tablet in his lap, but whether he’s writing his newest story or sketching out a few panels of ‘Stik Wars’, God
only knows... or cares. He tail twitches occasionally in the wind, and he’s drifting off to sleep. For a few
blissful moments, all is silent*
Falcon: HEY KITTEN!!!!
Tiger: *Launches roughly six feet in the air, turns around, and comes right back down on his head, his tail
now doing one of those nice little tufted up things that cats do. His tablet hits the fan and sprays paper
mache all over the room*
Griffon: Woah... cool... party.
Tiger: *Clutching his heart* Why... *gasps*... in the name of Sweet Mary and Joseph... Virgin God...
*pant*... did you do that?
Falcon: ....it was there.
Tiger: Ah. *Glares, and re-maneuvers himself into a sitting position* So what’s up?
Griffon: *Pouts* Were bored...
Tiger: You’re always bored. Why don’t you go play a board game?
Griffon: *Glares at Falcon* Because he burnt them all
Falcon: Oh come on! I went to jail three times in a row! That doesn’t even happen in *real* life... Monopoly
fuckin had it coming
Griffon: Oh really!? So what about Life?
Falcon: Life sucks.
Tiger: Yours maybe... *brushes pants off* OK, Bird Boy, whatcha wanna do?
Griffon: Kill Falcon. But before that, I wanna go to a movie.
Falcon: What, Pretty in Pink?
Griffon: ....is someone forgetting who taught them how to lift weights?
Falcon: *Winces*
Tiger: Oh Jesus, will you two sleep together and make up already? I’m serious, this is getting painful to
watch.
* A head crammed into an Atlanta Braves baseball cap peers into the room, and darts from side to side for a
moment, and then disdainfully down at the floor *
Pac: What the hell happened, did one of Tiger’s slash fics commit suicide outta shame?
Tiger: *Mutters* Actually, we decided to check out a flick. Any preferences?
Pac: ......
Tiger: Besides porn.
Pac: Oh. Uh.... oh. Hm. Well... no. None whatsoever.
Tiger: Right. I’m up for a comedy... how bought yall?
Pac: Yall... you talk like such a redneck
Tiger: And rednecks are armed to the teeth, so don’t make me check my basement to see if you were right in
your assessment of my inbred heritage, OK?
Pac: Gotcha.
Falcon: How about a slasher movie? I mean hell, we need to brush up on our psycho killers before they
release Jason vs. Freddy.
Griffon: Fuck that. I’m tired of paying 5.25 every time you wanna have a family reunion.
Falcon: *Stiffens* Scuse me?
Griffon: Was I too subtle? Your parents are deadbeat criminals.
Falcon: .......fair enough. So what do you wanna see then? And please, no chick flics, I saw Pretty Women
once and almost gave myself a forcible castration with my own teeth
Griffon: Yeah, as if the movie had anything to do with that.
Falcon: Hardy har fucking har. If you don’t have an idea, were going to see Jason X.
Griffon: How about the Spider Man/ MIB 2 combo? Its two for the price of one... not that that matters...
*eyes Pac warily*
Pac: What? What the fuck are you looking at me for?
Griffon: ....no reason. But how about it?
Pac: No! Bullshit! What the fuck is going on here? Why did you look at me when you said its cheap?
Griffon: I said there’s no-
Pac: You think I’m poor, don’t you!?
Griffon: ...is there a right answer to this question?
Pac: Of course there is! “No!”
Griffon: Oh. OK then. “No.”
Pac: Are you lying?
Griffon: It seems likely. *Turns back to Falcon and Tiger* Cmooooon. Frank the pug mixed with the Green
Goblin! Its the closest thing the summer offers to an intellectual blow job as you sleep!
Falcon: Well when you word it that way, what can I say? I mean, besides ‘ew you fucking pervert’. Lets roll.
Tiger: *Bounces to his feet, and checks his wallet* One, one, one, one, one, one, canadian one, Chinese
1000, one, one... holy shit, a five. I’m rolling.
Griffon: *Peers over his shoulder* And a condom that I believe predates to the Civil War.
Tiger: *Snaps his wallet shut* That is not funny.
Griffon: Oh, man, believe me, I know. Its *sad*.
Tiger: *Sighs* Are we going or not?
Falcon: Sure. Last one down the stairs pays for the cab ride there.
Pac: Oh, I guess Id better run, cause I’m POOR, RIGHT!? ISNT THAT WHAT YOU THINK!?!?
Griffon: ...*sighs*... you aren’t poor.
Pac: Thank you
Griffon: *Under his breath* Just financially challenged...
Pac: What was that?
Griffon: I said... uh... *darts out the door and towards the stairs. Is instantly followed by the three others*
*Thirty seconds later*
Tiger: Ow...
Griffon: Son of a...
Falcon: Get... off... me...
Pac: Is it even possible for you guys to weigh anymore?
*The four are tangled up at the bottom of the stairs, laid out, sporting several cuts, bruises, and gashes*
Falcon: Who says we stop by the hospital before the movie?
Tiger: Mmmm...
Pac: Better be the free clinic, cause I’m *poor*, right??
Griffon: Let it *go* already...
*Roughly two hours, thirteen minutes, and twenty five seconds later. The boys are sporting, thankfully, only
a half dozen bandages or so apiece, and it turns out Tigers “broken neck” was just a splinter. The pussy.
They limp out onto the side walk, or swear to god that their neck really was broken a second ago,
respectively, as a short haired girl in jeans and red sneakers slowly trudges down the side walk with her head
down, and headphones on. Not noticing Pac, she smacks right into him, and ends up promptly on her ass in
the center of the side walk*
Tini: Son of... *rips off head phones*... why don’t you watch out where I’m going you dumb f-... Tiger.
Hey.
Tiger: Hey.
Tini: Sup?
Tiger: Eh.
Tini: Heard that. Lata.
Tiger: Lata... *begins to trudge on*
Falcon: *Catches her arm* Woah woah woah woah *woah*...
Tini: *Looks in disbelief at his hand on her arm, and then back up at Falcon. Then back to her arm.* Please
tell me you did not just stop me like you would stop a dog on a leash. I will mace you until you lose your
pupils.
Falcon: That’s special. Seriously though. *Turns to Tiger* Since when the fuck have you know a girl?
Tiger: Eh. A coupla years.
Falcon: A couple of *years*. All this time weve been staying in your empty ass piece of shit apartment and
you know a *girl* we could be hanging out with instead of you? A *cute* girl? I’m going to kill you!
Tini: Seriously. Dude. Let go of my arm.
Falcon: What do you have to say for yourself!?
Tini: ....I’m not playin. Let go of my arm.
Tiger: Uh, Falcon...
Falcon: What?
Tini: *Knees him somewhere around the crotch area. Ok, who am I kidding? Right smack in the crotch*
Falcon: ....................*Teeth gritted, eyes watering, voice high* ...may... I... help... you?
Tini: Leggo my arm.
Falcon: ...absolutely... *releases her arm, and promptly collapses*
Pac: *Pretends to look off to the side, and kicks him once quick in the kidneys*
Falcon: ERGH!....
Pac: Hehe. He twitches like that frog did in Biology
Griffon: ....indeed. But he did have a point. When did this whole ‘knowing people other than us’ thing
happen?
Tiger: I told you. Coupla year ago.
Griffon: And why havent we met her?
Tini: Could we please stop discussing me like I’m dead, inanimate, or not here? It would be great. Really it
would.
Tiger: Thats why. You guys would not mesh well with Tini. *I* don’t mesh well with Tini, and I like to
think that I’m one her better friends.
Tini: Really? Uh... thats cute. *Pats him on the head*
Tiger: See? I know she looks all like a kitten, collar included, but thats not even close...
Tini: I don’t know. Cute. Sexy. Playful. Completely not caring. Turns on you at a moments notice.
Tiger: Fine. Shes like a kitten if it had venom dispensing sacs behind its fangs.
Tini: Ooo. I like that.
Griffon: Ah.... well....
Pac: *Nudges him aside* Were catching a movie? Wanna come with?
Tini: Well... it is a weekend... I don’t have any homework... all my real friends are out of town... my cables
out... my fridge is empty... the mall, Outlets, and gym is closed...
Pac: *Whispers* How long is this gonna go on?
Tiger: *Whispers back* The record is three and a half hours.
Tini: My apartment is out of hot water... the hot tubs in for repairs... I’m broke...
Pac: Well wed be paying your way. Would you wanna come?
Tini: *Pauses* Well no duh. Anyway... with all of that... of course I wouldnt.
Pac: ..........ah.
Tiger: *Snickers* Burn.
Pac: This is because I’m poor, isnt it!?
Griffon: You arent poor!
Pac: But you think I am!!
Griffon: Oh sweet lord...
Tini: Tell you what. Ill come with if your poor.
Pac: ...excuse me?
Tini: Are you poor?
Pac: No!
Tini: Well thats too bad... *stretches out, daintily lifting her hand bag above her head and yawning*... I
guess Ill be on my way...
Pac: ....*twitches*...
Tini: What was that?
Pac: *Mutters*
Tini: Im sorry? I couldnt hear you?
Pac: Im poor!
Tini: Aw... well.. I hope that works out for you. Later guys.
Tiger: Later.
Griffon: Later.
Pac: What!?
Tini: *Absently walks off, letting her headphones hang around her neck and humming*
Pac: *Takes several frantic deep breaths* Please tell me baseball is coming on tonight...
Griffon: Doesnt that strike kick in?
Pac: *Hurk*!!!! *Grabs chest, and slowly keels over*
Tiger: Why the hell did you do that? You know they settled it! Now we need to peel him off the sidewalk?
Griffon: Yeah, yeah... *leans over, grits his teeth, and heaves PaC over his shoulder. Begins to walk in the
direction of the movie theatre carrying him like a bag of potatoes*
Tiger: *Cricks his neck* I still think its broken... *sighs* ah well. *Follows after them*
Falcon: *From sidewalk* Uh, guys? Guys? I cant move. ...guys?
*Outside the theatre. The street is calm, eerily so. After all, even though these three miscreants are here- and
Pac is thank god walking on his own again- there should be at least a hobo around or something*
Tiger: Where the fuck is everyone?
Pac: Jesus... I knew Men in Black 2 was gonna suck worse than a whore who skipped her ridalin dosage,
but you think this place would draw in people just cause it has air conditioning.
Tiger: *Ears perk up* I sense something amazingly irritating around here... and its not the fact that Will
Smith got twenty million dollars for basically photocopying his performance in the first movie... *Sniff* Oh
my god...
Griffon: Huh?
Tiger: Run! *Darts down the street. Pauses, when he realizes no one is following him, and darts bag. Grabs
their arms, and begins to pull* We... need... to... go...
Pac: Dude, what the fuck are you babbling about?
Tiger: Fine. You two, stay here. Ill see you in h- *turns to go, smacks right into a row of bamboo bars* Ow!
*Rubs nose* Oh god damnit...
PaC: *Looks around, seeing they are completely encased in a ten foot by ten foot bamboo cage* Now how
the fuck did that happen?
Tiger: *Slumps against cage wall and drops to his ass* Oi... I tried to warn you. I smelled fan girl.
Griffon: Fan girl?
Tiger: Fan girl.
Griffon: What the fuck is a fan girl?
Pac: Does it involve harems? Or hymens? Or other nice things that start with H and end with a ‘mmmm’
song.
Tiger: .....no. No it does not.
Pac: Fuck. So. What is it?
Tiger: Imagine that black kid who likes country music
Pac: K...
Tiger: And the white rapper
Griffon: Right...
Tiger: And the fan of every boy band on the planet
Pac: *Shudders*
Tiger: Now put them in a blender, and turn it on
Griffon: And mixed up, that’s a fan girl?
Tiger: Huh? No... I just like to imagine putting people like that in a blender.
Pac: *Sighs* What’s a fan girl?
Tiger: Oh. Someone who obsesses over anime and likes to imagine the two main male characters butt
fucking to all hell.
Pac: Oh Jesus....
*Cage suddenly sags and a dark shadow falls over the three men inside. A thin, screechy, piping and way too
excited voice cries out from above:*
Fangirl: Saiiiiiilor Chibi Chibi!
Griffon: Oh... my... god....
Tiger: *Covers face in hands and groans*
Pac: *Blinks* I just thought of something. Where’s Falcon?
*Fade to black*