Death Breeds Life
Death Breeds Life
This is a little late, but I have been working on it for a while.
This is in reference to Garnet's challenge about Buffy's death
and Angel learning about his child.
Disclaimer: I'm sorry if this story sounds
like any of the others. I am a freethinking person.
Thursday, October 23, 2003
"Angel, there is a call for you on your line," Cordelia
I was very busy working on a case; papers were all over my desk.
"Cordy, I'm a little busy in here. Can you take a message
and I will call the person back?"
Cordelia peeked into my office and said, "You will want to
take this call." Her voice was very low, like she was trying
to hold back some emotions.
"Okay," I took the people off hold and said,
"Hello, Angel Investigations..." I was unable to finish
my usual greeting.
"Angel, it's Willow. I have something to tell you."
My first thought was something had happened to Buffy. "What
is it, Willow? Is Buffy okay?"
Willow began to whimper on the other side of the phone. "She
was just trying to protect her...mother. They were ambushed at
their house. I wanted to tell you that the service is going to be
tomorrow here in Sunnydale. I'm sure she would want you to
I thought back to everything that had happened just before I left
the last time and I wondered if it was best for me to go back.
"Willow, I will make sure he is there," Cordelia
answered. I thought I heard extra breathing.
"Thank you, Cordelia. I will see you then. If you need a
place to stay, you are welcome to stay at my apartment."
"Thank you, Willow. Extend my sympathies to Mrs.
Summers," I said.
"I will. Goodbye."
"Goodbye." The phone somehow found its way to the
cradle and I left my office for the sanctuary of my apartment.
Later that night
Cordelia drove up to Sunnydale in my car, since hers was in the
shop for some minor fender damage. We have said little or nothing
to each other since she got me to pack some stuff and said we
were leaving after sundown. Cordelia parked below a large
apartment complex and ushered me out. She got the luggage out,
because I was pretty much a zombie. We arrived at Willow's door
and the girls fell to pieces. Still, I don't show any emotion. I
listened to Willow talk about my beloved Buffy and I can imagine
that she is halfway across town, waiting to go out on patrol.
"Angel, Angel. I'm sorry you didn't get to see her before
she was killed. She was planning a trip down to LA to see you in
a few weeks."
We had been talking more recently and she had mentioned coming
down for a few days to see her father and maybe me. I had been
looking forward to her coming. We had lost touch for almost four
years and out of the blue, there was a note from her saying that
she had missed me and wondered how the demon activity in Los
Angeles was. We had been corresponding for a few months, but now
there would be no more letters.
"Everytime the door opened, I wondered if it was her. I
hoped that she would come see me soon. Now, I'm never going to
see her again."
This made Willow burst into tears and I wondered if I said
something that had upset her. I moved over beside her and put my
arms around her to comfort her. She seemed to calm down at my
"How is Buffy's mom taking all of this? Being killed in
front of her has to give her some nightmares?" Cordy asked.
I shot her a glare, but she didn't get it.
"Mrs. Summers is doing as well as can be expected. We have
been there in support of her since this happened."
"When exactly did this happen?" I asked.
There was a long silence before Willow moved away from me.
"I'm sorry, guys. I haven't been sleeping well and the
doctor prescribed a sedative, which I took about two hours ago.
I'm going to turn in for the night. There is a couch out here and
a guestroom next to mine. The service is at sunset
tomorrow." Willow went back toward the other rooms while
Cordelia and I just sat there.
"I will take the couch. I see Willow has heavy drapes, so I
won't burn in the morning light."
"Fine with me. I will see you later tomorrow," Cordelia
said as she went down the hall where Willow had disappeared.
I turned on the TV and drowned my sorrows in the late night
programming. Before she went to sleep, Cordelia came out to ask
if I was okay. I told her I was fine and would be up tomorrow
afternoon to show her. She smiled and said goodbye. There was
silence in the apartment after Cordelia went to bed. I stayed up
until early in the morning watching TV and fell asleep around
Friday, October 24, 2003
I woke up disoriented, but suddenly, everything came back to me.
I'm in Sunnydale because the only person I have ever loved has
been killed only a few months after I have gotten back into
contact with her again. Man, I hate the forces of evil.
"Good evening, Angel," Cordelia said. She was dressed
conservatively in a black suit. Her hair was pulled back in a
"Hey, Cordy. Where's Willow?" I asked. It was only five
o'clock and I expected her to be there.
"She went over to Mrs. Summers' house about an hour ago. She
said that she would meet us at the cemetery chapel."
"Let me take a quick shower and get dressed. We can go to
the chapel after that."
"Take your time. It's not like there is any rush."
I got my nice suit out of the bag and went into the bathroom. It
was in the shower that I began to cry. It always happened that
once someone was near and dear to me, something always happened.
That's why I had pushed Buffy away almost four years ago. I
didn't want her to get hurt by someone who
wanted revenge against me. Despite my leaving, her life was still
ended at an early age.
I was able to fix my hair and shave as I had for a long time
without seeing my reflection, but I was unable to fix my tie.
Cordelia did it for me and surprised me by giving me a hug.
"I have some experience losing someone I love," she
With all that we had been through, I had forgotten that Cordelia
was just getting to know Doyle when he was taken from us. She
didn't talk about him a lot, but when she did, it was something
that was very special to her.
"Thank you, Cordelia, for everything you have done," I
told her sincerely.
"You are welcome. Now, it's about time we got to the chapel.
Are you ready?" Cordelia asked.
"As I ever will be." We closed the door behind us and
went to the car.
Ten minutes later @ the chapel
In the little chapel at Restfield Cemetery, the friends and
family of Buffy Anne Summers gathered for her funeral. She had
left detail instructions that if she should die suddenly, that
she wanted to be buried at Restfield because she had spent her
best slaying nights there.
Cordelia and I walked through the doors and I felt a surge of
electricity go through me. I was able to shake it off, but the
lasting feeling was there. Cordelia signed the book and told me
she would go get us a seat. This left me in the foyer alone. I
stepped up to the book and turned the page, not wanting to read
what Cordelia had written.
Come to me in the silence of the night;
Come in the speaking silence of a dream;
Come with soft rounded cheeks and eyes as bright
As sunlight on a stream;
Come back in tears,
O memory, hope, love of finished years.
Dear Summers family,
Words cannot describe what Buffy meant to all of us. She will be
deeply missed by a great deal of people and remembered in the
hearts of the living. My greatest sympathies go out to your
When I was finished, I turned the page, so that the next person
would have a clean page. Quietly, I went into the chapel and
found Cordelia sitting with Giles, Xander, and Willow.
"Hello, Angel. I'm glad you were able to come," Giles
said as he shook my hand.
"There is nowhere I would rather be. Buffy and I had become
good friends again. I can't believe she was taken from us so
Everyone was silent and my eyes wandered around the chapel.
Buffy's closed casket had been placed at the bottom of the altar.
I wished I would be able to see her one last time, but then I
wondered if her killer had deformed her in anyway. I don't think
I could stand to see my lover that way. To my right, I saw Joyce
and Mr. Summers sitting in the front pew. I debated whether I
should go pay my regrets to them and decided I would like to talk
to them privately.
"Angel, have you seen that cute little girl in the front pew
with Mr. and Mrs. Summers? She looks like Buffy," Cordelia
Joyce moved and I was able to see a light brown-haired girl
holding onto Joyce's hand. The little girl seemed to be
transfixed on the casket. Joyce began whispering in her ear and
she happened to turn in my direction. She was definitely related
to Buffy. She had her small forehead and nose, but there was
something about her that was more familiar to me: her dark, but
soulful eyes. They were like my own or how other people described
them. Could she be....
Before I could say a word, the
priest had come out and began the service. He was talking about
how short Buffy's life had been and how these days the young
people were dying at an alarming rate. He definitely didn't know
about the Hellmouth or he would not have been so surprised. Those
who knew Buffy knew she could have died at any time, so we were
semi-prepared, but so long after her slaying heydays. Why now?
"Is there anyone who would wish to speak about our departed
sister, Buffy?" the priest asked. Everyone looked around
before finally Giles went up.
"Hello, everyone. I'm Rupert Giles. I have known Buffy since
1997 and she became like a daughter to me. Buffy would probably
say that I was just her school librarian, but most of us know I
was a lot more to her. She was stubborn as all hell, but you
instantly had to back down. She was a very fun loving person and
I will miss her in my life. My condolences go out to the entire
Summers family and her closest friends." Giles stepped down,
crying, and Willow consoled him.
Everyone sat there solemnly and the priest went on. I wondered
why no one else had spoken. Was there something I didn't know?
"Buffy Anne Summers has left behind her parents, Joyce and
Hank Summers and her daughter of three years, Lenore Morgana. God
have mercy that her mother died so early in her life."
Three years? That was proof enough for me. The service was over
quickly and everyone filed out of the chapel. I told Cordelia to
go outside and I would be out in a few minutes. She left and I
went to the casket.
"Hey, Buffy, it's me. How's it where you are? Did you gain
your wings yet? So, what is the reason you kept Lenore a secret?
Did she remind you too much of me? How I was or am? I wish I had
known I had a child, someone who was a part of someone that I
love and wanted to spend my life with. Despite everything, I wish
we had been able to be together as a family if only once." I
knelt next to the casket and kissed the hard wood.
"Angel, can I talk to you?" I heard a voice say behind
me. For a moment, I thought it was Buffy's, but it was the next
closest person, her mom.
"Hello, Joyce. I hope that you don't mind that I'm
here," I said, wondering if she still blamed me for
everything that happened four years ago.
"No, I'm glad you are here. You have every right to be here.
You were closer to her than any of us and I am sure she would do
something to get back at me if you weren't told. Sorry, I'm still
in shock. She was protecting Lenore and that's when it
"Willow told me it was you she was protecting." Not
that it made a difference. Buffy always was protecting people in
"She probably didn't want to be the first person to tell you
about Lenore. She probably thought it was my place."
"So, she is mine, isn't she?"
"She was conceived in November of 1999."
"Yes. She was 3 in September."
"Now, that Buffy's gone, what does that mean for her? Who
has custody of her?"
"Angel, I think we should discuss this later. They are about
to carry the casket out. It would mean a lot if you would act as
a pallbearer." I noticed Xander and a few other men were
milling around the chapel. Joyce said goodbye and went outside.
Without a word, I took hold of the front right and we carried the
casket outside to her burial spot. The path had been lit because
of the time of night. She was going to be buried next to the
Alpert mausoleum. We had had some fun times in this area. The
casket was put on the platform and I stepped back to be with the
gang. Joyce, Hank, and Lenore were all sitting in the seats for
the immediate family. My eyes were transfixed on Lenore's head.
The priest did the usual 'Dust to dust, ashes to ashes' speech
and I wished I didn't have to see her go into that ground. In the
past, I had watched as my victims were buried, but this is my
true love. When the casket begin to disappear, I turned away,
looking anywhere, but straight ahead. The guests began saying
goodbye to Joyce and Hank and soon, it was only Giles, Willow,
Xander, and I who remained.
"Hank, this is Angel. Angel, this is Buffy's father,
Hank," Joyce said as Hank and she came over to me.
"Hello, sir. We shouldn't have to meet for the first time on
such a somber occasion. I am sorry for your loss."
"Thank you. Buffy said you were the best thing in her life
and you were the one who got away. From what I see, she may have
"Hey there, mopsy. Where's Mr. Bear?" I heard Willow
say as she picked up Lenore. The little girl laughed and smiled
for the first time all night.
"Gramma wouldn't let me bring him. He's on my bed at her
house," Lenore said, quietly.
"You haven't been properly introduced," Joyce told me.
"She seems to be having a good time with Willow. Don't
"She asked me who you were and I told her you were a very
good friend of her mommy's. She said you were very pretty."
"Joyce, I think she's getting a little tired," Willow
said as she came over with Lenore in her arms. The little girl's
head was resting on Willow's shoulder and her eyes were closed.
"She has had a long day. Give her to me." Lenore was
transferred from Willow to Joyce. "Angel, I would like you
to come to the house with us if you can."
"Yes. Willow, can you take Cordelia back to your house with
you?" I asked.
"Sure. I will see you later everyone." Willow walked
away and I followed Joyce and Hank over to the parking lot.
"Meet you at my house in ten
minutes. You remember how to get there, don't you?"
I would never forget how to get to Buffy's house. I had been
there more times than Buffy had known about. "Yes. I will
see you there." I watched Joyce lay Lenore in the backseat
and she got in the passenger seat next to Hank. I slowly followed
them back to the house.
Eight minutes and fifty-two
seconds later @ Joyce's house
Pulling up to Joyce's house, I almost could not contain my tears.
I would never be able to watch Buffy climb down her trellis or
walk by a window. Hank and Joyce got Lenore out of the car and
Hank took her upstairs to bed.
"Angel, come in," Joyce said as I hesitated at the
door. I went inside and noticed that in four years not much had
changed. A few new pictures, a couple of Buffy and Lenore, that I
admired before going into the living room.
"Can I get you something to drink? Coffee, soft drink?"
Joyce asked. She was antsy about something, but still she was
being a courteous hostess.
"Water, thank you." Joyce went into the kitchen and I
picked up a pastel scrapbook with a little bear on it. These have
to be baby pictures, I knew I shouldn't be doing this, but I had
to know what she looked like when she was carrying my child. I
opened to the first page and this was written: May 2003, To Mom
(Grandma), Happy Mom's Day Love, Buffy and Lenore. Below was a
recent picture of Lenore and Buffy. Both of them looked happy
with milk mustaches. Turning the page, I found a chronicle of the
past four years. Buffy throughout her pregnancy, just after she
gave birth with all the sweat and tears still present, a bunch of
baby pictures of Lenore in various outfits, and finally, a
picture of the three generations of Summers women. I closed the
book as Joyce reappeared. From the redness of her eyes, I knew
why she had been gone so long.
"I saw that you were looking at my Mother's Day present.
Since she has been gone, I have looked at that thing fifty times.
Remembering the good times and the bad times...I want you to know
that she was happy when she died. It was quick and pretty
But that doesn't bring her back? I wanted to yell, but I resolved
to keep my self-control. "That's good to know. Why is that
you asked me to come here?"
"Because of this," Joyce said as she handed me a
decorated videotape case and manila envelope. In Buffy's
interesting handwriting on both were written To my dearest Angel.
"Buffy made this tape for you about two weeks ago. She
wanted to explain everything to you since the two of you were
becoming close again. She was planning on sending it the day she
By this time, Hank had come down and taken a seat next to Joyce.
"Joycie, have you told him about the custody issue?"
What? "No, Hank. I just gave him the video and envelope. He
hasn't opened the envelope yet," Joyce said to her
ex-husband. She turned to me, saying, "I guess Hank just
ruined the ending. It was Buffy's wish that if anything should
happen to her that you would get sole custody of Lenore. The
envelope contains the legal papers as well as some other items
Buffy wanted you to have."
Slowly, I opened the envelope and removed the paper-clipped
papers. The rest of the contents remained inside until such time
that I could be alone. The papers told me what Joyce had already
told me: Lenore Morgana Summers-McKendrick was left to Angel
McKendrick, her biological father, in the event of Buffy Anne
Summers' death or grave injury. Buffy's signatures were already
present. I read all the papers and gave my signature. While I had
been reading, I thought about what I wanted to do.
"Joyce, I don't want to disturb Lenore's life anymore than
it has been. If it is alright with you, I would like to spend a
week here with her, so we can get to know each other. If then she
feels comfortable with me, I would like her to move to Los
Angeles with me. No matter what happens I want to be part of her
"I understand. You come up here to say goodbye to the woman
you love and learn you have a child together. Lenore is a lot
shier and timid compared to Buffy, but at the funeral she was the
one who asked me who you were. She wants to know you."
"Is it alright if I go upstairs and watch her sleep? I know
what she has been going through. I promise not to wake her
up," I asked.
"You're her father and her guardian now, Angel. We are not
decision-makers for her anymore, you are," Hank said. This
was the first time he had really spoken to me.
"She's up in Buffy's room. I have no doubt you know where
that is. We will be down here if you need us." I left the
living room and quietly, walked up the stairs. They didn't creak
that much, so I probably hadn't woken Lenore up. Opening the door
into Buffy's room set off a flood of memories. The day I spent
the night, Halloween, some of the memories when I was a demon
again. The décor was the same as I remembered. Using the light
from the hallway, I made my way over to the desk chair and sat
down. Under all the covers, I was able to see Lenore clasping her
teddy bear (Mr. Bear if I remember what Willow said earlier) for
dear life. She made a soft snoring noise that was like music to
Suddenly, Lenore began flailing around and yelling, "Mommy!
Mommy! Mr. Big Teeth don't hurt my mommy." My little girl
was having a nightmare and my parental instinct took over. I
rushed over to her bed and gently took her in my arms.
"Lenore, Lenore, wake up. You're having a very bad
dream," I said softly. Her eyes opened in fear but once I
turned on the small lamp, she relaxed.
"You're the pretty man I saw at Mommy's funeral. What's your
name?" I thought this bold of a shy little girl, but the
behavior reminded me of Buffy.
"Angel," I simply replied.
"Mommy's an angel now, isn't she?" She was an angel
when she was here on earth, I wanted to say, but Lenore would not
"Yes, she is. Will you tell me about your dream?"
She recoiled a bit and she was quiet for a few minutes. "The
big teeth monster got Mommy and pulled her away from me. I
screamed and cried, but the monster bit Mommy in the neck. He ran
away before Gramma came out."
My daughter had watched her mother be killed. I wished I could
reverse time and be there for Buffy and Lenore, but that was
impossible. The only thing I could do now was be there for Lenore
as Buffy wanted me to.
"I am going to be spending a lot of time with you for the
next week. Would you like that?"
Even though it was semi-dark, I could feel her smile. "Yes.
Me and you can have fun. I love you, Mr. Angel." Lenore gave
me a kiss and closed her eyes.
"I love you, Lenore. Sleep tight," I said as she fell
asleep in my arms. The night Lenore was conceived, Buffy had done
the same thing. I shed a few tears and they fell into Lenore's
hair. She is beautiful, Buffy, but any child of yours would be.
When I knew she wasn't going to wake up, I transferred her back
into her bed and pulled her covers over her. Before I turned off
the light and closed the door, I gave her a kiss on the forehead.
With that, I went downstairs to talk to Hank and Joyce.
Early Saturday October 25, 2003
@ Willow's apartment
After leaving Joyce's house, I had some pent-up energy. I drove
around Sunnydale for a good two hours, remembering all the places
I had gone with Buffy. I went up to the mansion and realized
someone had moved in. It was no longer mine. At about one-thirty,
I returned to Willow's with my tape and envelope. The front door
was unlocked, so I gained entrance without disturbing Willow or
Cordy. Both of them seemed to be asleep, so I put in my tape and
turned the volume down. I took the blanket from the couch and sat
in front of the television.
When I was ready, I pushed Play and Buffy's face lit up the
screen. She was sitting on a couch with pictures and other
drawings around her. She looked the same as I remembered her,
except her hair was a little shorter and it was clipped back in a
"Angel's tape take one. Hi, Angel. No, that sounds childish.
Hey, Angel. I wanted to give you something to pass the time until
I am able to come see you. The weekend of November 7 is working
out good, so I will see you then." Suddenly, she burst into
tears and there is two minutes of crying. "I'm so sorry,
Angel. There is a reason why I am making this video, a very
important one. I will understand if you don't want to see me
after viewing this video. I shouldn't have kept this from you for
so long. (Taking a deep breath) Angel, you have a daughter,
Lenore. She was conceived the weekend I was down in LA with you.
I don't remember all the details, but I know the important facts.
She was born September 4, 2000 and she weighed 6 lb. 1 oz. The
first time I saw her eyes I knew she was yours. No one I have
ever known has those deep chocolate eyes that make your heart
melt. She is the sweetest little girl and I wish I would have
realized we needed you in our lives before now. There is
something else that is important to me, Angel. No matter what
your initial reaction is, my decision will never change. Angel, I
want to know that Lenore is well taken care of if anything should
ever happen to me. That is why I want you to have sole custody of
our daughter. I have already discussed this with Mom and Giles
and they will not stand in your way. The papers have already been
pre-signed by me, but I hope we won't ever need to worry about
them. 'Mommy, the Little Mermaid ended. Can I have a new DVD?'
'Yes, sweetheart. Can you come here for a second? Say hi to the
camera for a second.' 'Hi, camera. Mommy, who are you making the
tape for?' 'An old friend. Will you let Mommy finish making the
tape and then I will change the disk?' 'Okay, bye camera friend.'
If you haven't figured that out, that was Miss Lenore. She does
look like a blend of us, doesn't she? Well, as you heard, Mommy
duty calls. I hope to hear from you as soon as you watch this
tape. I want you to know that I love you and I have not stopped
since I first met you. See you soon." Buffy kissed the
camera lens and the tape ended. That was the last picture of
Buffy I would ever have.
I rewatched the tape over and over again. I ended up staying
awake until four in the morning, each time I cried a little more.
I left the envelope for another time.
Saturday, October 25,
2003-Friday October 31, 2003
When I woke up on Saturday, Willow and Cordelia were gone. They
left a note saying they were at the mall and would be back later.
I took that as a sign that they knew I needed to be my brooding
self and they were letting me be. The decorated envelope was
beside me on the couch and I decided right now was as good a time
as any to look inside.
Undoing the clasp, the first item I pulled out was a drawing made
by Lenore. It showed a tall person with yellow hair who looked
like Buffy, a little girl with yellow and brown mixed hair that
had to be Lenore, and a tall brown haired person all in black. I
guess someone told her I dressed in black a lot. The picture was
dated May 4, 2003. Putting the drawing aside, I removed another
piece of paper. This was a letter addressed to me. I wasn't ready
to see what Buffy wrote to me, so I placed that off to the side
and took out the remaining item in the envelope. To Angel was
written on the cover of a small album. Inside was filled with
various pictures of Buffy and Lenore from the past four years. It
was in scrapbook form, so there were captions and comments to
most of the pictures. It was a nice way to show me what I had
missed while I was away, but still I wished I had been a part of
their lives while I had both of them.
The phone interrupted my thoughts. "Hello, this is Willow's
"Hello, Angel. It's Joyce. I was wondering if you were
coming over tonight."
"I was planning on it. Is something wrong with Lenore?"
"No, no. I think she's just getting tired of Hank and me
watching over her all the time. She needs someone new to talk to
"Allow me to eat and change. I will be over in about twenty
"That's fine. Come over whenever you can. Goodbye,
"Bye, Joyce." I hung up the phone and focus on the page
the scrapbook was open to: it was a picture of Buffy holding a
newborn Lenore in her backyard. Both of them looked happy and I
shed a few tears before leaving the couch.
I drank a bag and they changed into my gray wool sweater and a
pair of jeans. I wanted Lenore to be less afraid of me, so I was
trying to wear some of the clothes Cordy had bought for me.
Within ten minutes, I was out of the apartment and driving to
I knocked on the door and Lenore asked who it was. I told her Mr.
Angel and she threw open the door and rushed into my arms. Joyce
came up laughing saying that she had told Lenore that I was
coming over. Lenore took me into the living room and told me to
sit on the couch. She sat next to me and explained who everyone
was on the Bugs Bunny cartoon. I sat there listening to her
intently. I asked her where she had learned everything and she
softly said that her mommy had told about it. I smiled knowing
Buffy was a closet-cartoon watcher.
For the rest of the night, Lenore and I spend quality time
together. Her head was resting on my thigh and I had my hand on
her back. She and I watched three hours of cartoons before Joyce
told her it was time for bed.
"But Gramma, I'm not tired." The little girl was trying
to suppress a yawn. She also put on a pouty face, similar to her
"Is it okay if Mr. Angel takes you to bed?"
"Alright. Goodnight, Gramma. Where's Grandpa?" she
"In the kitchen. Go give him a kiss goodnight."
"I will." She took off around the corner and Joyce and
I exchanged a glance.
"What do you think of her?"
"She's definitely Buffy's."
"And yours. Buffy would often tell me of things that
reminded her of you."
"Mr. Angel, I will race you upstairs," Lenore said from
the bottom of the stairs.
"I will give you a head start," I told her.
"You are good with her, Angel."
"How could I not? She's my link to my love." I left the
living room and went to find Lenore.
For the rest of week, I was able to visit Lenore for a longer
time thanks to Giles, Willow, and Joyce. There was a way to get
from Willow's apartment to Joyce's house through the tunnels. The
manholes were within seconds of the front doors and I protected
myself with my duster. It worked out for the best, I was able to
spend more of the day with Lenore and she could get to know me
better. By Wednesday, we were talking about the different
cartoons and shows like old pros.
At a commercial one of the nights, Lenore asked me in her little
voice, "Mr. Angel, do you know what Friday is?"
"Its date would be 31st. Why do you ask?"
"It's Halloween. Candy night. Can you come over that
"Yes, if you want me to. What are you going to dress
"A princess. Mommy and Gramma made the costume for me."
"You will be the prettiest princess out there."
"Auntie Willow and Uncle Xander are coming over too. What
about the brown-haired lady from Mommy's funeral?"
"Cordelia? I think she would like to come to your Halloween
"It's not a party, it's trick-or-treat time."
Every night, Lenore went down for me with no trouble. She usually
wanted to hear a story, so I told her various fairy tales and she
usually fell asleep about halfway through. I tucked her in and
waited a few minutes in case she woke up. She never did, but
there was another reason I liked staying. When she was asleep,
she reminded me of Buffy with her constant movement and her soft
talking. I would leave the door ajar and go downstairs to talk to
Joyce and Hank for an hour or so. Back at Willow's, Cordelia and
Willow usually were awake and they would ask how our day was and
I always answered amazing. I invited Cordelia to the Halloween
party on Friday night.
"You know Angel, we have to get back to LA by next
Wednesday," she said.
By now, everyone knew I had sole custody of Lenore, but the
reality was beginning to set in. "I'm aware of that,
Cordelia. I still don't know about ripping Lenore away from the
places and people she knows here in Sunnydale."
"Angel, you have to do it some time. We all love her like
our own and it will only make it harder if you keep her here for
much longer," Willow said.
"After Friday night, I promise I will ask her if she wants
to live with me."
"Sounds good to me," Cordy answered.
"Angel, you are going to be a good father," Willow told
"Thanks for the confidence, Will."
Friday came and Lenore called me at eleven in the morning. Willow
woke me up from a sound sleep and I immediately thought something
"Hey, Mr. Angel. Gramma dialed your number, so I could talk
to you. Are you still coming tonight?"
"Yeah, Lenore. Auntie Willow, Cordelia, and I will be there
about four-thirty. Just in time to see you put on your
"Cool. It's almost lunchtime. Gramma's making my favorite:
peanut butter and jelly with the crust cut off. Bye-bye."
Just like Buffy.
"Bye, Lenore." I hung up the phone and pasted a big
smile on my face.
"What did the little one say to you?" Cordy asked as
she came out of the bathroom, fixing her hair.
"She wanted to know if I was coming tonight. I told her all
of us would be there."
"That little girl is going to have you wrapped around her
"Cordy's right. You are going to spoil her rotten,"
"She's my daughter and she's my responsibility now. I make
the decision for her now."
Neither Cordelia nor Willow said a word to me for a while. I knew
what I had said was a little over the top, but it was the truth.
I am Buffy's Chosen One to take care of her daughter. For some
reason, she trusted me with our daughter's life and well being
and I don't want to let her down in the first week.
Time flew and we went over to Joyce's house a little early. I
lied in the back of Willow's car with a blanket over my body. We
got to the house and Willow parked in the driveway, so I wouldn't
have to walk so far. Hank answered the door that day and told us
Joyce was upstairs putting on Lenore's costume.
"Grandpa, is Mr. Angel here?" Lenore called down from
"Yes, honey. Auntie Willow and Cordelia are here too."
"Mr. Angel, come here," she yelled in an authority
"I have been called," I said as I raced up the stairs
and snatched Lenore from where she stood in Joyce's doorway. She
let out a shriek and then started laughing. All she was wearing
was underwear and tights. Joyce had curled her hair and it was
all in ringlets.
"Hey there, cutey. Where's the rest of your costume? I don't
think Gramma and Grandpa will allow you out like this."
"Gramma has it."
"Angel, she has not stopped talking about you since this
morning. Lenore, will you put your costume on now that Angel's
"I want him to do it."
"Alright, but you may want to ask him first."
"Mr. Angel, will you put my costume on me please?"
Again she put on her pouty face and I couldn't resist.
"What do I have to do?"
"Get her dress over her head, button it up, put her shoes on
and that's it," Joyce explained.
"Alright." I took the blue dress from the bed and put
it over Lenore's head and she squirmed underneath until her arms
and head peeked through. I buttoned the back up and put Lenore up
on the bed so I could get her shoes on. Within five minutes, she
was dressed and looked like a true princess.
"Do I look like Mommy?" Lenore asked me.
"Yes, you have her button nose and small forehead. Your toes
look like hers too," I told her as I touched her nose,
forehead, and tickled her toes. She laughed and giggled. That was
another thing that reminded me of Buffy.
"Do I look like you, Daddy?" My eyes shot to her in
shock. As far as I knew, no one had told her about my true
identity. To her I was just a good friend of her Mommy's who has
been there every night for the past few days. Joyce sat there
"Yes, your eyes are like mine. Your grandma, my mommy, use
to tell me that my eyes would make every lady turn to me. You are
going to have the affect of boys when you get older."
"Ewww! Boys. Where does your mommy live?"
"She died a long time ago, but I will tell you about her
some time. She was a sweet lady."
"Come on everybody. It's candy time," Lenore said in
her happy voice. She raced downstairs and Willow caught her.
"Hey, mopsy. Can you give me a hug?"
Lenore settled down enough to give Willow a hug and then she was
racing to get away from me. This was her game for twenty minutes:
Get Away from Daddy. She ran around the house and never got
tired. Finally, it started getting darker and it was time to go
out. Joyce took a bunch of pictures before Lenore went out. We
asked Lenore who she wanted to go out. Of course, I was her first
choice and Willow was her second. Joyce, Hank, Cordelia, and
Xander didn't take offense to this, so Willow and I set off with
Princess Lenore and her pumpkin pail.
Lenore had the 'Trick-or-treat' down and she received some good
candy because of it. Everyone looked at her and then at Willow
and me and stared. No, we aren't her parents, I wanted to say to
the people. But I didn't let it get to me, after all this was
In between houses, Lenore said, "Auntie Willow, did you know
Angel was my daddy?"
"Yes, I did, mopsy."
Lenore dropped the subject because she had another house to
assault. Going down both sides of the block, Lenore had a pail
full of candy and we went back to Joyce's.
"What did you get?" everyone asked. Lenore spilled the
pail of candy and pointed. Smart girl, I thought.
The adults checked the candy and ate some. When Lenore asked if
she could have some, Joyce and I said she could have three pieces
before she went to bed. Being her mother's child, she picked the
big Tootsie Roll, Reese's, and Snickers. She sat on Joyce's lap
and ate her candy.
Bedtime came quickly for the little girl, but she didn't complain
a bit. She hugged and kissed everyone goodnight and went
upstairs. Tonight, she had asked Hank to tuck her in, because he
was leaving for home tomorrow.
Hank was back downstairs within five minutes, saying that Lenore
had fallen into a sound sleep once she had gotten into bed. All
of us adults talked for an hour or so and then we decided it was
time to go. While Cordelia and Willow were talking to Joyce, I
snuck upstairs and looked in on Lenore. She was resting
comfortably in the big bed and I said a special goodnight to her
in my mind.
I got downstairs before they began looking for me and said
goodbye to Joyce and Hank. They both thanked me for being there
for Lenore and them. I shrugged and said I had nothing better to
do. Willow, Cordelia, and me left to go back to Willow's. I had a
lot to decide that night like when I was going to ask Lenore if
she wanted to move to Los Angeles with me.
Monday November 3, 2003 @
Joyce had asked if I wanted to have Lenore come over to Willow's
instead of going to her house. I told her that was fine with me.
Joyce came over with Lenore about eleven and waited around a
while. I think she knew today was the day I was going to ask
Lenore was sitting on my lap as she enjoyed doing most of the
time I was around her. She had brought her Suzie Dress-up doll
with her and she kept taking her shoes on and off.
"Lenore, can I ask you something?" I said, quietly.
She stopped taking off the shoes and looked up at me. "Sure,
Daddy. What's the what?" she asked. Her statement made me
want to cry for two reasons: the Daddy part and the usage of
"You have been having a good time with me over the past
"Well, I have been having a good time with you too. I was
wondering if you would like to live with me. Right now, my
apartment isn't very nice, but we could find a new one." I
looked to Lenore for a reaction. The first thing I got was a
"Gramma, can I go live with Daddy?" she asked.
"Lenore, you can do whatever you want. Remember Grandpa and
me will always love you."
"Daddy, can we visit Gramma a lot?"
"Yes, we can come back here often and Grandma, Willow,
Giles, and Xander can come to see you as much as they can. I
don't want you to miss out on seeing everyone."
"Okay. Does Miss Cordy live with you?"
I laughed. "No, but she works with me. Do you like
"She has nice clothes and smells good."
Those sounded like two pluses in Lenore's book. "Can you be
ready to go in two days?"
Lenore nodded quickly and I looked to Joyce. "I still
haven't gone to Buffy's apartment to get a lot of Lenore's
things. We have been making due with the clothes and things I had
at my house."
"Would it help if I went with you?" I asked quietly. I
wondered where Buffy had lived, because I hadn't seen a lot of
Buffy's things at Joyce's.
"Yes, it would. Maybe Willow and Cordelia could watch Lenore
later and we could go to do it tonight. I can't avoid going there
"I'm sure they would be happy to," I said.
"Okay, Lenore. Let's let Daddy have a few hours to himself.
I will bring you back here later, so that Auntie Willow and
Cordelia can watch you."
"Alright. Bye, Daddy." She gave me a hug and a kiss
goodbye. Joyce smiled at me and waved goodbye. When Lenore and
her were gone, I lay down and slept for a few hours. Tonight
promised to be emotionally draining.
Sunset that night
The doorbell rang and I rushed to get it. As expected, it was
Lenore and Joyce. Both of them were dressed warmly due to the
cold front that had moved in. I wasn't sure where I had left my
duster, but I would find it.
"Daddy!" Lenore said as she rushed to me. I grabbed her
and picked her up. I wondered if this kid was ever sad. The only
time I had seen her anything but happy was after her nightmare.
Willow and Cordelia had been pigging out on Chinese food in the
kitchen and came out when they realized our guests had arrived.
"Hey, Lenore. It's Girls' Night here. What do you want to do
first? Hair? Nails? Facial?" Cordelia asked.
"Can I have my nails painted? When Mommy went out, she would
do my nails too."
"Cool, nails it is. Is that alright with you, Angel?"
"Whatever she wants. Just don't make her into a beauty queen
"Lenore, Daddy and I are going to go out for a few hours.
You be good for Auntie Willow and Cordelia, okay?"
"Alright, Gramma." She hugged us both and Willow took
her into the kitchen. I found my duster on the coat rack and we
left in Joyce's Jeep.
"You might be wondering why Buffy was living on her own and
not with me. When I found out she was pregnant, I didn't react
very well. UC Sunnydale doesn't allow student mothers to stay in
their residence halls after they deliver, so Buffy moved into a
place in Giles' building. He was able to watch out for her and
help her. After Lenore was born and I saw her, I got over my
bullheadedness. I came to realize Lenore could be my only
grandchild. Buffy had made a home for Lenore and herself and she
didn't want to move back into my house. We got along very well
since everything got resolved. Lenore would stay with Giles or me
every day when Buffy was at school and she worked on campus. I
had my daughter and granddaughter in my life and I wish I could
have them both again." Joyce broke down and I put a hand on
Thankfully, we arrived at the building not soon after and I saw
Giles standing in his doorway.
"Hello, Joyce, Angel. Do you need any help upstairs?"
He had to know why we were here.
"No, thank you. Angel is taking Lenore to L.A. on Wednesday
and I wanted to get as much as her stuff tonight as
"Oh. If you need anything, I will be here all night."
Giles closed his door and Joyce led me up to Buffy's apartment.
The key Joyce had stuck in the lock, so I used some brute force
to turn the knob.
"I guess that's what I get for not coming here sooner,"
she said as she walked into the now open apartment. This was
definitely Buffy's place. A lot of knickknacks and Lenore's craft
projects around the living room. Joyce went down into Lenore's
room, which was painted sky blue and had sunflowers on the wall.
"Buffy wanted Lenore to feel safe, not scared."
I nodded and went to the closet.
"How do you want to do this?"
"I brought boxes. You can put as much of Lenore's stuff in
those. A lot of this stuff she won't miss all that much. I can
tell you what she likes. Let me go get the boxes."
Joyce walked out of the apartment and I wandered around. The only
other door on that side of the apartment led to Buffy's room.
There were clothes strewn all over the floor and her boots in the
middle of the room, but her bed was perfectly made. I went over
to her night table and found a picture of Lenore and Buffy at
Disneyland. Buffy had on Mickey Mouse ears and Lenore had on a
Pooh cap that was too big for her newborn head. I estimated that
Lenore had to be less than three months old in that picture.
"Angel?" Joyce called.
"Coming." I rushed out of the room and closed the door
For two hours, Joyce and I went through Lenore's closet and room
selecting things that Lenore could not survive without. That
filled three big boxes. Another box were things that were
mementos and Joyce said she would save those for Lenore for when
she had children. Joyce put the three full boxes into the living
room and then she went back down the hallway, but this time she
went into Buffy's room.
"I know you were in here when I came back with the boxes.
This is actually clean compared to a few times I was here. There
is a box in her closet I know she wanted you to have. It goes
with the letter that was inside the envelope. Have you read it
"No, but I did watch the video a few times."
"Here it is." Joyce gave me a silver box and we went
out to the living room.
"What are you going to do with the apartment?"
"I decided I am going to clear it out. I'm not emotionally
ready to go through every thing at the moment. The movers are
coming this weekend and they are going to put everything in
storage for a while."
"That's a good decision. Do you think I have everything
Lenore will want?"
"Besides her mommy... Sorry, I'm still cynical about this
goddamn Hellmouth. Why did it have to take her now that she was
settling down and raising her daughter?"
I had no answer, so I remained silent. We took the boxes down in
two trips and the last time Joyce said to me, "If there is
anything you want to take for yourself to remember her by, be my
I went back into the bedroom and took the Disneyland picture, the
leather jacket I had gotten her six years ago, and her vanilla
perfume. I stuck the picture and perfume in my pockets and
carried the jacket over my arms. Seeing only the jacket, Joyce
asked if there was anything I wanted. I told her I had enough.
She locked up the apartment again and she drove me back to
Wednesday November 5, 2003 @
I have not physically seen Lenore since Monday night. She had
asked to spend her last few days with her gramma. She is the
smartest three-year-old I have ever been around. She senses that
her life is going through a dramatic change and she has taken it
all in stride. So far, I have not seen her shed a single tear
over her mother's death or leaving Sunnydale. She's always
smiling and she makes the world a brighter place.
"Angel? What are you going to do about your apartment? It
isn't exactly kid friendly," Cordelia asked as she drove
over to Joyce's. We were going to take her back to L.A. with us
tonight, but before Joyce had planned a get together to say
goodbye to Lenore.
"I know that and I have been thinking. That spare room can
definitely be Lenore's room, but it needs some sprucing up. Do
you know someone who could help?" It was dark, but I knew
Cordy sensed me staring at her.
"You're going to have to lend me one of those gold cards of
yourself. Probably the one with the 10,000 dollar limit,"
she said nonchalantly, but I could tell she was excited.
"How about 5,000? That should take care of redecorating the
room and clothes. Keep in mind she's only three. I think I said
this before, but I don't want her looking like a baby
"Overprotective father much?" Cordy said under her
breath, but I heard her.
"Yes, I am going to be. She is my only connection to her
mother now and I don't want to lose her before I have to."
The mood in the car got somber for the remainder of the trip.
Cordelia parked in front of the house and immediately, someone
opened the door or attempted to.
"Daddy, daddy, daddy," Lenore chanted. I opened the
door and she rushed into my arms. I picked her up and she gave me
a kiss on the cheek. She was wearing a little red velvet dress
and her hair was done in curls.
"Aaaahhhh!!!! That's so sweet," Cordelia said as she
joined us on the parkway.
"Lenore? Lenore? Where did you go?" Joyce called from
inside the house. I carried Lenore inside, so Joyce wouldn't be
worried. "There you are. Lenore, I told you never to go
outside alone after night. There are things that like to get
little girls like you." Joyce tickled Lenore's tummy and my
daughter began laughing. Joyce was being stern with Lenore, but
"Sorry, gramma. Daddy's here," Lenore answered with her
puppy dog face.
"See, Angel. This is what you
have to look forward to. This little munchkin and her many faces.
It's hard to say no to them when they look like this." Joyce
took Lenore from me and we went into the living room where
everyone was gathered.
"There you are, Lenore. Where did you run off to? Sorry,
Joyce, we got to talking and the next thing we knew she was
gone," Giles said as he apologized.
"She went outside to meet Angel and Cordelia. Don't worry, I
already told her she was not to run outside after dark without an
"Good. How are you doing today, Angel?" Giles asked.
Cordy and I had taken a seat on the loveseat and Joyce and Lenore
were sitting on the ground.
"He is still a man of very few words. I think I speak for
him when I say that at first he came up here to attend his only
love's funeral and grief in his own way. When he found out he had
a child, it changed everything for him. Even if Buffy had not
given him full custody, he would have felt responsible to take
care of her and be a loving father," Cordelia explained.
"Wait a minute! Buffy gave full custody of Lenore to Angel?
I thought Lenore was going to L.A. for a few weeks and then she
would be back," Xander yelled.
"Xander, I told you Saturday on the phone. Buffy wanted
Lenore to be with Angel if anything would have happened to
her," Willow told her lifelong friend.
"How long has this been in place? Did everyone know but
"Since the day Lenore was born. She told me that if she
didn't write it down it would be understood by all that Angel was
Lenore's father and he would be her guardian. She went to her mom
and Giles about it a year ago and they gave their blessings. I
told Cordy at the funeral. So, I guess you were the
last to know."
"Uncle Xander don't like Daddy?" Lenore asked. Her eyes
went from Xander to me and back to Xander.
"Sorry, mopsy. Your daddy and I have a love/hate
relationship. It worked this way for six years and I don't see
any reason to change," Xander said to Lenore.
"Well...seeing as we need a change of subject, how about all
of you come into the kitchen? I have food and drinks in
All of us went into the kitchen to get some food and drink. Giles
and I began discussing some creatures that were to come into this
world from the sewers. Xander, Cordy, and Willow were reminiscing
about high school. Joyce, the odd man out, was looking busy by
organizing her bowls. I hadn't asked Joyce how Lenore's living
with me was going to effect her. Once I was done with Giles, I
moved over to talk to her.
"Joyce, are you going to be okay here?"
"Angel, I have lived alone for three years now. Nothing is
different," Joyce replied.
I didn't say a word. We both knew that was right. Buffy was dead
and Lenore was coming to live with me. Everything was changing
all at once for both of us. Her sobs were what brought me to
reality. I took her in my arms and allowed her to cry. She
murmured something about Buffy deserving to be rewarded for all
the people she had saved, but instead she was killed. Once
Willow, Xander, Cordy, and Giles realized Joyce was in tears,
they came over to help me comfort her.
"Joyce, remember you will always be Lenore's grandmother. I
don't want to take her away from you. You are welcome to visit
anytime and I will bring her up here to see you guys all the
time. I promise."
"Speaking of the munchkin, where is she? I haven't seen her
since we came in here," Willow said.
All six of us looked at each other and panicked. We hadn't heard
her at all and that also caused us to worry.
"I will look upstairs," Xander said.
"I'll check outside," Giles said.
"I will check the basement. She likes to play 'Hide and
Seek' in there," Joyce said.
"Maybe she's in the bathroom and she fell in. Maybe she was
sucked into another realm," Cordy said. Everyone looked at
her like she was crazy. "It could happen. Fine, I will look
around for the little moppet."
Everyone split up and we searched for five minutes before I found
her. On the living room couch, there was Miss Lenore, asleep
holding onto her mother's Mr. Gordo.
Softly, I called everyone off the search and we all laughed that
she was in the spot we had left her.
"I hate to do this, but I think it's time that we got on the
road," I said.
Everyone's expression changed from smiles to resolve faces. They
were going to have to let go of Lenore. Joyce had a few more bags
of Lenore's things to give me. There was no sense in waking her,
so I kept her where she was until it was time for us to go. When
it was, I picked her up and allowed everyone to say goodbye to
her. Lenore didn't budge from her slumber. All of us went outside
and I did another check that we had everything that we needed.
Getting in the driver seat, I laid Lenore down next to me.
Cordelia got comfortable in the passenger side with Lenore's head
on her lap.
"I want you to call when you arrive no matter what
time," Joyce said as she leaned into my window.
"I promise to. Bye everyone and thank you for
everything," I say.
"Take good care of her," I hear them say to us.
It was time to go and I slowly pulled away. Everyone remained
outside waving under the lightpost and soon they all disappeared.
Thursday, November 4, 2003
We got into L.A. around eleven-thirty and were at my apartment by
midnight. Lenore was still asleep and Cordy had dozed off around
an hour ago. When I pulled into the garage and parked, Cordy
immediately woke up and began looking around.
"We're home, Cordy. Why don't you spend the night here? I
don't think you should drive home after sleeping for so long. You
can have the bed and I will take the couch," I said softly.
"What about Lenore?" The little girl was curled up into
a fetal position. She was using Cordelia's leg as a pillow.
"She can stay in her room. I will deal with all her boxes
and bags later. For now, we can take her suitcase and Mr.
Bear." I gently pulled her over to me and took her into my
arms. She made some grunting noises and then settled down again.
Cordy grabbed the suitcase and bear and we went into my
The place hadn't changed all that much in the two weeks we were
gone. Same old musky smell. Same old silence. Only now there was
going to be a child added to the mix. A child that was part of
me. I still cannot get over that I am a dad. Lenore is all my
I took Lenore directly into her room and laid her down on her
bed. I knew I needed to change her into some pajamas. In the
suitcase, I found a nightgown with a big bear on the front.
Carefully, I got Lenore to sit up and I changed her out of her
pretty dress and into her nightgown. She was like a rag doll as I
did it. I slipped her under the covers and tugged her in. Before
I left, I gave her a kiss on the forehead and closed the door
halfway. I didn't know if she was afraid of the dark or not.
Cordy was sitting on the couch when I came out of Lenore's room.
"I called Joyce for you. She was happy to hear that we had
made it here safe and sound. She also told me to tell you that if
you have any questions about Lenore, that she is only a phone
"This is going to be a drastic change in lifestyle for me,
but I think I am in need of a change."
"Well, if you don't mind I think it's time for me to hit the
hay. Try not to wake me too early in the morning."
"Goodnight, Cordy and thank you for everything." I was
very thankful that Cordy had been there in Sunnydale with me.
"You're welcome, Boss." Cordy went into the bedroom
area and did her own thing. I could hear her going back and forth
to the bathroom, but she didn't say anything to me.
I got to thinking about reading Buffy's letter, but I was a dad
now and I would have to get up when Lenore did. The letter and
the box would have to wait for a night that I didn't have any
distractions. I got comfortable on the couch and fell asleep.
Seven hours and twelve minutes
Tap. Tap. Tap. "Good morning, Daddy."
Huh? I opened my eyes and saw Lenore standing there with Mr. Bear
in her arms. Her hair was going in all directions, but she looked
so cute. I sat up and took her into my arms. "Good morning
to you, too. You fell asleep during your party last night, did
you know that? I had to carry you out to the car and you slept
the whole ride down in the car too."
"Me was sleepy. Where are we?"
"We are in my apartment in Los Angeles. This is where I
live. My work is upstairs. I track down bad guys," I
explained to her in simple language.
"Like Mommy did?" she asked.
"Yes, like Mommy. We would sometimes track the bad people
"Did you love Mommy?"
"Yes, very much. Your mommy was very special to me."
"Why didn't you visit?"
I wondered where all of these questions were coming from.
"Something happened between your mommy and me and I didn't
think she wanted to see me again. She never told me about you or
I would have been there with you since you were born. I want to
be there for you from now on."
"Can we have breakfast now?" she asked.
"Yeah. You may want to wake Miss Cordelia. She is over in
that big bed."
She smiled and tiptoed into the bedroom. "Miss Cordy... Miss
Cordy...breakfast!!!" Lenore yelled as she jumped up and
down on the bed. I began laughing at Lenore's choice of wake-up
calls. Thankfully, mine had been gentler.
Lenore waited for Cordy to come out with her and we all went into
the kitchen for breakfast. "You sent the little noisemaker
into wake me up, didn't you? I didn't sleep that well last night.
You have a lump in your bed."
"She wanted breakfast and I told her that you want some
too," I told my employee. I couldn't resist smiling as I was
talking to her.
"You're enjoying Lenore a little too much. She is going to
be able to do all your dirty work that has been repressed in that
mind of yours."
All I could do was nod my head. I wasn't going to exploit my
daughter, but I was going to use her when necessary.
Saturday, November 13, 2003
Two weeks had gone by and life was finally beginning to settle
down. That first week back was a little hard because I didn't
know how I was going to do my work and be there for Lenore. Thank
God for Cordelia. She had stepped into the role of baby-sitter
when I need to go out. Most of the day, Lenore would color or
play with her dolls up in the office. At lunchtime, we would all
eat together and then we would resume whatever we were doing. At
night, if I needed Cordy to come out with me, Mrs. Monroe, a nice
woman from the neighborhood, would come to my apartment to take
care of Lenore. She never asked any questions, which was good for
all involved. Usually, Lenore was still awake when I got back, so
I was able to put her to bed. One of the first nights she had
been here, she said she was scared of my place and I told her
that if there was something she didn't like that I would take
care of it. She said that everything was dark and I told her that
we could go shopping and she could pick what she wanted. Cordelia
still hadn't taken her shopping for her bedroom and clothes, so
we all went out on Saturday night.
After five stores and some minor damage to my bank account,
Lenore had some new clothes, a bedroom set that she picked out
(Disney Princesses) and some bright pictures and accessories for
my apartment. Lenore almost fell asleep on the car ride back, but
she stayed awake until we got home. I put her in her room and in
a half state of sleep she said, 'I love you Daddy.' My heart just
about melted and I kissed goodnight.
Since that night, Lenore and I had a ritual. As she was settling
down to go to bed, she would whisper something she was afraid in
my ear and each night, I would tell that anything she was afraid
of I could fix. Last night, my heart almost broke when my
daughter told me what she was scared of.
"Daddy, I don't want to die like Mommy. That monster was
mean and I don't want him to bite me," she whispered as she
was cradled in my arms. She hadn't spoken about Buffy in a few
days and I wondered if she was dealing with her death alright.
"Baby, I promise you, I won't let that evil monster near
you. Promise me that you will scream and yell if anyone ever
tries to take you away."
"I will," she said softly. She closed her eyes and I
took her into her room. I watched her for a couple of extra
minutes in case she awoke screaming, but all she did was toss and
turn for a few minutes and then she fell into a silent sleep.
Tonight, Lenore went down without any problems. After I went out
of her room, my eyes focused on the envelope that unread letter
and box that still had not been opened. Tonight was night.
Cordelia, who usually stopped by on the weekend nights just to
check in, was off on a date. So, I was alone for the night. I
brought the two items over to the couch and sat down to inspect
Removing the letter from the larger envelope, I began reading:
July 27, 2003
I have just spoken to you on the phone and I'm writing this
letter to gather my thoughts. It has been over three years since
I have seen you or heard your voice, but I still get tingly all
over just hearing your voice. I don't know why you really called
me, but I know I will never forget it for as long as I live.
Maybe you knew I needed to hear from you today.
Today had been a bad day for many reasons which I don't think I
can get into, but believe me, you helped me forget all that is
wrong in my life for twenty-eight minutes. I wished we could have
talked for longer, but I understand you having to go to work. I
have my own work that has to be done too. I can't wait to hear
from you again. Hopefully, it will be soon and for a longer
period of time. My heart is bound to you for eternity.
August 7, 2003
I looked at the other dates on the
page and realized I knew these dates. They were days we had
spoken to each other. I realized that this wasn't a letter, but a
chronicle of her thoughts each time we had spoken. I scanned to
the last paragraph on the page.
October 15, 2003
Okay, I finished the box I have been talking about. If anything
should happen to me, Angel, it is in my closet. Remind Mom to
give it to you. Everything in there I want you to have. A couple
of items have notes on them and I would like you to read them and
do what I ask with each item. The key can be found in the bottom
of the big envelope that should have been given to you. As I lock
it, two tears fall down my face. I am closing up a part of my
I looked over to the silver-painted wooden box sitting next to me
and wondered what could be contained in this box. There was a
lock on the front. The key was at the bottom of the envelope and
I inserted it into the lock. Opening the lid, I found a white
blanket and a bouquet of dried roses on top. There was a note
pinned to this.
Angel: Give this blanket to Lenore when her first child (our
grandchild) is born. The flowers were from when I was in the
hospital. I saved them because they were from you.
Lenore: Honey, this is the blanket I brought you home from the
hospital in. I would like you to use it when you bring home your
first little boy or girl home. I wanted an article of your life
to be a part of your child's life.
Carefully removing the blanket from the box, I got to the next
item in the box: a jewelry box. There was no note, so I opened
it. Inside, I found the cross necklace I had given her the first
night we met. Tears began falling from my eyes at the sight of
this first gift to my love. I had wondered what had happened to
it after all this time. I didn't expect Buffy to return it to me,
but I was sure that she wanted me to have it. I put the jewelry
box on top of the blanket and brought out the next item.
It was the book of poetry I had given her for her eighteenth
birthday. The book was well worn like it had been read a lot.
There was a marker in one of the pages and I thought that Buffy
probably wanted me to read it. On the marker was written: Angel,
always. That was what I wrote on the cover page. I began reading
the poem she had flagged.
If thou must love me, let it be for nought
Except for love's sake only. Do not say
`I love her for her smile ... her look ... her way
Of speaking gently, ... for a trick of thought
That falls in well with mine, and certes brought
A sense of pleasant ease on such a day'--
For these things in themselves, BelovĂ¨d, may
Be changed, or change for thee,--and love, so wrought,
May be unwrought so. Neither love me for
Thine own dear pity's wiping my cheeks dry,--
A creature might forget to weep, who bore
Thy comfort long, and lose thy love thereby!
But love me for love's sake, that evermore
Thou may'st love on, through love's eternity
There was no explanation needed on why Buffy had chosen that
poem. It was her lasting message to me: our love would remain for
an eternity. The poetry book was put with the blanket and jewelry
box beside me.
Next to where the book was a small wooden music box. Again Buffy
had written a message to Lenore and me.
Angel: Remember this tune? Tell Lenore about it when she gets
Lenore: This song was special to
your dad and me. Ask him to tell you about it sometime.
Opening the lid, it was our song. I could almost hear it playing
as we made love that first time on her birthday. I wondered how
she had gotten a music box of it, but I knew she would have found
a way to remember that night although it didn't end as expected.
The final three items were in a pyramid on the bottom of the box.
On top was a book titled 'A Mother's Journal' and below that book
were two velvet-covered books. Each had a gold plate across it
with Lenore and mine names. I removed the 'A Mother's Journal'
and saw the note.
Angel: This is something I wanted you to keep for yourself. You
can share parts of this journal with Lenore, but ultimately, it
is something I want you to hold onto. Love your soul partner
This was Buffy's personal baby book with all of her thoughts and
feelings. Flipping through the pages, I came across an
interesting page. The title was 'Let's Talk About YOU!' The first
prompt was: When I learned I was pregnant with you, my first
reaction was... Buffy responded: complete joy and happiness. I
knew that something magical had happened when I had seen your
father. The line for the father's reaction was left blank.
Memorable events during pregnancy: the first day I felt you move,
I thought it was my stomach lurching, but it happened often
enough that I knew it was you; seeing you on the ultrasound; and
telling Grandma and all your aunts and uncles about you. I
flipped to a page with all the ultrasound pictures, ID bracelets,
cards, and announcements had been placed. She had decorated it
all up with hand-drawn pictures and captions. I put the book
aside, so that I could read the other pages at a later date. My
curiosity was getting the better of me. I wanted to know what was
in the velvet books.
I picked up the one with my name on it. It was dark red almost
the color of blood. She must have taken special care choosing it.
I turned to the opening page and began reading.
To my guardian Angel, I hope this book contains some answers and
insights that I never could give you. My heart, soul, and mind
are yours for as long as I live. You are my one and only true
love. This is the diary of Buffy Anne Summers from November 28,
1999 to October 14, 2003.
Each page was filled with Buffy's writings. I realized this is
what I wanted to fall asleep reading tonight. I looked at
Lenore's book, which was also had a velvet cover, but hers was
dark green. One of Buffy's infamous notes was on the cover.
Angel: This book is strictly for Lenore. I would like you to give
it to her on her sixteenth birthday. Tell her that there was a
lot I was unable to tell her during the time we were together.
Angel, please remind her that I will always be there for her.
I took all the other items and packed them back into the box as
Buffy had. The only thing I left out was Buffy's book to me. I
shut down everything in the apartment and went into my bedroom. I
changed into my boxers and lay down. Turning on my bedside lamp,
I opened to the second page and began reading. My eyes never
closed that night.
Thursday, December 25, 2003
It's Christmas Day and everyone came down to L.A. to celebrate
the day with Lenore, Cordy, and me. Lenore and I went out a few
weeks ago and picked the tree. Cordy helped us with the
decorations, which was snowmen per Lenore's request. She told us
that her mommy had promised her she could have snowmen and we
Joyce had called about two weeks ago and asked what our plans for
Christmas were. She explained that for the past two years, she
had been having Christmas dinner for everyone at her house. But I
got the feeling she was not up to it with Buffy's death and
Lenore down here with me.
"If you don't mind driving, why don't all of you come down
here? I would like you to see my apartment and I'm sure Lenore
would be thrilled to see her 'family,'" I suggested.
Joyce liked that idea and she said that she would pass along the
invitation to the rest of the gang. I also said I would call and
give them each a formal invitation. After I had made all the
calls and realized that everyone was coming, I had to plan a
dinner for nine people. Thanks to my two helpers, I had
everything under control.
Now, the day is here and my apartment is full of 'family.' Giles,
Willow and her new boyfriend Marc, Xander, Joyce, Hank, and Cordy
were all here. I knew the reason why they were here was support
Lenore on her first Christmas without her mother. From what I
could see, Lenore was enjoying all the attention that she was
getting from her grandma and 'aunts' and 'uncles'. She had
received a baby buggy for her new baby doll, a trunk of dress-up
clothes, and some jigsaw puzzles all from Santa.
With a little help from Cordy, I made turkey, mashed potatoes,
cranberry sauce, and apple pie for dessert. We had a sit down
dinner and caught up on each other's lives. The healing process
had started for everyone and they were moving on with their lives
the best they could. Each of them told me privately that they
wished Buffy could have been here with us and to each of them I
respond that she was in spirit and in the form of Lenore. They
took solace in the fact that they was someone who was a part of
Buffy still here on earth.
We started the Secret Santa exchange around six o'clock, because
everyone had to drive back to Sunnydale that night. I offered
them to stay here, but all of them said they would rather get
back to Hellmouth in case some evil came to life. Of course,
Lenore got the most gifts and because she was why we were all
together, everyone decided to watch her open gifts before we gave
out our individual gifts.
Lenore got almost everything she had asked for. We had sent a
letter to Santa, which I had forwarded onto his helpers (Joyce
and the rest of the gang). She was surprised each time she opened
the next gift and it was something she wanted. Of course, being
the grandmother, Joyce had to give her clothes, but it was a cute
jumper and turtleneck set that was cute.
Instead of staying around while we adults exchanged gifts, Lenore
asked if she could go into her room and play. I told her she
could and she said goodbye to everyone for the moment.
"She is such a Daddy's Little Girl," Xander said,
"That she is," I responded softly.
"Okay, I say we start the gift giving. I had Giles. Merry
Christmas," Cordelia said as she brought her gift over to
Giles. We all watched as Giles brought out a first edition of
'Demons Uncovered.' Giles laughed and thanked Cordelia for the
"I guess it is my turn now. I received Joyce as my Secret
Santa. Merry Christmas, Joyce." Giles gave her a hug and
gave her her gift. It was a picture of everyone with Buffy and
Lenore in the center. Joyce broke down and I got her the tissue
"Thank you, Giles. This is a perfect gift," Joyce said.
After regaining her composure, she laughed, "I swear this
was not a setup, but I got Hank. Merry Christmas." Hank and
Joyce hugged also and Joyce gave him his bag. Hank took out a
coffee mug saying 'World's Best Ex-Husband.' Everyone got a laugh
out of that, even Hank himself.
"Thank you, ex-honey. Well, I got Marc as my Secret Santa.
Seeing as I had never met you before today, I got a little help
from your girlfriend. Happy Holidays." Hank handed the gift
to Marc and the young man slowly opened the gift. It was the 'Men
Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus' book.
"Thanks. Willow has been saying I need to get I touch with
my feminine side. I got Xander as my Secret Santa." The
young men looked at each other and cracked up. It looked like
they were good friends seeing as Xander was Willow's best friend.
Xander opened the bag and closed it again fast.
"You didn't," he yelled. That made everyone interested
in what it was. Marc and Willow began laughing hysterically.
Xander opened the bag and removed a videotape. It was 'Charlie
Brown Christmas.' Buffy had mentioned once that Willow had told
her that Xander knew how to do the Scooby Dance. Xander put down
his present and grabbed the gift he was going to give. "This
is pay back. Willow, Happy Holidays."
Willow unwrapped the neatly wrapped present and removed a photo
album from the box. "To the best friend a guy could have,
love Xander," Willow read aloud. She thumbed through the
pages before she put it down and began looking at me.
"Angel, you're my Secret Santa. Merry Christmas," she
said. We stood up and hugged while everyone sighed. I took the
bag in her hand and sat down. It was a little heavy and I knew I
could count of Willow knowing the perfect gift for me. It was a
wooden plaque with this message burned into it: 'To an Angel,
May you see the light of day tomorrow and for the rest of your
days. TPTB' Meeting Willow's eyes, I began to cry.
"How?" I croaked out.
"They wanted to give you an eternal gift after your tragedy
you have experienced. They want to right a terrible wrong,"
"Thank you," I said to
both Willow and toward the heavens. "Sorry, Cordy. I had you
as my Secret Santa. See, I went to the mall without you. Merry
Christmas," I told her.
"I'm proud of you," she said with a smile. Cordy dug
into the gift bag I had also bought and removed a lighthouse
snowglobe. "There is a switch on the bottom," I told
her and she flipped the switch and the light began to turn around
and 'You're My Sunshine' began to play. That was the song Doyle
had sung to her on occasion. This time, it was Cordy's turn to
get emotional. She punched my arm and grabbed a handful of
tissues. "You didn't have to do this, you know."
"Yes, but I knew you would it appreciate later." By
now, everyone had realized this present meant something special
"Okay, everyone. I think it's about time we get going back
to Sunnydale," Joyce said as she stood up.
"All of you have to take some food home. We can only eat a
small fraction of what I made." I went over to the kitchen
and began preparing goody bags.
"Angel, it was delicious," everyone said.
"Thank you. Does someone want to tell Lenore that you are
about to go?"
Willow volunteered and a few minutes later, she came back with
Lenore in her arms. "Daddy my presents?" she said.
"Oh, I forgot, honey. Lenore made gifts for everyone, but
she wants you to open them when you get home."
Willow put her down and she went racing into her room to get her
presents. She passed them out by the name, which she had written
carefully, on the outside. Everyone gave her a kiss as their
thank you. I finished the goody bags and gave one to each person.
Everyone gathered up their belongings and we moved upstairs and
outside. It was rather warm outside for being the end of
December, but this was Southern California. The gang had come
down in two cars: Joyce's Jeep and Willow's Jetta. Hank had
driven his own car seeing as he only had a ten-minute drive from
here to home. Cordy, Lenore, and I waved goodbye to our guests as
they went home to their everyday lives and the three of us went
back to our own. Though, mine was going to be different come
Monday, January 19, 2004
Today, Buffy would have been 23. I had woken up at midnight and
couldn't get back to sleep. I was starting to get use to human
hours now. At three, I tiptoed out of my room, not wanting to
wake Lenore, and into the living room. It was there that I had
put the diary in between the various books on my top shelf. I
opened to the page I had left off. It just happened to be her
January 19, 2001
You have no idea what it is like to get up at three thirty in the
morning to feed a twelve-pound thing when you have just arrived
home at three twenty-six. I just got comfortable in bed when the
crying started. I allowed her to go on for a minute or so before
I actually thought about getting up. I am beginning to wonder if
this is going to affect her later in life. Don't allow her to do
this to her own children. I did get up and she is happy now. I
apologize if this entry is a little mess. I am writing this over
Lenore's body and she's about ready to be burped. I will write
P.S. Happy 20th birthday to me
By now, I knew 143 was the code for 'I Love You' and she never
forgot to write it at the end of each entry. I went onto the next
page with the next entry.
January 20, 2001
I wanted to update you on the goings on of today/yesterday. Mom
came over and made me a special birthday breakfast with all of my
favorites. She told me that I had plans for later and that she
was going to take Lenore to the gallery with her. All day, I
wondered what kind of plans she had beenmade for later. I have
been weary of any surprises on my birthdays since the incidents
of my 17th and 18th parties. Mom left with Lenore around
two-thirty and never gave me any hints. Because I had no idea
what was going on, I got semi-dressed up and waited around the
building. At three-thirty, a restored old car pulled into the
curb. I went outside to see who it was and Xander, Will, and
Giles popped out. Will and Xander wished me a Happy Birthday and
told me that we were going to the Bronze for a fifties night. My
outfit wasn't all that fiftiesish and Willow told me she had
bought me apoodle skirt, white blouse, and saddle shoes. She and
I went back into my apartment and I changed. Twenty minutes
later, we were in the car and going to the Bronze. Giles and
Xander were also dressed for the occasion in leather pants and
At the Bronze, the crowd was a little older than the usual high
school bunch. A lot of people from school were there and it was a
lot of fun seeing them again. They all asked if I was coming back
and I told them I would be back this semester. Everyone was
dancing and enjoying themselves. About halfway through the night,
Giles and the others gave me my birthday presents. Xander got me
a necklace with a sapphire little bootie on it. Willow gave me a
book of coupons for a night out and free babysitting. Giles,
being the adult of the group, bought me a book of poetry like the
one you gave me. I have cherished yours, but I appreciated Giles'
effort. A little after eleven, the gang dropped me off and I came
home to an empty apartment. Mom left a message on my machine
saying that she wanted to take care of Lenore so I could enjoy my
birthday in peace. As I went to the dining table, I saw an
envelope on the corner with my name and Mom's address on it. I
would know that writing anywhere. Thank you for the kind words.
All of my immediate hopes and dreams have come true, but there is
still something I can not have. It's after twelve and I haven't
been sleeping all that well because of our daughter. 143 forever.
I didn't know it, but I had begun to cry. Large salty tears
flowed down my face. It had been months since one of Buffy's
entries had caused me to cry.
"Daddy?" Lenore had asked as she came out of her room.
I had hastily wiped the tears from my eyes and faced my daughter.
"Hey, honey. Why are you up?"
"It's 6 3 8. Sesame Street's on," Lenore said as she
climbed on my lap and turned on the TV. I stuck the diary between
the cushions and hugged my daughter.
During one of the down parts of the show, Lenore whispered,
'Today's Mommy's birthday.' Buffy must have continued celebrating
her birthday after all the problems that surrounded it. I told
her, 'I know.' We didn't say much to each other because Sesame
Street and then Teletubbies came on.
When Cordy arrived that morning, she found both Lenore and me
still in our pajamas. She didn't comment, but instead she asked
Lenore a question.
"Lenore, would you like to go out shopping with Auntie Cordy
today? She has to go to this big fancy party and she needs a new
dress and shoes." I knew what Cordelia was doing and I
"Yeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaa," the little girl yelled. She
enjoyed getting out with another girl. I think she misses her mom
more than she ever says.
"Go pick your clothes and I will be right in to help you get
dressed," Cordy said. Lenore gave me a kiss and went into
her room. "You're in no mood to work today and I am taking
your only other responsibility away. So now, you can brood for a
few hours. I want you presentable by four thirty though, because
I have to be ready to party by six." Cordelia had walked
behind the couch before she said, "She would have been
twenty-three today, huh? You must miss her on special days like
this." After that, I only heard the sound of her heels
hitting the floor as she went into Lenore's room.
It wasn't until after Cordy and Lenore left thirty minutes later,
that I went back to the journal. There was only so much I could
read before my eyes once again misted over with tears and put the
journal back in its hiding place. I went into my room and took
out the box, which I had stowed under my bed. As I had done a few
times since I received the box, I took everything out, but today
I touched each item and remembered why Buffy had placed it in the
box for Lenore and me. The two items I wanted the most were at
the bottom, protected from damage by everything else.
The baby and poetry books, both of them were special to Buffy and
gave me insight into what was going on when I wasn't there for
her. I decided to stay in my room and got comfortable on my bed.
I was more interested in reading the journal, so I took a look at
I had left the ribbon marker on 'A Little Bit About Me' section.
I was born (date/place): January 19, 1981 in Los Angeles,
California. I was named: Buffy Anne Summers because my parents
were fanatics of a TV show called 'Family Affair' in 1960s. The
little girl's name was Buffy. I remembered that show, but I had
forgot the girl's name was Buffy. As a young child my parents
said I was destined to be: an ice skater or a ballerina. Some of
my earliest childhood memories are: ice-skating at the Ice
Chalet, going to the circus, and visiting the Grand Canyon. I
skipped to the next page, because mostof the questions weren't
answered. I wondered why Buffy hadn't filled in the answers. When
I was a child, I dreamed of being: a nurse or a teacher. The
first person I had a 'crush' on was: David Spencer in the fourth
grade. He was taller than most of the other boys and he let me
play kickball with the boys all the time. I started dating when I
was: fourteen and I wouldn't recommend it for you, little one. I
couldn't help but laugh. I could just see a fourteen-year-old
Lenore dressed in the coolest clothes of the day asking Buffy if
she could go out with the coolest guy in school. Then Buffy would
say no and Lenore would storm off to her room. I had had enough
of reading Buffy's thoughts, so I placed the marker on that page
and picked up the poetry book.
Reading only a few of Robert Browning's poems to his 'little
Portuguese,' I suddenly got tired. Resting my head on the
pillows, I closed my eyes and fell into a deep sleep.
"Angel, I'm glad you fell asleep. I wanted to talk to
you," Buffy said. There she was as I remembered her. She was
wearing that white gown from Homecoming, this was pre-fighting
the Master. She was standing next to my bed here in my apartment.
"Buffy? Is that really you?"
"Yes, it is. I'm sorry I wasn't able to tell you about
Lenore before my unexpected death. I never should have kept the
secret as long as I did. You had no right to be out of your
daughter's life for her first three years."
"I'm over it now. It was a shock to me in the beginning, but
I want to thank you for giving me custody and the chance to raise
her. You know she reminds me a lot of you at times. Her
stubbornness, her pouting face...all of these things make me wish
that you were here to share our lives with."
"That reminds me, you are human now. Why are you not out
with Cordy and Lenore now?"
"Cordy wanted to give me a day to myself to reflect..."
"To brood," Buffy
I laughed and smiled. "Okay, to brood. Today would have been
a special day."
"I know, my twenty-third birthday. Everyone already sang to
me here. I got a cake with candles, but they couldn't light the
candles because that's fire and fire is a symbol of that other
I was happy to know that Buffy was in heaven. I wouldn't like to
put anyone through the torment of the underworld, even my worst
"Angel, I don't have much time left. This is what I wanted
to tell you. I'm surprised I'm saying this, but I think you
picked a good female role model for Lenore in Cordelia. Cordy has
gone through a drastic change since Lenore has been around. Don't
push her away. I don't think Lenore can bear losing another
female in her life right now."
"I won't, I promise."
"I know you would never break a promise intentionally. I
have to get going back to the big party in the sky. Remember to
tell Lenore I love her and give her a kiss for me. I love you,
"I love you, Buffy." I blinked and she was gone.
It was then that I woke up and heard the elevator door open.
Cordy was telling Lenore to be quiet because I was a little moody
today. I came out from my bedroom and saw the two girls setting
their packages down on the couch.
"I am not moody..." I stopped short and stared at
Lenore. She had on black leather pants, dark red velvet shirt and
a kid-size duster. She looked like a mini-me. I didn't know if I
should smile or cry. I chose to give Lenore a smile and Cordy a
look of indifference. "Lenore, did Auntie Cordy buy you that
The girl shook her head vigorously. "She said I look cute in
it. Do you like, Daddy?"
"I do. Did you thank Auntie Cordy?"
"Thank you, Aunt Cordy," Lenore gave Cordy a big hug
and Cordelia smiled down at the child. I thought I saw a tear in
her eye as she looked at my daughter.
"You're welcome. Now, I have to go to my apartment to get
dressed for my party. Do you think you can handle her for the
rest of the night?"
"We will make do. Thank you Cordelia for today. Have a good
night," I told her sincerely. I didn't know what I would do
if I didn't have her around. Though, it had gotten easier since I
was able to go outside during the day.
"See you in the morning, you two. Goodnight." With her
packages, she got in the elevator and went upstairs, leaving
Lenore and me to see what else Cordelia had brought for my little
tyke. Lenore was going to be well dressed until she grew another
size with all the clothes Cordy had bought her. After everything
had been unpacked and put away, I make spaghetti for the two of
us and told Lenore she could pick a movie to watch for the night.
Of course, she picked 'Beauty and the Beast.' We ate our
spaghetti at the table and moved over to the couch to watch the
movie. After I put the tape in the VCR, I lay down on the couch
and Lenore cuddled up against my chest. Lenore and I watched the
Disney movie that most reminded me of Buffy and mine relationship
on the night of her birth.
When I put Lenore to bed that night, I wondered what would have
been like to have known about Lenore before Buffy had been
killed. I could have been involved in Lenore's life from the
beginning and Buffy and I could have been together. We could have
lived here in L.A. or anywhere other than the Hellmouth. Buffy's
death could have been prevented if only she would have told about
our daughter. I gave Lenore a final kiss goodnight and thought, I
guess when one door opens another one closes. Buffy's death gave
me a life with Lenore. That is something I wouldn't change for