Parvati, Lavender, a boy and a beer.
Draco: Two bimbos, an un-named patsy that will probably end up being Potter here, and an intoxicant meant for the cretins of the planet. What could go wrong here?
Harry: I don’t like the kid, but he has a point...
Tini: Hello? Harry, Draco, seeing as neither of you are small enough to say, live in my pocket, one beer won’t do JACK SHIT.
'Hi!', Lavender said to the boy, fluttering her eyelashes, ' wanna go for a, um, quick beer?'
Hermione: What exactly is a ‘quick’ beer supposed to be?
Harry: Beats me. If its quick, you’re drinking a lot, so I have no idea...
Tini: Maybe she intends on chuggung. *snorts* She’s a SLUT. BONG.
'Definitely!', he replied.
Draco: And despite the hesitation and stammering on the annoying bimbos part, the poor kid steps right out of the underwater cave and lets the sharks at him
Together they walked outside, right round
Tini: You spin me right round, baby. Like a record baby. Right round round round.
Harry: *Puts on eighties sunglasses over the cokebottle specs*
to the other side of the forest,
Harry: Wait, we’re still in Hogwarts? I think beer might just be a no-no then...
only to discover Parvati. Parvati was sitting alone, clothes beside her, rubbing her vagina.
Draco: ...quite the discovery. Your looking for a cheap, foul tasting object that can be bought for a few pounds to drink, and you find a naked one with legs and arms...
Tini: *Sets down her beer* This is shit. How come i never find cute Indian chicks naked in the woods? I hate this story and i hate all of you. *Swigs*
Lavender, holding the boys hand, felt him tighten with pleasure.
Harry: I really don’t think anything on a boy, um, tightens with pleasure
Draco: Not if your doing things right, anyway
Tini: You would know, Drake!
Harry: *Clinks his beer with Tini’s* Burn!
She smiled and stripped off, then sat behind Parvati.
Hermione: That’s about as slutty as it comes
Draco: *Plays his Porn Music*
Hermione: Its pretty sad when you reduce yourself to playing on my words to get your damn kicks, Malfoy.
Tini: It was pretty skanky, ‘Mione.
The two girls smiled up at him and he simply stood, spellbound.
Harry: So this kid hasnt moved in the time it took for Lavender to strip?
Hermione: Maybe they mean *literally* spellbound...
Tiger: ‘Full Body Bind’ is so the wizarding answer to Roofies...
Tini: *Pops open a root beer for the young Tiger and hands it to him* Here you go, shnookie. No Roofies in it, and i don’t know full body bind, but I figured i’d just knock you in the face if it came to that.
Lavender brought one of her hands around Parvati to fondle and nip her large breasts.
Draco: ‘Nip’? Thats done with your mouth, idiot...
Harry: It’d be nice to know whose large breasts were being fondled, since that could apply to either of them
Hermione: Harry!
Harry: Well it would!
Tini: Consider the source, ‘Mione. It’s total lemon. What’s the point if it doesn’t---oh wait. It’s a lemon. Breasts are fine, regardless of who they belong to.
Draco: Like in that Woody Allen flick, with the big bouncing disembodied tit!
Tini: *Clinks her beer with Draco’s* Score!
Lavender, who only had minute breasts,
Harry: That seems incredibly harsh and I’m not sure why...
Draco: Probably because ‘minute’ is how you would describe a quarter.
Tini: Or possibly an amoeba…
was envious of Parvati's pride and joy.
Hermione: I like to think that Parvati has a little more dignity than that
Draco: I don’t. Of course, I don’t like to think that any girl has more dignity than that
Hermione: *Smacks him*
Draco: *Grins at her* Worth it. Totally.
Tini: They don’t.
Hermione: *Blinks at Tini* You’re a girl! I can’t believe you’d say that!
Tini: Make with the kneepads and the pie, Toothy. And try not to scrape the Johnson with those chompers while you’re down there.
Draco: *Clinks beer with Tini* Burn!
She stuck her other hand down and began to stroke Parvati,
Tini: Niiice kitty…
feeling wetness and smiled.
Tini: Ew. Dood, that wasn’t even funny. Sorry guys.
Hermione: Tenses alert in that one... ‘feeling’ and ‘smiled’ dont really go together
Draco: I hate when little kids try to write porn. They’re always so afraid of using slang words towards sex organs. Its like listening to a white guy try to rap.
Hermione: You know rap?
Draco: Loud, violent, hate filled... Im a slytherin, damnit, what do you think I listen to?
Tini: I can just see the Slytherin dorms thumpin’ to some ICP.
Lavender then rubbed her own wet vagina against Parvati’s small bum. How she loved Parvati.
Tini: Oh yeah. This is how i express my love to my friends. Like when i see Pip? It’s all “Hi Pip *humpty hump* How i love you…”
Draco: I’d love her too if she just let me use her like a slut doll like she is for Lavender..
Then she stopped.
Harry: You know it’s a bad lemon when the sex scene stops and you just stare indifferently
Tini: *Rocky Horror Picture Show* “And then she cried out-“ “STOOOP!!”
Draco: I know the feeling.
Tini: *Clinks beers with Draco* Burn!
Lavender got up and began to take the boys shirt and tie off, as Parvati worked down below.
Draco: What exactly is ‘boy’ wearing? Not robes...
Tiger: And porn plot or not, this is where the *questions* are usually asked. Oh, like, ‘what in the fuck is going on here!?’
Tini: It’s times like those when our questions answer themselves. And ‘down below?’ Hello? Does she have a fucking periscope down there?
Soon all the astounded boy had on was his boxers, which now seemed rather uncomfortable.
Draco: Notice how they avoid using the word ‘erection’ as if it were the plague.
Tini: *Sings* Eeeeeeerect-SHUUN! Sing with me, ladies!
Harry: *Sings along*
Tiger: *Sings along*
Hermione: *Sits, disgusted* I cannot believe you all.
Tini: *Clinks beers* Score!
Smiling, Parvati walked behind Lavender and blindfolded her, then done the same to the boy.
Harry: I’ve seen better English used by a four year old...
Tiger: Once again- questions! I don’t care how lucky this kid thinks he is, you don’t get naked without know what on god’s green earth is happening
Draco, Harry, Tini: You don’t?
Down came his boxers, and up went his penis.
Tini: *Singing boisterously* DOWN! go the boxers, UP! goes the dick!
Draco: *Raises an eyebrow* So if his penis wasn’t up before, why were his boxers uncomfortable?
Hermione: What, are you just picturing this in your mind?
Draco: ...yes. Aren’t you?
Hermione: ...no!
Draco: *Smirks* Liar
Tini: *Clinky of beer* Burn!
Parvati smiled, then tied Lavenders hands to a tree, and left her standing, butt naked with her breasts and vagina poking out eagerly.
Tiger: Her vagina... poking out...
Draco: Maybe the little kid author got the terms wrong. Is Lavenders vagina roughly six inches long with a bulbous tip?
Hermione: Ew..........
Tini: *Snickers* ‘Mione’s is.
Hermione: How would YOU know!
Tini: Don’t you mean, “no, it isn’t!” ?
Hermione: Hmph
Harry: Six inches? *Sneer* Isn’t that a bit wee?
Draco: *Looks scared* It is?
Tini: *Clinks beers with Harry* Score!
Then she went over to the boy, who suddenly said, 'What are you going to do?'
Tiger: *Puts head in hands* Wrong question, slick, and a little too late
Tini: *Rubs Tiger’s back* T’sokay baby. That’s why i’m here.
Parvati smiled and led him over to her friend, companion and lover.
Tini: Poker fourth, gardener, padawan learner, and baby daddy.
Hermione: That would look so much better with a comma, necessary or not
Tini: YOU’D look so much better with a comma, necessary or not!
Draco: Burn! *Clinks beers*
Hermione: Shut up!
Tini: Your MOM would look so much better -
Hermione: SHUT UP!
Draco: *Clink* Burn!
She put a hand on his penis and guided it into Lavender. It slid in easily, lubricated my Lavender’s wetness.
Harry: ‘My lavenders wetness?’
Draco: Maybe she bought the rights to it or something...
Tini: Or maybe the author is typing one-handed, if you get my drift. “Oh baby….please don’t go…”
Tiger: <Parvati> Here it is, Vitametavegamin mix! Now made with 25% more Lavenders wetness... *Pours some in a spoon and raises it to his lips*
Hermione: Please! Stop that. Now! Pervert.
Tiger: *Snickers* I wasn’t going to... *drops the spoon*
Tini: You SO were. And by the way….how does a third party stick it in…without getting a little in the way….never mind.
Parvati pushed him in, and out, in, and out.
Draco: What is this kid, parapalegic?
Harry: Probably, for not running when he saw Lavenders long, dangling, pulsing... ‘vagina’
Hermione: Stop that!!
Tini: *Snorts into her beer* My friend’s pitbull, when she’s in heat, her cooter gets all dangly….
Tiger: *Blows root beer across the room*
Hermione: *Shrieks and makes her head explode*
Draco : Excellent….
Harry: ‘MIONE!
Tini: THAT WAS FUCKING---aww….her head’s back together.
Hermione: Fantasy is convenient for that.
Harder and harder until Lavender came scareming into an orgasm.
Draco: There’s a lesson in this. At home in bed, the guy needs to work his ass off. But all he really needs to do is tie his women to a tree, and have a feeble girl push a boy who’s probably 140 pounds back and forth out of the girl, with all the force of a light autumn wind. That’s the ticket
Hermione: We really need to get another girl in here *full* time, because I cant smack enough of you at once
Tini: *Mutters into beer* Make with the oral sex, Chompers.
Hermione: *Scoffs*
Then Parvati pulled him away and stepped in.
Draco: To Lavender? What is this, a transexual club?
Tini: She’s hella loose…
Draco: Oh, so some of the story’s fact, eh?
Hermione: *Smacks him* I guess Ill just take it one pervert at a time
Tini: I think you should be more like Lavender, ‘Mione, and take us in turn, tied to a tree, with your cootchie dangling to your knees---
Hermione: I HATE YOU!
By now he wanted sex, and needed to cum,
Tiger: Yeah... what just happened there at the tree? Thats what we call ‘non sexual fucking’
but first needed a tiny bit of stimulation. Now Parvati undid Lavenders ties and held her.
Hermione: ...this all seems like a lot of time compressed pretty short
They kissed passionately, hands grappling at each other, whilst the boy stumbled desperately trying to find them.
Draco: ‘Whilst’? They actually used ‘whilst’?
Tiger: They didnt bind your arms kid... its called taking the blindfold off
Tini: “Marco!” *grooooan* “Oi….i said MARCO!” *moooaaaan*
Then Parvati grabbed Lavender hands and hancuffed them together behind her back.
Hermione: They’re naked. Where are they getting all these things?
Tini: Outta Lavender’s loose, dangling, flapping-
Hermione: *Shrieks*
Draco: And how did the bitch/dominator role switch so hard like this?
Then she put a rope under Lavnders tiny breasts, pulling them up then tying them up.
Harry: *Winces* That sounds painful...
Tini: *Covering her eyes and whimpering like a bitch* Don’t be such a wuss, Harry….tellmewhenit’sover….
Then she yanked a rope right up under Lavenders pussy, cutting into her exposed, tender fleshy parts.
*The boys in the room…well…and Tini collectively cringe, while Hermione just shakes her head in disgust*
Then she went over to the boy. Now only he had a blindfold on.
Hermione: Yeah... like in many other fics, that doesn’t even qualify as a sentence
Tini: *Looks at Hermione* Have you ever been kissed? Like, on the mouth?
Hermione: I hate you….so much.
Lavender screamed as Parvati pushed his dick into Lavenders mouth,
Draco: That would be pretty damn scary in that situation...
Hermione: *Raises an eyebrow* Oh? And you’d know how?
Draco: Nice try, Granger, but I’m going to pretend I don’t know what your insinuating
Tini: Maybe it’s the beer, but did Parvati just get a dick?
then sucked for all she was worth.
Tiger: I hate that phrase. Having a girl go at you with the force of a hoover vacuum sounds more painful than anything else.
Tini: Maybe they ought to get Pop Rocks, you think, Tiger?
Screaming, he came inside her mouth.
Hermione: Ok, smart guy, so why is he screaming?
Draco: Because the little kid who wrote this is mistaking a cheap, whorish, bondage blowjob with two hours of sweaty hot tub sex.
Hermione: ...why do I even ask you things?
Tini: Because you’re not in the kitchen making me pie.
Then Parvati removed Lavenders bondage and tied her against a tree
Harry: If the end result is her tied to a tree, I really dont think any bondage was removed.
Draco: Along with mature sex themes, this author has no comprehension of knots. They would have spent an hour and a half fucking with the bloody ropes by now.
to watch whilst Parvati had a good fuck.
Tiger: Stop... using... ‘whilst’....
Tini: There are good uses. Like…”Tini got progressively drunker with the boys while Hermione made them pie.”
Hermione: I’m gonna tell….
Parvati sat the boy down, then began rubbing his shaft.
Hermione: The sheer fact that this boy is letting himself be posed like a ken doll almost gives this whole thing a pedophilic glow.
Tini: Just…rubbing it? Like….like you rub a sore foot or something? Cos it’s not exactly the same…
Then she lowered her breast onto his mouth and gently pushed it in.
Tiger: Erm... and how would she do that? By punching herself in the back?
He sucked and bit and made her scream in ectasy.
Hermione: Oh yeah. Bloody teeth marks, so sexy... *shakes head*
Tini: *puts a hand on nipple* Oh ow….that can be fun if the person is skilled but i’m doubting this little bastard is.
After she made him repeat this with her other breast,
Tini: That is just. So creepily shampoo-bottle-esque. “Nibble, suck. Repeat with other breast if desired.”
Lavender was calling out her name, wanting a bit of the action too.
Harry: It seems about time. She’s spent this entire story hog tied.
Tini: No, Harry, look at the action involved. She’s screaming to be set free.
But she wasn't going to get it.
Draco: Tsk. Selfish bitch.
Tini: Foreshadowing, kids! Take note! *Opens another bottle, something stronger this time. Swigs from bottle of Riunite.*
Parvati pushed him down and rode him, fast and hard until he was about to cum and then she sucked, hard, to be rewarded with the sweet taste of his cum inside her mouth.
Harry: ....that was four pages of good, descriptive sex wasted in one pathetically inept sentence
Hermione: ‘Sweet’ is not an adjective you see used much in that sense, even in our MST line of work...
Tini: I would agree with you there, Mione.
Draco: *Scoffs* It’s totally NOT sweet-tasting, either. It’s actually kind of salty.
*All other MSTers just LOOK at Draco, raising an eyebrow*
Draco: Fuck y’all. All y’all. *grumbles*
Then she walked over to lavenders
Draco: There’s two now? This just keeps getting kinkier
and kissed her, both tasting his cum.
Draco: *Snickers* Got milk?
Hermione: Ew! Draco!
Harry: We’re never letting him touch a muggle magazine again.
Draco: I’ll just have to borrow your Cosmos, Harry.
Harry: *Blushes* Shut up. There was a good article on covering scars.
Then after a last fondle with him, and each other they left him to it.
Hermione: There’s that missing comma again... and isn’t Lavender tied up?
Harry: Oh who even knows anymore...
Tini: Since when is Hugh Grant doing the narration? “Well, you see, we had a last fondle, and there you have it, we left him to it.”
Soon he would realise they had abandoned him in unknown territory, naked with only a bra near him, as a sort of souvenir.
Tiger: Yeah... except they didn’t take his clothes. And his arms are free. And they didn’t plug his ears, so he knows they’re gone.
Harry: That pretty much sums this entire thing up, but for the benefit of tradition- final thoughts?
Tini: I think I need some pie. And more alcohol. And home. Home where there is good writing. *Kisses the boys on their foreheads* I’m out like disco, babies.
Hermione: I’m NOT making pie. I think i need a shower.
Draco: Cold?
Hermione: *Raises her arm*
Draco: Gah! *Ducks behind his chair*