Hermione: Oh, thats so very, very wrong. The socerer stone, correct name philosopher’s stone, is kind of a
scientific myth, a riddle of alchemy. But the stone itself wasnt supposed to create gold, but simply had to be
mixed with different materials to a certain extent to become gold.
Draco: ...thank you for the history lesson
THE MORTALITY SHAM
Scene…Harry is in the hospital wing talking to Dumbledore after he defeated Professor Quirrell/Voldemort
Harry: I didnt really defeat either of them, especially not Voldemort. I survived them. I would have been
dead if Dumbledore hadnt shown up
Harry: Does that mean that Nikolas Flamel is going to die??
Hermione: I always thought that was a weird question for you to have asked...
Harry: Yeah. Its not really my business
Dumbledore: I’m afraid so Harry but he does have enough elixir to get his affairs in order.
Harry: That wasnt really his exact answer
Hermione: Another thing- if you can simply make this elixir, why not make an olympic pools worth or
something?
(Harry makes a stunning realization.)
Harry: Wait!! Then isn’t really immortal is he??
Hermione: No one said he was
Dumbledore: Well..uh….yeah the stone made him immortal.
Draco: No it didnt. The stone produces the Elixir of Immortality
Harry: Wait just one damn minute!! The definition of immortality is one who can never die!! If he will die
then he isn’t really bloody immortal is he??
Ron: Repeating Draco... yeah, if he kept drinking, hed stay immortal
Dumbledore: Well…uh…what are you implying??
Hermione: Yeah. Thats how Dumbledore talks
Harry: The Sorcerer’s Stone is FRAUD!!
Draco: Erm, yes. Even though it produces Elixir of Immortality. And makes gold.
Harry: Yeah... final thoughts?
Hermione: Well, it wasnt accurate
Ron: And it wasnt funny
Draco: Yeah. Thats about right