If only the football world could be run by us. Since it can't be, here are some of our wishes for the upcoming season regarding teams in the NFL (individual player wishes will be coming soon). The following teams deserve to go 0-16 this season. Since it is extremely rare for a team to go winless, it's highly doubtful it will happen, but it's worth a shot:
1. Buffalo Bills - If Wade Phillips never wins another game as an NFL coach we would be happy. After Flutie-Gate last season, Phillips deserves to go 0-for-life as a coach. Let's just try to figure out what happened one more time. Doug Flutie leads the Bills into a guaranteed playoff berth with one week left in the season. As a reward, Phillips gives Flute the week off in the season finale to let Rob Johnson get some game time. After the game, Phillips announces that Johnson will start the playoff game against Tennessee the following week. What the %$#& is going on here? This is one of the most ridiculous things a coach has ever done and the Bills deserve to suffer for seasons to come for it. Not only that, but they disposed of their core unit of superstars from years before and replaced them with...umm...well, nobody. Lose Bills lose.
2. Arizona Cardinals - It isn't that we dislike the Cardinals, they just suck. They did absolutely nothing to improve their team from last year (which was terrible as well) and they suffered injuries to half of their players in their second preseason game. What seemed to be a promising future just 2 short seasons ago has turned into a laughing stock in the desert. Their running game will average somewhere between 10 and 15 yards per game this year and Jake Plummer will most likely throw 3 times as many interceptions as touchdowns once again.
3. Miami Dolphins - Hey, we suck so let's blame it on Dan Marino and tell him to retire so we can suck even worse the next year. That's the philosophy in Miami. Was Marino the one that couldn't run the ball for more than 50 yards each week? Was Marino the one that decided to sign O.J. McDuffie to be his number one target? For a team with no running game since the days of Larry Csonka, and no premier wide receivers since the Clayton/Duper days, it's hard to believe that they will actually improve with the heralded Damon Huard or Jay Fiedler at the helm. Watch out AFC East basement because here come the Dolphins.
4. Cincinnati Bengals - Need we say more? They suck. They have sucked for years and they will continue to suck for years to come. How do they get a new stadium before the Reds who have actually been respectable this decade? For that reason alone they should go 0-16.
5. San Diego Chargers - If Ryan Leaf is named their starter than nothing would be better than an 0-16 year. If Leaf does not play much, we might settle for 3-13, but don't count on it. Were they really in the Super Bowl in 1994? No way.
6. New York Giants - What is a better reward for the team that drated the Great Fat Dayne than an 0-16 season? Does Dayne realize he won't be running against the Cincinnati Bearcat defense or through the vaunted front four of Murray State? Not to mention that they have continued to think that quarterbacks such as Kerry Collins, Dave Brown and Kent Graham deserve to start in the NFL. Any team that starts those morons deserves to suck.
7. Detroit Lions - Since Barry Sanders was ridded from the Lions, they have become one of our least favorite teams in the league. They only ruined the career of the best back to ever play the game so why hold a grudge, huh? Well, they will hopefully go winless in 2000 and the likelihood that it may happen is still increasing. With the injury to Mike Tomczak, the Lions may have to start Stoney Case until Chalie Batch is able to play. Oh boy. Some fantasy advice for ya - draft a defense that will play the Lions early in the year and they must just get you enough points to last the rest of the season.