The Night of The Peach Tree Draco: The night of the... peach... tree... wha? How? Huh? Harry: A week off and you come back retarded Draco: Shut up, Potter. That just doesnt make any sense. Peach trees live for hundreds of years, and if anything happened in one night worthy of making the night beling to the peach tree, it would be it being cut down Hermione: ...your waxing intellectual about a title? Draco: Shut up. I want another vacation The darkness was all around as Harry walked through Under a Peach tree Hermione: I cant even begin to comprehend what that means Harry: Especially because darkness is very rarely in some of the places, while sun light sits next to it filling in the gaps down towards his Flat, Ron: Oh, look, a stray half assed English culture reference? Can I keep it mum, and dad please? Harry: Ask your mother. And have a spot of tea. Hermione: No. Cheerio. Draco: You all think youre funny, but youre not random thoughts of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon crossing his mind. Draco: I repeat. Wha? Huh? How? Harry: ...I have to admit, that makes an amazingly small amount of sense He had been shocked earlier when Ginny had told him she often dreamed about Ron involved in Rush Hour 2 with a swans Hermione: Ow... OW! OW! Aspirin! Now! Ow! Harry: This is where her brain tries to chew its way out. Draco: ...shouldnt somebody do something? Like get a camera? Ron: Nah. It gets tired after a few minutes. I am so sick of these incest references... , but each to their own, she didn't know about his fantasies involving Draco . Draco: Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, mother mother fuck, mother mother fuck fuck... Hermione: ...... Draco: If this story can make random movie references, I can to! One day he would discuss his feelings with Neville, Ron: How the hell did Neville get involved in this? Harry: And why would I tell him anything? but not yet, he still hardly believed how aroused he could be by just thinking of Draco masturbating himself with a Astroglide Draco: ....its amazing how much more disturbing the Astroglide comment makes this Hermione: This entire story is like a paid advertisement The night air was fresh and he sat down in a quiet location and began to stroke the oven he was carrying with him. Ron: Yikes Harry, thats some muscle Harry: Right. I work out for Quidditch, but Im not carrying any 400 pound stove anywhere Would Draco's Ass feel like that to his Penis? Harry: Oh *god*... illness! Illness! Help! Draco: I cant believe your wondering if touching an oven with your hands would feel like fucking me in the ass Hermione: Youre getting awfully vulgar in response to slash... What would Draco think of him if he knew how his cock grew hard as he thought of eating Scampi off Draco's beautiful Cock? Harry: Agh! Move illness! I need a bucket... Draco: .......make that two Ron: Where the hell did scampi come from? Harry rubbed the oven against his Ass whispering Draco's name to himself. Hermione: ....its an OVEN!! He knew he should stop and wait until he got back to his Flat but desire overtook him and he came, screaming Draco's name into the night. Ron: Wow. The butch getting off by touching his ass with an appliance Harry: ....*staring dizzily at floor* Stop the room, I want to get off... Draco: *Porn Music* Harry: AAAGH! Meanwhile, Draco had not been able to sleep and had decided to go out in the night air. Draco: Because, you know, walking around in the middle of the night is very common and safe Ron: This is going to be a bad plot hole of you two living close to each other Under a Peach tree was such a beautiful place at this time of the night. He took a bite of the Scampi he was carrying and leisurely scratched his Ass. Draco: Why is ass capitzalized every god damn time!? Hermione: ...why do you have Scampi? He jumped in alarm as he heard a voice in the distance. Was that Harry calling his name. Hermione: That would be a question. Thus, it requires a question mark. He must be in trouble to shout for him with such desperation. He dropped his Scampi and ran towards the sound of his Honey's voice. Draco: Honey!? UGH... Hermione: Im very serious. Whats with the constant Scampi? Draco stumbled through the darkness towards Harry. Draco: I could name three spells right now that allow me to see better in the darkness Panicked thoughts ran through his head. Harry: Your thoughts are panicked? Hermione: I think they mean panicking Ron: ...I doubt they know what they mean Was his Honey being attacked by a swans. Draco: *Shakes head, and raises eyebrow* What the fuck is with this swans business? Was he about to be raped by Voldermont dressed as Ron? Ron: .....*blinkblink*..... Harry: Lets just ignore that one... His heart beat faster and he felt the pulse throbbing in his Penis. Draco: All right, now Im almost positive this was written by a slash hag. Harry: No understanding of the penis at all... Harry, Harry, my Honey, screamed Draco. Hermione: If hes screaming, that should be qouted It's alright, I'm coming, I'll save you! Harry leaped Hermione: -leapt to his feet in panic, dropping the oven and trying to untangle his trousers from around his ankles. He fell over, his bare Cock pointing in the air. Draco: Grace, and quiet dignity. The ways of the Gryffindor. Harry: *Red* Shut up... Draco! Harry gasped embarrassedly. What are you doing here? Hermione: Excellent use of qoutation marks... Neville said you were in your Flat engaged in some Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon with Ginny. Ron: I hate these bad movie references Hermione: Are you saying that the references are bad, or the movies? Ron: *Shrugs* Pick. And add this fic to the list No, I was alone in my Flat with nothing but my Astroglide for company. Harry: Being suddenly honest, eh Draco? Draco: *Twitches* I couldn't sleep for thinking how beautiful your Cock was, and how I would like to stroke my Ass against it, and have you kiss my Penis, and now I see your Cock for myself I realise that not even Ron has a Cock to compare with yours. Ron: Ugh... Draco: Ugh. Harry: AGH! Oh, Honey, Neville said you felt that way but I never believed him, I thought you loved Ginny. Hermione: Wait a minute... they dont even know they have feeling for each other, but they have all these long sexual conversations Draco: A rather disgusting plot hole, really... What! That old swans, Harry: Will someone *please* tell me what the hell a Swans is? I'd rather get involved in Rush Hour 2 with Voldermont, a oven and Scampi than dream of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon with her, Ooh, the very thought makes my Penis curl. Ron: ...your lucky thats the fic talking Draco: Or what, youd curl into a ball and cry? Ron: Shut up Oh, Harry! Oh, Draco, my Honey! Cue soft music, sounds of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and Rush Hour 2, soft focus and fade......... Hermione: *Puts head in arms and sighs* A/N: These are RANDOM stories, made by a crazy Yaou Fan Girl(WHO IS BORED). Please Read and Review for my sake! Signing Off: Draco Wanna-Be Harry: .....final comments? Ron: Do we have to? Harry: I think so, yes. Ron: *Sighs* Well, the entire premise was stupid. It sounded like it was written by a 7 year old girl Hermione: No qoutation marks at all... Draco: And it was pretty gross, even to slash lovers. Harry: How do you know what a slash lover likes? Draco: .....*throws down a smoke ball, ala comic book style. The room fills with smoke, and coughing is heard. Then a thud.* *When the room clears, the three crowd around Draco, whos lying unconsious* Hermione: He appears to have keeled over from smoke inhalation... Harry: I always thought it was a bad idea to throw those things right at your feet.