Rowling.
Draco: Aw. Fuck.
Hermione: Greetings, boys and girls, back to Mary Sue Corner
The thoughts, actions, feelings, etc of the characters are mine though.
Harry: That was either really original and insightful-
Draco: Or incredibly stupid?
Harry: Yes
Anything seem familiar? Chances are I probably read your fanfic. Let me know and I will give you credit for
being a wonderful inspiration!
Hermione: Woah. Bold admission of thefty. Gutsy
Draco: Or incredibly stupid?
Ron: Draco, that jokes old already
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"I'm so excited!" thought Oliver Wood.
Hermione: Oliver Wood- added to list of skitzos
Madam Hooch had been ill and Oliver was taking her place for the year at Hogwarts.
Harry: A whole year? Good lord. She must be pretty sick
Hermione: Why wouldnt they just get another older teacher?
He was walking through the train station heading towards Platform 9 3/4.
Harry: Ugh... this whole thing is sounding pretty rigid
He got on the train unnoticed
Hermione: Quite the trick, being a well-known keeper who graduated winning the Quidditch cup
and went to an empty corridor in the back of the train.
Draco: Since when did the train have empty halls?
He sat and looked out the window at all the children and their families, remembering back to when he was
one of them getting ready for his first year at Hogwarts.
Ron: Thats ‘like them’, not ‘one of them’. Unless these are all his families
Oliver was disrupted from his thoughts by the cabin door being opened.
Hermione: This is so colorful....
Draco: Like reading a dictionary
"Ron! I think this one is... Wood? Is that you?" Harry had just walked into the cabin.
Harry: I think Id recognize him in the open light...
" Of course... how's my favorite seeker?" Oliver said standing up and shaking Harry's hand.
Draco: I wouldnt be too flattered Potter, hes had two. And the first one sucks, I hear
"Er pretty good.. hold on a sec... Oy Ron!" Harry yelled out the door. "You'll never believe who's in here!"
Harry: Yikes. Its odd, but not really that incredible
Hermione: Especially because Ron hadly knew him
"Harry what are you making such a big deal about?" Ron asked, stopping when he walked in the door.
Draco: A good point from Weasley. Thats sign, oh, six of the Apocalypse?
"Wood? What are you doing here? Proffesional Quidditch to much for you?"
Harry: Oh come on! Wood was good, but theres only about 12 professional teams in this hemishphere, and
they only have two keepers- regular and back up.
Hermione: Hey, what can you expect from bad fiction?
"Of course not! Just filling in for Madam Hooch.
Draco: -heres where they should ask what the hell is wrong with Hooch
I'll be back on the Quidditch field before you know it."
Ron: Wait a minute! Hes taking a year off from *professional* Quidditch- which they let him in right out of
school- to teach flying and to referre at a school? What the hell?
Just then Hermione's voice could be heard outside the door."What happened to you two? Did you find a
cabin? She said walking in.
Draco: At least they characterized you all right... clueless, vacant, and walking around like idiots
"Well we did, but we also found Wood in the process."
Draco: *Porn Music*
Hermione: Ew... youve been waiting for that ever since you saw them calling him Wood, didnt you?
Draco: You know it
Harry said
"Hi, Hermione. How have you been?" He asked greeting her with a hug.
Hermione: Erm... havent I already talked to them? I asked where they went...
She had definately grown taller and prettier since he had left.
Ron: You mean two minutes ago?
Draco: Im sick of all the nerdy schoolgirl writers who classify themself as Hermione and always make her a
knockout in their stories.
Hermione: ...normally Id hit you here, but youre right. I wouldnt take that much effort
" I'm pretty good," she said blushing.
Harry: ‘How are you’ would be a nice response too, you know
"You don't mind if we share the cabin, do you?" Ron asked.
Draco: <Oliver> Actually, Id much rather sit here alone.
Ron: That wasnt that witty, Draco
Draco: No, Im serious. Hed rather sit there alone than with you
" Go right ahead and sit down."
They all sat down and Oliver, Harry, and Ron got into a heated discussion of Quidditch.
Harry: Heated how? Gryffindor rules, Slythering sucks, and we talk nice about whatever team Oliver is
playing for
Hermione, totally lost with the conversation, was only pretending to listen.
Hermione: Even though Im not a raging fan, I probably know Quidditch rules and history better than you all
do
Hermione finally decided to go out and briefly talk to someone else.
Draco: Hermione goes ice bitch.
Hermione: Oh shut up...
Draco: Who are you going to talk to? Your only friends are in that part of the train
Hermione: I said shut *up*!
When she reached the door she ran into(literally) another Gryffindor 7th year.
Harry: I hate when people slam together in fics. Its actually a very rare occurance
"Hermione, I'm glad I found you. Can I borrow that book we were talking about?"
Hermione: ...Mystery Book, 101
"Sure, no problem, Kat."
Harry: Oh lord. Enter Mary Sue #1. With a name like heres, its the authors actual nickname
The other girl was Kaitlyn-known as Kat. She was tall- about 5'10, with brown hair and hazel eyes. She was
plain but very pretty.(a/n all of my friends can now stop laughing)
Draco: Yep. Its her. *Sighs*
Harry: I wonder if shes paired with me?
Draco: Nah. Wood.
Harry: Ah yes...
She had come to Hogwarts during their 5th year from the U.S.
Hermione: Oh for the love of god! Im so sick of all this US transfer stuff!
Kat followed Hermione in to the cabin to where her trunk was.
Draco: She came in alone. No offense, Granger, but Im surprised you even manage to carry that damn book
bag of yours around
"Hi Harry, hi Ron."Kat said
Draco: <Harry> Who the hell are you?
Harry: <Ron> Do we know you?
"Hi Kat," they said simultaneously.
Hermione: For the millionth time, people do not talk in unision
Draco: Not to mention most people simply wave or say ‘hey’
Ron blushed He'd had a small crush on Kat, ever since she had come to Hogwarts.
Harry: Shes putting herself over already. Cute. *Sighs*
He had a larger crush on Hermione though.
Hermione: Who else wants to bet that fact will *never* come up again and was just added as some stupid
filler?
Oliver stood up and shook hands with Kat.(a/n always the gentlemen that Wood)
Draco: I didnt know a business greeting with a chick is a gentleman
Hermione: I hate mid-story authors notes.
"Hi. I'm Oliver Wood, well Professor Wood but you can just call me Wood." he said smiling.
Draco: You can also call me stupid, because Im mumbling like a jackhole
Harry: Jackhole?
Draco: ...I was improvising
He could tell she was trying hard not to blush.
Hermione: This story has more blushing than decent content
"I'm Kaitlyn Adler(a/n sorry I was watching Will and Grace and couldn't think of a better last name)
Draco: *Rolls eyes* So use yours. You used your first name
Everybody calls me Kat."
Harry: Actually, they call you Cat. ‘Kat’ is not a pronouncable connection of letters.
"Nice to meet you."
Oliver sat back down looking and feeling slightly uncomfortable.
Draco: Womens cramps, Oliver?
Hermione: *Slaps him*
There was something about her that intrigued him.
Draco: *Rubs his cheek* Told you she wanted Wood. In two ways.
Hermione: *Slaps him again*
Draco: Damnit, stop that!
"Here it is!" Hermione said handing Kat the book.
"Thanks. Umm it was nice meeting you Wood. I'll see you guys at the feast." Kat said and walked out the
door.
Hermione: Theres only so many Gryffindors our age. You wouldnt think shes friends with *everyone*
Harry: Nah. Shes the great and powerful Mary Sue
There was an awkward silence for a while. Suddenly the train began to slow slightly.
Hermione: ‘Suddenly’ and ‘began’ and ‘slowly’. One of these words does not belong
Draco: I can do that to. Potter. Intelligence. Handsomness.
"We must be very close to Hogsmeade. I better get ready. I will see you guys later." Oliver nodded at them
as he said this and walked out the door.
Hermione: ...Hogsmeade is a town that we dont even swing by
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well the next chapter and more are already written it is just a matter of getting them typed and put up which
is a pain because my space bar is a piece of junk which puts in all these spaces which I have to delete. Well
hope you enjoyed and please Review.(nicely please)
Tiger: A tip, friends- write your very first draft on the computer. Makes things incredibly easier
Harry: Final thoughts?
Draco: I. Hate. Mary. Sues.
Hermione: I love rock and roll.
Harry: ...*useful* thoughts?
Ron: Not really. Just stupid. Non entertaining. Predictable
Draco: And there were plot holes