Harry: All right, Tiger told us a bit about this one. First of all, its stupid.
Draco: As always.
Harry: And second, its supposed to be a humorous letter from Sirius to the Dursleys.
Hermione: Yes, were ignoring the fact Sirius hardly even writes Harry for risk of exposure. And that he only
needed to write ‘Dursleys’. And that its all in capitals.
IF YOU DO NOT READ THIS ENTIRE LETTER I WILL COME AND GET YOU.
Harry: How would he know if they wrote the entire letter?
Hermione: And they think hes a serial killer. Youd assume that last part is implied.
NOT SORRY TO DISTURB YOU
Hermione: If he didnt want them disturbed, he should turn down the volume of this letter. What is it, a
Howler?
Draco: And threatening to kill them might, you know, disturb them a little.
JUST FULFILLING MY DUTY AS GOD FATHER OF HARRY.
Draco: Death threats are in that job description? I suddenly want to be a god father
Harry: Letters like this are much more threatening if you leave things like that implied
FIRST OF ALL HOW DARE YOU NOT LIKE HARRY,
Ron: Hes mad... because they dont like you?
Harry: Apparently
YOU UGLY GIT.
Hermione: ‘Git’ is really more of a term kids use
SECOND THEY WILL NOT EXPEL THE BOY WHO LIVED
Harry: He doesnt call me that. No one I actually know calls me that except in a joking matter
Hermione: And theyll expell anyone they need to. And that *is* expell, two l’s.
SO HARRY CAN DO MAGIC AND TELL HIM I SAID THAT YOU IDIOT.
Draco: Your god father writes like a seven year old
Hermione: Why does he think Harry can break basic rules?
Harry: And why doesnt he write me himself?
THIRD HOW DARE YOU INSULT DUMBLEDORE, DUDLEY DESERVED THAT TAIL.
Harry: Ive never had time to detail the meeting I had with Hagrid that first time, and if I did, Id probably not
remember that Vernon called Dumbledore a ‘crackpot’
FORTH DO NOT LOCK HARRY OR HEDWIG INSIDE
Hermione: Fourth. Forth is used as in ‘go forth and conquer’.
Harry: Either way, I think its a lot to ask for to give Hedwig free reign. Just give me the key to his cage.
, AND LET HARRY DO HIS HOME WORK
Ron: I was never sure why you complained about that. Youd have an off-the-hook excuse
Hermione: Some people actually enjoy excelling in school, Ron
Draco: Actually, Granger, its just you and the Ravenclaws
HE’S NOT THE FREAK IN THAT HOUSE.
Harry: Actually, by the definition, I am. The Dursleys are very normal. Boring,but normal.
FIFTH I’LL SIGN HARRY UP FOR THE DAILY PROPHIT IF HE WANTS
Hermione: Is that any business of theirs? And its Prophet
. SIXTH JAMES AND LILY WHERE GOOD PEOPLE
Hermione: Were...
Harry: Just saying that doesnt make them believe, true or not
. YOU SLIMY EXTREMELY UGLY HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE TERRIBLE IDIOTIC STUPID DUMB
ASS THINGS BADLY MISTAKEN FOR HUMAN BEINGS.
Harry: They *are* human beings. Thats established. Just annoying ones
Draco: Saying ‘stupid dumb’ is like holding a mirror in front of your insult
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST (SEVENTH) WHEN MY NAME IS CLEARED AND THAT RAT IS IN
JAIL HARRY IF HE SHOULD CHOOSE CAN COME AND LIVE WITH ME.
Harry: Like thats going to affect them. Theyd kill for that
Hermione: Speaking of which, why wouldnt Dumbledore say how Peter was the secret keeper?
YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE,
SIRIUS BLACK
Harry: Once again, things are a lot scarier when left up in the air
PS YOU DESPERATELY NEED A SHOWER, A DIET, AND TO DIE!
Harry: If Sirius truly believed that, hed have killed them. Long ago.
HAVE A NICE DEATH!
Hermione: As if they were ghosts celebrating the death day
OH, DO YOU HAVE CHICKEN? I LOVE THAT STUFF!
Harry: .....final thoughts?
Hermione: All in caps, which sucks. Not remotely funny. A million factual errors, and some spelling errors
Draco: A waste of human thought, however idiotic that thought may be.
Tiger: And as an added note- this kind of stuff is *still* allowed on FF.net servers, but Unleashed is not
Harry: Will you ever let that go?
Tiger: No.