He thought back to when they had been poorer than dirt, and he felt they had been happier. Then, as his talent emerged, he was viewed less as a child and more as a commodity. The more he worked and made money, the less his mother cared about him—unless it was directly related to his ability to bring in a paycheck.
He didn’t want to rock the fragile boat that was his family, so he buried his resentment; keeping a tight lid on the pain and anger that rolled through him. No one in the group ever mentioned the skewed relationship between mother and son, but he was fairly sure they had discussed it with each other. He thought he had resigned himself to strained conversations with his mother that were based on how much he would be sending her as a result of his success as a Backstreet Boy.
Because he had spent almost half his life with the group, it was hard to see himself outside that context. She had spent so much time telling him that he was worthless without the others, that he would never be able to do anything on his own, he started to believe her. He remained quiet in interviews for fear of saying something that would make the others throw him out of the group. When he did speak and messed up what he was trying to say, he was treated to a scathing phone call from his mother about his stupidity or his clumsiness or how he looked. After a call like that, he usually buried himself in his stash of junk food and ate until he was sick. He thought Brian suspected the reason for his weight gains in the past years. He’d finally figured out he had to work out twice as hard to get rid of the weight, and the fact that his mother was focused on Aaron cut back on the number of binges.
He had also lost himself in the music as a solace for the heartache. It hadn’t been working before the training, and that scared him. Meeting Meredith had finally pulled the blinders from his eyes. Succeeding in the training, the realization that he could do it on his own had been an epiphany. He had survived—physically, mentally, and emotionally. Doing so well in the war games had given him an extraordinary thrill. Being taken hostage had scared the hell out of him, but he had gotten through it. Holding off the rebels had scared him even more, and getting shot was something he never wanted to experience again.
His mind quickly pointed out that his mother had not even called to check on him, and he chalked it up as another example of how little he actually meant to her. Another sigh escaped him, and he leaned back in his chair.
For a long time, he had wondered what he had done to keep his mother from loving him. Now, he was beginning to realize that it wasn’t him at all. Instead of feeling relieved that it wasn’t his fault, all he felt was a deep, aching sadness in his heart.
Moving slowly, as if he had aged twenty years in the span of an evening, Nick walked into his bedroom and fell onto the bed. Sleep took a while to come, and when it did, there was no real comfort in it.
***Backstreet Boys***
His eyes popped open in the pre-dawn light. Rolling over, he stretched, his world peaceful for a few brief moments before the memories came tumbling back. Sitting up, Nick glanced around his room, his eyes falling on the pictures of family that dotted the furniture in his room.
He stood up, reaching out to pick up a picture of himself and his mother taken not long after he had joined the group. Now that he looked at it, he finally saw what he imagined the others saw. Brushing the glass softly with his fingertips, he laid the picture on the bed. He went around the room, removing every picture of his mother, even if it contained other family members. He left the pictures of his sisters and brother, even leaving a few of his father out.
Walking out into the hall, he trailed his fingers down the wall until he reached the collection of family photographs. He carefully took each picture down, adding it to the pile on his bed. It took him an hour to remove all traces of Jane from his sight. Unable to throw the photos away, he packed them in a box and stored them in the very back of a closet in one of the empty guest rooms.
As he headed toward the stairs, he pressed his hand against an empty spot, grimacing as he realized that it aptly described his heart. He walked into the kitchen and made some coffee, taking a cup outside when it finished brewing.
Stretching out in a chair, he watched the sun fill the horizon, casting a golden hue across the world. In the beginning of a new day, he prayed for a little peace.
***Backstreet Boys***
When Meredith awoke the next morning, she slipped on a t-shirt and shorts before wandering downstairs. As she walked by the wall that held pictures of Nick’s family, she stopped abruptly. Every photograph of Jane had been removed. Placing her hand on an empty spot, she stood there for a moment and closed her eyes. Continuing on her way, she walked into the kitchen to find a pot of coffee already brewed. As she poured a cup, she looked out the window and saw Nick sitting at the patio table with a cup of his own.
Walking outside, she set her cup down on the table and moved behind Nick, placing her hands on his shoulders. His left hand came up to rest on hers, gripping it tightly.
“How are you feeling, Munchkin?”
“I’m okay…Mom.” He hesitated over the word.
“You don’t have to call me that anymore that if it makes you uncomfortable.” She stroked his head with her free hand.
“No.” He choked out the word then took a deep breath. “She told me that you were the only mom I had left.”
His hands fell into his lap, and his body began to shake lightly with the sobs he tried to hide. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, resting her cheek on his head as she rocked them back and forth.
“Oh, sweetie, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen.”
“It’s not your fault, Meredith. It’s been coming for a long time. If it wasn’t you, it would be something else. And if it had been something else, I wouldn’t have you to catch me when I fall.” Nick tilted his head back to look at her, the tears dripping from his cheeks.
Meredith looked down at him, her thumbs brushing away the tears as they fell. She leaned down and pressed a kiss to his forehead before looking into his eyes.
“I will catch you when you fall, and I’ll stand beside you when you get back up. I’ll hold your hand when you cry, and I’ll cheer when you succeed. I’ll be there for good times and bad times and all the in between times.”
Nick pulled her around to the side of the chair, wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his head against her belly. “Thanks, Mom.”
***Backstreet Boys***
She sat down beside him, and they talked for a few more minutes before Brian joined them. The three of them began to discuss what they wanted to do that day, and Meredith and Nick immediately voted for sailing. Brian agreed, glad to see his best friend in a happier frame of mind.
AJ walked outside nursing a cup of coffee and sat down next to Meredith, kissing her good morning. He smiled at his friends.
“What’s on the agenda for today?”
“Sailing.” Meredith and Nick spoke at the same time, much to the amusement of the others.
Nick looked at his watch and stood up. “I’ve got to make a couple of phone calls. Who’s making breakfast?
Brian volunteered, and Nick grinned before he walked into the house. When he saw that his friend was out of sight, Brian turned to Meredith.
“What happened to the pictures?”
AJ looked at her, too, and Meredith sighed. “I think he’s cutting her out of his life. You’ll have to ask him the specifics on what she said, but I think he’s finally calling it quits.”
“Oh, shit.” AJ closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead.
“Yeah, that about sums it up.” She leaned against him, taking his coffee cup and sipping the warm liquid.
Brian got up and walked into the kitchen to start breakfast. He put some bacon into a skillet to fry, loading the toaster with bread. Pulling out a bowl, he broke some eggs and added a little milk before scrambling them. Preparing his pan, he poured the beaten eggs into it and started stirring.
AJ and Meredith came in, and he started to help Brian while she went up to take a shower. Nick walked back into the kitchen as they were cooking.
“Yeah, five thousand in each. Send me the papers, and I’ll sign them. Yeah, my address. I’ll make sure they get the cards. Look, Jack, you’re my accountant, not a family counselor.”
Nick scribbled some notes on a pad of paper. “Yeah, thanks, Jack. When can I expect them? I’ll be out on the bay most of the day. I’ll sign them, get them witnessed, and drop them off at your office tonight. Okay. Bye.”
He hung up the phone, biting his lip as he stared at what he had written.
“Everything okay, Frack?”
The young man looked up and noticed Brian and AJ preparing the food. “Yeah, it’s cool, Frick. Where’s Merry?”
“Showering. She should be down in a few minutes.”
Nick poured juice and milk for everyone and set the table. The place settings were a mix-match of styles. He looked at them and cringed. “So much for matching dishes.”
Meredith walked into the room as he spoke, braiding her hair as she walked. “Eclectic is a good look, too, you know.”
He dropped an arm across her shoulders and kissed her cheek. “Always got an answer, doncha?”
“I try, sweetie.” She patted his stomach as she sat down.
AJ and Brian set out the food and joined the other two at the table. Nick looked around the table before bowing his head.
“Lord, I thank you for the beauty of today, for the food you have given us, and for the family you’ve brought into my life. Amen.”
“Amen”s followed his as they dug into breakfast. After the food was consumed and the dishes were cleaned, the guys went up and showered, leaving Meredith to surround herself with pugs on the living room floor.
AJ walked back into the room twenty minutes later to find the dogs settled on either side of her as they watched Rin Tin Tin, K9 Cop. Meredith was lying on her stomach, her knees bent and her feet circling in the air. The dogs were stretched out on their bellies on each side of her, two per side. He grabbed his camera and took some pictures.
He chuckled, and five pairs of eyes turned to look at him. Meredith grinned. “You going to stand there all day, or are you going to join us?”
“You think the dogs will let me?” He walked over to her and noticed that the dogs didn’t move an inch.
Shrugging, he kneeled and settled himself on the back of her thighs, leaning back on her legs. Brian and Nick walked in and started laughing at the sight in front of them. The pugs jumped up and raced over to Nick, wiggling around as they waited for him to feed them. He poured the food into their bowls, made sure they had plenty of water, and then gathered supplies for their day on the boat.
“What kind of music do we want?” AJ looked through Nick’s CD collection.
“Journey.” “James Taylor.” “Beach Boys.”
Sighing, he grabbed a little bit of everything and tossed it in their bag, along with their sunscreen, towels, some books, and a notebook. His muse had been whispering to him, and he wanted to make sure he had something to write on if she called.
Nick and Brian had filled the cooler, and they carried it down to the dock as Meredith and AJ closed up the house.
“Cast off.” Nick gave the order, and Meredith quickly untied her line. Brian and AJ had a little more difficulty, but they soon released their lines.
Nick used the motor to ease them out into the bay, then idled the engine and prepared to unfurl the sails. They sat in the water facing into the wind, and Nick stood there for a moment to let the breeze ruffle his hair and drive away his worries. Grinning, he turned to Meredith.
“Is the crew ready to hoist the sails?”
Meredith grinned back and saluted. “Aye, Captain. She’s ready to run free in the wind.”
Brian and AJ stayed out of the way and watched the pure joy on the faces of the other two as they raised the mainsail and then the jib. As the sails “luffed”, Meredith and Nick held the jib out to port until the wind hit the port side of the sail. As the wind filled the canvas, the two men near the helm felt the boat turn to the right and watched as the both sails caught the air. When they had settled into a 45-degree angle to catch the breeze, Nick and Meredith trimmed the jib on the starboard side. They moved back to join AJ and Brian.
Nick grabbed the wheel, keeping them at an angle to the wind pushing them through the water, as Meredith and AJ cuddled on a bench. Brian watched his friend and rejoiced in the peace he saw there.
***Backstreet Boys***
It was a perfectly beautiful day on a perfectly beautiful boat. They lounged around, swam in the ocean, and slept. AJ’s muse did whisper to him, and when she was finished, he had a new poem and the lyrics to a new song.
Nick and Meredith took in the sails, and they motored back to the dock. When they got to the house, Nick found the envelope laying on the dining room table, knowing his cleaning lady would have left it there while she was straightening up and taking care of the dogs.
He opened the large envelope and studied the papers in front of him. “Hey, Bri, can you come here a minute?”
Brian walked over, looking curious. “Whatcha need, Frack?”
“I need you to witness me signing this stuff. Then, after dinner, I need to drop them off at Jack’s office.” Nick scrawled his signature at the bottom of the page.
Brian signed the papers, only getting a glimpse of them. He saw enough to know that Nick was making some major changes that were going to cause a whirlwind.
The four of them piled into Nick’s Durango and headed for a little Mexican restaurant he liked, where they managed to forget about the previous night’s events. Nick drove down to his accountant’s office, slipping the signed papers into the door slot. He brushed aside their questions with a smile, taking Meredith on a tour of the city. An hour later, he pulled into his driveway, and they headed into the house. The long day of sailing and the good dinner they had sent all of them to bed early.
***Backstreet Boys***
Kevin and Irene showed up the next morning. AJ opened the front door to the sight of Kevin standing there with Irene tossed over his shoulder.
“Hey, Bone.” The older man smiled, totally nonchalant about the fact he was carrying his girlfriend.
Irene shifted around and waved at AJ, her hand resting on Kevin’s hip. AJ just shook his head and opened the door further to allow the couple inside. Kevin walked by Brian, ignoring his cousin’s gasp. He walked by Meredith as she stirred the pot of chili sitting on the stove.
“Hey, Merry.”
“Kevin. Irene.” She watched as they left the kitchen, Looking out the window, she saw Kevin stroll past a startled Nick to stand next to the deep end of the pool.
AJ and Brian moved to stand beside her.
“What’s he doing?” Brian whispered.
“Payback I’d imagine.” Meredith grinned.
“Wonder what she did.” AJ rubbed his chin as the watched the couple.
Kevin lulled Irene into a false sense of security, then dropped her into the pool. Her shriek was silenced by the water, and she sputtered when she came up. Swimming to the ladder, she climbed out and stared at her boyfriend. She walked toward the house then veered quickly to her left to wrap herself around Kevin’s body. The other four watched as he smiled and slid his arms around her, pulling her close for a heart-stopping kiss.
“Didn’t think you could use high heat on those clothes.”
The amused voice interrupted their embrace, and the couple turned to find Meredith standing in front of them.
“Thirsty?” She held up two glasses of tea.
They grinned and took the glasses, sipping the cold liquid gratefully.
“I need to change.” Irene set her glass down on the patio table.
“I’ll grab the bags. Which room is free, Nick?”
“One and two are taken.” He looked up from his book.
The two disappeared into the house. Irene waited in the foyer until Kevin retrieved their bags. He led her up the stairs and stopped abruptly when he saw the missing photos. Irene saw the empty picture hangers.
“Where are the pictures?”
“Appears that all the ones with Jane are gone.” He continued toward a guest room.
While Irene changed, Kevin stood at the window and looked down on his little brother. They walked back downstairs, stopping in the kitchen.
“What happened?” He looked at his friends for answers.
“Jane happened. Called and blessed Merry out, then said something to Nick when he got on the phone. He hung up, then swept all the dishes off the counter.” Brian stopped and took a breath, looking up at his cousin with worried eyes.
“Kevin, he cried.”
Kevin’s head swung around from his study of their friend, his eyes growing wide. “Shit. This is bad.”
He walked out the back door, closing it firmly behind him. The others watched as he strolled across the patio and sat down next to his friend.
**Backstreet Boys***
Nick had set his book aside and was lying back in his chair, his eyes hidden by sunglasses. Kevin relaxed into his chair, leaning his head back and closing his eyes as he soaked up the sun.
“You are the only man I’ve ever known who can say more without ever saying a word.”
“Thank you.” Kevin grinned, but his eyes remained closed. He knew that Nick would eventually talk. It was a ritual with them—he could wait longer than Nick could hold it in.
“She was pissed that Meredith was here.”
Kevin remained silent, knowing it would come in bits and pieces.
“Told me that Merry was the only mom I had now.”
“fuck.” The expletive was expelled beneath a whoosh of air, but the young man still heard it. Kevin looked up and found Nick staring at him, the glasses tossed to the side.
“What did I do? When did she stop loving *me*?”
Sitting up, Kevin reached over and pulled Nick close, wrapping his arms around his friend. Nick’s head fell onto Kevin’s shoulder as he grabbed hold of the older man’s shirt. For long moments, nothing was said as the older man tried to find the words he wanted, needed, to say.
“You didn’t do anything wrong, Nick. You’ve never done anything to deserve not being loved for who you are, instead of how much money you’ve got. I’ve loved you for years, and so have the other guys. It’s not you. It’s *never* been you.” Kevin tried to explain things without cursing Jane, but he found it difficult.
Raising his head, Nick looked at his friend, the man he had looked up to for years for guidance and support. Looking into those solemn green eyes, he could see the truth in them—that he was loved for himself, that he had always been loved by this man just for who he was.
“Thanks, Kev.” He gave him another hug before sitting back on his chair.
“You’re so very welcome, Nick.” He ruffled his friend’s hair before settling back into the lounge chair.
The four people in the kitchen breathed a little easier.
***Backstreet Boys***
Howie showed up an hour later, letting himself into the house. He called out a “hello” as he jogged up the stairs, stopping short when he saw the blank spots on the wall. Opening doors until he found an unused room, he dropped his bag onto the bed and walked back downstairs.
Catching Brian in the den, he sat down on the sofa. “What’s with the pictures?”
“Big blowup with Jane. She spazzed on the phone with Merry, let Nick have it, and he destroyed dishes. It wasn’t a pretty sight. I was really worried when he cried.”
Howie’s face froze in shock. “Nick cried? I haven’t seen him cry in years.”
Brian nodded. “Scared the hell out of me. We went sailing yesterday, and I think that helped some. Last night, though, he asked me to sign some papers. I think he was cutting Jane off.”
The other man rubbed his face. “This just gets better and better, doesn’t it?” He looked up suddenly. “Does Jane know?”
Brian shook his head. “Tomorrow’s the day he usually puts money in her account. I don’t think it will take long before she’s calling him back.”
“Better keep our heads up and make sure he doesn’t get too hurt.” Howie leaned against the sofa and sighed.
***Backstreet Boys***
Dinner that night was full of laughter as the seven people talked and caught up on the latest news from each other. As they sat relaxing in the living room, a cell phone rang. Six pairs of hands immediately went to pockets.
Irene pulled hers out, waving it triumphantly. “Hello?”
She listened for a minute, and Kevin watched as her body slowly straightened. He could feel the muscles in her back tense under his hand.
“What happened?” Her voice was cool and precise, and the other four men looked at her in surprise. In the time they had known her, she had never appeared as anything other than relaxed and easygoing.
Meredith knew from the expression on her sister’s face that she was fixing to strip hide from someone’s body. Just by watching her body language, Kevin realized that someone was about to be rudely awakened to the facts of life.
“Mr. Hemmings, I will not be spoken to in this manner. My client has a Degas to sell. That painting has been appraised for 1.2 million dollars. He agreed to sell it for one as a courtesy to me because you expressed such a desire for it. Now, you’re trying to bargain him down? I will be advising Monsieur Fremont to decline your offer and accept one of the other four currently waiting on the table—all of which have offered more for this piece.”
She stood up and paced the room, ignoring the stunned looks. “Mr. Hemmings, one more word like that and I *will* terminate this phone call. I do not appreciate your tone of voice or your increasingly foul language.”
An eyebrow raised, and Irene turned to look at Kevin. Pulling the phone away from her ear, she clicked it off in mid rant.
“What happened?” Meredith leaned against AJ as they sat on one of the sofas.
“Apparently, Mr. Hemmings thought that since Monsieur Fremont was willing to sell for less than the value of the painting, he could bargain him down some more. Pierre was only doing it because Hemmings made such a fuss over it. I knew I didn’t like that man the first time I sat down at the table with him.” She sat down, and Kevin wrapped his arms around her.
Her phone rang again, and she answered it with a cool “Hello?”.
She listened for a moment. “Oui, je lui ai parlé {Yes, I did speak to him.} Non, Pierre, je refuse être intimidé par son intimider. Vous ne vendez pas pour que le prix ridiculement bas {No, Pierre, I refuse to be intimidated by his browbeating. You are not selling for that ridiculously low price.}”
She bit her lip as she listened. “Non, je n'ai pas tous autre acheteurs maintenant, mais je ne lui dis pas cela. Oui, je sais que vous avez besoin de l'argent. Ne pas inquiéter, Pierre, je m'assurerai que vous parvenez au moindre un million. {No, I don’t have any other buyers right now, but I’m not telling him that. Yes, I know you need the money. Don’t worry, Pierre, I will make sure you get at least a million.} Au revoir.”
Meredith looked over at her sister. “Pourquoi est-ce que je reçois le sentiment que vous venez d'acheter un nouveau tableau? {Why do I get the feeling you just purchased a new painting?}”
“Et si est-ce que j'ai fait? {And if I did?}” Irene looked up, still angry over the whole situation.
Meredith shrugged and held out her hands in surrender. Kevin gently placed his hand on Irene’s back, letting her feel his support. She sighed and leaned back into his arms, pulling them around her. The five men were completely lost because the conversation had been in French, but they knew that Irene was pissed off, and whatever Meredith had said had not helped matters any.
“You okay?” Kevin whispered into Irene’s ear.
He could feel her starting to calm as she relaxed against him. He knew what she was like when it came to her clients, and if Hemmings was being difficult, she would either bring him to heel quickly or he would be left on the side of the road.
Irene took a couple of deep breaths, turning her head to smile up at him. “Yeah, babe, I’m going to be just fine.”
No more was said as Brian quickly shifted the conversation in another direction to lighten the mood.
Table of Contents
Chapter Eleven