The Hollow MenThis is going to be a long story, so bear with me. I know I have others to write, but I kinda want to work on this one at the same time before I forget too much of it. Yes, I know I changed the title. I like this title better. If your don't know the title and the poem are from TS Elliot, one of my favorite poets. If I remember correctly its supposed to be about veterans. This is not a story about the crash in Peru. Definitly rated NC-17. More Jim owies, and angst. Maybe I should change the name of my webpage to the Jim Angst and Owie page....Naw. Be warned this contains implied child abuse, and it is a rape story. We are the
hollow men We are the stuffed men Leaning together Our headpiece filled with straw,
alas Jim Ellison sat at his desk in the bullpen of Major Crimes trying desperatly to decipher the scribblings that vaguely resembled notes he had taken at the latest crime scene when an excited greeting echoed through the room. "Jimmy!!! I can't believe it, man!!!" The voice which sounded vaguely familiar made Jim lift his head and look at the speaker. Coming toward him was a tall, thin looking man with his light brown hair pulled back in a pony tail, and his hazel brown eyes framed by silverwired glasses. Jim recognized him immediatly, and felt the blood drain from his face. "Mikey...Mikey Donaldson??" He whispered loud enough for the man to hear, "My God, they told me you were dead." Jim stood up and the two men hugged each other pounding the other's back in a friendly embrace. The others in the bullpen, Brown, Rafe, and Taggert had watched the exchange, realized Ellison knew the man, and went back to work. Ellison motioned for Mickey to sit down as Ellison took back his seat. Michael Donaldson took the proffered chair and layed his elbows on Jim's desk and leaned over to speak more quietly with Jim. "Yeah, they told me you were dead." Before Ellison could warn him, Mickey lifted a hand, "I know, I know..you don't want to discuss it here. That's perfectly fine with me. Its been a long time, though." "Yeah," Jim said, " a long time." He was trying to toss aside the memories that the sight of his old friend brought and was failing. Jim stood up suddenly, "I've gotta go pick up my partner, you wanna tag along. " Jim said as he grabbed his jacket off the back of the chair. Mikey stood up, "Sounds good." They both walked out of the bullpen, and headed to the elevator. Once inside the elvator the conversation began again. "So what happened to you?" Jim asked in an almost whisper even though they were alone in the elevator. "They found me in New York six months later." Mikey answering in near the same tone. How about you?" "Nine months later in New Orleans." The conversation suddenly ceased as the two men dealt with the memories. Blair Sandburg waited in the parking lot of Rainier University for the sight of the familiar blue and white Ford F-150. When he caught sight of it he noticed right off that Jim already had a passenger. Curious, Blair walked over to the truck. The unfamiliar passenger opened the door, and stepped out allowing Blair to squeeze in beside Jim. The man then got back into the truck. "Blair this is an old friend of mine, Michael Donaldson." Jim said. Blair held out his hand, and the man shook it hesitantly, "Mikey, this is my partner, and roommate, Blair Sandburg." "Nice to meet you, " Blair said. "You, too." Mickey said. "We knew each other in high school, Blair." Jim said answering the question in Blair's mind and plastered on his face. "Oh, okay. Cool. So you knew Jim when he was a scrawny teenager. Bet you can tell a few good stories." Blair said rather enthusiastically. "Scrawny, Jimmy was never scrawny. And stories...yeah I could tell a few." And with that he became oddly silent. "Do you have a place to stay, Mikey?" Ellison asked. Mikey shrugged, "Figure I stay at a hotel." "Well, if you want I have a couch that's fairly comfortable. And a pretty good live in cook." He said smiling at Blair who rolled his eyes. "Thanks Jimmy, I really appreciate it. You know I wasn't sure how you were going to react, seeing me after all these years." "Mikey, your a friend, and you will never know how glad I am to see you." Jim said as he drove back to the station. "You want to go back to the station with me, or do you want me to drop you off at the loft?" "Well, my car is at the station, Jimmy, with my stuff." "Okay. I've got some paperwork to do so I'll be at the station all day. Blair would you mind going with Mikey to the loft." Man, Jim must really trust this guy,Blair thought, aloud he said, "Sure no problem." "Alright with you, Mikey?" "Yeah, Jimmy, sounds great. I can give the kid a few of those stories he wants." Mikey smiled, and winked at Jim mouthing "don't worry" without Sandburg seeing. Jim breathed a sigh of relief and ignored the odd look Blair gave him. Jim dropped Mikey and Blair off at Mikey's car, a black 56' Mustang. "Wow, cool wheels." Blair exclaimed. "Now this is a classic, Jim." Jim smiled."I'll see you later, Chief. Try and stay out of trouble." "Who me?" Blair laughed. Mikey just shook his head and laughed as he opened the driver's side door. "Mikey, "Jim tarted, and Michael looked at him, "drive carefully." Michael knew the look in Jim's blue eyes. Take care of the kid, they said, and he knew that Sandburg was important to Jim. Always protecting somebody, Jimmy, Michael thought, but there was never anyone to protect you, was there my friend. "You bet, Jimmy." Michael said outloud and got into the car. On the other side Sandburg was already in the passenger's seat buckling up. Jim watched them leave, then took the elevator up to the bullpen. Jim arrived home late in the evening, tired with a headache already pounding in his temples. Before he walked in he heard laughter coming from the loft and recognized Blair's and Michael's voices. Jim wondered what stories Michael had told his partner as he walked into the loft. "And then the "ox" plowed through the defensive line, and before Jimmy had a chance to even look for an open reciever, the big Senior tackled Jim to the ground right in a puddle of mud. Jimmy was unconscious for two minutes. But we did win the game." Michael was saying. Blair was rolling on the couch laughing. "Oh man, that had to have hurt." Blair couldn't stop laughing. "The clencher is that the "ox" broke his leg tackling Jimmy. And Jimmy came back in the fourth quarter and threw a fory-seven yard pass that won the game." "Man, Jim, is there a sport you didn't excel at." "I wasn't very partial to golf, chief." Jim said as he went to the fridge and took out a beer. The comment made Blair go off in another fit of laughter. Jim smiled at his partner, and sat down on the couch. "So your telling him about our glorious football games, Mikey. Just remember to tell him about the one where you tackled the referee, and the other team's coach." Jim said and took a sip of the beer. "Aaww, Jimmy, you know that was an accident. It was just to damn muddy and slippery." Mikey commented, "And besides we won that game too." "Yeah, even with the ten yard penalty that cost us." "Say, Mikey, "Blair began, "You said earlier that Jim was never scrawny, what did you mean by that?" "Hell, even in Junior High, Jimmy was big." "My dad was into getting me physically fit, Chief. I've been lifting weights and working out since I can remember." Jim said in a subdued tone. "Oh, man. I was really hoping for stories of scrawny Jimmy and puberty." Blair laughed when Jim glared at him. "Oh well, puberty, I can tell stories..." Mikey trailed off when the icy glare suddenly turned in his direction. "Then again, maybe not." Blair laughed some more, then stood up and took the lasagna out of the oven. Jim followed him into the kitchen and noticed that the lasagna had already been dug into. Blair took out a plate, but Jim took it from him. "I can make my own plate, Darwin. " And proceeded to heap the lasagna onto his plate. After dinner, Jim took out some blankets and pillows maing up the couch for Mikey. Blair had offered to let Mikey take his bed, but Michael turned it down saying the couch was just fine. Blair yawned, and said he had some papers to finish grading, and then he was going to bed. Both of the men said their goodnites, and the anthropologists disapeared into his bedroom. The two men sat in the livingroom sipping beer looking at the TV, but not really watching it. "So what are you doing back here, Mikey." Jim asked trying to fil the silence. "Oh, I got a job offer here. I'm a software designer." Michael answered. "So you'll be living here now, that's great." More silence. "DAMN! " Mikey said. Jim flinched at the sudden volume. "Jimmy, I just can't believe it all. You back in Cascade. I thought you swore you'd never see this city again. I heard you joined the Army. Hell I saw that magazine cover." Calm down, Michael." Jim said with a nod of his head to Sandburg's room. "Yay, I know I said it. Something, I don't know what, brought me back here. " And I'm damn sure glad it did, otherwise I'd never have met Blair. "You know, nothing's changed with you Jimmy. I don't know why your partner is a grad student, or why you let him live with you. I don't need to know. Just more of you trying to find someone to protect. I should have known you'd become a cop. Gives you more people to protect. Hell, sometimes I think that's all you were born for." Jim smiled at that, If you only knew Mikey,. "How are you really, Mikey?" Jim asked. "Sometimes, I'm terrified Jimmy. Only sometimes. Its all in the past now, I know that. Afterwards, I ended like you. Running away from home. I joined the Navy, if you can believe that. Did a few years, not alot. Never became an officer or anything. Learned computers pretty well though. Went to college on the GI bill. But every now and then..." He trailed off and took a swig of the beer. "Yay, I know what you mean, Mikey. I'm glad your doing alright, Mikey, I really am." Jim replied, then stood up. "I'll see ya in the morning, Jimmy." Michael said standing up and taking both of their beers into the kitchen and throwing them in the recycling bin. Jim nodded, and went upstairs to his room. Stripping to his boxers, Ellison laied down in his bed and listened to the noises of his friend getting ready for bed. Searching with his hearing, hefound Blair's heartbeat, slow and steady from a deep sleep, and closed his eyes allowing it to lull him into sleep. Eyes I dare not
meet in dreams In death's dream kingdom These do not appear Jim mumbled in his sleep as he tossed and turned on his bed. Downstairs, Mikey, lay awake on Jim's couch and listened as his old friend was caught up in a familiar nightmare. Having seen Jim after so long, Mikey dared not try to sleep himself knowing the demons that waited for him in the dark recesses of his mind. So he lay awake on the couch and listened. Blair moved quietly through the livingroom trying not to awaken their houseguest as he followed the sounds of distress coming from his Sentinel. Upstairs, he found Jim curled up in a fetal position on his bed still asleep caught up in the nightmare. "Please, no, stop, please," The Sentinel cried and whimpered pleading in a low tone with whatever demon tormenting the detective. Sandburg went immediatly to Jim's side and tried to bring the Sentinel out of the nightmare with his voice and the touch of his hand to a muscular arm. "Jim, come on man, follow my voice. They can't hurt you, just come on, wake up, that's it." In his "guide voice" he brought Jim out of the nightmare, then to full awakefullness. Jim sat up quickly, his Sentinel sight adjusting intinctively to the dim light, then focused on Sandburg. "Are you alright, Jim?" Blair asked concern evident in his tone. "Yeah, I'm fine, chief." Jim said shaking his head to rid himself of the last vestiges of the nightmare. "you want to talk about it?" Blair pushed a bit hoping his Sentinel would open up and talk. "Its nothing, Chief. Old demons..." He trailed off as memories threatened. You sure...it sounded pretty bad." Jim became worried, "W..what did I say?" "Not much. You kept saying 'please stop'. sounded like you were really scared. Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?" "Its alright, Blair, its just...its nothing. OK? Go back to sleep. I'm sorry I woke you up" Jim layed his head back on his pillow. "No problem. I've wke you plenty of times with my nightmares." "Jim smiled at that. ""Go back to sleep, Chief." Sandburg stood up and walked back down the stairs. He noticed Mikey sitting up watching him. p>"Jim wake you, too?" Blair asked trying to be polite to Jim's friend. "Nah, never went to sleep. Jim have nightmares alot?" Mikey asked. "Sometimes, more often though its me with the nightmares." "Yeah, I guess being a police observer, you see a lot of bad shit. Can't figure why Jimmy became a cop..." He trailed off. "Blair shrugged, not understanding. "He likes to help people," was his response as he walked back into his room. When Blair was in the bedroom, Mikey layed back down, "Yeah, to bad nobody helped us, " he whispered as he closed his eyes. Jim heard the whispered comment. He lay in his bed as tears filled his eyes. Remember us-if
at all-not as lost violent souls, but only as the hollow men the stuffed men tThe next morning... "hey, Jimmy, sleep any better?" Mikey asked as Jim trotted downstairs. Mikey was dressed in a dark suit. "A little," Jim could hear Sandburg in the shower, "how about you?" Not much, too afraid old dreams would find me." Mikey answered. "I've got to go into the office today, and meet my new boss. You wanna meet somewhere for lunch?" "Sure, just come by the station." At that moment, Sandburg came out of the bathroom a towel wrapped around his waist and headed for his room. After agreeing to come by the station at around noon, Mikey left the loft. Jim was about to take his own shower when sandburg came out of his room wearing jeans and a loose long sleeved greenish blue shirt. "I've got an early class, so I'll see you at the station at about noon." Blair said. Jim nodded telling Blair to be careful. Blair rolled his eyes at that and left. In the bathroom, Jim stripped out of his boxers and stepped under the spray of warm water in the shower. As the water ran down his muscular chest and back, falling in runnels down his long legs, Jim closed his eyes and memories came forward... The water came up to his chest. A hand washing his back...the smell of blood filling his nostrils...a hand lifting his chin...water pouring over his head...more hands touching him... Jim came back to reality when the shock of the cold water hit him. After turning off the water, Jim toweled himself dry. He dressed quickly and headed to work trying to banish the vestiges of his trip back to memory lane, and to calm the rising fear in his gut. He buried himself in the paperwork on his desk and ended up actually finishing a few of the reports. Captain Simon Banks watched Him from his office surprised that the detective was doing paperwork instead of letting his partner do them. Taggert had reported to Simon that an old friend of Jim's had shown up the day before and Jim had said something about believing the man was dead. Perhaps an old Army buddy, Simon thought. At noon, Jim told Simon that he was going to lunch. Simon nodded. At that moment, Blair and Mikey came in. Simon looked at Jim's friend thinking that the guy definitly didn't look like Army material. He watched the three leave, then shook his head walking back into his office. They are at a deli not far from the station. Laughing and joking about stories from their "glory years". Jim took them back to the station. M They went home when the shift changed. Blair made chicken casserole, while Jim did a quick clean-up. Mikey had yet to show up. Jim wondered if he should worry, but decide that Mikey was an adult. From the looks of his sportscar and the clothes Mikey wore, maybe his friend was out having fun. At twelve o'clock the telephone ran. It was Simon. Jim listened to the captain numbly. When Simon hung up, Jim threw his phone against the wall. It hit the wall with a crash, and fell to the floor in pieces. "Jeez, Ji! What's wrong?" Blair asked having been startled awake from where he lay dozing on the couch. "A body was found at the waterfront. It's Mikey, he's dead." And with that Jim grabbed up his jacket, keys and left. Sandburg had been putting on his shoes and immediatly followed Jim out the door. They reached the waterfront and passed through the barrieers and police tape. Simon stood waiting for them, and unlit cigar clenched between his teeth. "Its pretty bad, Jim." Simon said. Lightning flashed across the sky. "What happened, Simon?" Jim asked. Thunder rumbled in the distance. "Coroner's prelim says that the body's been dead for two hours. It appears he was killed elswhere, and the body dumped here. Cause of death appears to be a slit throat." Lightning flashed again as the storm moved its way over Cascade. Jim bowed his head eyes clenched shut, "what else Simon. I can tell from your tone there's more." "He was apparently tortured and sexually assaulted-sodomized-before he was killed." Jim's stomach did a somersault, and it took all of his willpower not to vomit. He dimly felt Blair's hand squeezing his arm, and found comfort in his Guide's touch. "Jim I know this man was your friend..." Simon began. "I want this case." Jim demanded. "Your to involved in the case Jim. I'll give it to Brown and rafe." Simon, I have to do this. For a long time I thought Mikey was dead, but out of guilt and shame I never tried to find out the truth. Now...now I need to find the truth more than ever." Jim's blue eyes looked haunted, but there was determination etched into them, and Simon relented. A peal of thunder cracked through the air. "Don't make me regret this detective." The storm broke and a cold rain fell on the city of Cascade. Sightless,
unless the eyes reappear As the perpetual star Multifoliate rose of death's twightlight kingdom The hope only of empty men Jim was studying the autpsy report in his hands when he felt the presence of someone standing near his desk. He looked up at a man who's dark suit screamed, "FED!". "Can I help you?" Jim asked, his hackles raised. "Are you James Ellison?" The fed asked. "Yes...and you are...?" The man suddenly smiled, "Michael described you perfectly." Michael Donaldson?" "Yes." "How do you know him?" Jim was curious now. "Michael Donaldson, or should I say Agent Donaldson is...was my partner." p>"Mikey was a fed?!" Jim was truly shocked. With his long hair, Michael hadn't looked like any Fed Jim ever knew. Perhaps we should discuss this with your Captain?"
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