since we’ve been here. The cast and crew seems to have noticed this as well*
Draco: What the fuck are we doing here?
Hermione: I believe the term is ‘festering in a hell of Tiger’s making’.
Draco: B-but... we were out of here! We were safe! I was talking up this Scottish chick in Wales for christ
sake, she was six seconds away from slipping under the bar counter! This *sucks*!!
Harry: ...as horribly and hideously disturbing an image as that was, Draco might have a point. Good lord
knows that I was enjoying my time off.
Ron: Eh, at least its warm here...
Hermione: You’re in denial, arent you?
Ron: Ohhhhh yeah.
*The screen in the center of the room lights up*
Harry: Oh goody, its starting.
*Harry sighs and trudges over to the screen and takes a seat. The others reluctantly follow, hoping the
sooner they get this over with, the sooner Tiger forgets about MSTing for another three month period*
<A/N> Yes, yes, yes. I am very aware that many people are tired of seeing me write H/H fics.
Hermione: *Glances at Harry* Oh joy...
Harry: Hey!
Hermione: No offense, but I really dont try any sort of relationship with you to the hands of an author who
starts the story with a whole freaking paragraph of Author Notes.
Harry: True dat...
I myself am included in the above population.
Draco: Oh, well, at least were in agreement here. Let me go get my wand, and Im sure we can find a quick
and violent way to solve this problem.
However, I found the world's most perfect love song
Harry: Im sure itll remain the worlds most perfect love song until this stupid bint sees that good old
Leonardo DeCaprio suddenly has a *new* favorite song, and in an amazing coincidence the perfect song
will switch as well.
and because I've already written two H/H songfics I felt that this would be a nice follow-up.
Hermione: Oh good... wishy washy, easily commited, self obsessed and *drained on ideas*. Its like staring at
an actual recipe for suicide.
This story is written from Harry's point of view (I'll take the guesswork out of it for you guys; aren't I
sweet?)
Ron: Aka- making up for lack of skill by blatantly putting the plot into words. Sort of like a Bond flick
without the sexy girl...
Hermione: And what is *that* supposed to mean?
Ron: Erm... you didn’t let me finish! I meant without the sexy girl with the promiscuous name!
Hermione: ....Ill let that slide, simply because I think Ill need to energy to not chew up through my skull and
into my own brain as this story goes on
and follows directly after the first two stories I released, "Not That Kind of Girl" and "Afraid to Dream."
Draco: Oh yay, song fics about Sluts and Nightmares. Fun stuff.
It's not required that you read those stories first, but it definitely helps you get in the mood for this one (oh,
and they also set up the story line, duh!)
Hermione: Its a song fic. Dont insult us by pretending it has a difficult to follow plot.
. You'll have to excuse my fluffiness; I enjoy writing stories that give me warm fuzzies.
Draco: Oh this is brilliant... all of the above AND this is just a cheap tool for her to masturbate to. Someone
tell me they have a mind altering substance on hand, *please*...
Oh, and if my writing style is a bit different from the other stories, it's because I wrote those almost two
years ago.
Harry: And to think, over a hundred weeks with no growth at all...
Hermione: I just thought of something scary. What if there *has* been growth? What would the other
stories be like?
Ron: *Shudders*...
At any rate, I hope you like this one. Please don't flame me with "Harry is too OOC!" or "This is stupid!
Write a story with a REAL plot for once!"
Hermione: Erm... if you get that sort of comment often enough, perhaps you should look at it as an excuse
to... well, write Harry less OCC. And to maybe write a story with a real plot. For once.
Flames will be used to roast marshmallows for s'mores.
Draco: And MSTs will be used to draw the cute little metal sharp thing across your wrist?
Thanks for listening to my worthless drivel, and enjoy!
Ron: Too late. My brain is shutting down in three... two... now.
~*~*~*~
Ron: I feel bad for the poor minority *’s. Out numbered on a 3:5 ratio, they must suffer all sort of repression
and economic disadvantages...
Hermione: I think itd be best if you started your brain back up.
Today is my first day with Hermione.
Harry: Ever? And here I thought we met years and years ago...
Obviously, it isn't my FIRST first day with her, but this is the first day that I really NOTICED her;
Harry: Oh, thanks for clarifying. For a moment there I thought I hadn’t seen her at all, but it turns out Ive
just walked next to her in a stupor, nodding randomly and pretending I heard the things she said.
the first day that I honestly felt like I was all there.
Hermione: How did that thought switch from me to you and still come across as coherent? Oh... wait... it
didn’t.
Draco: Switch from you to Harry?
Hermione: Nope.
Draco: Ah.
I've known her for over six years now and can't believe I overlooked her for so long.
Harry: Oh, brilliant, I’m eighteen and I sound like a six year old. Im getting actively dumber. At this rate,
when I turn thirty, I’ll have the intellectual capacity of sperm.
She's my best friend, my confidant, my partner in crime...
Ron: HEY! I didn’t see Hermione getting knocked out by a giant fuckin’ chess piece for you, all she did was
*not* drink a potion that might be poisonous. Ooooh, you’re *damn* swell, Hermione.
Hermione: You’re getting offended at the poorly written Songfic!? ....and did you just say swell.
Ron: Erm... no?
...And now, she's my girlfriend.
Draco: From not being noticed by him to dating the twat in a span of twenty four hours. Hermione, you
hormonal raging sl-
Hermione: Finish that sentence and Ill show you the Penal Crucifiction spell, got it?
Draco: ..... yes’m...
I can't believe I just uttered that term. 'Girlfriend.'
Harry: Uttered? So Im sitting in an emtpy room, ranting this out loud? Greeeeat... I’ve gone bat shit insane.
Draco: If your saying *all* of this, then why is girlfriend in qoutes?
Hermione: Because some writers seem to think qoutes show emphasis...
How ordinary.
Draco: Ordinary? I think the average amount of girlfriends a person has is, like, .2 per person at that age,
and its ordinary?
It doesn't seem like such an ordinary term should describe something so incredible.
Ron: Thats right kids. Hes not talking about love, sex, or even passion... he thinks that just the thought of a
girl willing to date him is incredible.
Draco: Well, it Potter’s case, it isn’t so far off from the truth...
Harry: HEY!
'Girlfriend' just doesn't describe Hermione,
Hermione: Then I’m not your girlfriend. Because if I am, then the word girlfriend describes me quite well.
but then, I don't think I could ever find a word to really sum her up.
Hermione: Oh come on! Brilliant. Striking. Incredible. Infallible.
Ron: ...dellusional.
Hermione: Hey!
Draco: ...raging bitch...
Hermione: HEY!!!
~*~ She's got a way about her ~*~ ~*~ I don't know what it is ~*~ ~*~ But I know that I can't live without
her ~*~
Draco: Oh you’ve got skill Harry, pronouncing all those squiggly symbols and astericks... is that like when
those guys in Africa speak using clicky- noises?
Hermione: I think thats supposed to symbolize music...
Draco: Oh, how stupid of me for not realizing random symbols in varying degrees means music...
I'm currently standing in the Gryffindor common room, waiting for her to gather her books before we head
off to a quick breakfast and our first class of the day.
Ron: ...speaking randomly, while Seamus and Neville go to get the nurse, seeing as I’ve clearly gone mad
Even sitting through Potions won't be so bad today.
Hermione: Despite the fact that I can’t speak with or sit with Hermione... erm... yeah...
I've got someone worthwhile to spend it with. Snape could make me drink Polyjuice Potion until it came
out my ears and I still wouldn't lose this dopey grin I've had on my face since last night.
Harry: Wow. Not only do I display an intimate knowledge of the human anatomy as it relates to drinking
liquid, but Ive seemed to forget that this happened today.
Who would've thought that yesterday, the day that Cho broke my heart, the day that I thought I would
loathe forever, would become the best day of my life?
Draco: From Cho to Hermione in one day? I dont know whether to compliment you for being a player or
ridicule Hermione for being so clearly second on your list
Harry and Hermione: .....shut up.
I certainly never expected that. Then again, I never expected to be dating my best friend.
Ron: You *arent* dating me...
Hermione: Oh, will you get off this!?
Ron: ....no, I dont believe I will
Apparently, Hermione's found her books.
Hermione: <Harry> And is now staring at me in confusion as I narrate what she’s doing out loud...
As we pass through the portraithole,
Draco: That sounds unusually obscene...
I give her a quick squeeze and a small kiss.
Harry: Because, you know, were six year olds in CHURCH...
She smiles up at me and I swear to Merlin, that girl's eyes could drown a man faster than the Atlantic.
Draco: Congrad- the fuck- ulations, Granger, your eyes can kill people in a shorter span of time than twenty
days, with a life jacket.
~*~ She's got a way of pleasin' ~*~ ~*~ I don't know what it is ~*~ ~*~ But there doesn't have to be a
reason ~*~ ~*~ Anyway ~*~
Ron: I know this isnt really directed at the fic... but how the *hell* is that the most perfect love song?
Harry: Ten to one all this bint has done was seen the lyrics on paper and a picture of the guy who bought the
rights to them and pretended he wrote it
In the Great Hall, Ron, Neville, and Seamus are throwing toast at each other, trying to catch pieces of it in
their mouths.
Harry: How quickly we went from six year olds in church to three year olds in the basement the parents
rigged up as a ‘play room’ so they could get drunk with other couple up stairs.
Yesterday, I probably would have joined them. Yesterday, Hermione would've made a face and shrieked at
us to stop.
Hermione: ....ok, I admit it, something in me is mortally afraid of flying bits of bread.
Yesterday...
Draco: Was, uh, two days before tommorow...
Ron: Was yesterdays, yesterdays, next day!
Harry: ...um, was one week ago six days from now?
Hermione: .......*sighs*....
...Yesterday seems like it was a million years ago.
Harry: Yeah. Despite the fact Im seventeen in this story and couldn’t even fathom what a million years felt
like... yeah.
Today I'm busy noticing how the sunlight glints off Hermione's hair.
Draco: I’m... I’m BLIND!
Ron: *Falls from his chair clutching his eyes* Cover your sun screen curls, Hermione, my pupils have
fused!!
She's got a million little highlights in her curls that I never noticed before.
Hermione: ....erm, no I don’t.
They're beautiful,
Hermione: ....no they aren’t.
but you really have to stare to notice them.
Hermione: Stare all you want, the most your seeing is a feather that got stuck there from Magical Creatures
class.
Of course, I'm staring like crazy.
Ron: Ew... Harry has a hair fetish...
I can't take my eyes off her, and she's only swallowing her breakfast down.
Draco: *Plays Porn Music*
Hermione: Oh thats just wrong...
Harry: God damnit Malfoy, I was hoping that thing would have withered from age by now!
Draco: Mwaha...
God forbid she be doing something -for lack of a better word- sexy; my eyes would probably drop out of
my skull from straining to catch her every movement!
Ron: I think this writer is missing the concept that while love can spring up suddenly where it didn’t exist
before, physical attraction can’t.
She turns to me and asks if I'm prepared for Potions. "Of course," I reply, "aren't I always?"
Harry: ...when did I become an anal retentive prat?
Draco: Look, Hermione, you’re contagious!
Hermione: ...I’ve missed this. Really. My day seems so empty without all the abuse.
"Harry Potter," she admonishes with a half-smile, "if you were ever ready for a class, I'd die of shock.
Harry: Were dating, and were on a two-name basis. Cute.
Remember your last exam? You didn't even spell your own name correctly."
Draco: Oh thats cute. Completely disregard realism for a barely evident joke.
Well, she's right, of course, but I'd only gotten two hours of sleep before our last exam. I'd been up late the
night before playing chess with Ron.
Harry: Like Im that enthralled with getting beat at chess, right.
I tell her this, thinking that it would sound like a half-decent excuse, and she rolls her eyes.
Hermione: For once, Im acting in character
"Wizard chess is NOT more important than your studies.
Harry: Even though I didn’t specify wizards chess... and even if I did, there would be no reason for her to
repeat it...
If you applied yourself, you could get better grades, you know."
Draco: <Harry> And if you were as flexible as you were bitchy, you could kiss your own ass literally instead
of just verbally
~*~ She's got a smile that heals me ~*~ ~*~ I don't know what it is ~*~ ~*~ But I have to laugh when she
reveals me ~*~
Ron: I cant imagine a single fucking beat under God that would make those lyrics suck less cock
Somehow we make it through Potions, Care of Magical Creatures, and lunch.
Harry: Yeah... some how... even though there was no reason to the contrary...
Hermione: We have two classes a day, are we supposed to cram them both in before we are even allowed to
eat?
I spent all of Potions staring at Hermione.
Harry: Accidentally made a poisonous fog that wiped out half the class. Didnt notice.
Then, I spent all of Care of Magical Creatures. staring at Hermione.
Harry: Force fed a unicorn a piece of metal pipe. Got arrested. Didnt notice.
Then, I spent all of lunch...
Draco: <Harry> Wondering if there was any way in the name of Christ that Hermione didn’t notice the six
inch piece of green crap sticking out between her teeth
...staring at Hermione. I need a hobby.
Ron: No, you need a life.
Draco: And some taste.
Hermione: Hey!
To get away from Ron and Ginny (who are really starting to make a big deal out of Hermione's and my new
relationship),
Ron: Yeah, our involvement and interest has really escalated in the last, erm, six hours theyve been dating...
I suggest a walk outside.
Harry: Because we have boring, horribly empty lives, and thats the best I can come up with despite living in
a castle and containing magical powers
The weather's gorgeous and I've got the world's most wonderful girl next to me; what could be better?
Draco: If you stopped being such a wussy, simpering twar. That could be better.
We make a slow loop around the castle, talking about everything except ourselves.
Hermione: Including the migrational patterns of the Austrailian Nik-Nik Bug
I have a feeling we're both holding our breaths today; it's our first day as an established couple and we don't
want anything to ruin it.
Draco: Could you sound any more like a bunch of paranoid fucking eleven year olds?
Harry: ...no. No we couldnt.
Love itself is tenuous, at best, but a first love.
Ron: That doesnt even *resemble* a sentence...
Well, a first love's different.
Draco: Because, you know, its first. Even though Harrys already fallen in love with Cho, and we all know
Hermione got some bouncing time on Krums broom stick
Hermione: ....*side ways look* Eh heh...
It's full of suspense and wonderment and feelings that just can't be toned down.
Ron: <Harry> So heres what Im really saying- Girl girly girl! Im a little fucking girl!
Harry: ....its painful because its true
Take myself, for example; I can't stop looking at her and finding excuses to touch her.
Draco: Eh... Harrys a grabber. Sicko.
So far today, I've picked a piece of imaginary lint off her robe, pretended to bat a beetle (who looked
remarkably like a certain freakish reporter) from her hair, and wiped a nonexistent smudge off her cheek.
Draco: <Harry> Uh... uh... oh yeah... yeah baby... robe... hair... cheek... uhhhhh yeah....
Harry: Ew..
I think she's starting to suspect that I'm full of it (I mean, she's got Rita Skeeter in a jar at her parents'
house. She knows full well that I didn't see a beetle just like Rita in her hair!)
Hermione: Oh the laundry list of bullshit that sentence offers...
Harry: First off, you let Rita Skeeter go in the country side. Otherwise youd be an evil, psychotic kid napper.
Ron: Second, its her house too, not just her parents house
Draco: And, of course, in the end- the fact Rita is accounted for doesnt mean that theres nothing ‘like her’
anywhere else on the freaking planet.
, but so far she hasn't called me on anything.
Hermione: Thats because Im too grossed out to speak to you, you weird fuck
As we walk, she tells me a hysterical story that I know I'll never remember in a million years.
Hermione: I would object to the rampant tense switching that is all through this story if I wasn’t so appalled
by how cliche *everything theyve exposed us to* has been.
I'm so enthralled by the expressions her face makes that I just can't concentrate on the words coming out of
her mouth... that lovely, soft mouth...
Draco: *Porn Music*
Harry: .....I cant even argue with that one.
Good Lord, Potter, get a hold of yourself! Honestly.
Harry: Honestly, I don’t call myself Potter. Or talk to myself. Or get off on Hermiones facial expressions
~*~ She's got a way of talkin' ~*~ ~*~ I don't know what it is ~*~ ~*~ But it lifts me up when we are
walkin' ~*~ ~*~ Anywhere ~*~
Draco: Creed, Doors, Everclear, Placebo... *anything but this!*
Ron: .....did you just say Placebo?
Draco: ...erm, no. Of course not.
Harry: My hatred for this song is growing to the point it threatens to consume my soul. And I have a very
heat resistant soul.
Ah, afternoon classes. Currently, we're sitting in McGonagall's classroom.
Hermione: ....there is a desk. The desk is brown. There is someone sitting at the desk. He is a human. And a
wizard. UGH, the tediousness...
I'm supposed to be concentrating on turning a hairpin into a chopstick,
Harry: HOW fucking old are we? That was first year stuff!
but I'm too darn preoccupied with that gorgeous brunette sitting between Ron and me.
Hermione: Ok, this is getting nauseating, and Im the freaking one hes fawning over!
Harry: I love how Rowling so obviously wanted Hermione to be brilliant and chock full of inner beauty, and
these mother fuckers just cant except that. Its called canon, people, even we know that- and we’re fictional.
She's grinning at his attempts to transfigure his hairpin (I think he just succeeded in turning it into a baton).
Hermione: Im not sure the exact terms for this, so Ill just say it- thats not how fucking magic works!!
Now they've got it figured out, and she turns to look at me.
Draco: Its this incessant need to narrate every annoying detail thats drug this MST out to fifteen pages
already, with a hell of a lot still to go.
She really does have the most beautiful smile in the world. And the most beautiful eyes. And the most
wonderful heart...
Ron: Harry, your my best friend, but even Ill say this- in this story, you are the second biggest douche in the
world.
Draco: ....hes only the second?
Ron: Well, next to that guy who pretends to speak with dead people
Draco: Ah yes
"Potter!" barks McGonagall. "What are you smiling about? You failed your last exam! And what's this? You
haven't even attempted your classwork?
Harry: ...erm, how would she know that? If Im failing my exams, then odds are I dont know how to change
jack into shit.
Five points from Gryffindor, and you can thank your lucky stars that I didn't give you detention.
Hermione: Yeah, thats right. Five points is just a hair away from detention, and the only punishment for
sitting vacantly in class for hours.
Now GET WORKING!"
Malfoy and the other Slytherins are cackling from their side of the room.
Harry: Transfiguration isnt a double class. And if it was, it most likely wouldnt be with Slytherin. You
yuppie, canon destroying bitch.
Stupid Malfoy.
Draco: Oh mother of god! So... wounded.... hurting... tears... coming....
I wish I could beat him to a bloody pulp right now, but I know I'd never get away with it.
Draco: Get away with it!? Potter, youd never WALK away FROM it
Why oh why can't McGonagall step outside for a moment?
Hermione: Because she has a little thing to do called her job
All I need is thirty seconds to wipe that smirk off his face.
Draco: Yes, you would hit the ground faster than thirty seconds, and yes that would bestow upon me a full
blow smile
So in the last two minutes, I've found out that I failed my last Transfiguration exam, I lost five points for
Gryffindor, and McGonagall's given Malfoy new fuel for his 'I'm going to make Potter's life hell on earth'
fire.
Draco: ....I dont know why Tiger doesnt like this fic. Its slowly becoming on of my favorites
I sigh and turn back to my hairpin.
Draco: ....oh. Right. Retarded plot. My bad.
This day started out so well, too...
Harry: Yeah... with the waking up, and, uh, walking here. Just one big orgasm.
Suddenly, I feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn toward Hermione, who winks at me and taps my hairpin with
her wand.
Hermione: Nice little self exposed plot hole there, where I lectured him on school earlier, and cheat now.
The hairpin instantly transforms into a chopstick, complete with blood-red designs and a glossy black finish,
and I know that I'm going to be in love with Hermione for the rest of my life.
Ron: ...Ill give the author credit for one thing. No where... anywhere... ever... have those words been used in
that order to form a sentence.
Not that this is the first time she's saved my dumb arse, but she just showed how adept she is at knowing
exactly what I'm feeling.
Draco: ...your staring at whats still a hairpin, looking pissed. Im not fucking genius here, but even I gathered
you were upset that it was still a hairpin. Jerk off.
Harry: Hey!
How could I ever let a girl like that slip away?
Hermione: How about psycho over possessive clinginess?
~*~ She comes to me when I'm feelin' down ~*~ ~*~ Inspires me without a sound ~*~ ~*~ She touches me
and I get turned around ~*~
Harry: *Clears throat* Now, Im very tolerant of gay people, alternative life styles, and the like... so please
dont be offended by the following statement: This song is fucking *gay*.
Finally, classes are over for the day and we're back in the Great Hall for dinner.
Harry: ....interesting switch from describing every inane fucking detail
Seamus and Dean are whispering about something (they've been awfully buddy-buddy lately; I wonder
about them sometimes)
Draco: Says the guy who walked around like a three year old without a puppy when you two were fighting
over the whole Triwizard thing
while Neville searches for Trevor (whom I can see sitting behind the gravy tureen)
Ron: <Harry> Im just too much of a steaming cock to mention it to him...
and Ron reads the Daily Prophet. His dad's on the front cover, looking very satisfied with himself. I hear
he's gotten a rather substantial promotion.
Hermione: Oh look! Its the old ‘make Hermione pretty, make Harry get his parents back, give Draco a soul,
make everyone perfectly happy and wonderful’ approach to writing... ugh.
Hermione's sitting at my elbow, quietly flipping through a book. It's probably one she's read a thousand
times, but she never seems to care. I would, though. If I memorized everything I'd ever read, I'd get bored
with books I'd already learned.
Harry: *Blinks*
Ron: Um.... do I even need to mention that if youve already learned a book, your memorization skills dont
matter for shit?
Harry: Yes. The author might be reading.
Then again, I've already discovered that Hermione's not an ordinary person.
Draco: <Harry> Ill be honest with you... she has four boobs. And three nipples. I have no idea how she
pulls that one off.
I can't get past this feeling of wonderment.
Draco: Yeah, your entire life turns around when you realize you can breathe through your nose...
I feel like everything's different today, and I suppose it is.
Hermione: ...I was going to say something about how shifting molecules, atoms, and the like make that true,
but no. They need to shut the fuck up now.
~*~*~*~
Harry: *Blinks* Wait... wha- what the fuck?
Draco: *That* was an ending? Mother of christ, talk about tying something off half assed!
Hermione: Hey, just be glad the pain is over.. *looks down* Ah. Fuck. Authors notes.
<A/N> Well, there you have it. My biggest, fluffiest, sappiest songfic ever.
Draco: What an amazingly coincidest! It was her shittiest, most boring, most mind numbingly agonizing on all the senses that you just want to show battery acid up your ass so you can be distracted from the real pain and-
Hermione: DRACO!
Draco: .....what?
Hermione: We get it
And I'm darn proud of it, too. ;)
Harry: Thats sort of like hearing a German say theyre proud of Hitler
The featured song is "She's Got a Way" (duh, betcha didn't see that one coming) by Billy Joel.
Ron: Ohhh... Billy Joel. That explains so much.
If you've
never heard this song, you're missing out.
Harry: The hole in my life will never be fully closed until I no longer have missed out on that glorious piece of... well, crap. Lets be honest.
Then man's a genius. Anyway, this story is dedicated to every girl
who hopes to someday find her Harry, as well as every girl who has already found hers.
Hermione: Oh I get it... the author just Mary Sued herself and used my name. That explains even more than the Billy Joel revelation did
Congratulations if
you've already found him. As for those of us who haven't found our Harrys, well, all I can say is that, like
Hermione discovered, love comes from the most unexpected places.
Ron: Her best friend for years, who goes to the same school, and is the same age and the opposite sex. Yeah, no one saw THAT coming...
Don't lose faith. @--^--- (That's my
lame-arse attempt at a rose. It's the thought that counts, right?)
Draco: ......no. Not right.
Review if you'd like, but it's not a
requirement.
Hermione: What would you do to the non-reviewers if it *was* a requirement? Make us read it again?
Imaginary cookies to anyone who reads this! (Although, you might want to read my profile;
you can decide afterward if you'd still like to sample the baked goods.)
Draco: ......that sounds FAR too much like innuendo for a yeast infection
Hermione: Ew...
Harry: Erm, ok, on that disturbing note- were getting the fuck out of here. Hopefully Tiger will get lazy again and well never come back, but if we do, well... kill us. Please.