Stormy's Sanctuary

Hi. My name is Sarah. Welcome to my page.

Here is a little bit about me:

I am currently 26 years old living in South Carolina, right near the ocean (not too far outside of Myrtle Beach). I love it here, and do not want to live anywhere else... however, there are times I miss the snows and things I left behind in Canada, where I was born. *s*

I have a very rare brain disorder called PseudoTumor Cerebri. (PTC) {otherwise known as Intracranial Hypertension, and a few other less popular names} That's the fancy way of saying that my brain thinks it has a tumor, but doesn't. I have all the symptoms of a brain tumor, with nothing there... which is kinda good and kinda bad. If there was actually a tumor there, at least they could do something about it... but then there would be a bigger risk to my life. PTC won't kill me, but it is incurable, and painful... I've had a constant headache since Oct. 27th, 1996... which is a long time to have a headache. I've had about 20 *successful* spinal taps as of the day I'm writing this... (and about 45 unsuccuessful attempts, bringing the tap count to about 65 or so) I had surgery on Oct. 20th (1998) for something called a shunt. (so hopefully I won't need more taps) {basically, they put a tube in to drain fluid without needing to drain it with taps}... in Nov. of 1998, I had to have it taken out because it got REALLY infected... so I had to wait until that all cleared up, and had another surgery on Jan. 12th, 1999... it was having problems, so I had a revision done on it in May 1999.... that was working, but in september of 1999, they decided to update it to another kind of shunt.. and this one went into my head... the surgery was more painful, and recovery takes longer, but the shunt doesn't move as much, so there's a little less risk of failure. The new "VP" shunt brought a new demon, the shunt tap. Yes, this is what it sounds. They stick a needle into my head to tap the shunt valve... this is not fun. That one worked fine and had been in for a little over 2 years and then the valve failed.... On February 15th, 2002, they did surgery to replace the valve.... which worked until Oct. of 2002. October through December of 2002 had several shunt taps, surgeries and infections, and quite frankly, I don't remember a lot of that time, but it's over. in Feb of 2003 a new shunt was placed... which got clogged in April 2004, requring a spinal tap, a shunt tap or two, and an adjustment to the valve, which is no longer a surgical procress... so far, that seems to be working. It clogs and drains some now and then, which leads to a nice high pressure/ low pressure roller coaster that really only other sufferers of PTC can ever truely understand, but that's life.
Everything suddenly changed in one day... I guess only time will tell how things end.

Anyway, I've bored you enough with that. *g* so, let's move on. I don't really know what else to say right now, so I'm going to end this section here and move on. If anyone wants more information or to talk about PTC, please follow the link at the bottm of this page and feel free to email me any time!!!

In Memory

I write a lot of poems for a lot of reasons, it's my way of letting go of whatever emotions inside me need a way out... Here are some of my more meaningful poems... and the hardest ones I've ever had to write...

One of my best friends was killed in a car accident in August, 1998... this is my memorial to her. (for those of you that knew her, this is to LEXUS)

Goodbye Dear Friend

God will hold you in his arms tonight,
He will watch your eyes shine bright.
We love you here and we'll miss our dear friend,
Our loving memories will never end.
We'll try to think of happy days,
Of your shining smile and carefree ways.
I know you'll be happy in your home in the sky,
God has a reason, I'll try not to ask why.
As you look down on those left behind,
Know you'll always be on our mind.
We'll always love you, we'll never forget,
We have memories to treasure, fights to regret.
Our bodies may fade, but the soul lives forever,
True friends are always bonded together.
We laughed as we dreamed of such wonderful things,
And now you're an Angel with your own set of wings.

We love you Sara
August 1998

on August 30, 1999, my grandfather (my mother's stepfather) passed away after a long battle with cancer... on December 11th, 1999, my grandmother passed away very suddenly after a massive heart attack. I loved them both dearly... but they are together again... and I have no doubt they will be dancing the millenium away in each other's arms. ... the following poems were written for them and displayed at their funerals... the first for gramps and the second for grandma.

In My Heart

More than life, more than death
Past the moment of your last breath
Every day you've had my love
Now you rest in God's arms above
Your pain is gone now, it's time to sleep
Always and forever in our hearts you'll keep
I love you so much, it's so hard to say goodbye
But I know you're in Heaven now, so I'll try not to cry
I will miss you everyday
But my heart knows it's better this way
You don't have to hurt anymore
Peace is won at Heaven's door
The light in your eyes has passed us by
But in my heart you'll never die.

I Love You Gramps
Love Sarah
John James Wingate
August 30, 1999

God's New Angel

What do you say when there are no words?
When the emotions are too strong to be heard
So suddenly you were taken away
But we all know you'd prefer it that way
It will never be the same without you here
In our minds and hearts, you'll always be near
Last night there was a shooting star
It was you, saying it's all right where you are
Our beloved mother, grandmother, and friend too
God needed an angel, He needed you
Who could do a better job, you've been an angel for us all
You have always been there to help us when we fall
Now it's your turn in Heaven above
Know you take with you our love

Marjorie Eunice Wingate
October 21, 1921 - December 11, 1999

Our love for Eternity

The newest poem added to this page is slightly different from the previous ones. Different because it was written while Granddad (mom's father) was alive. He had been ill and we knew the time was coming. I wrote this poem for him, and he asked me make sure it was not lost in papers somewhere, but shared like the ones I wrote for Grandma and Gramps were. I can't think of a better way to share it than over the internet, so it is now being added to my page in memorial. He also asked my family to remember him fondly and say "it was fun"... so, Granddad, it was fun.

When It's Time To Say Goodbye

When it's time to say goodbye, there's some that things you should know
First, we understand, and it's ok to just let go.
Next, we'll always love you, and we'll miss you everyday,
But we'll think of you in God's arms, with all pain gone away.
When it's time to say goodbye, fade softly into sleep,
Drift painlessly to Heaven, where peace will always keep.
Just close your eyes, it's time to rest,
We'll always remember the times we loved best.
In time together over the years,
We've shared so much laughter, just a few tears.
Your family and friends are with you, and although we may cry,
Know that we'll stand by you when it's time to say goodbye.

With All Our Love
Leonard Edward Buckwell
May 19, 1918 - September 07, 2000

This is me ---}

See? I even updated this! *lol* (to everyone yelling at me that it was an older pict up there for awhile ;-p)

These links will tell you a little more about me and what I do.

Email me!!!

For anyone who signed my guestbook on my old page, Thank you. Unfortunatly, when I moved my page over here, my signatures did not transfer to the new site... Please sign again even if you have in the past. :-) thank you!

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