chapters XI and XII of "Madeleine".
Harry: This story is about Snape? Oh god... things are looking less than great for us.
Ron: Were tied to chairs, and NOW things are looking less than good? Besides, whos Madeleine?
Hermione: Well, I thought it was bad spelling, but they add the second ‘e’ in their twice.
Draco: Oh great. Snape and a vapid Mary Sue. Some people are sick...
>>>The sex got a little too descriptive to my original intention, but there it goes.
Harry: Yeesh! That got everything out in the open, didn’t it?
Draco: So she intended to write bad, fuzzy sex?
>>>Last night….
Hermione: Ooo, points off right off the bat for making this a narration with no mention of the narrator.
>>>The young woman was sound asleep in his arms. Severus Snape shuddered realising
Hermione: -thats realizing, honey.
>>> what he had done. He had taken control of her mind trying to teach her a lesson
Harry: How many laws do you think that breaks, Hermione?
Draco: 16 national, 2 that exist only in London.
Harry: ...how do you know that?
Draco: Nevermind.
>>>, but his revenge had turned him into a rapist.
Ron/Draco/Hermione/Harry: Ewwww...
>>>He gently pulled his arm from underneath her.
Harry: As opposed to running like hell.
Draco: Or simply Avada Kervad-ing her ass.
>>>The fact that he couldn't exactly remember the pleasure of their intercourse did not make things any
easier.
Harry: I really wish this person could remember that theyre discussing Snape, and people may be eating.
>>>He knew he had sex with her from the sensation of content he felt in every fibre of his body
Ron: Snapes content after raping someone?
Draco: Forget that, I want to know why he needs to rely on a sensation to remember he just banged
somebody.
>>>. She was, and she was not at the same time, his student.
Hermione: Adding contradictions of physics or logical sense do not make for good writing.
>>>He felt guilty and satisfied and guiltier because of it.
Hermione: Once again...
Harry: I dont think guilty and satisfied mix.
>>>Isis slept deep into her Madeleine skin.
Ron: ...huh?
Hermione: I have no clue. Maybe Isis is a name.
Draco: So there’s a small tick wearing the skin of somebody who was named Madeleine, burrowing into that
skin as she sleeps?
Hermione: Ew! Usually these things dont get so morbid when you try to make sense of them.
>>> Snape wanted to see a glimpse of the old soul
Draco: The ‘old soul’ sounds like the kind of talk someone talking about ‘the white man’ or ‘the done
storm’ would use.
>>> into the beautiful young body resting next to him.
Harry: The old soul into the young body? I believe we have identified the exact moment this person took
vicadin #1.
>>>But he couldn't.
Draco: Is that a surprise?
Hermione: Do you see old soul in my skin, Ron?
Ron: Well... there’s a freckle.
Hermione: *Smacks him*
>>>He could only see her tempting flesh, her silky hair spread on the pillow, her sweet, womanly scent.
Draco: I know Snapes a creepy old guy, but I dont think even he can see scents.
Harry: Honestly, it wouldnt surprise me.
>>>Much to his shame and desperation, he was aroused again.
Hermione: Ew! EW people!
Draco: Snapes apparently got over his embarassment about raping a student and is now upset about his basic
human instincts.
>>>Snape tried to move away from her while he still could.
Draco: Is something going to stop him in the future?
Harry: I dont know... he is pretty old. Maybe hell have a heart attack.
>>>Feeling this, Madeleine woke up. Her mind was still clouded by his interference
Ron: At what point is she going to scream and run like hell?
Harry: I give it two seconds.
>>>– that was the excuse anyway – and she stopped him leaving.
Harry: She stopped him leaving? I think this author needs to look up the definition of rape.
>>>She put her hand on his arm. The touch burnt him
Hermione: Im actually pretty sure it didnt. Skin contact only burns hypothermia victims and Greebles from
southern Hulgaria.
Ron: Whats a Greeble?
>>>, but he couldn't pull himself out of it
Harry: Her touch? Or maybe hes still.... ew!
>>>. He waited for some words, for some witty remark on their situation, anything that would ruin this
sensual atmosphere.
Draco: Waking up naked next to someone who just raped you would not cause a sensual atmosphere.
Harry: Yeah. The blood, torn clothes, and vomit inducing recollection rings more ‘hostile’ to me.
>>>In the cold dawn light, Madeleine had no clever retort, so she said the naked truth.
Hermione: Retort to what? He didnt say anything. And what does the light, dawn and cold or not, have to
do with it?
Draco: I just want to know if that last part was supposed to be a pun...
>>>"I want you"
Harry: All right. Time to be sick.
Hermione: I could comment here on how sickening and impossible that sentiment is for her to be having, but
we dont have all day.
>>>The admittance broke through his anger and his pride.
Draco: I thought he was feeling guilt and shame?
Harry: Maybe the fact she woked up pissed him off... and, I dont know, offended him?
>>> The man forgot all about the curses she had put on him
Hermione: A student to a teacher? I dont think so.
>>>, forgot to play hard to get
Draco: He just raped her. Its harder to get bored in Arithmancy.
>>>, untouched by her beauty and her lasciviousness.
Draco: No he isnt...
Hermione: Amazingly, lasciviousness is a real word.
>>>He leaned over her and kissed her, briefly.
Harry: Before she kneed him in the crotch, called the cops, and sued him for everything he had. The end.
Hermione: Hm. Realistic. Entertaining. Funny to imagine. No, that just wouldnt work with the rest of this
story.
>>>The touch felt very light on her lips, like a butterfly's fluttering wings
Draco: A normal rapist, let alone snape, would not kiss like butterfly wings.
>>>. He kissed her neck, passionately, seeming to remember or maybe guessing something about the places
she liked to be touched.
Harry: This happened roughly, what, 6 hours ago? Whats to forget?
>>>Madeleine moaned delighted and arched her back, offering her whole body to him.
Harry: I think thats supposed to be: “Delighted,” Madeliene moaned.
Hermione: Either that or delightedly moaned.
>>>He gladly took over it. She was naked beneath the white satin sheets.
Draco: White satin? Snape? Please.
>>> Her nipples had hardened in the chilly morning air. His tongue on them felt deliciously painful.
Ron: Hermione, can I ask you a question?
Hermione: ...absolutely not. And no, it doesnt hurt.
Ron: Thanks.
>>>She combed his hair with her fingers, which tightened
Harry: His hair tightened?
>>>pulling him away
Hermione: You cant pull someone away from yourself. You can always push.
>>>when the sensation became more painful than delicious.
Harry: Generally if its more painful than anything the deliciousness does not exist.
>>>He looked into her eyes, misty with desire.
Hermione: That would be the Dragonsweed.
>>> Locking her gaze into his he ventured his hand between her thighs.
Draco: (Indiana Jones) Come on Tae-Mimbo, were close to the entry of the Madeleine Taverns. You might
want to roll up your pant legs.
Hermione: That was so disgusting...
>>>She was very wet
Draco: From what? The rape, sleeping, or painful nipple licking?
>>>and he caressed her expertly. Her breath grew faster and heavier.
Ron: Can your breath get lighter and faster?
>>>To his satisfaction, she could no longer sustain his look when he penetrated her with a finger.
Hermione: You cant sustain someone elses look. You can endure it. And you can sustain your own look.
>>> She arched her back again, offering herself for the second time.
Draco: When did the offer become taken away?
Ron: And when did she un-arch her back?
>>>He didn't stop teasing her.
Draco: Erm... when your fingering someone, you arent teasing them. Its called a part of intercourse. Teasing
is using ice and light breath.
Hermione: Draco, this isnt a sex manual, its an MST.
>>>He placed himself on top of her
Harry: At which point she screamed, tried to push his fat arse off of her, and passed out from the weight.
The end.
Hermione: Stop that.
Harry: Never!
>>>, spreading her legs, but did not replace his finger with his big, hard manhood.
Ron: ...ew.
Hermione: Ohhh yeah. Ew.
>>>Heavily turned on, Madeleine forced herself to utter her desire.
Draco: Is there something inside this stupid bint telling her not to utter things to strange men who just raped
her? Like, you know, common sense.
>>>"I want you inside me"
Harry: There it is! The line thats only been ‘uttered’ in pornos and bad writing.
>>>Snape groaned aroused by her lust.
Harry: Shouldnt that be: “Aroused by her lust,” Snape groaned.
Hermione: We did that joke already, Harry.
Harry: Still. Commas arent that hard to learn to use.
>>>He finally graced her with his presence.
Draco: Now we know this is Snape writing this. Somehow I doubt Snapes ‘big hard manhood’ is like a
heavenly touch.
>>>He entered her body delicately, making way laboriously inside her tight, hot femininity.
Hermione: Delicately and laboriously dont go together, especially in this situation.
>>> It took all the moisture his caresses brought on to make his flesh slide into hers.
Draco: The moisture is more like an aiding variable, not an acting force.
Hermione: Now you’re combining perversion with scientific experimentation terms.
Draco: That turns you on, doesnt it?
Hermione: Shut up, Malfoy.
>>>The penetration carried her to unknown peaks of arousal.
Draco: Shouldnt she be sore?
Ron: And vomiting?
Harry: And shouldnt there be actual friction happening first?
Hermione: You are all perverts.
>>>This felt RIGHT!!!
Harry: (Clamps his hands over his ears) Ow! Dont shout!
Draco: Especially not with thoughts... sunnuva... I think my hammer and anvil just exploded.
Ron: Your what?
Hermione: Ignore him. Hes trying to act smart.
Draco: (Grins suggestively at her)
Hermione: Once again, Draco, shut up.
>>>He pushed harder, trying to get further inside her.
Ron: Does anyone else have the image of someone trying to jam their fingers into a bowling ball thats about
six sizes too small?
Harry/Draco/Hermione: ...
Ron: Just me then.
>>> His thrusts stirred waves of pleasure, spreading through her entire body.
Hermione: (Madeleine) Ohhhh yeah. Ohh yeah. Oh. Oh! Yeah! My teeth! Theyre on fire! Keep going!
Harry: ...!
Hermione: What? I can be perverted too you know.
Harry: I was just going to ask exactly how ‘big’ Snapes manhood supposedly was if your teeth were getting
off.
Hermione: Ew!!!
Draco: ...I have actual respect for you know, Potter.
>>> Her nails pierced his skin leaving thin trails of blood on his back.
Ron: I dont care how many times you see that written, its never happened in decent sex. That would hurt
like hell. If I get a paper cut I want to hold a conference about it so everyone can pity me.
>>>She wanted to get him closer, to feel him joining her in this glorious state of intimacy.
Hermione: Can I just refer to one second about the fact he raped her?
>>>He felt oddly lucid, moving with unrelenting precision in and out of her.
Hermione: No one uses lucid correctly anymore...
>>>"I had the strangest dream" she said, having trouble concentrating.
Draco: What!? If a girl ever said that to me in the middle of sex, Id think I was on hidden camera.
>>>"You’re having a dream right now" he cut her words short, breathing heavily in her ear.
Harry: Cutting her words short? She finished her sentence.
Hermione: Not to mention how little sense that truly made.
>>>When he looked into her eyes again, Madeleine could see him just as confused as her, just as lost in the
sheer pleasure of their union.
Draco: When the hell did they get confused? Or lost?
>>>His thrusts became quicker and deeper, bringing her to climax. Madeleine came during his excruciating
struggle to restrain himself. As her orgasm cooled down, he released his energy inside her.
Hermione: Ill give you all five dollars if you dont comment.
Draco/Harry/Ron: Deal.
>>>Snape collapsed next to her. He felt her drawing away from his now unpleasant touch.
Draco: It got unpleasant that fast? I thought that was the guys impulse... ‘get the hell out of my bed!’
Hermione: Pig.
Draco: Exactly.
>>>He reached for his wand beside the bed, turned her head to him and pointed saying "Obliviate".
Harry: Woah! Thats harsh.
>>>He covered himself with his robes and fell asleep.
Hermione: They need robes? Their are sheets... closing comments, guys?
Draco: Well lets see. Disgusting but not shocking. Unexplained plot. Unrealistic plot. And typical, badly
written sex. I give this story a 9.
Harry: A 9!?!?
Draco: Amount of bones Id break if ever meeting this person.
Harry: Ah. Good call.