Ron: ...the marmalades?
Draco: Well golly fucking gee cletus, why dun we take a stop by tha shootin car to russle us up some
breakfast mush-rooooms...
Harry: Youre a horrible human being.
~*Chapter One: The Marmalades*~
“Shhh, they’re coming,” Lily said to her 3 best friends.
Hermione: ‘Three’. ‘THREE.’ It isnt that hard.
The four girls peeked around the corner and watched as some first year Slytherins picked up some lollipops
they had found on the ground.
Harry: *God* Thats unsanitary
Draco: This is going to be right on bar with that ‘chewing gum from underneath the theatre seats’ level of
grossness, isnt it?
Hermione: My bets are yes
They each took a lick from their lollipops and then started screaming.
Harry: ....um?
Lily and her friends ran and started bursting out with laughter as soon as they reached the Gryffindor
common room.
Hermione: Yeah. Because it wasn’t funny at all until they’d reached the room.
“Gotta love those acid pops,” said Char through giggles.
Ron: Oh jeese...
Draco: They might want to know those dont really *burn*. They just melt your tongue. painlessly.
Otherwise they’d be... whats that word... illegal.
“Yeah, did you see their tongues? Burnt little holes right through them!” laughed Mel.
Harry: <Lily> Why yes I did see their tonuges. You see, because I have X-ray vision, with a telescope
attachment so I can make out the holes
“I just hope they don’t tell someone. We’d be in big trouble,” replied Jen in all seriousness.
Hermione: That probably should have been discussed before hand
Ron: *Sighs* Do you really think that needs to be put into words? Its kind of a given
“Oh, lighten up Jen. You have to admit, it was pretty funny!” said Lily.
Harry: Since they all burst out laughing, I think she understands it
“Yeah, you’re right. It was hilarious!” Jen stopped worrying and laughed.
Hermione: See that? In bad fiction, turning off emotions at a whim is actually a possibility
Lily Evans, Charmaine Hotchkiss, Melissa Hernandez, and Jenallin Corrales were best friends ever since
their first year at Hogwarts.
Draco: I personally despise each and every one of those names, first and last
Hermione: Hm... let me. Canon, Mary Sue, Author Mary Sue, annnnd... Mary Sue
Harry: Nicely done
They all met on the train to Hogwarts and played their very first joke on the train. Now, they were so close
that they were practically sisters. They called themselves ‘The Marmalades’.
Harry: Im really at unease about all these club names and shit... what kind of group actually names
themselves, besides seven year olds in a club house?
Lily Evans had long fiery hair that seemed to go on forever.
Hermione: ...which was interesting, because it was roughly a foot long
Her eyes were a beautiful emerald green and looked wonderful against her light complexion. She was the
smartest out of the four girls and she was a Prefect. She was usually the brains behind the Marmalades’
operations. Lily was also one of the most popular girls in school, but she didn’t realize it. She just acted
natural. That was probably the reason why everyone loved her so much.
Draco: In case your wondering why we took that in the block, because *literally* the rest of this fic is these
blatant, pratagraph long descriptions of these characts. So well take this one character at a time
Harry: Being in charge of ‘operations’ would generally disqualify you from being a prefect
Hermione: And our schools have, what, 32 kids per year? Oooo... shes popular in a recluse bin. Somehow I
doubt she ever even sees the older or younger girls
Charmaine Hotchkiss had long dark brown hair that was practically black. Her nickname was Char. Her eyes
were a softer shade of brown that made her look absolutely shy and innocent. She may have looked
innocent, but she was exactly the opposite. She was an outgoing tomboy that liked to play sports and would
kick any butt that she had to. Like Lily, she was also blind to her popularity. Everyone liked her personality
and charm. Char usually talked the professors into letting the Marmalades off with a warning every time they
played a prank and the professors usually gave in.
Draco: Uh... since when did brown eyes make you look shy or innocent? Last time I checked, thats the
expression on your face.
Hermione: *Points to Crabbe* Kick his butt. No. Really. Cmon, Mary Sue tomboy lady. Lets see it.
Harry: Not to mention its rare for a bitchy tomboy to be popular...
Ron: Especially ones that suck up to and sweet talk teachers.
Melissa Hernandez had really light brown hair that glistened in the sunlight. Everyone just liked to call her
Mel. Her eyes were a light brown that matched her hair color. She was the sensible one in the group. She
was rational and brought the girls back to reality when their plans were too daring. Mel was a popular girl
too, but she never let it get to her head. She was really laid back and everyone just liked being around her.
Harry: Never in my entire life have I heard ‘mel’ being used as a nickname for Melissa. Its called ‘Missy’.
Hermione: And wasnt Jen just being the sensitive one?
Draco: While were on that track, why the fuck does this little nuance of idiocy need to have an aspect of
every personality in it anyway? People with *similar* personalities are usually friends, not the found sides of
a compass.
Ron: In case you were wondering, the popularity of every one of these girls, meaning that EVERY
GRYFFINDOR GIRL for that year was wildly popular, even with Slytherins, is the biggest give away of
Mary Suism.
Jenallin Corrales had raven black hair that went up to her shoulders. The Marmalades just called her Jen
because it was shorter. Her eyes were a dark blue color that went wonderful with her hair. She was popular,
but mostly because she hung around with the Marmalades. Jen wasn’t the brightest girl in her year, but she
was funny and worried a lot. The Marmalades enjoyed her company and she loved theirs.
Hermione: Wow... I really needed that explanation of nicknames. Truly I did.
Harry: I *could* use an explanation of why the funny girl is the worrying one....
“EVANS! HOTCHKISS! HERNANDEZ! CORRALES!” they heard Professor McGonagall yell from the
portrait hole.
Harry: Yeah. You see. Cause she taught my parents. While she was, like, 20.
“Uh-oh. Here we go again…” Lily rolled her eyes.
Hermione: <Lily> Yeah, all we did was burn holes through peoples tongues and just expect to get away with
it.
“Don’t worry, I’ll handle this.” Char walked over to the Professor smiling.
Harry: Im feeling a sudden routing for McGonagall to just slap this bitch
“Why, what ever is troubling you so, Professor?” Char said, batting her eyelashes and revealing her innocent
eyes.
Hermione: Yeah. That works. Really kids. Try it.
“Don’t try to sweet talk me, Hotchkiss. The first year Slytherins told me that they had a run in with some
acid pops. They also found this.” McGonagall held up some glittery lip-gloss that belonged to Jen.
Hermione: They dont HAVE lip gloss in Hogwarts! There are SPELLS...
Harry: Just leaving a tube of lip gloss at the scene of a crime is so completely ridiculous...
“Oh, I can assure that isn’t any of ours, Professor. We don’t wear that stuff. Honestly, professor. You think
WE would wear THAT cheap lip-gloss? No, we don’t need lip-gloss. Our lips naturally glisten.”
Ron: Did she just diss her friends make up?
Draco: *Snickers* Good. Of course, all McGonagall would need to do is check the girls lips...
“Hmph. That does sound right. I’m letting you off with a warning, but next time you won’t be so lucky.”
Hermione: I believe the correct answer to that is ‘bollocks’.
Draco: No, its bullshit. More profane.
Professor McGonagall left the common room and Char went back to the girls grinning.
“Another warning, Char?” Melissa asked.
“Yep. Next time keep your lip-gloss in your pocket, Jen.” She glared at the now blushing girl.
Hermione: Yeah, cause Jen was blushing before she knew shed left her lip gloss
“Sorry…” Jen muttered.
Then they all went back to the 6th year girls’ dormitories to plan their next trick on the Slytherins
Draco: This entire group has a big late night partying dyke-out feel to it...
Hermione: Draco!
Ron: Just ignore him...
Harry: Right. Final thoughts?
Draco: Theres nothing *wrong* with that... I just wanted a video of it...
Harry: RIGHT. Were closing there.