Disclaimer: Draco: Attention, attention please. This fic contains both rampant Mary Sues, and very little else... its actually not the most horribly offensive or poorly written thing Ive ever read... and is this line of work, its not even close. But hey, we need to draw the line *here*... no one wants to see your ugly mugs in stories. They want the characters. They want *us*. They are *fans* of *us*. Thats why its called fan fiction. Bitch. Harry: Hes sounding unusually dimplomatic today... Hermione: Yeah, I slipped the Diplomacy module in his head Harry: *Blinks* Did you really just make a ‘Aliens Ate My Homework’ joke? Hermione: ....lets move on All Harry Potter characters are not ours. Harry: And if we were, wed chew off our wrists to escape Ron: I thought that only worked in bear traps... I mean, in this case, it would just kill us.... oh Harry: Bingo, They either belong to JK Rowling or Scholastic or Warner Bothers…or whoever has the rights to this story… Hermione: You have the rights to this story, probably cause no one else would want it. The other characters and I are owned by Rowling, which would be fairly obvious to someone other than a blithering narcissistic twit. Amethyst, Eulinda, and their respective parents belong to us (we wish Wood belonged to us…but, alas, it was not to be.). Ron: Fan girl alert! Get the high powered hose filled with Ny-Quil to shut them the hell up! Draco: ...mwah. Seriously though... Amethyst and Eulinda? Next time make the story about the ass kickings these bints take from the other girls in their school, it will be mroe entertaining No copying our plot, characters, or...oops... I was about to say setting... I can’t lay claim on England, can I? Harry: Now thats *high class* writing, when your so vague and general you cant lay claims to any particular house, city, or street. “So Jane walked from one part of England to another part of England and she says to Mabel she says...” Anyway, no copying please. Draco: Awwww! Please? Pretty please? Pretty please with lactated sugar on top and cherries and gum drops topped with nude fairy’s dancing to showtunes!? The only thing my story needs is two vapant, vacid, boring and annoying Mary Sues to make it truly a work of Jesus! Remember, “It’s wicked fast, and damn near impossible to see...” Hermione: Oh *goody*.... the high class intelligent fans who first heard of us through the movie... Bug N Becca Draco: ‘Becca’ might just be the worst nick name in the world. Seriously. Its like someone said ‘lets take Becky and say it with a hick drawl and a speech impediment’ Check out our other stories: Dixiehnsnluver – Bug Doozer7787 - Becca Hermione: ...right. It took me a second to realize those werent the stories. Harry: But no, no we wont Please read disclaimer Ron: Oh honestly, if smacking it right at the top of the fuckin page isnt gonna make us read it, you think your half assed underline statement is gonna? Prologue: Amethyst’s neighbor was back from boarding school on summer holiday. Draco: Woopity freakin doo.... She had missed the kindness of her neighbor. Hermione: And I missed reading stories where every sentence was written as if by some sort of 18th century scribe in an attempt to gain credibility Draco: -with a speech impediment? Hermione: .....sure. Amethyst had just moved to London two years before and Eulinda Morgan had been the only one to befriend Amethyst. Draco: *Starts a running total of how often they say their names as a way to feel special-* Thus far, its only 5, but just add water, and watch it grow Shortly after Amethyst met Eulinda, Eulinda was accepted to her boarding school. Hermione: Accepted? What the fuck did they grade, how much money her parents had in her bank account? Draco: Good point... Corky from Life Goes on could get into a boarding school if his parents were loaded enough It was a bit of a shock to Amethyst’s mom, but she couldn’t have been happier for her friend. Draco: 9... Harry: Why the hell is the girls friend surprised she got into boarding school? Is she some maniacal villain playing the role of Eulindas arch nemesis? After all, from what she’d been told, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was the best school for young magic folk out there. Harry: ........ah. *Sighs* Draco: First of all, while Im all for this school pride bullshit, its the best school in our part of the world. Not everywhere. Hermione: And honestly, can you just call it Hogwarts? We know what the hell you mean, and even *I* dont call it ‘Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizadry’ At least she got to go to school. Draco: So were supposed to believe the Ame-what the fuck ever- just didnt go to school at all? I guess shes the one who’s writing this then... Amethyst, on the other hand, didn’t. Draco: 10... Her mother didn’t agree with the English education system and had instead set up a rigorous schedule for Amethyst herself. Draco: 11... Harry: I like how all the parents who want to home school usually tend to be the ones who were pushed into lockers themselves as children Hermione: You like that? Its horrible... its like annoying peoples form of breeding, raising theyre children to be just as annoying as they are Eulinda had been on summer vacation for two weeks and still Amethyst worked. Draco: 13... Harry: ‘Ame-what the fuck ever- seems to have very little spine if she lets her mother put her to the grind stone like that Finally, three weeks after Eulinda returned home, Amethyst took and passed her final exams. Draco: 15... Hermione: Jesus, Draco, thats getting annoying already.... Harry: Of course, the final exams for home schooling often involve tying your shoes or counting to ten... unless, of course, theyre the truly high quality ones, and then involve both She was going over her exams in the backyard when Eulinda walked over. Draco: 16... Hermione: See? Shes actually looking through her exams... *outside* at that... her mothers evil plans to raise her as an annoying bint are apparently in full swing “Hey, neighbor!” Eulinda called. Draco: 17... you know what, fuck it. Ron, you do this. I feel like ranting. No one on the planet actually says ‘Hey Neighbor’. Thats reserved for phony movies, TV sitcoms, and, of course, annoying fan fiction... “Mom baked us cookies. Want some?” Draco: Oh, wait, I was wrong... this isnt like a phony movie or a sitcom at all... “Hey, Eulinda! Long time, No see!” Amethyst said hugging Eulinda then taking a cookie form the plate. Ron: 20. Hermione: You know, if you say ‘then taking a cookie from the plate’, general rules of, well, English, imply youre going to say they did something after that “How was Hogwarts this year?” Draco: The sad thing is they expect us to believe that Ame-what the fuck ever- was actually worked so hard that she didnt have a second out of those three weeks to even see her best friend before. No wonder thatsa the only friend she has, shes an antisocial bitch.... “Well, this first year got into a bit of mischief with his two friends…” Eulinda told Amethyst of Harry Potter and his friends. Ron: 22. Harry: Well thats fuckin special... theyre talking about the ‘little bit of mischief’ I got into, and just dont mention the whole ‘saving the Socerors Stone’ escapade, which would actually be slightly interesting... “Sounds interesting. At least Gryffindor got the House Cup.” Amethyst said munching on a second cookie. Ron: 23. Harry: And for the love of God, she doesnt go to the school. Why would she care at all about the House Cup? “I know this probably sounds weird, but I can’t wait for the next three weeks to zoom by. I really want to go back.” Eulinda sighed Ron: 24 Draco: And why not, right? After all, just because she wasnt even slightly involved ina ny of the interesting things that happened, including Gryffindor stealing the house cup, shes just brimming with excitement about going back and not doing anythign again. “I wish the next three weeks would drag on forever!” Amethyst groaned. Ron: 25... Hermione: Logic would imply that home schoolers that went three weeks extra would be given three weeks extra vacation at least, but logic has no place in fics we MST “When you go back to Hogwarts, I start my studies all over again. “ Draco: Jesus, Ame- what the fuck evers- *does* take an unhealthy amount of interest in what Eulinda is doing dare I suggest... Hermione: *Snatches Dracos tape recorder away from him a second before he presses the button* No. No you may not Draco: ....bitch “I’m sorry. We’ll just have to make the most out of the next three weeks.” Eulinda suggested. Draco: *Snatches his recorder back and plays Porn Music* Harry: That, obviously, had not occured to Ame- what the fuck ever, who thought theyd spend the next 21 days fighting and ignoring each other... And that they did. For two weeks, they swam and had sleepovers. Hermione: And with that being all they did, you think itd get tedious... and that theyd get pretty damn hungry They never really left each other’s side. Then on the third week, five days before Eulinda left for Hogwarts, something bizarre happened. Ron: Grand total, 27, which is a lot more than most *long* stories with more than only two characters... Draco: Eh, I stopped caring back when I gave it to you. Stealing scar boys line, any final thoughts? Harry: Well....... it wasnt bad, just irritating as hell. Either Tigers slipping, or we pissed him off.