Desperado

Stormwolf Dawn

This story is going to jump around, and the point of view is going to change quickly. Just keep in mind that its all Jim’s point of view. WARNINGS: Major angst ahead. This is from the Monster in the House universe, and is therefore slightly AU. It has talk of child abuse, Death(not Jim or Blair), and hints at possible rape. Be warned. Spoilers for The Switchman, Sentinel Too, TsbyBS. There’s another one but I can’t think of the title.

Desperado…why don’t you come to your senses

You’ve been out riding fences…for so long now

Jim lay covered in his sleeping bag staring out through the blind toward the warehouse where he hoped the suspect would arrive. Night had fallen, and the stars could actually be seen. The moon was full, and Jim was tired enough that he was imagining that he could see clearly even in the dark. Yawning, Jim closed his eyes. The others would warn him if the suspect decided to show up during the night. Jim was hoping that they would get a break and catch the bomber soon. Captain Banks wanted to pull Jim in, but Jim was adamant that the suspect would show up. Banks was skeptical, but then he argued that Jim needed to have someone there…a partner. Jim had raged at the idea, he didn’t need or want a partner. Not after not Jack. He didn’t trust anyone to watch his back. He could do it just fine. Just fine.

Oh you’re a hard one….I know that you got your reasons

These things that are pleasing you…will hurt you somehow.

Jim walked into the Major Crimes bullpen for the first time. His transfer had gone through on Wednesday while he had been in the hospital. Monday found him in Major Crimes, the newest detective under a new Captain.

As he walked in, a woman pushing a food cart passed him, and the smell of pineapple danishes hit him causing a wave of nausea that he immediately clamped down on. God, how he hated pineapples now. Before he never really ate them, but now he detested them.

Shaking his head to relieve him of the smell, he strode forward toward Captain Banks’ office. Banks had been Captain Farley’s choice for his replacement when his retirement came up. Up and down the ranks, officers agreed that Banks was a good cop even if some did let slip, “for a black man.” The ‘n’ word was never used. At least out loud.

When a black officer wearing aloud Hawiian printed shirt dropped a stapler causing a loud crash, Jim jumped at the sound, and turned in the direction, hand going to the small of his back, fingers brushing his gun before he caught himself. Everyone looked at him, and Jim could see it in their eyes. Questions about his sanity, his worthiness to be a cop. Jim ignored the eyes and entered the office at Captain Banks invitation.

A partner….dammit! Just what he needed! And that crack about the earring….Jim wanted so bad to punch that smug face. Just one whiff of the expensive clothes, and the cologne…Jim sneered in disgust. He didn’t need or want a partner. Or a babysitter. So he was a little reckless, hey he got his job done. He always did what was necessary to get the job done.

Don’t you draw the Queen of Diamonds, boy, she’ll beat you if she’s able

The Queen of Hearts is always your best bet.

Shit! Of course he would run into Carolyn. Somehow he didn’t think his ex-wife had the right to call him Jimmy. Only three other people ever called him Jimmy, and Jim would soon rather not hear that name again, if ever. But of course she has to call him Jimmy, with that same condescending air she had used when they had been married. Of course beneath the surface of her airs, Jim could see the fear. Fear of him. He didn’t need to see that anymore. He saw enough of it when they had been married, and the nightmares had gripped him tightly. And he had come up for air in a violent manner. He slept on the couch quite a bit during their marriage. Enough so that he had bought the futon for the extra bedroom.

Well Jack seems to know his stuff. If he would just get over worrying about how Jim dressed.

Now it seems to me some fine things have been laid upon your table

But you only want the ones that you can’t get….Desperado….

“I don’t want to learn how to use them. I want them to stop.” Jim said to the bouncy curly haired geek he had picked up at the U. Does the guy ever stop moving. Jeez, he was worse than a Terrier.

“One, your sentinel abilities which were once latent and repressed are now active. Translation: you are back online, and I haven’t a clue as to how to turn them off.” The hippy said.

Shit. Why is his happening, now. I’ve got a bomber to catch. If I am going to be a candidate for the psych ward can’t it wait until after the Switchman is caught.

“….what more can you want?”

A lot, kid. A lot. “Control.”

“That’s what we’re here for.”

Aaahh you aein’t getting no younger…the pain and

Your hunger, they’re driving you home

The Loft was home. Okay, maybe it looked empty, but to Jim it was home. Something he hadn’t had for a long time. Certainly not with his abusive father who had killed his brother, and nearly Jim. Not in the Army were he was left to rot in the jungle for eighteen months. But the Loft, the Loft was home. Even with its bad memories of sleepless nights, of waking up to find Carolyn on the floor, her arm broke, crying. God he had felt bad about that. She had divorced him, and had sworn she wouldn’t tell anyone. She had kept her word. He hadn’t deserved that, but she had given it to him. The only thing she could give him. He had cradled his gun for hours that night, and every night thereafter for two months, but each time had found one reason to live yet another day.

The Loft, his home. His sanctuary from the outside world. From the madness that would engulf him completely, and this kid wanted to move in with him. Into his sanctuary.

Oh please don’t give me that look. What is it about that look on Sandburg’s face that made him think of a puppy. No…not a puppy. Stevie. Stevie’s face. Begging to go with him when he went to play with his friends. The face that he saw in his nightmares, bruised and bloody, eyes glazed over in death. Jim knew he wouldn’t be able to resist Sandburg.

And freedom, ah freedom. Well that’s just some people talking

Your prison is walking through this world all alone.

No this can’t be happening. Oh God please don’t let this happen. Come back, I am so sorry about Alex. I’m sorry I threw you out of the Loft. Oh God, please come back.

The wolf is before him. The wolf turns and runs, and he follows. Please, come back. Please make that leap. Wolf leaps, jaguar leaps. A flash of light. Sandburg’s heart is beating. Yes, oh yes, please, Chief. Come back, please. He is coughing up water. Thank you thank you.

Don’t your feet get cold in the winter time,

The sky won’t snow and the sun won’t shine

Its hard to tell the nighttime from the day

Dead little girl. Another dead kid. It isn’t right. The innocent shouldn’t suffer. Children shouldn’t die, They should live, and play, and be happy. To not have to worry if their father comes home drunk, angry at the world and ready to take it out on you. They shouldn’t have to feel the hands of their Father heavy, and rough, leaving bruises and broken bones that you have to lie about.

Gray, leaden sky, a cold wind blows as Jim makes his way through the cemetery. The case of the dead child by her Father’s hands had brought back memories. To many memories. Now he was there, in front of Stevie’s grave. So long since he had been there. Sandburg is in the truck…waiting for Jim to finish. Not asking questions, even though he knows some, but not all. Not everything. Tears fall down his cheeks as he kneels down before the cold grave. I couldn’t save you, Stevie, I’m so sorry.

You’re cruising all your highs and lows, aein’t it funny how the feeling goes away.

Desperado…why don’t you come to your senses, come down from your fences

Oh god! I shouldn’t have hit him. He was just a stranger. Some guy who didn’t know any better. Jim leaned against the truck. They had gone in to talk to witnesses in the bar about the bashing that had occurred there three nights before. The guy had hit on him, but Jim had mostly ignored it. Ignored the man, and the sick feeling in his gut. But when the man’s hand had touched his jean clad butt, Jim had felt someone else’s hand. Someone else’s breath on the back of his neck, and memory had surged forward. Memories of Vice, of undercover, of doing what he needed to survive. And he had lashed out. The man should press charges, but he wasn’t going to. Sandburg had talked him out of it. Sandburg could talk Satan out of a glass of ice water in Hell. Simon would no doubt ream him a knew one, but he didn’t know. No one knew, not even Sandburg. No one will know. Never.

Open the gate, it may be raining, but there’s a rainbow above you

You’d better let somebody love you…..before its too late

“You’re the best cop I ever saw, and the best partner.” Jim said as he stood beside Blair in the hospital. He looked at Blair, who looked back with eyes that had seemed so lost before. How could he have ever thought that Sandburg would betray him. Just because everyone else in his life had betrayed him. A sad excuse, but his only excuse. He had been waiting for the hammer to fall, and when anything went wrong he was quick to blame Blair, to prove that he was right, That everyone betrayed him. But he had opened himself to Blair, more than he had ever done, more than he ever would. Sandburg was his brother, his friend, his guide. Everything that Jim felt he didn’t deserve. Everything he would have never believed he could receive.

Placing an arm around his friend’s shoulder, his BEST friend’s shoulder, Jim smiled, “I love you, Chief. Even if you are a neo-hippy witch doctor punk.”

“Hey that’s neo hippy Shaman punk to you.” Blair said laughing, not knowing what was causing Jim to open up a bit more, but willing to accept it, “And I love you to, even if you are a throwback to pre-civilized man.”

Jim laughed as he and Blair excited the hospital.

Feedback wanted and appreciated. Hope you liked it!!!