We begin todays segment at SCPA's headquaters in Sample, Cheyenne. Havoc and Punisher are sitting in BBJ's office, both SCPA members are unconsious on the floor. Without warning Hotrodder sits up.
Hotrodder: Please daddy! Stop! My asshole is bleeding!!
Punisher and Havoc both stare at Hotrodder. He looks around, trying to figure out where he is. Finally figuring it out, he coughs nervously
Hotrodder: I saw it on a movie..this guy was uh...
Punisher: Please..spare us the explination.
Hotrodder's shouting woke BBJ up and he's now on his feet holding his head.
Havoc: Bout time you guys sobered up. How much did you drink over new years?
BBJ: My God! It's already been New Years?
Punisher: It's already been the first show.
Hotrodder: You guys don't look so good. Niether do you BBJ. You guys must've gotten your asses kicked
Punisher: Check a mirror gook cunt.
BBJ: I had a dream where Havoc went missing and we had to find you...
Hotrodder: I did toooOOOOOH MY GOD! My Beautiful Face!!
BBJ: What the hell happened?
Havoc: The 6 man tag match went down. Shawn started crying like a bitch after you drunkly told him a secret..which after watching the replays over and over I'm guessing was "hi". After that Jon Wyld, Timmy O'Haire and Mr. X layed us out.
Hotrodder: Stop speaking code! Who's Mr. X? And what did they lay out for us?!
Punisher: Mr. X is Mr. X you buck toothed goat raping hobo.
Hotrodder: My sexual preference is nobody's business. And it isn't buck toothed goats either.
Punisher: Fine. Lambs
BBJ: What does Jon Wyld, Timmy O'Haire and Mr. X have in common?
Hotrodder: They're all white guys! No wait...Mr. X..
Punisher: Shut up. You've been demoted to a house cat.
Hotrodder: What? That's-
Punisher: What did you say?
Hotrodder: *sheepishly* Meow. Purrr purrrrrrr. Meow.
Havoc: Back to the important matter. Your daughter is off finding out that very question right now BBJ.
And with that, as if some kind of force were controlling this making things happen just perfectly...the box on BBJ's opens it's voice
April: BBJ, Stephanie is here. I've sent her up already.
BBJ: Thank You.
April: You have to push the button
BBJ walks over and hits the button
BBJ: Thank you
April: By the way. Congradulations Hotrodder on your win over BBJ
BBJ: WHAT!?
Hotrodder spins around from looking in the mirror at his disfigured face
Hotrodder: I'm sorry?
Punisher shoots a look at him
Hotrodder: I mean Meow?
April: You didn't see? In a drunken haze you both passed out and BBJ happened to fall first.
BBJ: Sunuva bitch!
Hotrodder: Who's your daddy BEEEEEEEOOOOTCCCHH!
Stephanie enters the room holding a few sheets of paper.
SBJ: Alright, listen up ladies. Here's what we're dealing with.
I did some Re-con and it turns out: Timmy O'haire, Mr. X and Jon Wyld are all kissed and made up in their very own stable.
Hotrodder: Oh My God! They made a GAY stable? Who does that?!
Hotrodder's promplty bitch slapped by Punisher.
Hotrodder: I meant, Meow! Purrrr Purrrr. Meow!
SBJ: Sorry Hotrodder, but your fantasy has yet to come true.
BBJ: Wait...exactly what stable is this?
SBJ: I never got a name...I'm not exactly sure they even have one yet. So you won't find them in WcF's crap-of-a-newsletter anywhere. I'm not even sure they have enough collective talent to appear even WITH a name...but that's totally beside our point. Their goal is to take on FORD. Don't ask why. Don't ask how. It just is.
BBJ: Oh great. As if we had enough problems beating up jobbers when we were young trying to make it in other feds..now we have to do it here in our home fed..and we've already proven ourselves!
Hotrodder: Meow
SBJ: For not having alot of talent they sure worked a good number on you guys last week.
BBJ: That's not fair! Half of us were drunk. And a forth of us were late. So really it was 3 on Havoc and then 3 on Punisher. And besides..I didn't see you anywhere!
SBJ: That's because you only saw a flurry of fists, followed by mat, followed by darkness.
Havoc: The point is, guys. Somebody should pay for that. My T-shirt sales have gone down since Thursday!
BBJ: Blasphemy!
Hotrodder: Whoa whoa whoa. Guys..calm down. I count 4 exclamation marks in the last 30 seconds. Way too much excitement. Let's gets things organized and grouped and act like a team.
SBJ: I can see his mouth moving but all I can hear is "blah blah blah blah blah blah"
Punisher: I don't ever recall giving him permission to speak anyways...
Hotrodder: But there are torches beating at our door with angry people attached to them. We have to band together to ward them off. We are the strongest team in the WcF..hell, our only other real rival just did an interview stating he had job openings in his stable. That's bad news. And the new challengers? They don't even have a fucking name! Come on guys, we got this. Just remember..there is no I in team.
BBJ: But there is a Me
Havoc: And I like me!
Hotrodder: Some of you..I can sense..are missing the point here. With everybody challenging us and no compitition to go against us..we easily own everything. Unless of course we wind up turning all our team mates into psychological house cats.
He shoots an angry look at Punisher
Punisher: *shrugs* What?
Hotrodder: You have a match coming up against Shadow Hawk. Let's bring him down!
Punisher: Puh. I don't care about titles anymore. I only care about beating people till they die...then beating them just a little bit more to make sure they know with no doubt they've been beat. That's the important thing.
BBJ: You're finally adopting FORD mentality! We haven't cared about titles for 25 fucking years, and we've been happier because of it. All we care about is Naked Women and Beer...and can be read about in our book "Naked Women and Beer! The complete Guid to Whoaism by SCPA"
Havoc: And the dude's trying to recruit NEWBIES into his stable for Fucking Dolly's sake. We've got more talent then we could ever USE..he's hoping to find just another person who'll be his friend. You never know how lucky....
BBJ: I heard somebody say something a few weeks ago..and I really think it applies to Jon Wyld. It went something like: You're a man who can do it all. A man with all the tools to get the job done, but just not the instruction booklet. Now your tools are dull and you still do not have no instruction booklet. See Jon-
SBJ: I might still be delirious from the outstanding lack of IQ in this room but...it seems to me it was Jon Wyld who said that. To his now stable-mate Timmy O'haire, if I recall correctly. Which I do. I'm infalliable, remember?
BBJ: Look..who authored what quote is not what's important here Stephanie. The fact is - Jon..it's cool that you're leading your own little band of ballerina's these days but, why pick FORD? First of all, we'll kill you and second..Golden Silence would be much more reasonable. You guys are like the French going up against...pretty much any country in the world. Imagine Rhode Island vs. Everybody in the world plus a few martians. Imagine Guy With Stick vs. New Age Marine with Fully Automatic..and an Airstrike. And explosives to boot. Think Kerosene cat with gasoline underwear in Hell. Do you get the pattern yet? No? I'm not surprised
I noticed we beat you guys down so bad, by hitting your fists and feet with our faces, last week..you didn't even feel like showing up this week. Sore knuckles. Bruised toes. You thought you were getting the best of us but...look who's laughing now. You can't see behind the blood stains and scar tissue but..it's me. That's right you nerdy bitch! It might hurt a little cause of the cracked ribs but...that's not even what matters. The point is, I'm laughing and you're not. You're having to eat really light foods cause you're hands can't grip the heavy, REAL MEAL stuff. The 40 pints of blood from my body might have been temporary..but making you order the 6 oz steak instead of the 12...that victory, will last 4evUH!
Havoc: I agree with everything you just said. And not only because I have to fight him Thursday. I honestly think you're right! Honest!
Hotrodder: And Punisher..you beat Shadow Hawk. Not because that gold belongs to you..which it does, but still. Beat him because he deserves to be beaten. And also, that would complete beating all of Golden Silence making sure every last (the) member knows we rule this fed. He's got no allies to back him up. It's one on one. You got this. Then next week when we face each other..it's cake. FORD's in at so many places..we can't help but own gold.
Punisher: Too bad BUBBA didn't come back.
Hotrodder: I know, huh.
SBJ: What?
BBJ: And Timmy..should I ever fight you..like say, during our tournament match when we fight, I want you to know. We'll be hoping you lose. Nothing personal..we just..are better friends with me. Besides the whole being in a rival stable and all. The point, and I do have one...is you got your ass kicked in Round 1 to Jon Wyld..which is embarassing enough. Round 2 is against me and I have more talent in my abnormally huge penis then he does in his whole body. It's pointless to show up..unless you want to sign an autograph for your only friend. But even then you're only looking at a 50/50 chance of having use. We've got everything from owning a Nation to having April as our personal assistant to take care of things for us...even to the amazing ability to steal other peoples catch phrases! As was demonstrated above. Beware Jonny Wyld. For the next thing you say..could be copied by me.
He gets pushed down onto the couch by Stephanie
SBJ: Shut up. You're gay.
April: You guys have yet to mention Mr. X or Gabriel Steele
BBJ: Thank you April
April: Again, you have to physically push the button down before I can hear you.
Stephanie hits the button for him
BBJ: Thank you April. But we're not-
SBJ: Oh, oops. I let go of the button after thank you. I thought you were done.
She hits the button again
BBJ: But we're not going to this time. As if they even have enough WORTH to be mentioned by us at all..we're going to let them worry about each other for now. That's all they can handle anyways. Maybe next time we'll have time to waste an exhale with a few mumbled words that sound something like Mr. X and some other word that hints at him sucking. And he'll be thankful to get it! But for now...no.
Hotrodder: But if we still had BUBBA...think of how much cooler we'd be.
Punisher: Yeah..BUBBA kicked some ASS!
They all agree BUBBA kicked ass and should be here again..then begin to talk about the old days in Wcf. And since that really has nothing to do with this Promo, you should all mind your own business and get the hell out of BBJ's office!
SCPA's Promo was brought to you by Cowboy Up Tv. Remember, it's not HBO. It's just regular ass TV. And the camera fades to black
SCPA: COWBOY THE FUCK UP!
F.O.R.D.: Fuckin Original Redneck Drivers
Disclaimer - This RP is copyrighted to me, Kyle Beach, under several government laws and nearly one type of karate. Use of this material without my permission is punishable via a really annoying email. Contact me at: (AIM)whoa AAAAAAAAHHH (MSN/Email)scpa_taker_snow@hotmail.com. As well,its been noted about 90% of what SCPA does is "cheating" and totally unrealistic. Guess what, Efedding is unrealistic. I can do whatever the hell I want, so don't come bitching to me about how I suck for rocking.