HELP ME
Draco: Wow. Someone who really wants some assistance in their bad writing?
Hermione: I wish. Thats the actual fics title.
Draco: If its not an scream for help, why is it in capital letters?
Hermione: The entire fic is in capitalization. All three chapters, including the third one thats an identical
repeat of the second.
Draco: Oh bollocks...
“ PERCY?” RON ASKED QUIETLY AS HE SNUCK INTO HIS BROTHER’S ROOM THAT NIGHT.
Hermione: Well, ignoring the rampid capitals- which is no easy task, I assure you- I still need to comment he
cant ask anything quietly when SCREAMING IT AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS!!!
Harry: That was pretty impressive.
Hermione: I know. Thank you.
“ WHAT IS IT RON?” PERCY ASKED SLEEPILY.
Draco: I thought he was tired? Why is he screaming?
Ron: I thought we were ignoring the capital letters?
Draco: Nah. Too fun not too.
Ron: Incidentally, does anyone have a real bad feeling about the way this is going?
“ I NEED YOUR HELP. I WANT YOU TO FUCK ME.”
Ron: Oh sweet fucking jesus...
Draco: Weasley, weasley, weasley...
Harry: *Has head in hands, speaking through fingers* What, no porn music, Draco?
Draco: The challenge is gone.
RON SAID. “ WHAT! RON I’M YOUR BIG BROTHER, I CAN’T FUCK YOU.”
Draco: As opposed to his little brother, who would be allowed to fuck him without remorse?
Hermione: Thats just the first of many inconsistencies, including but not limited to that Percy is not just a
booty call slut.
PERCY SAAID OUTRAGED.
Hermione: *Sighs* ‘said’
RON WALKED OVER AND SAT ON THE BED.
Draco: Arent we missing the stage where he slaps you senseless?
Ron: Im beginning to think Tiger has something very personal against me
“ PERCY I’M THE ONLY IN 5TH YEAR WHO HASEN’T GOTTEN FUCKED YET.”
Hermione: I resent the implication of me being a slut.
Draco: You would. Are they saying Neville, Seamus, and Finch Fletchlet have all gotten laid?
Harry: ...apparently. Keeping in mind were only 16 in 5th year, thats quite a feat
AND WITH THAT RON RIPPED OF THE COVERS AND TO HIS BROTHER’S ENTIRE ROCK
HARD COCK IN HIS MOUTH.
Ron: ...oh christ. Im taking a vow of silence for the rest of this.
Hermione: I cant believe were discussing this, but if Percy wasnt interested (and thats ‘took’, by the way) his
penis would not be normal hard, let alone rock hard.
PERCY JUST LAYED THERE STUNNED AT HOW GOOD HISS BROTHER WAS AT THIS
Draco: ‘Hiss’? Apparently you suck dick like a Snake, Weasley
Harry: Not even focusing on the characters of Percy and Ron- no human beings would act like this in either
case
. “ AH WHAT THE FUCK NO ONE WILL KNOW.” PERCY SAID WITH RELISH.
Draco: Relish? What a kink. What, does he use mustard and ketchup in sex as well?
Hermione: ...ew. I happen to think Percys more honorable than this. He was head boy.
Ron: Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.
Harry: She has a point. This isnt only incest, this is statatory rape.
HE PUT HIS BROTHER ON HIS KNEES AND SHOVED HIS COCK INSIDE.
Draco: Generally, on your knees, your ass is facing the floor. Unless Perce is a limbo champion...
Ron: Will you shut up!?
Harry Maybe he means hands and knees...
( WHICH WAS 12 ½ INCHES LONG MIGHT I ADD)
Hermione: 0_0
Draco: Oh get off it, Granger. Basic lemon exaggeration. It said Ron took the entire thing in his mouth, so
unless his throat cavity is shaped like a football, that isnt possible.
Ron: Stop discussing this in scientific terms!!!
. HE FUCKED RON FOR AT LEAST AN HOUR BEFORER EXPLODING HOT AND STICKY INSIDE
HIM.
Draco: Wow. That was. Erm. Mercifully un-descriptive?
Hermione: Yes. And Im beginning to see the exaggeration thing. Seems like youd just be doing push ups
after an hour...
Ron: Hermione!!
“ THANK YOU PERCY, YOU WON’T REGRET THIS.” RON SAID AND WALKED OUT THE
DOOR.
Hermione: Except when you go to hell. Thats a bit of a bitch
Draco: I think youre talking about this author, in both cases.
Harry: Final thoughts?
Tiger: *Enters from nowhere* Not so fast.
Draco: ...what?
Tiger: *Holds up another piece of paper*
Ron: I will kill you where you stand if thats the next chapter.
Tiger: *Snickers* Thats why I took your wands. *Loads the paper, and leaves*
Ron: Nooooo!!!
“ HI RON!” PERCY SAID CHEERFULLY THE NEXT MORNING.
Hermione: (Ron) Hey you statatory raping pervert!
“ HEY PERCE RON TELLS ME YOU HAVE A BIT OF A WILD SIDE.” FRED SAID.
Ron: What!? All right... ignoring... barely... the other illogical horseshit- why would I tell Fred?
“ WHAT!” PERCY SOUNDED ANGRY.
Draco: Why? Just because hes now ostrasized from his family and might go to jail? I thought that
explanation point was him expressing his *joy*.
“ YUP. RON TOLD ME HOW YOU FUCKED HIM SILLY LAST NIGHT. HE ALSO TOLD ME
YOUR COCK IS 12 ½ INCHES LONG.” FRED SAID HAPPILY.
Ron: *Headthunks the wall*
Draco: Is your entire family filled with sluts, Weasley?
“ WANNA DO ME NEXT?” FRED WANTED TO KNOW.
Draco: ...apparently yes. Yes they are.
“ OF COURSE NOT-
Draco: Erm... so Percy would rather fuck his shorter, uglier, less amusing brother?
Harry: You think Fred is attractive?
Draco: More than nose smudge here, anyway
RON WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?” WHILE PERCY WAS TALKING RON STARTED
SUCKING HIS COCK AGAIN.
Ron: What the bloody... Percy came to the table naked?
Draco: As I said. Sluts. Everyone.
“OHHH!” PERCY MOANED. “ RON I’M-.” PERCY STARTED TO SAY BUT THEN CAME
Hermione: Yowza. From an hour to sixty seconds in one night.
. HE THEN LIFTED RON UP ON TO TH TAPLE RIPPED OF HIS AND RON’S ROBES AND
PLUNGED INSIDE OF HIM.
Hermione: Robes are for school. You know. Not for breakfast incest.
“ OH GOD PERCY THAT FEELS SO GOOD.” RON SAID JUST AS PERCY PULLED OUT HIS
COCK AND SHOT HIS LOAD ALL OVER RON, FRED, AND THE KITCHEN TABLE.
Ron: *Drags his chair off to the side. Moments later, vomiting is heard*
“ EWW I’M TELLING MUM.” GEORGE YELLED AND RAN OUT OF THE HOUSE. “ OH SHIT!”
THE 3 OF THEM SAID AND WENT AFTER GEORGE.
Harry: *Shudders* Final... thoughts...?
Hermione: No. None at all.
Draco: *Snickers* None at all.