think I’m in Love by Jessica Simpson , Parents Just don’t Understand by Nick Cannon, 3LW, and Lil Bow
Wow, I can’t help myself by Nobody’s Angel, Upside Down by A-teens, and Come on Over by Christina
Agularia. Some have been altered to fit this story:
Draco: Well... Im already mortified as hell.
Hermione: Whats the matter, Draco? Dont like song fics?
Draco: I like song fics fine. Not with twenty god damn songs.
1.1.1.1 A Harry Potter Musical Of love
Harry: Oh... good... lord.
Hermione ran up behind Harry and huged him.
Draco: *Plays Porn Music*
Hermione: *Glares* I think they meant hugged, prick.
“Harry!!” she yelled.
Draco: <Harry> Bimbo!
Then quickly so it didn’t seem strange she hugged Ron too.
Hermione: So Im tackle hugging them from behind at lightning speed... so it *doesnt seem strange*
“I missed you both so much.”
Ron: Thats why there are owls, Hermione
She stood back and looked at Harry his arms had gotten more muscular and his glasses were gone and he
looked drop dead gorgeous.
Draco: Wow. Cheap looks improving. Turns out Hermiones damn shallow.
Harry: The Dursleys wont get me contacts or weights. So Im blind and on steroids. Go me.
“Wow Hermione,” Ron said. She looked at him.
Ron: Uh oh, danger imminent....
“What?”
“You look…..different.”
Hermione: I would slap you are this point. Hard. Different sounds bad
She knew and loved her new look.
Draco: Who wants to bet ten galleons the author describes Hermione as lookine like herself?
Ron: Id rather not lose ten galleons...
Her hair was now straight and down to her knees.
Hermione: I dont think thats possible over three months. And that would be way too much bother
She wore a knee-lenth jean skirt and a white sleevless top that showed her considerable larger bosom
Hermione: Im not dignifying that with a comment
Draco: So you have a rack, Granger? I can never tell, you carry your damn books in front of you
Hermione: Ew, Draco...
Draco: *Snickers* Knee length jean skirt, four foot hair, and a wifebeater? You look like a jackass.
Hermione: *Puts face in hands* I know!
“Bad different, or good different?”
“Good.”
Ron: Yeah. Im dumb enough to say bad.
Hermione looked at Harry but he just looked back at her saying nothing.
Draco: Staring match... dun-dun-dun... who will blink!?
“Harry, you ok?”
Harry: Yeah. Just stop staring at my scar. It makes me self consious
“Huh? What, oh yeah.”
Draco: Excellent pronunciation, Potter
He smiled and Hermione’s heart flipped.
Ron: Oh god. *Another* Hermione/Harry pairing
Draco: You wear jealously like a bad colongue, Weasley
“Come on lets go” Hermione watched the two boys go waiting before following them.
Draco: So watched them walk away and then ran after them playing catch up. Slick.
She knew it she was head over heels for Harry. In third year she had tried to do everything with him but it
was just so hard. She was still ready to do anything for him:
Draco: And, of course: *Plays the Porn Music*
Hermione: Im going to destroy that tape.
Everything freezes and lights go on Hermione. Music starts:
*********
Tiger: Quick note- I got rid of all the horrible ass songs. Thank me later.
The light on Hermione goes out and things go back to normal.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Ginny stood on the platform looking for him. She couldn’t help it, she had somehow fallen for the one
person she was suppose to hate ubove all.
Draco: Assuming that means me, this is stupid. Theres a different between opposites attracting and falling
for someone who very seriously tries to hurt your feelings every single day
Ron: You dont even talk to my sister unless were around, Draco...
Draco: Huh? Oh. True. But I do in here.
Ron: Why do you get to keep reading ahead!?
Draco: *Grins* Because Im pretty
Then she saw him, his silvery blonde hair shining, Draco Malfoy.
Draco: Im not too fond of this over-use ‘silvery’ discriptive. Makes me sound as old as Dumbledore.
She bit her lip as she watched him followed by his 2 best friends Crabbe and Goyal walk across the
platform.
Hermione: Man that could have used some commas
Then He spotted her.
Draco: She likes me so much I get the almighty capitilization. Nice.
“Hey look, it’s a weasle,” he said. Ginny fought back tears.
Draco: ...yikes. Sensitive, isnt she?
Ron: Not at all, actually. She grew up with George and Fred
Harry: Well, thats another under OOC
“Leave me alone Malfoy,” she called back and to her surprise he left.
Hermione: For gods sake where are the commas!?
Harry: ...tylenol, Hermione. And sleep. Lots. Of sleep.
Draco: Actually, at that point, Id harass her more. So thats yet another for OOC
Ginny walked on the train she couldn’t understand it she knew he was wronge for her but in her heart it felt
right:
Hermione: If I had my wand, wed see some commas... *mutters darkly*
Harry: Lots. Of. Sleep.
************
“Hey Gin!” someone called
Ron: My sisters an alcoholic beverage that mixes well win Tonic
and Ginny turned around to see Hermione Granger waving to her. “Come on we’re getting on the train.”
“Coming.” Ginny ran and caught up with Hermione and together they got on the train.
Hermione: You dont catch up with someone whos not moving
Draco: Hm... alone in a train. Dare I hope for porn music oppurtunities?
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Lavender got on the train and immediately say her crush with Hermione Granger, Harry Potter and Ginny
Weasley.
Hermione: *Blinks* Thats a lot of last names
Draco: And a sentence that doesnt make any sense
She couldn’t help but watch as Ron sat down with them and talked his firey red hair sparkling in the sun
that leaked in through the train’s windows.
Ron: Heyhey, someone has a crush on my
Draco: And its a vapid bint
Ron: *Damnit*
She remember when she first got a crush on him.
Hermione: Excellent tense writing, that.
He was walking with Harry and Hermione and she dropped her quill and books and he helped her pick them
up and looked right at her his brown eyes gorgeous.
Hermione: I would kill for some commas.
Draco: Eh. The sentence is equally dumb grammatically correct or not.
Everything stops and the lights on Lavender. Music starts:
Harry: From a pure objective stance, this is a really dumb concept to be written down on plain paper.
************[]===[]
Harry: Its a lightsaber!
Hermione: Oh my god it is...
“Hey Lavender,” she turned and saw Ginny calling her. “Wanna come sit with us?” Lavender’s heart
jumped.
Draco: <Lavender> Yay! The 4th year has accepted me! Im moving up!
“Sure!” She went over and took a seat next to Ginny and Hermione and was right cross from Ron who was
going through his bag.
Draco: I only see the term ‘right cross’ in bad fics.
The ride was long.
Harry: As opposed to the other years, when it was instaneous?
The boys talked about quidich
Harry: Thats a butchery of everything I stand for
and the girls were silent. Soon after they had changed into the robes the train stop and everyone got of.
Hermione: You know, this is the first fic Ive truly been scandalized by all this crappy grammar and spelling
Hermione noticed boy were looking at her and she blushed.
Hermione: ...hello Boy. Mind your own business.
Boy: *Hangs his head in shame*
They were sorted into their common rooms and Lee Jordan, Fred and George were sitting in chairs.
Ron: Which is, you know, better than sitting in pies or the like
“What say we start a party?” Lee said to George and Fred.
Harry: That is so completely not Lee’s style. Theyre more sneaky rebellious than all out defiant
“We would probally get in trouble with McGonagal and then mum,” Fred said.
Hermione: <Dryly> Oh ya *think*?
Ron: I like to think Fred has enough for George not to point out the obvious like that
“Yeah,” Geaorge replied. “Mum says she’s tired of all us getting in to trouble.”
Harry: I cant see why. The public humilitation and such
“Boy, parent just don’t understand,” Lee said.
Draco: Wow. On the Quidditch mic, he actually sounds smart
**************
All of the sudden McGonagall came in. “Bed now!”
Hermione: Profession McGonagall does not talk like a disgruntled caveman
The students seperated into their dorms and went to sleep.
Harry: I really dont think we call them dorms.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Ginny found herself looking for Draco in the halls at lunch and even sometimes to sneak a peek at him in his
classes.
Draco: Oh great. Little Ms. Weasley is stalking me
He didn’t seem to be picking on her to much this year.
Draco: I, uh, made her cry the first time I ever saw her this year
Maybe, just maybe he like her too.
Harry: Optimistic, isnt she?
Draco: Quite...
She just couldn’t’s Help it, she was falling in love with Draco Malfoy:
Hermione: This eerily reminiscent of that syndrome where hostages fall in love with terrorists...
Everything stays the same lights go on Ginny whos watching Draco from afar. Music starts hat no one but
Ginny can hear:
**********
Ginny hurried of to class before Draco could spot her.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Hermione couldn’t help but steal glances constantly at Harry through every class. She wouldn’t admit it but
her grades were suffering and she just couldn’t stop imagining them together.
Harry: Im not even *in* most of Hermiones classes. Theyre all too damn advanced
Hermione: How out of character is me letting my grades drop for a guy?
Draco: Very. Especially cause its potter
Her whole world was just….Upside down:
Ron: Seems like youd fall on your head a lot
Music starts and everything freezes. Light on Hermione:
**********
Hermione sighed and went back to taking notes.
Hermione: So I still pay attention and take note, but the sheer fact that I have a crush makes my grades nose
dive. Yeah. I understand
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Lavender watched Ron as he walked down the hall what was he thinking she wondered what Ron was
thinking about all of the sudden she bumped into someone and fell backwards.
Hermione: Please, Lord, bestow us some commas
She looked up and saw Ron!
Ron: So she was watching me walk, and still slammed into me
Harry: Time to get her inner-ear checked
“Sorry,” he said looking at her then walking away without a word.
Draco: Quite the prick, eh Ron?
Harry: En-Ron?
Draco: Dont steal my jokes Potter
Lavender felt crushed. He didn’t even help her. She got up and ran outside to the lake and sat there.
Hermione: Wow. Skipping classes... thats a big detention
**************
Ginny was standing infront of Draco and he was insulting her.
Draco: Why do I keep going after this girl? Theres no personal joy in taunting Weasleys family unless hes
there!
Harry: And why does she just stand there?
“So weasle finally go money to buy a brush, I’m surprised.”
Draco: Oh yeah. Get him, killer. *Sighs and rubs temples*
“Stop it Draco!”
Hermione: Kick him in the balls, girl. It works better.
“Oh, Stop it Draco,” he mimiked.
Draco: Why can *no one* get my insults right?
Tears stained Ginny’s eyes she couldn’t take it she turned quickly and ran. She thought she heard him call
her back but maybe it was her heart wishing he would. She ran ouside to the lake.
Harry: The lake seems quite popular...
Hermione: Im surprised this was written by a girl. Every female in here acts like some broken down string
wrapped around the boys finger
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I have to tell Him
Harry: Now *im* getting the almighty Him
Hermione thought to herself. He has to know. She turned don the hall looking for Harry when she saw him
talking to Cho Chang, his crush.
Harry: I know Ive mentioned it here, but was there any time... ever... anywhere else I told you I liked Cho?
Hermione: Nah
Draco: Not to mention she doesnt even talk to you.
They were both whispering to each other. Hermione’s heart broke and she turned and ran down to the lake.
Harry: I hate that expression. It created really graphic images if you stop thinking of heart in the cupid’s
valentine context
Hermione: Ew..
********
All three of the girls ran into each other and all fell backwards.
Hermione: Add ditzy, and uncoordinated, to my previous list
Draco: And apparently magnetic. Do you know how impossible it is for three people to collide at once like
that?
“Ouch!” they all said. Then chorused a mumbled sorry, then laughed.
Harry: <Lavender> Hehe! My eyes swelled shut!
“Let me guess,” Lavender said. “Crushes, who ignore you?”
Draco: ...well that was pathetic
Harry: You think the obvious reason would be ‘late for class?’
Hermione: They finally use a comma, and they do it wrong. Why pause after crushes?
“Insult you,” Ginny said.
Draco: Actually, you dont *get* crushes on people who insult you if you have half a brain
Ron: Watch it...
Draco: Of leave off it Weasley, I think weve come to grips with these fics being horribly fake
“Like someone else,” Hermione put in.
Hermione: I love how were just tacking on to what she said. Its not pathetic or horribly scripted sounding at
all.
“It’s horrible,” Ginny said sniffing. “Who’s yours?”
Draco: Your mother
Ron: Hey!
“Ron.”
Hermione: I should react with shock here...
“Harry.”
Draco: *Everyone* should react with shock here
Harry: Hey!
“Draco”
Hermione: I should kick the crap out of Ginny hear
Draco: Aw, an actual put down. Thats so cute *mutters*
Lavender and Hermione both look at Ginny.
Harry: And then barraged her with flaming arrows?
Draco: Ok, I *get* it. Hah. Ha.
“I know, I know, but I can’t help it.”
“Ditto,” Lavender said.
“Yeah.”
Hermione: Ginny and I are being amazingly open with Lavender, considering I personally despise her
“What are we going to do?” Ginny asked.
Draco: Er... deal with it and quit your bitching?
Harry: That would be nice
Ron: Yeah
Hermione: ...we need to get another girl in here
Suddently Lavender smiled. “Ladies, I have a plan.”
Harry: One plan to solve three very different relationship problems? Hot damn
“Uh-oh,” Hermione said.
Draco: <Hermione> Ive seen your marks. Keep your damn plan to yourself.
“Don’t worry. It’s full and fool proof.”
Hermione: So your plan is 100% certain to make people love you?
Draco: That ‘full’ doesnt apply in that sentence
They huddled together whispering quickly.
Hermione: Erm... were alone
“Alright. Go.”
Harry: Hut, hut, *hike!* Hermione fakes left, Lavender falls back to protect the blitz, laterals to Ginny, who
bombs it to Hermione... *touchdown!!!*
Hermione: ...
Draco: What in the bloody hell are you talking about?
They all broke up and went in different directions.
Hermione: What, were doing it now? Usually these things take more than a day or twos time
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Lavender found a piece of parchment and a quill quickly then quickly sqribled a note that read:
Dearest: Ron
I want you to meet me in The Three Broom Sticks at 7:00 sharp. Please don’t be late.
Hermione: The ‘:’ was not necessary
Draco: This is her great and wise plan?
Signed,
Your secret Admirer.
Ron: Yeah, like Id go. This reeks of Malfoy set up
Lavender put the note where Ron could find it
Hermione: Would it really be so hard telling us where that is?
knowing Hermione and Ginny were doing the same with their crushes. Then she went and changed into a
pair of jeans and a red tube top.
Hermione: We wear *wizard* clothes in Hogwarts. As much as you want to play dress up the Witch, get
over it. We arent barbie dolls
Draco: Whats a barbie?
Hermione: A girl whod have to walk on all fours if she was real...
Draco: ...ok
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Ginny left her note where Draco could find it then changed into a jean skirt and a red, short sleeve shirt with
a tie up V neck line.
Harry: Does it really matter... at all... what theyre wearing?
Hermione: Whats this obsession with jean skirts anyway? Jean skirts suck
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Hermione left her note then changed into a pair of denim capris and and a red tank top. She met Ginny and
Lavender back at the lake and they hurried down to The Three Broomsticks together.
Hermione: Too much red...
Draco: Maybe youll find some bulls. Bwahaha.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Ginny peeked out from behind the curtain on the stage in The Three Broomsticks.
Harry: Theres a *stage* in the three broomsticks!?
Draco: ...apparently
“Ther’re here,” she hissed to Hermione and Lavender who both looked too and say Harry, Ron, and Draco
sitting at tables in the Three Broomsticks.
Harry: Ron and I really should be sitting together
Draco: And I really shouldnt have gone
Hermione: And were *really* not allowed to go to Hogsmeade at will like this
“Well, are we already girls?” Lavender asked.
Draco: No. Your not already girls
Hermione: *Smacks him*
“As ready as ever.”
The lights faded in the Three Broom sticks and the girls heard the announcer go on the stage.
Harry: Yeah. Turn the lights down in a bar so people can skip the bill
“Ladies and gentlemen,” the annoncer said to the people in the Three Broomsticks. “I would like to present
a special act today. A dance and song to a song by a muggle.
Harry: <Crowd> Muggles? Fuck that. Boooooooo!
I give you the three lovely ladies!”
Hermione: ....this is so completely embarassing
applause as the curtain went up reveling Hermione, Ginny. And Lavender with their backs to the crowd.
The music started:
Draco: Something weve missed... none of these girls have any singing talent at all. Lavenders voice sounds
like grating glass after a minute
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
******
The music ended and the room erupted in applause as the curtain fell. Ginny, Hermione and Lavender’s
breaths were caught and their hearts had finally stopped pounding.
Draco: Lavender suffocated, Ginny died from lack of blood flow, and Hermione did both
Hermione: You must have a pain fetish, Draco
“That was great,” Ginny said.
“We were pretty good,” Hermione said.
“Yeah, but you you think they got the message?” Lavender asked
“If they didn’t they’re thicker than molassas,” Ginny said.
Draco: That entire thing was stupid, vacant dialogue
Hermione: And Ginny lives in England, not in deep south America
“Time to find out.” They looked at each other, nodded and then went down into the room.
Draco: Theyve been talking for minutes, and just now look at each other? Youre behind a curtain for
chrissake, theres not much else to look at!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Lavender’s heart beat fast as she walked to Ron’s table.
“Hey,” she said
“Hi,” Ron smiled nervously at her. Oh she couldn’t do it, but she had to at least say it.
Hermione: Erm... that would be doing it
“Ron I really really like you and it’s ok if you don’t like me cause I think your real cute and nice and
everything and I’m gonna go now.” Lavender turned and started to walk away.
Hermione: *Falls to the floor*
Draco: What are you doing?
Hermione: Glass... ceiling... of life... crushing... me...
“Wait,” Ron said. “I- I really like you too.”
Ron: Ugh.
“really!” She pounced on him nocking him down in a hug and he laughed then she did too.
Draco: *Porn Music*
Ron: *Blushes*
Draco: Oh dont be such a pansy. You think shed have hurt your back, honestly
Come on, we have so people to meet and she dragged out the door down to the lake.
Ron: Harry? Harry Potter!? Weve never met. How are you. And you!? My... sister? Nah!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Hermione walked to Harry and stood infront of him her eyes cut.
Hermione: <Harry> Oh god, Hermione! What happened? Theres blood running down your cheeks from
your cut eyes!
“Hi Harry.”
“You were really..really great Herm.”
Harry: I should probably be sitting there stunned as Hermione betrayed all of her ethics and performed on
stage.
“Thanks I, Harry I wanna tell you that I, well, I, I really like you, like love like. As in boyfriend like.” She bit
her lip wanting to kick herself. He didn’t say anything and she felt tears in her eyes. She was about to run
away when he took her hand and kisses her on the fore head then nose.
Harry: Im not even there right now, and I feel like such a tool
Draco: You should. Hopefully, I blow Ginny off
“I love you to Herm.”
She smiled brightly and hugged him tight. “Come on, lets take strole down by the lake, and walked out with
him.
Hermione: And call me Hermione again and Ill kick you in the nuts
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Ginny stood and watched Draco for a while before going over to him.
“Hi Draco.” He looked up at her silent. “Oh nevermind, you probally don’t care anyway.”
Ron: ...
Draco: Thats it baybe, Im yours. Take me now.
Hermione: ...dont say that Draco, its distrubing
“Did you- did you write the note?”
Draco: Yes, I would say that. No, I would not stammer. And yes, Id be smirking like hell
She bit her lip and nodded.
“I sit a joke.”
Draco: No, I do not sit a joke
“No, I really do like you. Now if you’ll excuse me I’ll leave before you can make fun of me.”
Draco: ....you know, that would really be awkward as hell.
Hermione: Why in gods name was the song necessary?
“Ginny please don’t go.” She froze. “I like you too.”
She squealed in delight and hugged him. “Come on,” she said bolder now. “We have an appointment down
by the lake.” He gave her a quizical look but she just smiled as she lead him out the door.
Harry: The lake is not really in short distance from Hogsmeade
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
When Hermione and Harry got down to the lake Ron and Lavender were already there.
“Looks like it worked,” Lavender called.
“What worked,” Harry asked surprised.
Harry: Like she wouldnt explain this on the way
“Our plan to get you guys to figure out we liked you”
Harry: And like I wouldnt have figured it out anyway
“So this was a set up,” Draco’s voice came from a tree where he and Ginny stood.
“Ginny! Draco! What is-”
Draco: Oh lord...
“Shut it Ron,” Ginny snapped.
Draco: Woah. Ginny shows promise
Ron: Shut it my ass, Id knock you out
“It sure was,” Lavender said.
Hermione: Set ups: Bad
“And it was all her idea,” Hermione added.
Draco: Pinning all the blame on someone else. Go, Granger, go.
“Aw Hermione you said that like it was a bad plan,” Ginny said.
Harry: Maybe cause it was. It didnt do anything.
Ron: At all.
“Well I like our surprise ending,” Hermione admitted.
Draco: What was surprising about them coming up to us? I think we figured it out when they came on stage
Harry: The only guess work was who would come to who, and we knew Ginny couldnt go to Ron
Draco: Unless were reviewing Ginn-cest again
“What surprise ending?” the boys all chorused.
Hermione: People. Do. Not. Talk. In. Synch.
“This one!” All three of the girls pushed the boys into the lake.
Draco: Ginny does not have the upper body strength to push someone her own size in the lake, let alone me.
“Say cheese,” Lavender said snapping a picture.
Ron: Say ‘fuck off’, Ron said, leaving
“Definite Kodak moment,” Ginny put in.
Hermione: Lord... points off for Muggle reference
“I don’t think I liked that surprise,” Draco said.
Draco: *Puts head in haands* The correct response was Cruciatas!!!
“Well girls what say we make em like it,” Lavender said.
“Lets,” Hermione said. Sundently they all jumped in with the boys.
Ron: So now were all cold and wet. Yay.
Draco: Id play the porn music, but Im involved here... so I wont
Harry: *Kicks the tape out of Dracos reach, just in case* Final thoughts?
Hermione: Bad grammar and spelling... the overline plot sucked. The writing was transparent and horrible.
The girls were portrayed as dumbass song addicts
Ron: Ginny falling for Draco was dumb. Everyone was out of character except maybe Harry, who only had
about three lines
Draco: Especially me
Ron: Yes. Especially Draco