! That's IT!!! Mike, you come here and be my driver and then stand beside me during a fire supervising my pump operations - OK people---stop that snickering--that's NOT what I meant! - hee hee}.
This closes my fake letter to Mike Stoker! Talk to you all later!
Susan
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