Harry: Jesus holy christ..
Ron: Not five minutes in and we already sound like gay porn...
CHAPTER ONE: NEW LOOKS
Draco Malfoy was standing on Platform 9 ¾, waiting for the Hogwarts Express
to bring him to Hogwarts to start his 7th and final year, and he was getting
pretty inpatient, as he repeatedly got when something didn't happen soon
enough for him.
Hermione: Which is the definition of impatient.
Draco had given himself a magical make over during the holidays and he knew
he looked pretty damn fine, even finer than he knew he'd looked before the
make over.
Harry: Yeah we all know he's ego boy.
Draco: Makeover! I'm not a goddamned teenage girl!
Draco had been looking through the library at Malfoy Manor on a particularly
dull evening, when he had came across on old copy of one of his extremely
vain mother's beauty books; Magical Makeovers Made Easy.
Harry: Is it worth establishing that Draco is a guy?
Draco: And since your in the title expect the same treatment!
Harry: Damn!
So now, his usually slicked back silver hair was causally spiked and had
light pink streaks through it.
Ron: Yeah that's a straight look, pink hair.
Hermione: Unless your in Bubblegum Crisis don't try it.
He had also put a silver hoop through his right ear, and given himself a
camel tan, as he had been getting sick of his pale look after years looking
like a silver haired polar bear. He had also brightened his teeth a little,
given himself a few extra inches, (NOT IN THAT WAY! HONESTLY, WHAT PEOPLE
THESE DAYS THINK.")
Draco: I'm so damn happy the author spent all of her time changing me into
the guy she wants.
Harry: Pink hair, honestly.
He had chosen a dark blue and green cobra tattoo from the book and it took
pride of place on his now-toned upper left arm. He had also changed his eye
colour from steely grey to a sapphire blue.
Draco: I'm perfectly fine the way I am!
Hermione: I hate it when authors do this. You can't just change a character
to suit your personal desires.
He pulled a small gold-plated mirror out of his pocket, checked his
reflection and smirked. He had chosen to wear his tight blue jeans with a
silver buckled belt, which was engraved with his initials, and a black,
sleeveless t-shirt that showed of his new tattoo.
Draco: Oh Christ...
Ron: Is this tedious and pointless to everyone else?
He wore his best boots on his feet, a gold chain around his neck and matching
bracelet,
Draco: This author is hell bent on me becoming a woman
and, as evidence of the glances he had been getting from girls, and a fair
few more boys that Draco would have liked, since he had arrived at King's
Cross Station, he looked brilliant.
Harry: No, he looks ridiculous.
Not that a Malfoy had to be told he looked good of course. A few minutes and
several glances at his diamond encrusted watch later, the scarlet steam train
pulled into the station. Draco motioned at the house elf at his side to load
his bags, gave a wink to a fair haired girl who was giving him the eye, and
stepped ever so confidently onto the train, determined to get the very best
compartment.
Hermione: God, I just realized the first 5 paragraphs were dedicated to
nothing but Draco's new look.
**************************************************************** *******
"Hey Herm! How are ya!" Harry Potter waved to one of his best friends, and
gave the brunette girl a quick hug and kiss on the cheek, making her blush.
Hermione Granger looked up at her friend and gasped. "Harry.you look so.so
different!"
Harry: Oh here we go...
She had almost said gorgeous but had stopped herself just in time. She had
been dating another of their friends, Ron Weasley, for the past year, and
didn't want him to get jealous.
Draco: Apparently Ron does not get the same treatment as us
"Thanks. Sirius sent me this book over the holidays. Magical Makeovers Made
Easy or something it was called.
Draco: So, how long has your godfather been confused about your gender?
He told me it was fun to mess around with different looks, and I decided to
stick with this one. You like it?" "Yeah it's great!" Hermione said
enthusiastically, secretly thinking that she had chosen the wrong friend to
date,
Harry: Now I've become a Mary-Sue!
as Harry looked, to a great extent, better than Ron ever had.
Draco: Burn!
Ron: Hey!
Harry had had untidy black hair for his whole life, but it was now twisted
into sharp spikes, with the tips dyed ruby-red.
Harry: What is it with this author and dyed hair spikes...
He had gotten rid of his glasses, corrected his sight with a little help from
the book, and had given himself a sparkling silver edge to his emerald green
eyes that made them look like beautiful jewels.
Draco: So you gave yourself laser eye surgery?
Harry had always been tall, so he felt no need to change his height, but he
had made his body more toned and muscular that looked great with his new
deep, honey tan.
Harry: Most people work out to get a muscular body.
Ron: I thought we wizards had better things to do with our magic than make
ourselves look pretty.
Draco: When were you tall Potter?
Hermione looked him all over without being too obvious. She took in his tight
leather trousers, which were the total opposite to what the old Harry would
have ever worn, the figure hugging white shirt with the first few buttons
opened, the shining boots and the silver necklace that Harry always wore with
the stag pendant on it, in memory of his father, and the new indigo stud in
his right ear.
Harry: I've never worn a stag pendant in my life.
Ron: It doesn't matter what type of pants your wearing. We have to wear
robes in Hogwarts. You can't tell.
God he looks great, Hermione thought. She then noticed the small, but still
noticeable, lion tattoo on Harry's collarbone, visible as the shirt was
partly opened. "Harry! You got a tattoo?" "Oh, yeah. You don't disapprove of
them or anything do you?" Harry asked, only half joking.
Harry: Yes, because while I was altering my looks to be unrecognizable I
wanted your approval.
Hermione: For what it's worth I think tattoos are silly.
"No it looks great on you!" She breathed, looking over the gold and black
tattoo. "Hey there's Ron! RON! Over here!" Harry called out suddenly,
snapping Hermione out of her daydream of throwing Harry to the ground, and
doing things to him that a respectable, newly appointed Head Girl like her
would never do.
Hermione: Apparently Harry's new look cause sever mental retardation.
Hermione felt arms around her waist and turned around into Ron's embrace.
"Hey, how's my girl?" Wistfully fantasizing about your best friend. "I'm
great, how are you?" "Fine. Hey Harry, is that you in there!" Ron suddenly
exclaimed, looking Harry up and down, eyes wide in shock. "Yep, doesn't he
look great?" Hermione said, a little too eagerly, turning around to face
Harry again.
Draco: Good lord! You have become a Mary Sue!
Hermione: So we have nothing better to talk about than how hot Harry is?
"Yeah, he sure does." Ron couldn't help but notice the pang of jealousy he
felt in his stomach when he saw the way his girlfriend looked at Harry. But
before he could steal back Hermione's attention, the Hogwarts Express pulled
into the station, and they collected together their luggage and headed
towards the train, Hermione secretly pleased that Harry climbed into the
train in front of her so she could check out his leather-clad behind.
Ron: Who are you and what have you done with Hermione?!
**************************************************************** ********
Draco sat back in the plush mauve chair, and looked out of the window,
trying, in vain, to block out the voices of his two side kicks, Goyle and
Crabbe, who were laughing stupidly over some story that Goyle had told about
a spell is father had done over the summer, that had involved a frog, a jar
of honey and the neighbours cat.
Draco: [Porn Music]
Hermione: That really doesn't make sense.
"Hey Draco, what's up with you?" Crabbe boomed, suddenly realising that Draco
wasn't laughing. Draco sighed irritably. "Nothing, idiot. I'm going for a
walk; see if I can find Potty and his squad. He stood up, walked to the door,
slid it open, and turned to face them. "You two coming or not?" Goyle and
Crabbe looked at each other and followed Draco out the door.
Harry: Right now I'm just happy the author isn't giving Crabbe and Goyle page
long description.
"You know, I heard that sad-ass Arthur Weasely has been sacked again. I bet
father had something to do with it," Draco said, smirking, looking over his
shoulder at the two blundering idiots that were behind him.
Ron: My dad was never fired in the first place.
Draco: What's really scary is we're almost in character here...
"Yes I bet father heard about Weasley's." But Draco couldn't finish his
sentence, as he had bumped into a girl and he had cut himself off. "Watch
where you're going would." But Draco trailed off as he took in the form in
front of him. She was the best looking girl Draco had seen in his life.
Draco: Enter the Mary Sue..
Hermione: I didn't think the fic could get worse.. Boy was I wrong!
Hmm. It's about time we got someone like this at Hogwarts.
Hermione: God another fricking transfer student, I'm so sick of these...
The girl was a little shorter than Draco. She was slim with a slight tan and
golden hair that cascaded down to her shoulders in soft waves, perfectly
suiting her delicate heart-shaped face.
Harry: The author has a thing for tans.
Draco: Yes she had hair of gold, lips that shamed the roses and she would
prick her finger on spindle on her sixteenth birthday and.. Oops wrong story.
The girl looked up at Draco with huge sky blue eyes, rimmed with long,
fluttering eyelashes and smiled brightly.
Ron: Don't spare us any description of her.
Harry: Wouldn't huge eyes make her look freaky?
"Oh, I'm sorry," she said sweetly. Draco felt his heart thumping halfway up
his throat. He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could ask the girl
whether she wanted to meet him privately in the train cloak cupboard later,
she gave him an icy glare, dropped the sweet act and said: "I'm sorry, but I
was under the impression that it was YOU that bumped into ME.
Draco: I love how I've been reduced to Mary Sue's errand boy.
Hermione: Normally I commend her for standing up to you, but since you just
bumped into her,her reaction just seems bitchy.
And I would appreciate it if you didn't stare at me like that. It's
irritating." And with that, the one and only girl that had ever snubbed Draco
Malfoy, shoved past him and walked down the corridor with a swish of her
picture perfect hair.
Bitch! Bloody good looking bitch though.
Harry: I doubt she was the only girl that ever snubbed him.
Draco: Normally I'd curse her when her back is turned but her Mary Sue Powers
prevent me.
Draco suddenly had suddenly lost the desire to piss off Harry Potter now, as
he wanted to think about the new feeling he had, which, he though, must be
rejection. He signalled to Goyle and Crabbe, who were still staring down the
corridor after the girl, to follow him back to their compartment.
Ron: Because they have no free will.
Harry: Actually that's pretty IC for Crabbe and Goyle.
"Oh Ron, I'm sorry. Is there anything we can do for you?" Harry said
sympathetically to his friend. Ron had just been telling Harry and Hermione
how his father had been fired, and Harry was trying to cheer him up. "Nah,
I'm ok. He'll get another job I'm sure. He always does," Ron said with a
small smile.
Ron: My father has worked at the ministry for years and he does a good job.
Why was he fired?
Harry: Since the author seems intent on bashing you I'm sure it won't come up.
"Yeah Ron, It'll be all right" Hermione leaned her head on her boyfriend's
head and gripped his hand, and tried to keep her eyes of Harry, but failed.
Harry opened a Chocolate Frog and handed it to Ron. "Thanks," Ron said
miserably, taking the frog's head off in one bite. Suddenly, the door of
their compartment, which was directly opposite Harry, slid open and a girl
with wavy golden hair and blue eyes entered, taking Harry's breath away.
Wow.
Harry: Of course.... Did anyone Not see this coming? Anyone?
The girl looked annoyed and glanced angrily over her shoulder, before her
gaze fell onto Harry. The girl looked him up and down, gave him a flirty
grin, and left through the opposite door, leaving Harry with a wide beam on
his face.
Harry: Why was I so taken by such a bitchy girl?
Hermione: Remember she's the great and powerful Mary Sue! All must bow
before her might.
"HARRY! YOU IN THERE?" The sound of Hermione's voice brought him back down to
earth. With difficulty, he tore his eyes away from the back of the girl's
head and looked at her. "What?" "Harry, you were so wrapped up in that girl
that you didn't even hear what I said!"
Draco: Actually her evil aura had nearly caused him to pass out.
"Well." Ron said slowly, a smile creeping up on the corners of his mouth,
"She WAS really pretty, I mean did you see her." A sharp dig in the ribs from
Hermione silenced him. Ron looked at her coyly, pleased to see that he had
made his girlfriend jealous. "She's not as pretty as you though honey," he
said with a grin.
Draco: Gag me!
Ron: If we ever act like this please smack us.
Hermione blushed. "Yes well. I'd like to think so," she said, a tinge of red
slowly appearing on her cheeks. "So what were you trying to tell me?" Harry
asked, trying to hold back a smile as he noticed how embarrassed Hermione was
at being called pretty. Hermione smiled proudly. "I was appointed Head Girl."
"Herm that's great!" Harry said excitedly, reaching over and hugging her.
Hermione immediately felt herself blushing again. "Yeah Hermione, why didn't
you owl one of us and tell us?" Ron asked happily, giving Hermione a kiss on
the cheek. "I wanted it to be a surprise," she said softly.
Hermione: Why?
Harry: Cause this is a bad fic