Draco: *Coughs*... you know your in for a, erm, treat, when the person is too lazy to fully write out the
word ‘disclaimer’.
by crusadegirl2001 and mrs_draco_malfoy_and_snape
Harry: Written by two people? Thats rarely a good sign...
Hermione: Especially when one of those two people wants to be married to both Draco and Snape
don't e-mail me see me im yahoo messager.
Ron: ....oh lord. And theyre cocky enough to think people are going to want to talk to them
Harry: *Sighs* Well, now that we have the premonitions of doom out of the way, lets get right down to this
Harry Potter and the dark arts teacher
Hermione: I dont think this is entirely necessary to point out, as everyone out there is hopefully smart
enough to know this, but titles are supposed to be done in capitals.
Scene one:
Ron: ...a play form piece? Apparently theres been a premonition inserted into the story itself
Tara: Father, I mean my lord: tell me what to do and I will do it.
Hermione: ...ugh. Not only a Mary Sue, but a Mary Sue whos made herself the daughter of the strongest evil
being on the planet. Such an ego.
Harry: Besides, shes doing it poorly. Somehow I think saying ‘my lord’ would be fully conditioned into your
system with a father like that.
Draco: And shes phrasing her ass-kissing in the form of an order. Bad move
The dark lord: Pinecone I want you to go to Hogwarts as the new dark arts teacher
Harry: .....pinecone?
Draco: Oh fucking *christ*...
and Saudi potter and bring him to me so I can kill him myself
Hermione: ‘Saudi’?? Is that supposed to be a verb?
Draco: If it is, they capitalized the very and left the name lower case
Tara: yes my lord I shall do that, thank you, my lord
Harry: ‘Want to talk like a drone? Ramble on like some fucking robot wannabe? Just read this story nine
times straight an youll have mastered the trait.’
Ron: Somehow I think more orders would be involved in something as vast as that
The dark lord: Go now Severus protects her of I'll kill you,
Ron: ‘Of Ill kill you’?
Hermione: Heres a tip... give us some allusion to that fact that Snape is in the damn room
son in law or no son in law,
Harry: Married to Snape. That would be Mary Sue Moment Number One for this fic.
Hermione: Well, number two. Number one was being Voldemorts daughter
I give you one more chance with her pity she deforested you Severus Snape.
Harry: ...*blinks*...
Draco: Now what in the fuck is that supposed to mean?
Mean while Harry wakes up in a cold sweat in bed with his girlfriend Cho at her house in Japan where he
was spending the holidays.
Hermione: Japan has its own wizarding school. Its exclusive to the Japanese.
Ron: ...seriously?
Hermione: Seriously. They have a very reclusive culture
Cho: Harry, what is it?
Harry: It's nothing, Cho, go back to sleep. I had a nightmare that's all, nothing to worry you.
Ron: <Harry> Except that were both going to hell for having pre marital sex, and your fathers probaly going
to march in here with some sort of Samurai sword because were so obviously fucking under his roof
Just then Headwig comes through the window with a letter.
Harry: ‘Just then...’ what a happy, amazing coincidence.
Harry: hi Headwig! Oh, you have a letter for me, good girl.
Draco: ‘Good girl’!? Shes an owl, not a dog, show some respect
Dear Harry,
Oh god, Harry it's Hermione she, she was run over and is in a muddle hospital.
Hermione: They dont even know that its spelled Muggle!?
Draco: Way to ignore the fact someone hit you with a damned car
Ron: Why am I writing a letter like stupid little fangirls talk?
Come home
Quick I'm sorry to spoil your week with Cho.
-Ron
Hermione: Yeah. Erm, you know Ron, letters are for slightly casual occurances. You could have had your
parents Apparate in there
Ron: Trust me, I know
Harry: oh no not Hermione, I'm sorry Cho; I must go Hermione has been run over and is in hospital. I must
go and see her
Draco: See that, Potter? Its a tear. For all of your powerful, heartfelt, emotional speech
Harry: Shut up.
Cho: you ass, you love her don't you?
Ron: .....*blinks* Um...
Get out, you ass and don't come near me again Harry potter you hear.
Harry: Well that was unexpected.
Hermione: The truly idiotic, impossible things are.
Harry: But Cho, my best friends need me and you're my girlfriend, it's a different love I have for Hermione
than you.
Draco: No Potter, the correct response was “Fuck you you selfish slanty bitch”
Hermione: ‘Slanty’? Is that what passes as racism with you?
Draco: The only people Im racist against is Mudbloods, Granger
Cho: GET OUT NOW!
So Harry left.
Harry: I was already leaving...
at Hogwarts tow weeks ago,
Hermione: That is single handedly the worst opening sentence I have ever seen.
it was time to have lunch and Reena walked towards the great hall.
Harry: Could it be Mary Sue #2?
She spotted Draco sitting down and sat next to him. She was all in black and as she walked in she knew all
eyes were on her.
Hermione: Yes. Yes it could be.
She liked all the attention that she got from everyone especially from Draco.
Draco: No one who likes attention gets it from me...
They had been together for almost a month now. It wasn't often that Reena smiled, she always looked so
angry but when she was with Draco and had no one to bother her she could be a very nice person.
Draco: Wow. Why am I dating her again?
Ron: *Plays Draco’s porn music*
Harry: *Snickers*
Draco: You son of a... give that back! *Tackles Ron out of his chair*
As they ate lunch, professor snape walked in and Draco noticed the smile on her face - she had never smiled
at him that way before.
Hermione: That was a pretty odd connection of two events
The next lesson, to Renna's delight was potions with snape.
Hermione: Im glad Im not as obsessed with grammar as I used to be, or right now I would be attempting to
gnaw through my own wrist.
She showed off the spells she had been practising and snape commented on how good she was.
Hermione: Is she even listening to *herself*?? Its Potions! There are no spells involved!
Harry: Ah, just chalk it up as a Mary Sue Moment...
He even asked her to stay behind after the lesson to discuss her improvement in potions.
Draco: *Kicks Ron somewhere around the chest and sends him sprawling, then scoops up his tape player and plays some Porn Muisc*
Hermione: Ew...
Snape: I am very impressed with your improvement today. It's as if you have been practising.
Hermione: Like thats some rare, amazing thing?
Reena: well, I certainly haven't been practising; it must just be my natural talent.
Harry: ......
Ron: *Picks himself up from the floor* Is she serious?
Hermione: I think so.
Draco: Jesus. You usually dont even hear that shit from people who are kidding
They chatted for about 5 minutes. Just then Draco walked in.
Draco: One, Snape doesnt chat. Two, if Im dating her, odds are shes in my year of school. Thus, wed have
Potions at the *same fucking time*
Draco: Have you finished yet? I can't imagine potions being interesting in the slightest.
Hermione: Somewhere, JK Rowling is sobbing into her hands
Draco: Yeah. Cause, you know, she *never* gave the impression that I enjoy potions
Reena: well, they are ok so shut up! See you around professor Snape.
Hermione: And the third graders begint heir battle of wits...
Reena walked away from Draco and sat down on the ground. Draco followed and sat by her.
Harry: Your *inside*...
Reena: You didn't have to be so rude. Sometimes you can be so immature.
Draco: Says the girl who just said ‘well it is ok so shut up!!’
Draco: what's your problem? You'd think you didn't want me to come in 'cause you were having such a good
time with snape.
Draco: Yeah. I would so totally actually say that. UGH.
Reena: yeah well it was more fun than you having a go at me.
Ron: *Snickers*
Draco: That was pathetic in so many ways...
After she said that she stormed off and shouted to him:
Reena: I'll talk to you when you have grown up a bit.
Hermione: As much as I hate to back Draco, shes reduced herself to a level of an infant, and shes telling
others to grow up...
Harry: Yeah... final thoughts people?
Draco: Im too pissed.
Ron: Im too annoyed.
Hermione: And Im too stunned by all of the poor grammar.
Harry: ....all right then