His attention wandered more and more during the exercises, and Ramos called him on it several times. Nick would refocus for a few minutes, then his mind would start to wander again. Over and over, Aaron’s words and the remnants of his dream rolled around his head, and they began to jumble together to form this overwhelming mantra that he would never be good enough if he wasn’t a Backstreet Boy.
Meredith watched as he slowly pulled in on himself. He would screw up an assignment, and she would make him do pushups and then correct his mistake. He would talk back, and she would make him do pushups and then apologize.
The last straw occurred late in the afternoon. She and Nick had teamed up to work through the woods and try to come up behind Singleton and Lane to try and outflank them, taking them as prisoners. No matter how many times she motioned for him to lay low or remain silent, he continually screwed up the exercise. After the fifth time of being tossed by the Seals, she looked at him and ordered the latest round of pushups. The rest of her group was working with Curran on the other side of the field and only caught glimpses of the two, which made them glad they weren’t anywhere close.
Nick sighed as he lowered his body to the ground for another round. She asked so much of him, moreso than the others it seemed. She rode him hard, expected him to live up to some expectation he wasn’t even sure he could see it was so high. The past few weeks had been hard on all of them, but they’d made it. Now, it was like they’d kicked into high gear, and every moment was like some impossible hurdle they had to cross. She’d been right when she said that if they survived this, touring would never be a problem again.
It got to the point that Nick stopped counting the number of times Meredith made him drop to the ground and do pushups in penance for something he’d done or failed to do. After about the two-hundredth pushup he’d done that day, Nick dropped to the ground and laid there, face down in the dirt.
“What’s the matter, Carter? You tired? Ready to give up?” Meredith crouched in front of him, dirt streaks smudging her skin.
“No.” His voice was small.
“I don’t believe you. I think you’re ready to turn tail and run. That you can’t cut it anymore.”
She did not yell, but the words ricocheted around his brain as if she’d screamed them through a megaphone. In his mind, he didn’t hear Meredith, he heard his mother’s voice ragging him again and again and again.
At that moment, he wanted nothing more than to beat the hell out of his mother and make her hurt as much as she had made him hurt. He wanted to make her understand that he was worthy in his own right, just as he was. He didn’t have to be part of the group to matter, that he could survive, he could make it, and he could do it on his own. More than anything, he wanted to prove his mother wrong.
As he laid there, the thoughts racing through his head, Meredith began to worry. She worked him hard because she knew that he could do it, if he’d just get over that damned impossible attitude of his that covered a walloping sense of insecurity and a lack of self confidence in Nick Carter, regular guy. She watched as he curled his fingers into the mud and shifted his body.
“Fuck you.” His voice was stronger, and he moved to get up.
“What was that? I don’t think I heard you.” Her face was devoid of expression, but inside she was jumping for joy that he was fighting back.
Pulling himself up to his hands and knees, Nick looked at Meredith. Mud covered his face, camouflaging everything but the blue of his eyes filled with the cold light of determination.
“Fuck. You.”
“Only if you’re very, very lucky.” The two of them were practically nose to nose as they stared each other down.
For several seconds they looked at each other. Nick finally closed his eyes and sat back on his heels, wiping his hand across his face. What dirt his hands didn’t wipe away, the tears were doing on their own. Reaching out, she brushed her thumbs under his eyes and removed the last traces of tear tracks in the mud. Standing, she reached out to him.
He looked at the outstretched hand, then looked up into her eyes. For once in his life, after being asked if he was going to quit or being told he couldn’t make it, he wasn’t looking into a face that held condemnation or disappointment or disgust. He was looking into a face full of acceptance and pride and even love.
His hand settled in hers, and he let her help him off the ground, helping him dust himself off and stand tall.
In that moment, Nick found what he’d been missing most of his life---acceptance of himself.
**BsB**BsB**BsB**
On Tuesday, Meredith introduced hand-to-hand combat to the group. For this, she took them to the gym and set up mats on the floor to help cut down on the number of bumps and bruises that would accumulate from being thrown around.
AJ was wiry, and Hawkins showed him several moves to escape if attacked by people larger than themselves. He did the same thing with Brian and Howie, helping all three use their smaller size to outmaneuver bigger opponents. Ramos and Leary worked with Kevin and Nick, since all four were close in size. Several times, Ramos had to push Nick past his fear of hurting someone. Since the young man was still growing into himself, he was unsure of what he could do and was afraid of causing somebody else pain.
Even after the others took a break, Ramos and Nick continued to work on chokeholds, pressure points, and throws. When lunchtime rolled around, the group slowly made its way to the mess hall to grab something to eat.
As Brian sank down onto the bench, he let his head fall into his hands. “I hurt all over.”
“Told you you’d appreciate that hot tub.” Meredith twisted her neck, sighing as she popped it.
He looked at her, leaving his head resting in one hand. “I may have to move in there.”
She just laughed.
After lunch, Meredith took them on a long walk back to the gym, where they continued practicing. To let them get a feel for different sized opponents, Curran switched people around.
Kevin was surprised when Meredith appeared in front of him.
“What’s the matter, Richardson? Afraid I’m going to hurt you?” She looked up at him, her hands on her hips.
“I don’t want to hurt…”
He never got the chance to finish his sentence as she swept his legs from beneath him, pinning him to the floor with one arm around his throat and her other hand buried in his hair holding his head back. Leaning close, she whispered into his ear.
“Never, *ever* underestimate a woman and her ability to take you down.”
He nodded as much as he could, and she released him, hopping up and out of the way. Rolling over, Kevin sat up and just looked at her.
“When did we start?”
Meredith shook her head. “Don’t expect your opponent to bow and ask if you’re ready. If you do that, someone will either be standing by your bed in ICU or identifying you in the morgue. Your problem is that you’re not thinking beyond the paradigm of your world, and that could possibly get you killed.”
Crouching next to him, she looked around the room, gesturing with her hand. “You don’t use this stuff if your girlfriend gets insulted. You use this when you have someone coming at you with an intent to cause you serious pain. This is kill or be killed.”
She got up and moved away, leaving him to sit there and wonder what he’d managed to get himself into. Curran paired her with Brian, and he ended up with his face in the mat and her knee in his back as she twisted his arm behind him. He tried to move, but hissed in pain when moving only caused his arm to twist even more.
“I realize that your mother taught you not to hit girls, but you’re going to have to get over that really quick.” Meredith released his arm, and he rolled over onto his back to stare into her face.
Because it was so late in the day, she decided to work with just one more man. AJ was the next choice, and Meredith was shocked to find herself sliding across the mat before she knew what was happening. Rolling quickly, she evaded his legs and shifted into a crouch position to watch him. They circled each other, lunging quickly or dodging jabs.
“You don’t seem to have a problem, McLean. Why is that?” Meredith managed to knock his legs out from under him, but couldn’t pin him down long enough to get him into a chokehold.
AJ grabbed her leg and tugged, narrowly missing being kicked in the head by her other leg. “I grew up in a house full of women. I know *exactly* how much damage you can do.”
They continued to wrestle until Meredith slid her leg between his and nudged his balls, startling him enough that she managed to flip them both over and pin him. She cocked an eyebrow at the man beneath her until he conceded. When she stood up, she straddled him, towering there with her hands on her hips.
“You know, this completely destroys an fantasy I’ve ever had about being dominated by a woman.”
Meredith could only hold her laughter for so long. “McLean, do you ever take anything seriously?”
His expression sobered as he looked up at her. “You. I take you seriously.”
She stepped over him and reached out a hand to help him off the ground. Meredith held onto his fingers for a moment, enjoying the strength there.
“Thank you.”
“My pleasure.”
Desire was beginning to form a tangible web around them, and Meredith knew that, before he walked out of her life forever, she would take him to her bed.
**BsB**BsB**BsB**
Wednesday and Thursday were more of the same---hand-to-hand, weapons, PT, running, field maneuvers, and working with their Seal counterparts. Meredith kept them moving from activity to activity, never letting them settle into a discernible schedule so that they could anticipate what she would make them do next.
On Friday, Meredith let the Seals take the guys to their dive tank to learn a little bit about planting explosives on ships and to also visit their obstacle course to see what actual Seal training was like. They came away from the experience awed and stunned at the amount of rigorous training applicants had to face before qualifying as a Seal.
As a reward for their work that week, Team 2 told the group they would treat them that night at Joe’s. Meredith and the guys made their way home, grabbed a quick bite of dinner, and changed clothes to spend the evening at the bar. When they arrived, they found the team ensconced at some tables in the back.
Hawkins and Leary got up to get the drinks while the new arrivals pulled up chairs. When the two Seals returned and passed out drinks, Curran held up his glass.
“To surviving the training.”
“Hoo-yah!” “Amen.” “Oh, yeah.” A chorus of assents accompanied the clinking of bottles and glasses as they toasted the end of another week.
Before long, people started drifting to various other groups that had shown up. Meredith headed off to talk to some friends, while AJ and Brian tested their luck at one of the available pool tables. Nick headed for the video games, as the Seals scattered as well, going to visit other teams or check out the available women. Howie and Kevin sat back and watched their friends.
“How’s Supply, guys?” Chris looked at the two Backstreet Boys as he and Lance sat down at a nearby table.
“Not bad.” Kevin took a drink of his beer to hide his smile. “How’s the flying?”
“Not bad.” Chris hid his frustration at the fact they hadn’t been allowed near a plane in the almost four weeks they’d been there.
They both looked over to find Nick and Justin arguing near the end of the bar. Kevin stood up.
“Better separate them before the SPs get called.”
All four men stood and walked over, just as Meredith showed up. “Problem, gentlemen?”
“No, ma’am.” Nick blew out his frustration in a heavy sigh.
“Dream on, Carter. You’re so wrong.” Justin smirked.
“What are you wrong about, Carter?” Meredith took a drink of her water and stared at the youngest member of her team.
“Justin’s trying to convince me that it takes incredible talent do what we do. I told him that was bullshit, and that I thought anyone could do it with the proper training. Hell, look at that show ‘Making the Band’.” Nick looked at his commanding officer.
Justin piped in. “Yeah, right, anyone could it. Anyone like who? Her?” He pointed to Meredith and chuckled.
Meredith looked at the young man from ‘N Sync and tilted her head. “What exactly do I have to do?”
Both men were surprised. Justin recovered first and looked around the bar. He saw the small stage and karaoke machine in the corner, only slightly covered with dust. “You gotta do a song, complete with dance moves.”
“That’s it?” She looked him up and down. “Can my team provide backup?”
“You have to sing the majority of the song; but, yeah, they can be up there with you.” Justin smiled as Chris shook his head.
Meredith stared at both teams, then looked over at the karaoke machine. “And I get to change the gender of the song, if it’s necessary?”
By this time, both teams had clustered around Meredith, and each of them was confused by the question.
“Huh?” Brian looked at her.
“Well, if I choose a song that has the word ‘girl’ in it, I’m not gonna sing ‘girl’ because it wouldn’t be appropriate. I’ll say boy or baby or just oooh if necessary.”
“Yeah, you can change the gender.”
“What do I get when I win?” Meredith looked at Justin.
“Umm, what do you want?”
She grinned, the smile making the young man nervous. “You. I get you and your team for the weekend to do whatever I want. We perform next Friday night, here. Crowd gets to judge. Deal?”
Justin shook her hand without even consulting his bandmates. JC took the young man aside and slapped the back of his head as Meredith and the Backstreet Boys walked off.
“Justin, you are *such* an idiot.” He sighed as he looked at his friend.
“Oh, c’mon. Do you really think she can do it?”
“I think we’re in deep shit.” JC looked over at Meredith, catching her eye. She lifted her glass in salute and smiled.
“Very deep shit.”
Meredith and the guys sat down at the table, and Kevin looked at her. “So which song are you doing?”
“Bye, Bye, Bye.”
Howie choked on his drink. “You’re doing one of their songs?”
She chuckled. “Of course. They’d expect me to do one of yours. Besides, it’s the only one of theirs I know, and I’ve got some ideas on what to do. Who’s going to get up there with me?”
They all looked at each other, then at Meredith. Brian smiled as each guy raised his glass, remembering Curran say that Seals don’t leave team members. “No one gets left behind.”
“Hoo-yah!”
**BsB**BsB**BsB**
On their way home, Nick looked over at Meredith as he drove the Porsche. “What kind of ideas?”
“Well, you know how they’re marionettes at the beginning of the video? At the beginning and end of the song, there’s a ‘bye, bye, bye’ phrase. At the beginning, I’d like us to be bent over at the waist, just kind of dangling our arms. At each bye, we raise up so that by the time the music really gets going, we’re in a position to dance. At the end, we just reverse the move so we’re hanging back down at the end. I also like that bobbing thing they do with their heads during the chorus, as well as the banging fists part.”
As she started to get into the whole idea, they pulled into the garage and got out of the car. Walking into the kitchen, they found the other four sitting around the table eating cookies Irene had left.
“I also really like that movement y’all do in the homecoming concert during the second verse of ‘That’s the Way I Like It’. That whole moving in unison is just really amazing.”
“What are you talking about?” AJ swallowed the rest of his coffee.
“Ideas for the song.” Nick grabbed a chair and turned it around so he could rest his arms on the back. “What else do you think is amazing?”
Thinking, an image popped into her head, and she laughed.
“What?” Brian was curious now.
“I was just thinking about ‘The One’ video where Kevin does that body roll thing. I thought I’d have to hose Irene off after that. I swear she rewound the video and played it over and over again until it was just about worn out. That was pretty amazing.”
It was Kevin’s turn to blush, and they laughed at him.
Clearing his throat, Kevin looked around at the group. “First off, I think there are a couple of things we need to discuss.”
“Like?” Nick grabbed a cookie, accepting a glass of milk from Meredith.
Kevin turned to look at Meredith. “Can you sing?”
“I’ve been known to.”
“Can you dance?”
“I’ve been known to do that too.” She grinned at him.
He sighed and shook his head. “Guess we need to go out and get the song so we can figure out what we’re going to do.”
“Already got that taken care of.” She stood and disappeared, returning a few moments later and dropping a disc on the table.
“It’s an import single, and it’s got an instrumental version of the song as Track 2.”
“You own one of their CDs?” Brian looked shocked, shaking his head at the betrayal.
“Just the single. I can’t even tell you what the third song on there sounds like, ‘cause I’ve only really listened to ‘Bye, Bye, Bye’. Who’s going to sing what?”
“You’ve got to do most of it.” Howie leaned back in his chair.
“Yeah, JC sings the first verse, and Justin sings that little bridge thing after that. I think they all sing parts of the chorus. Guess I’ll have to do the second verse, and don’t JC and Justin both sing the bridge the second time?”
AJ pointed to Nick. “He’ll do Justin’s parts.”
“What do you mean, I’ll do them.” Nick stared at the other man.
“Hey, you got us into this.”
“Did not. Meredith got us into this.” Nick pouted, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Regardless, we’re in it, so we’ll just go from there. Now, Nick, do you want to sing Justin’s parts---or at least the parts you’ll be allowed to sing so that I don’t lose this bet?”
“Yeah, I’ll do it.”
“Okay, tell us your ideas about the moves.” Kevin leaned forward as Nick and Meredith went over everything they’d discussed.
They decided they’d have no problem with the beginning or the ending moves, nor with the chorus parts. They did agree to sleep on it to see if they could come up with some ideas for the rest of the song.
**BsB**BsB**BsB**
Meredith opened her eyes and stretched, glad it was Saturday. She decided that swimming was the most workout she had any enthusiasm for and got out of bed. Slipping into a suit, she padded into the kitchen and heard music coming from the den. Walking into the room after getting a glass of juice, she found AJ watching the video for “Bye, Bye, Bye” and scribbling down notes. Leaning over the back of the sofa, she whispered in his ear.
“Whatcha doing?”
He didn’t even jump when he heard her voice, and she gave him credit for realizing that she was in the room.
“Working on choreography.” He hit the stop button on the VCR and leaned back so that their cheeks brushed together.
That soft touch was enough to electrify her body, and she felt her nipples harden in response. He looked into her face and moved a bit closer as if to kiss her. She bit her lip and closed her eyes when they heard someone approaching. Both of them pulled away and sighed.
“What are you guys doing?” Howie walked into the room, noticing the tension between the two of them.
“McLean was getting ready to show me his choreography for the song. How long have you been up, anyway?”
“Couple of hours. Couldn’t sleep.” AJ shrugged, then stood up and stretched. His t-shirt rode up, and Meredith caught a glance as the 69 tattooed on his belly. She stared at it, and he noticed her looking.
“What is it?”
“Just looking at your tattoo.”
“My favorite number.”
“What a coincidence. It’s mine, too.” She grinned at him, then at Howie as the other man choked on his coffee.
Nick bounced into the room, followed by Brian and Kevin. “Hey, guys. What’s up?”
“AJ’s choreographed the song, I think.” Howie just looked at the two people who had gone back to staring at each other.
“Let’s see it.” Kevin sat down on the sofa, and everyone else grabbed a seat.
AJ turned on the stereo and started the CD. He started off as Meredith wanted, bent over at the waist and arms dangling, raising his body in sharp movements to the first “bye, bye, bye” phrase. He moved through the song, showing them the moves the group would do while Meredith sang. Then, he went back and showed them specific movements he thought Meredith and Nick should do while singing their parts. He finished it as he started, bent over and arms dangling as the music faded.
There was silence before Meredith started clapping. “I have one request, though.”
“What’s that?” AJ wiped his face with a towel.
“Can I stand behind you guys when you do that body roll thing?” She grinned and bobbed her eyebrows before Nick and Kevin each hit her with a pillow.
“Hey, no hitting the star.”
“Yeah, right.” The rest of them joined in hitting her with pillows.
“You guys want to practice it?” AJ grabbed his bottle of water and downed half of it.
“I need a swim first to wake up. Then I’ll be ready to practice.”
“I hope you got plenty of rest. You’re going to need it.” Nick smiled at her.
“Why do I feel like you’re viewing this as payback?” She stared up at him, not missing the gleam in his eye.
“Because I am.” He stared back at her.
The swim that morning was the last bit of relaxation Meredith had that weekend, as the five men took great pleasure in putting her in their shoes and working her hard.
Table of Contents
Chapter Sixteen