| Andrea's Story |
One year from Mommy's passing... Most of the bad memories of her illness are being replaced with wonderful memories of our short time together. Things I hadn't remembered are springing up im my mind everyday. I cherish those. Somedays I feel her presence around me. Some nights I cry in the dark and try not to scream in frustration knowing I will never be able to ask her physically for much needed advice and warm hugs. Sometimes I feel her spirit inside of me and I am caught in moments of complete amazement with the everyday beauty of life. Other times I am angry with God for taking her away from me so soon. Every day though... EVERY DAY I am reminded that life is not to be taken for granted. I am reminded of the everyday beauty surrounding us, and I am reminded of all our earthly angels, friends and family. I am aware of how great it feels to be alive, and how fortunate we are to be able to move, speak and eat without any assistance. I am so fortunate to have so much love in my life. I miss my Mommy so bad that it aches my heart. The pain pierces through my body at times. But, I know she is watching over each and everyone of us and that thought can bring much comfort. Mommy - I love you so much. I am listening to your words of wisdom... I will jump and fly. Thinking of you always, loving you forever and a day. Your daughter, Andy Memories - A Tribute to Mommy "There's only now There's only here, Give in to Love Or live in fear. No other path, No other way... NO DAY BUT TODAY" Wow. Three years. Three years of stuggle, all attached with moments of hardship, pain, sprigs of laughter and waves of spirituality. The confusing mixture that life is. I chose the above quote from one of my favourite Broadway musicals "Rent" written by a man named Jonathan Larson who died of AIDS. If there is anything I learnt from Mommy, this would be it. She so whole heartedly believed in living life to its fullest, in surrounding herself with people who loved her and whom she loved in return. And in her struggle with ALS, I think she truly believed and acted on the quote "No day but today" Every single second of her living through this disease I saw nothing but a strong, truly amazing woman trapped inside a tiny little body. She endured so much, much more than any of us will ever experience or know, yet she remained so positive, still cracking jokes whether it be on her laser board, or just by the expression and sparkle in her eyes. She truly knew that even with something so horrific as ALS, that there were things to look forward to. People to care about, and messages to get out into the world. She did all of that. Just looking around at everyone here today, I can see exactly how many people's lives she actually touched. She loved every one of us here with all of her heart, and refused to give up. She refused to give up for her family, her friends, her passions in life and she left us all with some very stong messages for us to carry on. Her death (as heart breaking as is) has left us all with a lot to think about. So often, we take our lives for granted, we complain about work, the way we look, what other say about us, how much money we make, we dont take the time to realize exactly how precious, important and beautiful that life is. Mom carried on this spirit until her final breath. A woman so passionate about everything. An avid writer, marathon runner, flamenco dancer, talented medium, super wife, mother and friend to all. She NEVER showed weakness, I always heard her say to me in times of comfort "There's a reason for everything Andrea - a lesson is learnt from all" She looked at everything in such a positive way. She always saw the sunshine behind the dark clouds. What a strong and beautiful woman she was. And how lucky we all are for having her be a part of our lives. For us, she was a source of our positivity, OUR sunshine behind the dark clouds. She was our earthly angel. And now, she is free from a devastating illness, and able to watch over us and protect us from her new home in Heaven. She was and still is my mommy. My best friend. My source for inspiration, and advice. She was involved in my life... not because she felt like she had to be (like so many parents today) but because she was sincerely interested. I will never meet anyone as supportive as she was. I remember her telling me "Just go for your dreams Andrea - Just jump and fly" no matter how ludicrous my dreams were at the time. She was always there to gossip with over coffee, she was always there as a shoulder to cry on, she was always there to entertain me ( singing opera at 9 in the morning while she thought I was still sleeping, her hangover cures (huge waffle breakfasts which I was forced to eat after nights of sneaking out and partying) our car rides to the mall cranking up really cheezy dance music.)(Come to think of it, I guess I know where my dramatic tendencies came from! ) She was also a mother to my friends. Someone who would listen to them with an open mind, never quick to judge, ready and willing to support them in any way she could, as well as give them heck when they needed it! She was the ultimate mentor... To me she still is. I think what she would want us to know is that... "Life is beautiful... love is precious... it is what we are made of... not flesh and bone, but life and love... cherish every single second of it." "There is beauty to find in everything, just look and you will see it" Of course her passing is hard for us all, but we should take comfort in knowing just how happy she is up there watching over us,buzzing aroung in her healthy body, dancing, taking long jogs, drinking Big Rock Beer, Starbucks Frappacinos, and singing opera with the angels. We love you all more than you could ever dream of Mommy. You have touched our souls. We will love you forever. And we will feel your spirit and hear your message wherever we go. I am now going to read to you a journal excerpt I wrote last Sepember the 25th. It is how I perceive my Mom, I dreamt it after I was going through some very tough personal times. I would like to share it with you. She came to me again in my sleep last night. As she always appears in my good dreams. Wide eyes, long dark wispy hair. All pale blue and vanilla. She comes softly to me. Whispering at first, till she is heard quietly yet clearly. Our visits our short. But the words ring in my dreams, making perfect sense until I wake up and my consiousness interferes with it all. She leaves me breathing calmly with colors of tea green and white light surrounding my room. She leaves as quickly and as quietlty as she arrives... turning my sleep into a peaceful escape. Thank you Mommy for being such a beautiful person. We send you much love and light. I love you. |