| ACCEPTANCE |
| I have learned that you and I are happiest with each other when we can maintain a sense of separateness with each other, And an ability to accept that separateness. A sense of separateness says that you and I are two disconnected and unique individuals. You have your own feelings, attitudes and values- and I have my own feelings, attitudes and values. What you are is okay with me-and what I am is okay with me. This sense of separateness also says that what you are is primarily you business- and what I am is primarily my business. I am not responsible for your destiny-and you are not responsible for mine. Does this sense of separateness mean that each of us go our own ways alone without having anything to do with each other? NO, NOT AT ALL. I would still like it if you were concerned and interested in me, and in the things that happen to me in my life Just as I care for you. But to maintain this sense of separateness, I cannot let my caring for you get out of hand and pressure you into becoming what I want you to become-nor can I allow you to pressure me into the mold you want me to be. If I really care for you, and like what you are, I will let you be the captain of your own ship and let you steer your own direction.. If you genuinely like what I am, you will likewise let me direct myself through life. I will not always like what you sometimes do or say-and at times you won't feel good about the things I do or say. When those times occur, I won't make you change-and I would appreciate it if you didn't try to make me change. But I will show you that I care by letting you know how I feel when I am upset with you-and whether you decide to change what you said or did in response to my caring is up to you, not me. I would appreciate it if you showed your caring for me by sharing your feelings with me when I do something that bugs you, but letting me decide whether I change what I do. |
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