Draco: *Porn Music*
Hermione: Har har har... you dont even know whos narrarating yet
I grabbed the knife, looking at it intently.
Harry: Oh sweet jesus not *another* cheap suicide fic
Draco: Maybe its your sister again, Weasley
Ron: Sodder. Off.
Sirius’ knife... oh, Sirius. You’ll never understand this, you’ll blame yourself.
Hermione: Not understanding someone taking their own life... how unreasonable
Harry: Honestly. And why would be blame himself?
Don’t you see there’s nothing to blame yourself for?
Draco: ...except that whole ‘telling the parents to switch secret keepers’ thing
This makes me better, for a while. It puts things in perspective.
Harry: Killing myself? Makes things worse. Forever.
Hermione: Actually, it may be Remus... there are a lot of those fics out right now
If only people didn’t care.
Draco: Trust me. We dont.
Harry: Shut up....
Harry Potter, THE Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived, the boy who’ll save the world.
Harry: Ah. So it is me. Yay.
Hermione: There there...
Draco: Do it! DO it! Cut that skin!
Harry: Shut. Up. Malfoy.
I did it, I took the role and I played it.
Hermione: That was a fairly distracting tense switch
I lived and I saved the world, but what’s next?
Ron: Millions of galleons?
Hermione: World reknown?
Harry: A job as Minister?
Draco: A harem?
Hermione: ...that is such a typical answer of you
Nothing. My parents left me
Harry: Er, my parents died....
, Cedric left me,
Harry: Cedric died too. And I didnt even know him that well
and Dumbledore left me.
Draco: Leave it to you to get misty over a teacher
My two best friends think I’m mad, and why wouldn’t they?
Hermione: Thats a good sign right there to stop what youre doing
Draco: Some social man... your best friends think youre nutters.
If Sirius knew what I was doing... what I was using his present to do... he’d be like them.
Harry: He gave me a knife?
Draco: Some father figure
He’d leave me too.
Harry: Considering Im using ‘leave’ for ‘dead’, then I doubt it
I’ve done what was hoped for, I fulfilled my expectations, and now what is there for me?
Draco: Didnt we just do this?
No Dumbledore to look after me, no Voldemort to go after me.
Hermione: That last one is a *good* thing
Ron: And since the second is true, the first is obsolete
Draco: And if you saved the world, how much looking after do you need?
There’s nothing left, only emptiness.
Harry: Yeah. Damn that soul sucking victory
Dragging this knife across my skin, I know it’s wrong but I can’t resist it
Ron: Wizards have many spells, charms, and cures that would help you resist it, actually
. A second of pleasure costs days of pain.
Draco: Also see: nailing a cheap hooker at a rave
Hermione: Draco!
Harry: ....well, he has a point. But most cuts dont hurt for days.
Ron: And I thought the please was *in* the pain
This helps me, but they’ll never understand.
Harry: Oh... ya think?
I need to do this, I need to feel this... to feel anything, but they’ll never see that.
Draco: To feel anything? So take up boxing, stupid
The Boy Who Lived can’t have weaknesses, can he? The Boy Who Lived can’t want to die...
Harry: I have really never thought of myself in that term
Hermione: Ever?
Harry: Ever
I touch the knife against my wrist.
Draco: *Coughs loudly*
Hermione: ....you arent going to startle the fiction Harry into stabbing himself, you know
Can I do it? I know I’m brave enough to do it, but am I that selfish?
Draco: If you were brave enough youd have done it already. Go on! Finish it!
Hermione: ...you need so much help
I drive the knife along my forearm, breathing deeply. It relaxes me.
Ron: ...that is so very, very stupid
Harry: Oh yeah
I won’t do it, I knew this from the start
Draco: Than quit your god damn whining
Hermione: Thats it. Stay quiet for five minutes and Ill give you a Galleon
. Too many people rely on me. I’ve done my duty, but if I was gone, what hope would remain?
Draco: *Twitches*
Harry: What would they rely on me for? Im apparently a whiny cut fanatic
If I was to die, maybe they’d feel as empty as me.
Draco: *Sweatdrops*
Ron: How exactly many people are we talking about here?
What was it all for? I lived my life to save the world, and it’s happened.
Draco: *Wraps his mouth in tape*
Hermione: So bask in the victory already!
Voldemort is gone, but why am I still here?
Draco: Mmrph!
Hermione: To reap the rewards. Obviously
When he died he took my mentor and my strength.
Harry: But he died. So party already
Funny, that. I spent my whole life trying to kill Voldemort, to avenge my parents’ death, and now he’s gone.
Draco: Mmph Phmcha....
Harry: ...*glances at Draco* You really like Galleons, dont you? I actually didnt even know Voldemort
existed until I was 11
Strange, it seems, that now the task is complete my only real wish is death itself. I’d laugh if I wasn’t
crying.
Draco: *Puts his head down in his arms* Mmmmm....
Harry: Why would winning make me want to die? I understand there were losses, but damn...
My whole life seems to be a comedy of errors.
Harry: Errors arent really funny
Ron: ‘Cluster fuck’ seems appropriate
Stability is something that concerns other people, it seems. Ten years of my life were spent in anguish, living
with Uncle Dursley who beat me and starved me.
Harry: Actually, Dudley did the beating, and Aunt Petunia did the starving. Uncle Vernon was in charge of
cramming me under the stairs
Finding out I was a wizard, and by the way, had to fight the Evil Lord.
Draco: Grrrrrrrrrr...
Harry: No one *ever* said I had to fight Voldemort
Having my only father figure, Dumbledore, die.
Hermione: ...that wasnt even a sentence
And... and having Malfoy kiss me. Malfoy, who I hated. Malfoy, who put me in my place... made my life
seem normal...
Draco: GMMMMPPHH
Yes, it’s funny, how things take their toll. I must have been a right bastard in my past life
Draco: *Rips the tape off* Well youre sure a wrong one now!
Hermione: ....*Puts her galleon away*
Draco: Aw... DamnitDamnitDamnit!!!
I look at my dinner and recoil in disgust.
Draco: You must be cooking, Hermione
Hermione: Hey!
Ron: *Nods behind her back*
Hermione: I saw that!
Hermione must have brought it up, I wonder why?
Hermione: To... you know, feed you
Why would she do this and yet not even speak to me?
Harry: Apparently I was sleeping, or blind and deaf when she came up
Why can I not bring myself to eat a bite of food?
Draco: Its called anorexia
Why can’t I think about Malfoy, and blame him for anything?
Draco: Because I cut myself out of your mind
Why does this blood make me so relieved?
Draco: Because your stupid
Hermione: Oh, what, because your allowed to talk now youre never going to stop?
Draco: ...that seems about right, yes
I scrape the knife against my skin again, and watch as a cut slowly opens
Hermione: ...how lovely an image
. It hurts, it hurts so much yet I love the pain.
Harry: Then what was I bitching about earlier?
Glancing down, a smile plays across my lips as I see blood escape me, trickling sweetly down my arm.
Harry: ‘Trickling’ and ‘sweetly’ are not a verb and an adjective that go together. Ever
Malfoy’s kiss seemed so good... so right.
Draco: *Snickers* I dont care if your head over heels in love with me my kisses dont feel right
Hermione: I could have guessed as much
When he held me in his arms on the train it all seemed perfect.
Ron: Arent we usually on the train with Harry?
Hermione: Yeah. Eew.
Another fucked up point to add to my fucked up life. By the way, Harry, you’re suddenly obsessed with
your arch- enemy, which by the way also means you’re gay.
Draco: Im obsessed with world domination, but that doesnt mean I want to bang the bejeezus out of the
planet
Harry: With all Im dwelling on, its surprising that I have time to be obsessed with you
I can’t take this. After Cedric’s death, I thought if I could survive that I could survive anything.
Draco: Survive someone *elses* death
Harry: You know what it means
Draco: Yeah, but its fun to nit pick
How wrong I was.
Hermione: Oh. So your dead. K...
I’m still alive, yes, but barely.
Harry: I hate melodrama
Draco: Ditto that
There’s nothing to live for and everything to die for,
Hemrione: Standard issue- it goes the other way around
yet the bastards won’t let me do what I want to do.
Ron: Kill yourself? Aw... were bastards
Hermione: Evil, evil bastards
No one would understand, not about the cutting, not about not eating, and certainly not about suicide.
Draco: I think theyd understand your a sappy, moany, bitchy little quitter
Hermione: You have many personal issues with suicide, dont you?
Draco: Oh yeah
I’m old. I feel ancient, far older than my years.
Ron: Anyone who actually believes that about themself should be literally dying or is simply arrogant
A life in the public eye with expectations strangling me can certainly take its toll.
Draco: You sound like one of those whiny children actors
Harry: You mean like Danielle Radcliffe?
Draco: Actually, I meant good looking actors
Harry: I hate you. So very, truly, genuinely much
I need out of this. I’m tired, I need to sleep.
Hermione: Theres the bed. Go.
I’m weary, I’m too old to deal with this. How can anyone live till 150, when I’m dead on my feet at 17?
Draco: By having an actual spine
I bang my head against the wall, crying silently. How did it come to this? When did my life become so
painful, so sad, so... pointless?
Hermione: Probably when you gave up
Ron: Oh yah
My sole purpose of living was to remove the threat of Voldemort, and it’s been done.
Harry: Who the hell told me that?
There’s no one to live vicariously through me anymore. Nothing for me to live for.
Draco: Who has ever chosen you to live through?
Harry: No one, really...
Draco: You have no idea how much it sucks
I didn’t choose to be born into such a world. I didn’t ask to live such a life.
Draco: Wow. Typical Eurotrash suicidal rant. ‘I didnt ask to be born’. I bet you wont ask for me to put my
wand through your thigh either
I didn’t know the pain of living and the sadness of existence, and now it’s too late. I’ve saved the world, but
from what? From Voldemort, not itself.
Draco: *Yawns*
Harry: ...Ill take that as your final thought, simply so your part is done. Ron? Hermione?
Hermione: They make you horribly out of character
Ron: And promote a pretty pathetic view of life