some of you *real* quick, and say simply- thank you. My page, well, its not exactly ‘frequently visited’,
right? Cause it isnt exactly ‘good’. So heres the thing. For all you regular readers- I love you, and do you
have friends? Yeah, I wish I was kidding, but I dont think I am. Spread the word! Unleashed isnt going any
where, so hook your sarcastic friends up to it! Send me fics! Hell, send me *your* MSTS for me to add the
Unleashed touch to and post here! Cmon! Crowd participation!
*The mood is quiet. The MSTers are slumped out on chairs, amazed that their lazy ass author is actually
writing them an introduction paragraph to one of their MST jobs, but too desensitized by all the crap theyre
forced to read daily to really give a damn. The shadows flicker just a bit, as Draco stirs, and looks around.
Draco: .....why is there a rabbit on the wall?
Harry: Huh? *Glances over at the wall, where there is a poorly constructed shadow puppet rabbit bounding
acrost its make shift land scape. He traces the trajectory of the light back to Ron, who is happily gyrating his
hand* Oh.
Ron: *Blinks, and realizes hes being watched. Quickly drops his hand* <Innocently> What?
Draco: .........right. Well, kitten boy, what manifest of the twelth layer of hell have you devised for us today,
hmmmm?
Tiger: *Appears as a shadow bunny on the wall, because he finds it amusing for the time being* I dont think
you want to know.
Draco: ..*raises an eyebrow* <Suspiciously> And why is that, oh fountain of bitter sarcasm?
Tiger: Well, if your about to be kicked right in the testicles, and theres nothing you could do about it, would
you want to know in advance?
Harry: *Winces*
Draco: Point well taken. Fine then. If you arent going to tell us about this, then how about you tell us what
this ‘special project’ is youre doin for the 50th chapter?
Hermione: *Mutters off to the side* 50 Chapters and the idiots still going...
Tiger: Just for that, frizzy, you dont get to hear anything. Well, ok, this. Draco will like it. And so will
certain fan girls.
Draco: *Grins* This involves honey and a catholic school girl, doesnt it?
Tiger: No!
Draco: *Sighs*. Fine. Twat. Lets get going.
*The Fic Starts Up*
Abi
Hermione: Oh jesus... you think they would give us more than one word before crushing our hopes of
decency by revealing such a blatant Mary Sue
Draco: My god Granger. Its like your actually lactating PMS right now. No, no, seriously... I hear they are
doing great things with popsicle midols these days. Can you eat frozen things? I can imagine if the nerves in
your front teeth got cold... it would be like getting stabbed in the upper lip with a three foot icicle.
Harrys' holiday had started to go downhill from the beginning.
Ron: Yeah, see, with smart people, things need to continue for some time before going down hill, because
you cant get worse if you havent started yet.
Draco: And for people like the chick who wrote this thing...
Ron: Well, then you get that.
Not that he ever enjoyed them much to begin with, but this year was proving to be the worst ever.
Harry: I dont think anythings going to to be worse than staying in the cupboard. The cupboard sucked.
The first blow was Dudleys' broken leg.
Harry: *Snickers* Er, I mean, awww... that *is* a blow
He had fallen from a chair after trying to reach a jar of cookies from on top of the fridge,
Hermione: If that isnt a plot device straight from a bad Tom and Jerry cartoon, I dont know what is
and, much to his delight, had been advised to do as little activity as possible. As Dudley was no longer able
to go out, his friends visited almost every day and often stayed for the night too.
Harry: I really dont think Dudleys friends liked him enough to come over. He was just kind of useful, pear
shaped ally on the school yard.
As a result, Harry had been demoted back to his little cupboard under the stairs to make room for the
guests,
Hermione: You heard it hear folks. The Durlseys would rather piss off Harry’s murdering god father than
cram four people into one huge room
and was being treated as Dudleys' personal skivvy.
Harry: Right. I oink like a pig and the git breaks into tears
"Potter!" Dudley yelled from the living room, where he and a handfull of his friends from school were
playing playstation.
Draco: Product placement... shameless product placement
Ron: And they dont even have the sense to give the spoiled rich kid the new system
Harry: And Dracos the only one who calls me Potter
Harry, lying starfished out on his bed groaned and shut his eyes.
Harry: You *cant* lay star fished in the cupboard. Its, whats the word... small.
He had been attempting to write an essay for Herbology, but his mind kept wondering.
Hermione: Thats ‘wandering’. And I dont think lying out like a piece of road kill is the best position to write
from, anyway
Draco: Well thank you so very fuckin much, Queen of Enlish
Hermione: Right. This is the part where I tell you to go fuck yourself with a basilik drum stick, isnt it?
"POTTER!" shreiked Dudley louder.
Harry: Once... again.... little cry baby... who doesnt call me Potter
"POT-MUM! HARRY WON'T COME!"
Draco: *Plays Porn Music*
Group: *Pauses*
Harry: Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.......
Draco: Hehe. Wait. Is this pansy really calling to his mother in front of his friends?
That got Harry on his feet. Petunia had kidnapped his broomstick, and had promised to set it on fire at the
slightest hint of trouble.
Harry: Right. Despite her fear of my god father, anything magical, and the fact that brooms are fire
protected, right?
Slowly, he approached the living room, while Petunia watched him, arms folded and eyes narrowed.
Hermione: Twigs usually arent that frightening, ugly or otherwise
Dudley was sitting on the sofa, his leg propped up on a pile of cushions. Beside and around him, sat two
other boys and..and a girl!
Harry: Enter, Mary Sue
In his whole life, Harry had never seen Dudley in the company of a female-especially not one like this!
Harry: Enter, idiotic obsession with impossibly gorgeous Mary Sue
She was talll and slim with short, spikey hair, died brick red, and wore the kind of clothes that Petunia liked
to tut at in the street.
Tiger: Woah. At least they know how to properly describe a hot girl...
Hermione: Even though they mispelled dyed, tall, and over looked the fact that this girl A- wouldnt touch
Dudley and B- wouldnt be allowed in the house
Harrys stomach gave a lurch as she turned to look at him.
Draco: You are such a tool...
Harry: Mhm. How about this? I take my wand, I twist it back and forth so its in a niiice lightning bolt shape,
just like my scar. Then I ram it up your dick hole. How bout that?
"Potter, go and get us something to drink!" ordered Dudley.
Hermione: I dont know... this non-pussyish yet pissant Dudley actually seems more annoying than the last
one
Harry: So?
Hermione: I just didnt think that was possible
Harry coloured. It was bad enough having to do it at all, but in frnt of this girl was torture!
Draco: Thats right kids. Looks *are* that important
He faltered for a moment, trying to think of a way to save his broomstick and his dignity, but he could feel
Petunias eyes boring into the back of her kneck.
Hermione: You know, just because of knee and knife, doesnt mean you add a ‘k’ before every ‘n’
Reluctantly, he picked his way over the empty crisp packets and chocolate wrappers that littered the floor,
but one of the boys stuck his foot out, and he tripped clumsily.
Harry: I love how Aunt Petunia only seems to be there to me. She ignores the girl and the litter
They all sniggered. As he entered the sanctuary of he kitchen, he heard the girl ask:
Draco: <Girl> What in the fuck am I doing with you idiots?
"Who is he?"
He returned quickly with a tray of drinks and placed it on the coffee table, and, stumbling over the various
legs that appeared to trip him up, Harry made his exit, his cheeks burning.
Ron: Oh come on! If you *see* the legs, your allowed to stomp their shins, for some fun
Once in his cupboard, he flopped on to his bed and sighed. Nothing was going right for him.
Draco: *Holds out a tissue* Aw, wipe honey, your about to smear your make up
Even the correspondance with his friends had been stopped as there was no window in the cupboard for
owls to get in and out of.
Harry: ....I *do* exit the cupboard, you know. I *just* did it
The letters from his friends, much to Vernons' fury, had been found dropped on the doorstep. They had
gone, unopened, into the bin.
Hermione: Oh... that makes a little more sense
Harry: No it doesnt! I go outside too!
Presently, his door opened and petunia entered with a plate. Near throwing it at him, she growled:
Draco: <Petunia> Heres for being in such a bad fic!
"Didn't want you spoiling Dudley and his friends' fun."And shut the door.
Harry: I really dont think shed bother....
Harry fingered the stale bread and cheese miserably, picturing the banquet tables at Hogwarts, and got out
his herbology books, which he had hastilly thrown under his pillow on Petunias entrance.
Draco: Why do they make it sound like youre pleasuring the food?
Harry: ....god only knows. But I dont think the breats stale. Unless Petunia left it out intentionally
He was just about to open 100 Magical Plants and their Uses when somebody knocked on the door.
Hermione: Thats 1000
Draco: Enter, once again, Mary Bitch. Er, Mary Whore. Slut Sue. FUCK!
Harry: Hahah.
Before he had time to hide his books, the red haired girl walked in and sat down on the bed,
Harry: <Charlie Brown> The little red haired girl!? Good grief!
which was really the only thing she could have done, due to the size of the cupboard.
Hermione: Slightly forward, is she?
"Er..hello.."said Harry, sheepishly.
Harry: Also could have been said as ‘when you knock, your supposed to wait for me to let you in’
The girl looked embarrassed.
Draco: After all, shes only *begging* you to make a move on her right now
"Is this...your room?"
Hermione: An intelligent, but extremely rude question
Harry flushed.
"Yeah, in the holidays."
Harry: Heyhey, they let me give a good answer.
There was an awkward silence.
Draco: Which could easily be filled by “Who the fuck *are* you!?”
"So..."said Harry, "You're a friend of Dudleys?"
Harry: A legitimate question, considering she appears not to suck ass
Smooth Harry he thought sarcastically, reall smooth.
Draco: Dont be so hard on yourself... Ive heard you say much more doofy things
"My brother is." she replied, and then:
Hermione: Hot teenage girl allowed self to be drug on play time with brother. Obviously this author isnt a
girl
Harry: No, she is.
Draco: Im sure shes just not hot.
"He doesn't seem to like you much,Dudley I mean."
Harry: A real charmer, this one is
Harry laughed. "The feeling's mutual."
Harry: What the hell is with all this... allowing me to talk like a human. Its out of place
Another silence.She caught sight of one of the books under his pillow and started to leaf absently through it.
Draco: You *know* she thought that was a porn mag
"Muggle Plants and how to use them "she read."Whats a muggle?"
Harry: Im just *letting* her read these?
Hermione: Nothing is a ‘muggle’ plant. Muggles just dont know how to use the magic inside them.
Harry muttered something inaudable and tried to change the subject.
"Whats your name?"
Draco: A question that would have been better asked ten minutes ago
"Im Abi. Abi Rivers."
Hermione: Whats so hard about introducing yourself with your last name included, without repeating the
first name? I dont think Ive *ever* seen it in a bad fic
"I'm Harr-"
Draco: <Harry> Hard. *Looks down in shame* Im not used to being this close to girls
Harry: .........I hate you
"ABI! ABI WHERE ARE YOU?"
Harry: *Blinks* Looking isnt an option? Or maybe asking where she was going when she left?
Abi rolled her eyes.
"I better go."
Hermione: ‘Bye’ qualifies...
And she left before Harry could even say goodbye.
Harry: In other words, she moves faster than the speed of sound
She was the first muggle he'd met that didn't appear to hate him, and he'd probably never see her again.
Harry: *Mutters* Jesus, Ive walked past people in the street who didnt hate me...
Absent mindedly, he picked up Muggle Plants and How to Use Them. There was a pen inside marking a
page, that he didn't remember marking. He opened at the place. Inside, in intidy handwriting it read:
Abi
215320
Draco: Wait a minute... that was a slightly clever ending- even though thats not a real phone number. What
the hell is this!?
Harry: I dont know... I think FF.net is down. Tigers working with slightly better material. Final thoughts?
Ron: I dont know... am I the only one who thinks my little sister would make one hell of a sexy guy?
Everyone: .................
Ron: What!? I was just asking!
Everyone: ...
Ron: Fuck yall! All yall. It was just an observation.
Draco: Uh... huh...
Ron: She would!