Draco: Oh, no, please go on. Really. Please. Because we really want to hear you plug yourself and your
friends before weve even been subjected to your shitty story.
Hermione: Draco-
Draco: No! Really! Im not kidding! I want to see her masturbate in text form over what little skills she might
actually possess besides crawling under her father’s desk in his office and earning her allowance! Really!
Hermione: .....*blinks*.....
Ron: *Nudges Harry* Whats up his arse?
Harry: *Shrugs*
Helga's Scion (by myself)
Draco: ‘Related’? Considering there isn’t a single character in our entire universe named Helga, you might
want to change what you said to ‘things I’m going to plug because I’m pathetic.’
Harry: Draco...
The green flame torch, familiaris, and "the day draco malfoy became a hottie" by galya
Draco: Two things. One, I already am a hotty- thats with a y, by the way- and people do not become good
looking in one day. Two, I don’t want anyone you assossiate using me in their weak plotted, twisted
dialogued erection of letters they think they can call a fan fiction.
Ron: ...youve been listening to Muggle rap again, havent you?
This is a shortish fic hopefully, Harry will be in the next chapter, this one is obviously really short.
Draco: You know whats really, truly stupid? When someone not only invents a word like ‘shortish’, but then
they use it incorrectly. Nothing with chapters is ‘shortish’
Nigel dragged himself into the common room and sank into a nearby couch. He couldn't understand Lilah,
not at all.
Draco: Oh *christ*... so in the first actual, so-called sentence, were treated to not one, but two Mary Sues.
Great. Really.
Hermione: Can you guys calm him down? Hes going to pop something...
Harry: *Thinks for a moment, then runs out of the room*
What was she so afraid of.
Draco: Losing the ability to properly end a question with the correct punctuation mark?
He coudl tell she was tying to him.
Draco: Now what the *fuck* is that supposed to mean!?
Hermione: Well I can tell the first error should by could... but ‘tying’? Unless shes roping herself to this guys
thigh or something...
Harry: *Is heard in the hall dragging something*
Why didn't she trust him?
Draco: *Mutters* Probably because hes a non existent life form some dumb bint attached to popular books
to add fame to her own creation
Harry: *Leads a tall, impossibly beautiful girl into the room. She is absolutely radiating power, and Harry
needs to lock out a crowd of boys, girls, and little kids who just want to jump on her and fuck her sensless.
There are even carbon copies of the MSTers outside who are fighting each other for her attention*
Everyone... Id like you to meet Mary Sue.
Mary Sue: Hello. Everyone. So pleased. To be here.
Hermione: ....*puts face in hands*... this is your big solution? Bringing *that* in?
He couldn't erase the bad feeling that had overteakn him when he had seen Lilah talking to Blaise that
morning during breakfast.
Draco: Thats three...
Mary: Oh. Stop it. You. Cutie. You know. That. New. Personalities. Are fun.
Hermione: *Groans* Could you at least turn off the vacantness?
Harry: I doubt it.
He knew it was silly, but Lilah wasn't easing his mind by asking questions about what he would think of a
girl who cheated on her boyfreind of two years.
Mary Sue: Oh. Im sure. That she loves him. A whole, whole lot. It was just a mistake. An honest one.
Really. But who could blame the guy? Shes so special, and so beautiful... and Im sure her pleather, shiny
black pants with the rinestone seams, her leader dominatrix belt, her beaded white undershirt, her flowery
blue wrap around...
Draco: *Comes out of no where with a baseball bat, cracking her directly upside the temple. She tilts to the
side, then looks at him with a smile of perfect teeth.*
Mary Sue: Silly. I still love you.
Nigel didn't want to doubt her but it was obvious something was up, and he couldn't ignore the sick feeling
in his stomache whenever he saw Blaise, or heard his name.
Mary: Oh. Im sure theyll be Ok. Im sure theyll become friends.
"Nigel?" Hannah said softly, walking towards Nigel from the other side of the common room, her golden
curls framing her face like a soft halo, and her cownflower blue eyes gazing at him with concern.
Mary Sue: Oh I love golden curls... so perfect. So well conditioned. So curly. Never a hair out of place. And
those eyes. So. Pretty. Eyes. Bright. Shiny. Mystical.
Draco: Yeah, well, so is a bullet...
"What's up?"
The words were simple and casual but Nigel knew from the look in those deep blue eyes and the tone of her
voice that she was asking him what it was that was consuming him from the inside out,
Mary: Yeah. Man. Deep. So dark, so angsty, so painfully wrecked because the author crammed that
knowledge in there in one sentence. Its so beautiful and emotional I think that I am going to cry. So deep.
Hermione: Whats worst of all is she doesnt *know* shes making fun of this...
she was offering counsel and Nigel wanted to tell her everything.
Mary: Wow. Man. What a great friend. What a truly deep and emotional offering from one soul. To another.
Wow.
Would she really listen though, he asked himself.
Mary: Oh god. I dont think I can take it. Hes in so much pain. So much self doubt. Im hurting. Because he is
hurting. Because of the philisophical questions hes consiously turning on himself.
Harry: ......*goes to get some popcron*
Ron: *Follows him*
Draco: ...*sighs, rubs his temples, and follows*
Hermione: *Stays sitting* Well someone needs to watch grammar
When it came down to it he always ended up mincing his words with Hannah, and everyone else, attempting
to defend Lilah, from what they would think of her, if he told them what he felt.
Mary: Oh god, that is so beautiful and so brilliant. So... long, a sentence.
He had to tell her something though, because he really did want her support.
Mary: I can feel it. I know it. The anguish hes going through. The yearning hes feeling. It. So. Moving.
Really, he knew that she deserved to know the truth, and it seemed torturous that he could not tell her, no
matter how much he yearned to.
Mary: Ooh. Yearing and torturous are big words. *Giggles*
"Just thinking about Lily" he confessed.
Mary: Lilies are pretty... and they spell nice too
Hannah bit her lip, "Things have been really bad haven't they" she stated quietly.
Mary: You can tell shes caring and emotional because she said it so... so... quietly.
Nigel could hardly deny this, but he found himself saying, "Well it's just been complicated, recently"
Mary: Please! Im almost there! Push me over the edge into emotional bliss by explaining your soul!!!
Harry: *Returns with the popcorn, followed by Ron and Draco, who have sodas.*
Hermione: *Runs past them*
Harry: I thought you werent hungry...
Hermione: Im not! Gonna puke!
Hannah knew he was holding back, she knew he wanted to tell her more, and she wanted to know what he
was thinking, but she did not want to be overly intrusive.
Mary: So caring... and so needy... I could not physically be more emotionally involved in this
"You know I am always here" she told him.
Mary: Awwwwwww! Im not overwhelmed with endless caring for these characters and support in their
mutual bond!
"I do, Han...and I really appriciate it" Nigel sighed, "Well, we should both get to bed as we have Binns in
less than 5 hours"
Mary: I dont know what Binns is, but there was no explanation of it whatsoever, so you know it has to be
good!
He held out his arms and encircled her in a warm embrace.
Mary: Aw... it was warm.
"You really are amazing, you know that" he murmmered, then he kissed her forehead and headed up to his
dormitory.
Mary: *Squeals* He kissed her! On the forehead! And then went up to his dormitory!
Draco: Were killing her after this, right?
Harry: Oh yes.
Hannah closed her eyes and sighed. He was so incredibly sweet, and she knew that she was in danger again.
Mary: *Sombers* Danger is bad and scary... hold me!
Why couldn't she be friends with an attractive boy like Nigel without attraction getting in the way.
Mary: Everyone on the planet is so endlessly hot and likable...
What made it worse is that Hannah had commited herself to a friendship wih Lilah; therefore, regardless of
the fact that Lilah had betrayed Nigel and Hannah knew it, Hannah knew she couldn't say a word about that
to Nigel.
Mary: I didnt understand a word of that, so that means it was deep, soul searching, and philosophical. Yay!
*Jumps up and down and claps hands*
It wasn't her way. No matter how much she wanted Nigel to be free from Lilah, no matter how much she
knew Lilah didn't deserve Nigel, no matter how much she wanted Nigel for herself, Hannah would keep
Lilah's secret for her. She hope Lilah would tell him herself, but she knew better.
Mary: No!!!! Its over! Such a cliffy! Please! I need the next chapter!
Ron: *Pushes her forward into the fic projector. Electrical currents run through her body, and kill her good.
Now lets never speak of her again*
Draco: Ron, for once in my life, I respect you.
Harry: *Pokes at the corpse with his toe* Ew... shes actually hollow...
Mary Corpse: *Deflates*